The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

god cannot give you free will
and still intervene
can god make 1 + 1 = 3 ?
i know eventually we will see the reason for everything
but god works in mysterious ways
my friend matty
a fuckin’ upright honest hardworking cheerful man
kind to all n sundry
this thing been eating him for nearly ten years
hes had radio
hes had fuckin’ chemo
hes had steroids
hes had xrays n 2 very very nasty ops
hes just fallin’ in love n bought a house
with a lovely lady with a childe that both love him
he has never once to me complained or seemed scared
he knows this fuckin tumour is gonna get him eventually
i blame mobile phones…partially
want my mobile phone number
here it is 00000000000
thats right
my fuckin intuition says nevets dont use mobile phones
my intuition says micro waves are fuckin’ deadly
my intuition says all the internet signal is getting us too
my intuition says tv irradiate us with invisible fallout too
my intuition says the stuff in fuckin’ meat is deadly
my intuition says cheese in beer will fuck up yer face
my intuition said saddam has no weapons..this war is a sham
my intuition said the day bush was elected many many will suffer
(remember i was in u.s. then)
my intuition told me i would marry natalie dalton after one day
my intuition said to me play the bass …one day you’ll be good
my intuition has been wrong too
many times
a false intuition imitating the real one
ok enough
matt, wherever you are right now
theres a whole lotta people behind you boy, in spirit
i will never be able to say how much i have admired your courage
even if you get out of this one …
but
i hope it will inspire me when my time comes to face such horrors
god if you are listening
if you do exist
as i keep telling my fiendss that you do
please
ok
i know you cant intervene exactly
not directly
or can you?
whatever you can….
he really does deserve it
*
my daughter scarlet who looks a lot like joyce bennett
and mimi kilbey who is my niece,
is quite brilliant
she is definitely a genius
an opera singer
a sculptress
a female prime minister
a feisty wench who is gonna break a few hearts
but
inexplicably
oh no
how can i admit this to my self and the fiendss…?
she likes the sodding wiggles
anathema!
the wiggles are so god damned ball crushingly bad
vishnu knows as a father of 5
ive sat through some rubbish
i mean most kids shows are rubbish
if yer a 50 odd year old hippy idiot with a penchant for surrealism
barney the dinosaur is near pornographic in its dripping syrup
play school is like regular adults pretending to be morons
the cartoons…sponge bob should be banned..its just muck
the junk they had when i was a kid…
but
in all my hours of kiddy tripe
im sorry
the wiggles is the most insultingly pathetic waste of your precious time
oh look im mopping the floor
all the wiggles break into song
hes mopping the floor hes mopping the floor
music guaranteed to be the most bland underdone blaaagh!
its not even music..its….i dunno
then the dance routines
the dialogue
the other characters.. capn fuckin’ feathersword…OH SWEET JESUS!
there is not one redeeming feature except
the incredible thrill i get out of inflicting the thought on myself that
these 4 talentless drips
are some of the richest blokes in aushtralia
and i
well
you know the rest……
i guess none o the wiggles were junkies..
break into song
stevie was a junkie stevie was a junkie
captn feathersword : stevie was a junkie
dorothy the fuckin’ dinosaur : stevie was a junkie
and a chrus line of b-dancers dressed up as bouncy syringes
anyway my daughter scarlet likes it
daddy daddy the wiggles the wiggles!
no oh my flesh you mortify me with this request…
oh dear
*
mercator projection is almost ready
it is
it is mwp sk tp jorden b and william b
our space rock night xmas 2005
soon coming your way
live recording
space rock classics +
dvd too soon…?
leave you with these words
nutmeg
toothbrush
faucet

french whispers
music elongated in tall shadows
a mirror of colour
a psychiatric drug which cures weed addiction
yeah i wanna swallow a spider to catch a fly
these are the journals of the being in time
sweet being in time
contained by time at every place
strings pulled sidereal
renaissance man class 2/3
music tick
words tick
painting tick
singing tick
acting little tick
inventor no tick
sculpture no tick
dancer no tick
an oboey clarinet dissolves in fractals n shards
kilbey
warm comfort
smell of a slightly burnt bagel
dear friend matty c in sjukhus
in coma with pipe in throat
why god oh why why why
god heal them all
think about leslie
better for him to depart bang! sudden-like
but he already went through one hell in war #2
never to meet minna or the woofle
how safe and warm i felt with him
he was normality personified
when he appeared
the music is like a howling wind
some echo traps it and it repeats into kaleidoscopic distance
i am olde today
the years i hoped would go away
my liver groans under the sheer weight of all the chemicals
my brain shrinks into a sponge of curdled ideas
skin hangs of bones
bones crumble
all things turn inwards
inside working on the big equation
mathematics no tick
science no tick
greek mythology tick
hindu cosmology tick
all is vibration
scarlet in her pink dressing gown
emails to answer
responsibilities to shoulder
shoulders to un-ache
worries to worry about
commerce no tick
finances no tick
music ascends in gently quivering cascades
up up up
leslies birthday 3rd of march
eventually you are completely forgotten
swallowed up by time
whats the time
its 830
eve says its a lovely day cant we stay home from school
aurora joins in
no you must go to sausage factory
to learn to just cope with this monster you never asked for
you must register be signed up be innoculated be categorised
be trained work hard be selected be a cog in the grate machine
youll need husbands n bosses n kids n degrees n beemers n toasters
youll need doctors n electricians n beauty salons n niteclubs
entertainer little tick
father little tick
the music fades into a cylindrical tunnel of silence
the children chirrup n chatter
the garbage trucks arrive
garbos with mobile phones
dogs run around pissing on posts
the sun pops up
the friendlier autumnal sun
a lovely day dawns for some
down the pool to swim in the sauna
another day after another
thus was it always
swings n roundabouts
kilbey sign off now
kilbey disappear into this day
kilbey walk n talk with sweet children in time
for time being

monday finds me energiless
a cold has swooped down n gotten me
yesterday was perfect
great day with fambley
ideal weather
eat mexican on the beach
warm water
walk home in aromatic darkness
flowers trees shadows
sometimes life aint too bad
my fambley dared me to streak in my undies up street
in the middle of the day
i did
and they all screamed but hardly anyone
saw the old geezer in boots n hat running up street
in his undies
nevermind
jesus i guess thats about it
no calls back re gig as antarctic scientist
too bad
aint got energy to care
only managed 2 laps at pool
oh the shame
see ya tomorrow with a proper blog
sk

oooh
woke up wasted and headachey
the wrath of grapes (and other things)
today
the whole family is auditioning for a commercial
a mummy and her baby
(tick) can do that..(tho scarlet not much of a baby now)
determined 8 year old girls
(tick) can do that in spades
a bearded rugged intelligent old geezer
(tick) thats gotta be me..ok take out intelligent…
ooh daddy
you picked a bad night to get way-sted..
daddy throws his usual hangover cure at it
which is 2 spliffs two cans of v and a load of panadeine
(which minus the panadeine is his usual start anyway)
eventually we get the troops loaded up
to sunny woolhara
up queen street
find the place
hmmm
loadsa other hopefuls
i glare at the other beards
ta tellya the troof
i had more antarctic scientist in my little toe
than all of em put together
eventually after much ‘anging about
we get called in
theres the lady who runs the agency
and the director
heres the kilbey family she says to him
we introduce ourselves
when i say steven
she says steve
i nod
steve kilbey
uh huh
oh no
i been trying to stay anonymous-like
i reckon if they think people are gonna know who i “am”
i may not get the gig
she runs over to director
who is a bit younger than she is n me
and hes from nz and he might be gay
she says
oh its steve kilbey hes very well known blah blah blah
shaddup lady
shes goes on a bit more
look i say
nobody knows me now i hardly ever play
werent you on at the opera house last night ? she says
yeah but…..
its hard to see if this sways the director one way or t’other
and what are your ages
well scarlet is 2 n half
eve n aurora pipe up
8
natalie says im 32
and i say im 53
the weight of the subtraction hangs in the air
we all look at each other
i burst out
oh my god im 21 years older than my wife..oh no oh no
everyone has a good laugh ha ha ha
next up the woofle blows her chances
by acting like a turkey
everytime the cameras on her shes struggling straining rebelling
as soon as its off shes placid happy co operative
out she goes with mummy to wait outside
then aurora does her audition
which was climbing on a chair pretending its a tree
she does it with her dopey “this is ridiculous” face
like eyore would….this’ll never work
the directors saying to her
oh its a lovely tree…look you can see for miles
but aurora sits there like….i dunno…a goose
evie starr aptly named has a crack
she responds to herr directeurs cues
oh the chair is a wondrous great oak
and she climbs it sitting in its leafy branches looking quite beatific
evie is dressed in a lovely black n white dress
her wonderful thick chestnut curly hair is up
and she looks quite bloody gorgeous
next up me
i peer into the frozen south pole
which is really a room in woolhara
we discussed my beard
steve are you willing to thicken your beard up….?
its too manicured he says
druid for this money i put it in plaits if you want
we drive off
nk not rating her n woofles chances very hi
aurora…little hope
me n evie shoo-ins
when are they letting you guys know ?she asks sadly
YOU guys…not US guys ….hmmm…lets see
at 6 oclock
now very tired n lazy
i meet elektra down at the beach
we’re gonna have dinner but shes had “like 6 milkshakes, daddee”
we get to pavillion n order salads
no salads left
she has water
i have a muffin
lucky im tired
cos lately elli n i been arguing a bit
her materialistic approach disappoints me a little
we been clashing
tonite i just sit there n listen
which i usually (can) never do
elli talks about clothes shoes hair etc
about blonding cream with lemon juice
which has made her brown hair blonde
i impress her by saying i tried to dye my hair
with lemon juice when i was ten…to look like surfies
oh wow she says
a wedding arrives at the pav
elli talks about their clothes n hair n shoes
we disagree in a friendly fashion about it all
we drift over to visit minna where shes working
so so so different now
these identical people
so different
elli blonde tanned breezy
minna dark pale slightly troubled
i get some chips
elli n i talk some more
i buy her some drops for her tired eyes
we walk home
go in and talk to her n karin
elli doesnt want a deep n meaningless conversation w/ me
i understand this (finally)
just leave things well enuff alone
we had a good night
go home put doodles into bed
watch an episode of the sopranos with nk
go to bed
sleep heavy
and now
its sunday
calloo callay!

scarlet kilbey cried herself to sleep
20 minutes later her daddy
who tried hard
but was rougher and more clumsy
than her little mama
he woke her up
as she woke up
the pain started up in her hands
daddy had rubbed some cream on them
but it hadnt helped at all
out into the open air
scarlet kilbey moaned and waved her little hands about
by the time we got to school
she was beside herself
but daddy
who was getting on a bit in years
he couldnt see what it was
even with his glasses on
aurora takes scarlets hand
oh no dad shes got hundreds in there
aurora begins to do her best
plucking the tiny tiny spines out
she could only just see them herself
when the hand was turned into the light
like tiny little hairs
scarlets palms and fingers n thumbs
were full of miniscule white spines
i know they hurt cos i got some in my hand from her
a lovely mummy from the school
takes us to her place
where under a bright light n magnifying glass
she took 45 minutes to remove the hundreds literally of nasties
scarlet screamed n whimper n eventually broke into
a maniacal laughter
bordering on hysteria
just like aurora did
just like her old daddy did when he was a boy
i’d cry n cry n then begin to cackle wildly
eventually the ordeal is over
i take kids to beach
oooh boy scarlet kilbey wants to jump in the sea today
unbearably humid weather
all the tears n pain n a sticky muesli bar
made her wanna cool down
the big girls are straight into the water
her daddy-o takes all her clothes off
they go down to waters edge
scarlet can almost feel that warm foamy water
swirling caressing reminding her of the long forgotten womb
but
uh oh
daddys screaming to the doodles to get out
no daddy why why
daddys seen some things on the shore
blue soft things with long blue streamers
scarlet realises she aint gonna getta a swim n shes furious
daddy seems really angry too
he stands yelling n arguing at everybody
boy when evie didnt come out of the sea
he went kinda crazy
somedays daddy is so funny and sweet
and somedays hes running around yelling at us and mummy
and we all pretend to be frightened
(of course we’re not!)
poor daddy!
we get home n mummys waiting
then karin comes over to babysit
karin is the mother of the big sisters
karin is very kind and speaks with a strange accent
karin is very happy today
she tells daddy-o
that some movie is using a song they wrote
and that theyre gonna get some money from it
daddy and mummy go out
daddy is reciting some lyrics at the opera house
the poets before him are funny humorous vigourous
when daddy gets up
the spirit refuses to take him
not like at triffids or even melbo expo
where the spirit descended and guided him
daddy was bereft of inspiration
after the real poets
his lyrics sound like….lyrics
he gets a little angry
i coulda read them so real poetry he thinks
his brief spot over
to a smattering of lukewarm applause
daddy pisses off home quick
but no one was gonna bother him tonight
when he gets home he finds out
that he has got an actual audition
AND
the rest of family are also ALL auditioning for the same ad
my description is
a bearded man in his early fifties
should look educated but also rugged n weatherbeaten
an antarctic scientist!
druid, is that me or what?
anyway
daddy gets roped into picking up minna
my eldest sister whos working tonight
daddy goes out n checks his radiator
and gets soaked by the wild thunderstorm raging over syd
he makes a detour to bottle shop for 2 bottles of riccadonna
when he gets to minna ha ha
she is working for a bit longer
amazed by how grown up
how cooly intelligent and gorgeous his daughter is
daddy agrees to wait
parked in the black streets
rain gushing down
listening to coffee hounds ep in his car
well ya know its kinda fuckin’ good
daddy eventually drives minna home
comes in
we all go to bed
mummys having a bath
and daddy
i suppose lost himself in intoxication n love
trying to blot out
a black friday

coffee hounds ep by church now done coming soon
track one how easy it all is (coffee song)
marine sleepy floydy
track 2 hounds of love
the kate bush song
nice version i guess
track 3 instrumental of 1
without my stupid voice
i cant cope with all the email n gmail n myspace
i just cannot dedicate so much tyme and electronic blechh
i get like 100 emails a day
i answer most urgent
the rest drift behind
people get angry feel ignored
sorry
im spending 2 hours a day on blog
its killing my shoulders arm n now knee
no time
the computers swallowing my time
makes me restless
gives me headaches
makes me feel sick
been doing self portraits
scarlet comes in and says
i like your daddy
i say
no i like your daddy
she says i like your daddy
theres a portrait of ricki
i like your ricki she says as she leaves
tonite gigging at opera house
reciting 2 songs
huh?
yeah
lets see what happens…
full report tomorrow
thank you to spate of generous subscribers
people you are very very good friends of the time being inc
had a nasty bit of argy bargy just now with someone close
my anger (again) consumes me
despite all the other bullshit i write (about)
my anger is still a fucking barely concealed monster
constantly slipping his shackles and slathering mad
anybody reading this
PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO “FUCK” WITH ME
i cannot control myself
i am willing to argue straight n negotiate
but now at this advanced age of almost 54
(thats right, add them years n weep!)
i cannot tolerate any childish malarkey
or unnecessary friction
dont drive me around in 3rd gear with the handbrake on
or im gonna boil
just like my car
falcon experts please come to my aid here
my car doesnt have a leak
but SOMETIMES but not others
it boils and the fluid comes spurting out some place
i cant see
othertimes..no problems
advice?
weather here very sultry
storm coming in
feels like my head
here i am
stevie killbee
poet idiot space rocker artist player singer blogger veg
ok they are my gigs
but not fuckin’ arguments n nyah nyah nyah n
killin the goose that laid a golden blog
or looking my gifthoarse in the bloody gob
anyway
i gotta lotta things on the boil (bad choice o’ words)
n i aint done yoga
gotta pick up the kidlettes etc
scarlet hurt her hands playing with a cactus
and shes still miserably waving them round at me
and im afraid my eyesight is dimming sufficiently
that i cant see the small spines remaining in her hand (if any)
painkiller is coming soon
my paintings have taken a tern for the better
i auditioned yesterday for part as antarctic scientist….
how can i not get the gig?
i am the antarctic scientist
at the east pole
where the pole dancers live
GAME OVER

the room turns whiter than white
the creams fly to white
the whites become silver
the silver becomes light
the light becomes me
and i
i become.
the mayans
the lemurians
the civilizations lost in jungles
their geometry
the mathematics
their endogenic plants
their exogenic knowledge
downloading rapidly
calculations
numbers revolve
the beautiful rivers of singing fish
the jaguars
the snakes
the knowledge of natural things
sweet balance
respect
gentleness
the healing arts
the visions
the prophecies
objects wrought from what…and how?
magic
deep magic
the faint chatter of living dna
against the background of wind and birds
all things in communication
everything changing by thought alone
the shadowy world of men as illusion
the bright light fills my body
i am truly ecstatic
oh gift from gods
speak to us in million ways
yoga
childbirth
the sky
the heavenly bodies
the magic plants
through chance
through chants
through the physical acts of love
through meditation
through the chi/prana
through the creatures
through architecture
through sacrifice
through discipline
through courage
through desperation
blue becomes neon turquoise
green becomes ultramarine
black becomes liquid void
spacemen and ancestors
gnawing my ear off
whispering at hi-speed download
the sound of a mental internet connection
the power suddenly fills me with fear
i remember to breathe breathe breathe
the swedish word for breath and spirit is the same
what will death be like?
what was life like?
different for us all
the materialist will go kicking and screaming
the yogi will blissfully attain emancipation
the rest of us in some hospital
thinking
can this really be it?
that day
that day i knew was coming
that day i have watched steadly approaching
only as is natural, though….
george harrison sang about the art of dying
is there an art?
is it letting go?
is all art a letting go
and is all letting go an art?
the power senses my resistance
i concentrate
i breath out
i let go
as much as an uptight egotistical silly old hippy can
ah
the power takes me
come then it says
what had frightened me before
now swirls around me
my body which was ice
is now a warm potent fire
my blood floods my hands n feet n face n cock
a wave of delicious erotic thoughts
women before my eyes and other females
of some indeterminate origin
space ladies with electric fingers
still the computations go on and on
the power sizes me up
and it reckons and relays
alien aztec-like women
kiss me
straddle my mind
the machines continue to operate
the seeming of organic structure
the alien strumpets are repulsively non human
but deliciously obscene
they writhe and giggle and swoop and disappear
an incredible excited calm falls over me
i see processions
i see markets
i see ceremonies
oh south america
oh peru
oh brazil
oh ecuador
how did i end up so far away?
oh lemuria
this cold and distant future is hurting hurting hurting me
this mad world
but my sorrow is detached
an ache i can feel but which no longer has any hold
like my broken arm
like my broken heart
like my broken promises
the power says
yes you are a fool
while i bathe in its silvery heat
while i float bouyed by the power of some other world
vishnu appears on the steps of another gods temple
not in india but here here here
in south america
jesus too
i see him
dressed in colourful clothes
tripping in the jungle
caressing the snakes
walking with the panthers
out of his mind on love
the love of it all
before this could be dreamed up at all
the sheer love
my mind has separated from my body
my spirit has separated from my mind
my past has come out of my spirits tongue
it whispers it to my mind
and my body trembles in awe
my body relaxed beyond earth and fire and water and air
my body heavy clumsy temporary
my mind rigid ignorant under-utilized
but trying and crying
my spirit
ineffable
the same spirit
everywhere nowhere
cant see it cant cut it cant burn it
my spirit
that great actor
animating flesh through will and love
pretending to be forgetful
it raves to my mind
my mind agitates my body
i pick up my pastels
i pick up my bass guitar
the spirits gossip
turns itself into ideas
which travel electrically
through mysterious meridians
and at some faraway place
kilbey writes a painting
or paints a song

im carrying a big bowl of prawns from one little house
to another
im six years old
i cant believe they eat this stuff
i can hardly bear to look at the pink objects in the bowl
the smell disgusts me
how can people eat something that smells like that
the tiny things are monstrous
every instinct in me is revolted
suddenly
what do you know
i drop the lot in the dirt
oh dear what a shame
we are down the south coast
the locusts vibrate in the trees
the water is cold and green and foamy
i am sunburnt and freckly
all the adults tease me
and none of them love me very much
i am so angry to be a child again
again?
again? i thinks to myself
what were we before then…?
in the time before time
and the time before that
oh i perceive the pattern
you struggle to acquire…
money
skills
power
property
identity
and then
its all stripped away
and you start again
still with those old appetites
those old hankerings
big deal i was some big big shot
somewhere faraway n long ago
these english types dont sit well with me
fussing around and eating prawns
i, whoever i was, did not eat prawns
i did not like small talk
and i did not like to be made fun of
ha an impotent foreign little sod
no longer the big old grand wazoo
or whatever the fuck it was
what does it matter?
that world is gone
the people are all gone
come back as little steven kilbeys in england
of all places
england
ha!
a voice whispers in my head
i was a sikh
its constantly on the tip of my tongue
the answer i mean
i am so close to finding it
when i do
i will put it in a blog
and someone will argue with me
the way they always do
going thru my writings looking for punctuation mistakes
while im laying my life on the line here
if i decry warmongerers they say im spreading disunity
i say
some fights are good fights
krishna said if your duty is to fight
then you must fight
i rave on about the “straights”
quite frankly i dont care about em
EXCEPT
they’re trying to tell us all what to do
EXCEPT
they’re ruining this fucking planet
ok
heres my definition of a “straight” once and for all
materialistic
brutal
nonspiritual
religiously fundamental with no questioning at all
pro guns
anti some drugs (ie all the divine ones)
no imagination
demanding nothing from their art
meat eating
alcohol n bellowing in yer face
no disciplines
parochial
obstinate
out of touch
willfully ignorant
superficial
afraid
bellicose
scheming conniving conning
ennervating
gossip rags and infotainment
gated communities
4 wheel drives in the city
docile

now yes yes
all of us probably test positive to some of those
its just that
if most of that was you
then youre a “straight”
leave me alone
and i’ll never mention them again
just like i never mention telegraph poles or water restrictions
you know
theyre there but who cares
ah but the “straights”
are running this western show
as i said
epitomized by bush
the very worst ignorant aggressive yet cowardly himself
a draft dodger who calls himself a war president
he has run the u.s. into the ground
he does not love his people
who can argue with that?
am i being a divisionist here?
ok bush n men like him
are ruining a lot of things
are we “non-straights”
gonna just sit back n say nothing?
are we gonna blindly obey these idiots
even though we KNOW it our heart of hearts
that they are fucking pathetic
how do you think bush will be judged by history?
i could have been a better president
i said it before many times
a lot less people would have died
for a start
etc
what pisses me off the most
is that “straights”tell me what i can n cant do
what i can ingest
how i can change myself
the way they hound artists intellectuals prophets and freaks
the pharisees who did jesus in were “straights”
the idiots who threw robert mitchum in jail for smoking weed
they were “straights”
the guys presiding at the inquisitions
the guys who burnt down the alexandrian library
the guys who beat a blind lady in bondi
the guys who deforest the amazon
the japs harpooning them whales
the guys organizing world war one kitchener et al
football hooligans
butchers
fanatics and extremists
the cops n the robbers
the tali fuckin’ ban
the cia
the terrorists
the crusaders
captains of industry
howard, thatcher, pinochet
fast food corporations
oil companies
arms manufacturers
a guy called piers akerman
who writes in sydney rag the telegraph
he is the straightest of all “straights”
he is the most predictable knee jerking
right wing i told you so “straight” of them all
and you see his little picture of him
(and he must have chosen a good one
imagine the ones he rejected..)
and there he is
resembling a smug little toad
all puffed up in his self importance
as he trots out the 1950s blacknwhite bullshit
programmed into him by the western paradigm
and he parrots it ad infinitum
is that divisive?
yeah
i didnt say us under the loose banner of bohemian are perfect
who said we cant fuckin’ criticize the bastards
who stubbornly ignorantly are causing more problems n grief
bohemians dont kill or advocate war
but i can write whatever the fuck i like here on my blog
if im wrong i’ll apologise
who cares anyway?
its all just dust in the wind
let it all go
ah….
thats better

my day beats your year
voices in my head
nag nag nag
just say no
oh ha ha ha ha ha
kilbey you born to travel
kilbey your job is was and always will be to travel my son
a sham man
or
a shaman
i am i am i am
all lions are cats
all cats are lions
blah blah is a drug
all drugs are bad
i know cos the govt told me
i read it in the paper
i sit next to terry stamp in the sauna today
im sitting next to terry fucking stamp
watching the mellifluous green pacific roll in
unroll and travel
containing its bream and sharks and bluebottles
its whales and rays and weeds
tell the ocean not to travel
tell the ocean to be careful
terry meets julie every saturday
terry stamp
oh terry terry talk to me
lemme be yer friend terry
one soft infested summer me n terry became friends
terry looks at me
terry cmon talk to me
oh those pale blue eyes terry
did lou write that about you
terry come home i’ll play you the collector
terry yer brother managed the who
terry sits and does alternate nostril breathing
terry has the aura of a roman senator
his aged dignity even outflanks his youthful beauty
and kilbey
look at you look at you
why the aya has aged ya and youthened ya
kilbey those lines and cracks and hollows
kilbey those planes and angles of your face
the lovely line of your jaw
the bags under your eyes
the silvery whiteness of your beard
your yellowing cracking teeth
your perfect pink nose
your thin fine hair which floats around
medium fleshy lobed ears with golden rings
the price of my own burial
whats coming up in the future, kilbey? the man said
death …..
terrys in the shower
i declined to check out his tackle
that would make me as bad as the omni-present school kids
clogging up the change room
n weeing in the pool
last night
my daughter aurora
with the devil in her eyes
cmon dad cmon
we passed a real estate sign
the agents were danny and bart doff
immediately i remember their brothers
jack doff
nick doff
piss doff
lay doff
aurora thinks this is hilarious
that night we hit the sign
bugger doff
jerk doff
terry looks at sea and sighs
hes talking to another english geezer
oh whatta voice
oh whatta accent
if terry was a car hed be a classic jaguar
last night after nk n girls go to bed
i work on my painting
the vegetalista
i start with the biggest paper i got
eekie bought me every size they got
i got little up to big
i paint the paper black in gouache paint
not velvet black
not lamp black
jet black
black as night
black as coal
i wanna paint it paint it black
i see terry go by dressed in his summer clothes
onto this black void
i take a special sponge applicator
i take my new pastels which are not sticks
but little pots of pastel
and a loada different applicators
this stuff so easy to use
so intuitive
so hands on
make up yer technique baby
you can get it real organic
i do a heart shaped white thing
in the middle which will be the face
i rub away at it with my faber-castell knetgummi
art rubber
my process is to add and subtract constantly
one must avoid any stiffness in art
nature flows in certain ways
the trees
the ocean
the clouds
humans and other creatures
our dimensions
our ratios
they have a flow and pattern
easy to recognize
hard to replicate
you gotta get in the flow
you gotta see that trees move in certain ways
that eyes are shaped in others
no human heavy handedness
few lines few squares few definite lines
you gotta figure out shadow
just like in music you gotta figure out reverb/echo
thats right, not only the the object and /or sound
but its shadows and echoes
terry looks at himself in the mirror
who knows what he thinks?
aurora and eve and the woofle stand on the footpath
im up the wall writing all the funny doffs i can think of
and putting moustaches n specs on the doff boys ugly mugs
aurora n eve are beside themselves giggling screaming
daddy quick theres someone coming…
MAN ARRESTED FOR DEFACING A REAL ESTATE BILLBOARD
TWINS AND WOOFLE ALSO NABBED IN NTH BONDI RAID
POLICE NOW ASK : COULD THIS BE THE SAME GANG
WHO WERE PUTTING GUM ON THE NOSES OF REAL ESTATE GUYS
AND MAKING THEM LOOK LIKE KOALA BEARS IN UNSOLVED EASTERN
SUBURB REAL ESTATE AUCTION SIGNS CRIMEWAVE
eventually my face appears on the black paper
next a forest a jungle springs up all around me
vines and lianas
flowers and fronds
then
fuck it
i let the jungle grow right into me
a border of eyes
the thousand eyes of the night
a thousand and one nights
a hundred and one voluptuous days
terry walks off into bondi
without saying a word
i put a little crystal piece of bark into my pipe
on a bed of ash
let me take you to dmt place
i flick the lighter and inhale
as i inhale i watch the flame
caressing the tiny tiny piece of crystal
australias national tree
illegal only if you smoke it
are they protecting our health?
oh ha ha ha
you
you intelligent people believe
they are protecting you from something
yes its so hard to believe isnt it?
anyway i have transformed australias national acacia tree
into an A class drug
merely by smoking it
what is it they dont want me to see?
and it is simply this
that this here
this stuff agreed loosely upon as western reality
is but one of an infinite aspects of something else
once upon a time
they at least left ya alone to ponder yer own inner space
but now
well look at leary
and the THOUSANDS of people in the u s
in jail for smoking pot
ha ha ha
anyway
im watching the flame
as it undulates
and the smoke hits my lungs
a high pitched whirring and clicking
the room alters
everything vibrates
i have gone from zero to a thousand in no time flat
this is the stuff the aboriginal medicine men took
gee lucky its now illegal…
anyway my portrait starts pulsating
the vines start curling and strangling
the flowers bloom
the thousand eyes wink
im doing a gig at the opera house friday
i wrote a beautiful song the other day
aurora screaming getting more high pitched
theres someone coming
the doff brothers somewhere saying
oh kilbey we heard it all before
a package arrives yessaday
its from mem
now mem never sends boring gifts
uh oh
a dazzling kaleidoscopic journey through the quixotic
hinterlands of consciousness, crop circles and ancient prophecy, as
well as an intriguing and deeply personal odyssey of transformation
2012 the return of quetzalcoatl
cmon mem
why do ya think i’d like that
when i got me beer
i got me autopsy (turvy) tv shows
like the young coroners
i got me gossip rags
and i got me just say no
mem also sent me a houdini comic (YES!)
and some cds or dvds i aint even unwrapped
terry lemme introduce you to dimitri
inside my mind
dimitri has changed things
the very bits n bytes of reality are composed here
mathematics geometry music art medicine yoga
all revolving on cone like pyramids
the digits and paintings calculate and compute
the machines revolve and upload and down load
lovely towers swirl out of cartoon coloured landscapes
small playful beings appear
laughing and waving
yes yes you you kilbey here we are
come in mr silver oh we been waiting for you
daddy theres someone coming
the vines growing right out of my head
hey ricki come back
daddy theres someone coming
theres a high pitched babble
my tinnitus has gone haywire
percolating like flute
terrys gone
the girls laugh
the vegetalista stares back at me smirking
the buddhas wriggle
kali grimaces with her necklace of skulls
the islands of the dead
as above so blow
let me take you to the islands of the dead
the warm sun
theres someone coming daddy-o!
fuck doff

once there was this
and there was that
this was not that
this was everything
that was nothing
this was intelligent spirit whole
that was void empty null
but this could not experience that
and it could not experience itself
this which was everything
became everything else
this imploded
and permeated that
this fragmented into tiny tiny parts
sparks fly from a flame
a flame from a fire
a fire from an inferno
this saw itself
and did not know it was this
its memory shattered into infinite fragments
each bit of this is but an aspect of the big this
every aspect unique
every aspect that had to be what it is
so everything could be fulfilled
as it must
for how could it not be?
paradox entered the world
spirit took on matter
numbers had words
words had numbers
male contained female
female contained male back
paintings were also songs
songs all had paintings
the mountains could only be seen from the valleys
the day was welcomed after the long night
the night was welcomed after the long day
the flowers breathed out and the people breathed in
and the vines sang
and the coca plants whispered
and deep within poppies the opium crooned
and the marijuana called out
and the mushrooms quietly laughed
and the grape slurred
and the tobacco gritted its teeth
and the iboga tree shouted harshly
and the acacia tree whistled
and the ephedra plants bawled out
and the tea trees yawned
and the ergot sniggered in the rye
and the mandrake spoke out: it said careful
and the belladonna said how beautiful
and the datura cackled
and the coffee beans said wake up
and the valerian said cool down
and the ginseng said be a man
and the sage said going sideways
and the guarana said hurry up
and the hops said whose round?
and the soma said you will forget me
and the people and the vegetal kingdom
were hand in glove
and the people communed with the vegetals
and cultivated them
in return for their powers
each with its own power
each with its own price
each with its own personality
and they learnt much
and people were free
to do as they pleased
until one day
some people
decided
that
there was only one way
and it was their way
and they said
there has been a mistake
nature has produced these monstrous plants
and people were locked away
hounded
and even killed
for daring to invite these plants in
the people in control
liked to be in control
they were unimaginative
they were obstinate
the were brutal
they did not want the others to have their vegetal communion
they did not want free thinking
it frightened them
they perceived that they would lose control
if people listened to the plants
they did not want visions
they did not want travel between the planes
they wanted prisons and executions and war
they wanted control
they frightened the people with their hysteria
with their misplaced zealotry
but these controlling people
attracted the stupid and vicious and ghastly
the manipulated the weak and easy populations
they took away natures medicine
and concocted their own
and they gave the world sleeping pills
tranquillizers
amyl nitrate
sugar whitened with bones
and thalidomide
and agent orange
and nerve gas
and oxycodone
and xanax
and monosodium glutamate
and gelatin
and the controllers said
take these things
for we made them ourselves
and people believed it
and though the controllers
lied and hurt the people over and over
the people believed until they could not think for themselves
and the controllers feared the vegetal knowledge of certain plants
and it knew that the knowledge the plants contained
was what their god had said to adam
that if you eat this you will become as gods yourselves
and their jealous old god didnt want that
and the jealous old controllers didnt want that either
so they made healing plants the enemy
or they chemicalized them and made them harsher
and stronger and more vicious
and you can tell the controllers
by their love of war and weapons and meat and power
they are stupid and ugly and afraid
they hit first and ask questions later
they have given you the coliseums
and the world wars
and the vietnams
and the assault rifles
and the cigarettes
and the gossip rags
and the radiation
and the electro-magnetic pollution
they gave you jfks assassination
and his brother
they killed marilyn n dr winston o’boogie
they do whatever they like
they dont love us
they dont lead us
they just control us
the same old bunch
the very worst
the most ignorant
the most xenophobic
the ones who dont love the sick and the poor
the ones who dont like the singing and dancing
the ones who dont like you dreaming your own dreams
the ones who dont like anybody else
but themselves
epitomized and personified in george bush
the anti-vine
the anti-vision
the anti-love
the anti-life
the cage
the trap
the brute
the claw
the end