The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

time, gentlemen…

what is this stuff
what is this thing called time
where did all that time go
why it was only yesterday that……

another morning dawns
brings me closer to the things i want
and
the things i dread
the white days
and the black nights
gnawing away at my time
the fates measuring out my thread
the slender thread that holds me here
the silver cord holding my body to my soul
my soul sits in the seat of the soul
somewhere in my head
in some gland
some tiny gland in my brain
where it interfaces with the mind n body
in its drivers seat
where it runs the show
but my mind forgets so easily
it hates to think its just
hardware and software
being used by an immortal spirit
it thinks it is a law unto itself
it thinks therefore it is (it thinks)
the mind always turbulent
trying to prove this n that
measuring, planning, directing
all in time
my soul sits outside of time
whilst temporarily in time
the mind deafens itself with its carryon
you cant ask the mind to switch itself off
you cant ask the mind for a little peace n quiet
ever since we were born
people saying
youre this
youre that
youre like her
youre not like him
youre steven kilbey
you can do this
you cant do that
time all mixed up in everything
confusing the issue
how do you stop time
how to be in this very moment
now
ah…
its already gone, fiendss
its already gone
opium slows down that time for ya
but you gonna have to pay some other time
and if you keep putting off that payment
the interest is gonna cripple ya
someone said the drugs dont work
i disagree
but one problem
if you use opium to run away from time
everything you were running from
is gonna come back to getcha a hundred, a thousandfold
all those lovely dopedreams
paid for in torturing insomnia
all that lovely detachment
paid for in the worst horrors you can contain
alcohol…..
well alcohol dont do it for me
it does for some..
gets em out of time
but its the same deal
its gonna get you eventually
the merry sloshed uninhibited party animal
becomes
the hungover headpounding embarrassed wreck
“where am i?….what did i do?”
chemicals n booze
aggravating the hurt
for a little bit of tiny relief
a days freedom for a week in jail
a kiss for a thrashing
a flower for a forest of thorns
we all involved in these bargains
you marry someone
you happy for 40 years
but one day theyre gone
bang!
jus’ like that
gone into a place where theres no time
a timeless space
a spaceless place
i dont know
a pause
a hiatus
somewhere you can just be
the people left behind wail
and gnash their teeth
mourn n carry on
where did all our time go
not yet
too soon, too soon
give us more time
another day
another hour
anything
its used up
come in mr kilbey
your time is up…
time with its weedy fingers in the cracks
pulling everything put together apart
all things must pass
cities, empires, human beings
ars longa, vita brevis
nothing here is permanent
we thrash around
we want some permanence
we want some guarantee
everything receding into emptiness
pain, bewilderment…
is this our lot
is there any point to it
is it all just written in the sand?
how the hell would i know fiendss
im just an olde rocker stumbling around
in the beginning of the 21st century
losing people
crying out against the senselessness of it all
writing a blog for those who wanna read
for the believers
for the disbelievers
hello mr garrat
mr john garrett
or jean garrotte
my oh my
you aint gonna be fooled
you rascally olde nihilist
i like you john
actually
i see a lot of myself in ya
i dont wanna be fooled by a load of new age toffee
and spiritual baloney
i aint gonna be taken in by gods n goddesses
and all the rest of that crystalhealing dolphins and
rebirthing pilates soy latte cosmic bullshit
yes john
youve seen thru the whole she bang
thats a comfort too..
“well at least i wasnt taken in….”
yet …
then what..
ok everything got here by accident
the clouds is the clouds
the trees is the trees
there aint no spirits
there aint no god
i aint gonna be fooled
im gonna shut it all out
some people see a sunset
and see god
other people see a sunset
and see a ball of burning gases
we orbit around for some random reason
ok
some people see both
some neither
they dont care
life is too bad
or too good
or too fucking full on
to look at sunsets
i can dig all of it
ive held every position
i been a hard bitten cynic
i been a wide eyed believer
i been a hedonistic hotshot
who didnt give too damns about any of it

so whats the moral
sum it all up for us, kilbey
make yer point
give us the punchline
you bass playing philosophical olde ranter
and dear fiendss
let me say
i struggle with doubt n despondency
what the hell …
look at all the stupid things ive done…
listen to all the stupid things ive done…
in the end tho
in the final analysis here
im gonna opt for god
i cant look at my daughter scarlet
and believe there is not some incredible mind out there
planning
designing
caring
loving
i cant see a flaming red sunset
or a white moon appearing like a hole in the sky
i cant swim in the ocean
or walk thru a forest
without thinking
this didnae come here of its own accord
no more than ultc made itself
no more than starry night painted itself
no more than this computer i type away at
invented itself
fiendss there is more complexity
in a tiny bug
than all the computers in the world
there is more beauty in a single sunset
than all the art galleries in the world
we are creatures
what does that mean?
it implies we were created
by whom and why?
we cant know that yet
its a mystery
but im sorry
it doesnt look like it all just arrived here on its own
all these systems related, inter related
the systems in yer body
the solar system
the bee and the flower
the peaks and the troughs
the mountains and the sky
think hard and long
meditate on these things
stop to look around you
listen to your heart…wow what a cliche
aint that a song by heart?
ok get over that
listen to your heart
my heart is saying this
there is a god
he loves us more than anything
he cant explain everything right here and now
cos thats yer mission (captain)
to unravel it
to work it out for yerself
to observe and calculate
i read somewhere that the odds of life starting
on this planet and all this coming into being
are the same odds that a hurricane blowing thru
a junkyard
will assemble a boeing 707
you wanna go with those odds, john
im sure you gotta smart arse one liner for that too
its ok
we need skepticks
we dont wanna get fooled again
but dont close down your heart
to the possiblity
that there is reason
there is love
all will be revealed one day
when ya get to the last page in the book
they gonna give ya all the answers…
maybe, john
just maybe
i love you anyway
(i guess)
all of ya
its wednesday
do something nice for yerselves
its a brand new day
ah…..life!
sk

good day
hows life in the multiverse, today?

before i go any further
i must shamelessly spruik my gig
this friday night
at the winebank in sydney
martin place-ish, 9 15
with my jazzcats + laney
please come
itll be yer last chance to see me for a while
unless you live in hungry
or eyeland
or grate brittin’
or spane
after that im having a brief holiday
with my twillipops
who turn 15 on the 7th of june
which is why elli is elektra june
and who i wrote that song june for
for the first time ever
little minna is taller and heavier than her sis
ah i said
you can beat her up now
minna says
yeah i know
elli is quite over her op now
and thanks fer yer support
after a few setbacks
minna is looking at her options…
hoping to spend some time at their country house
which has no lectricity
no running water or conveniences
back to nature
you wash in the lake there
hoping it aint too cold…
but cold is relative
eg
i ring minna
minna its cold here
what is it?
its 16 degrees
oh
minna says
its warm here
i say what is it
its 16 degrees
there you go
one mans blizzard
is another mans heatwave

sweden in summer
is just about the nicest place ya could imagine
stockholm empties out
you got the city to yerself if ya want
the archipelago!
the forests!
the islands!
if you aint ever been to scandanavia
get thy ass there now at once
you wont be disappointed
those swedes look like us anglo types
but underneath their quite different
thoroughly civilized
a different take on things

i love sweden in summer
it doesnt ever really get dark
the evenings stretch on and on
strange light
those melancholy swedes
the huge mosquitoes i never expected
the cold water that flows under the warm
the deep ancient lakes
their ceremonies and rituals
one of the 1st countries to turn their back on war
you gotta go there to understand em
its worth it tho
dark n miserable in winter
the north explodes into colour when its warm
(hopefully….
sometimes summer never really materializes
and then you get 17 degrees and overcast
for 3 months and this plunges em
into a northern despair)
at first the scandics seem a little cold and snooty
but thats just the way they speak english
dont let it put ya off too much
any way
thats where i’ll be for a cuppla weex in june
and im happy bout that
i guess thats really it or today
been playing the go bes a lot
i wonder where grant is right now…?
goodbye fiendss
lotsa love
sk

hello fiendss

i hail the one god
who comes in many guises
the god who unfurled this universe from his dreams
gave it substance
who designed the leaves and the birds
and the oceans and the amoeba
a beautiful god
so far beyond our comprehension
that our greatest genius
could only ever understand
a tiny little part at a time
open your eyes
open your hearts
can you not feel his great power
coursing thru the air and stones
thru the living and the dead
thru the angels and the animals
i have so much to be thankful for
my 5 beautiful daughters
my mother and my 2 dear brothers
my wife
my uncles n aunts
my niece n my nephews
my friends
who sustain me
im gonna mention some names
michael h
donald b
sarah l
simon p
samuel s
marty wp
peter k
timothy p
jorden b
david t
chris w
ann-marie g
michelle w
sean m
jonathan z
jane z
david l
wil-o
graham n
holly j
patty h
keith f
trevor b
nick l
captain m
dutch p
duane h
alex h
tony p
amy s
zoe m
wendy m
wendy a
glenny w
george ?
penelope h
matty c
pauly h
martin k
mark s

oh god ive probably forgotten someone important
all my relatives
all my cousins
all my fans n fiendss n ‘ficianados

its a misty rainy morning
baby bombadil is sleepin’
evie starr and aurora biggle
sit at the table here
colouring in
centrepoint tower and the hubba bridge
are obscured by cloud
the world is enveloped by sweet soft rain
the clock ticks
the girls pens glide accross their paper almost soundlessly
nk has 5 minutes to herself in the shower
before resuming her 24 hour a day job as mother

yessaday we have a lovely day
visit the art museum
last day of self portrait exhibition
a van gogh!
howcome nobody knew he wazza a genius
while he was still alive?
its fucking obvious…isnt it?
the archibald prize..
at least the winner better than last years disaster
we walk thru botanical gardens
all the variety of blooms
the bats..
the huge ancient trees
families
lovers
tourists
all shapes colours sizes
i say this is what heaven could be like
e and a practice cartwheels
how come all girls love to do this…..?
we feed the ducks and the eels
we sit out front of the opera house
the girls shimmy and wriggle on the steps
more tourists
boats, ferries, hydrofoils
someone in the crowd is down
ambulance arrives
i return to my sad thoughts of grant and irene….
a day that memories are made of
i will be thankful for all this
i see all the plants n ferns n flowers
i see gods hand everywhere
what a gorgeous planet
the sky and clouds
the sea lapping the walls of the gardens
the happy people here
harmony
peace
we are the lucky ones…..

the huge cosmic god of light years and distances
also in my heart
whispering if i can listen
animating my flesh with life
animating all life with love
letting us have our chance
again n again
sending this soft sweet rain
sending us another day
to love each other
to create our dreams
to overcome the obstacles
to struggle with ourselves
to perservere against sorrow n loss
to remember the ones who are gone
to pave the way for those who will come
thank you heavenly father/mother
for my 51 years here
for my gifts
for the setbacks (which were gifts in disguise)
for all the chances
for all the leeway
for all the forgiveness

what more can i say
its another day
life!

sk

my dear fiendss
more bad news im afraid
rusty rang me last night
my dearest and sweetest relative ever
my auntie irene
died yesterday of a heart attack
my auntie irene was married to my mums youngest brother
uncle ken
they were married in 1970
i was at their wedding
and everyone in my family
especially me and my dad
LOVED irene
we all called her weenie
and she was a little cutie too
small and chubby
we always said she looked like liz taylor
but much kinder and nicer
me and my dad were always round there
at ken n irenes place
they were always up to something a little different
for example hypnosis
they had a phase of doing self hypnosis
and youd go round there
and there were people stretched out stiff between 2 chairs
with other people sitting on em
(to show how well self hyp worked)
or the time the brazilian woman
was getting em to drink all these strange herbs
for some very strange reason
irene thought i was a good kid
even when the rest of the fam
thought i was a right royal precocious pain in the botty
and she and i had a great connection
she was an amazing cook too
her yorkshire pudd was legendary
and my dad said she was the only person
who could rival my mum for good english cooking
last year ken and irene hadda relly-fest
and all but 2 of my mums 8 brothers n sisters was there
my doodles had a ball meeting up with all my cousins kids
(i gotta million cousins)
and spent most of the day in kens pool
aunty irene was so pleased to see me
beckoning me into the kitchen
allo, steven…come and look at this bread pudd
remember so n so
and then she grabbed me and said
i knew you were gonna turn out alright
and it was like i was sixteen again
when weenie n i would go out the back and smoke cigarettes
she always smoked a few regulars
then a consulate menthol
we used to have some bloody laughs
one time k and i came over for a party
and i had this little label making machine
so i made little labels with the name barry pond
and stuck them on everything
barry pond was the name of my uncles ex-rival
for irenes affections
and irene was giggling all day
as she encountered another object with barry pond stuck to it
i think actually there is still an ashtray somewhere
bearing the barry pond legend to this day
eventually
when no one thought it was gonna happen
ken and irene had my darling cousin samantha
who grew up to become a skater
who skated on ice all over europe
and rose to the top of her profession
you see irene had been a big skater too
and encourage sam as a kid
and she was a natural
i was a real little sod to my uncle ken
mainly cos he was a patient kind kinda guy
and i was a cruel orrible bloody kid
but as i grew up a little
we played squash together
and hung out a bit
and really
they were the faves of all my mums many rellies
ken and irene came and saw the church play in2002
in canberra
we had a special table for them and petes mum n dad
i was still carrying a bit of surplus weight
in those days
and weenie , never one to pull punches
says
cor steve, you an “arf put on some weight
only she could get away with that, fiendss!
anyway last year
she was relieved to see me back down
to my svelte and lovely self
it didnt suit ya she said
although id been dreading the relly fest a bit
before going
me and nk had a wonderful time
and we all wished we could have a relly fest every week
a hilarious part was when all my mums brothers
starting reminiscing about my mums pre-dad boyfriends
cmon joycie
admit it
you were a bit of a heartbreaker, werent ya?
we all had such a laugh
and i was so pleased to be a part of the bennetts
the next day i was on my hotel balcony
punching my fists in the air
yo the bennetts!!!
i finally felt accepted by them all
and i realised how wonderful being part of a big extended family was
weenie was very nervous in case her bread pudd was not up to
its reputed legendary taste from the “old days”
but it was excellent
we had the BEST bloody time
you could have in a backyard in canberra
surrounded by a buncha kids
a buncha cousins
and a buncha olde pommy uncles n aunts
my mum is always saying
you know son
i dont know why
but irene thinks the sun shines outta your whatnot
now ive lost my biggest fan in the family
aunty irene
i love you
i will miss you
and you are one more person
i look forward to meeting
when i go to the great gig in the sky
i bet shes there saying
cor steve what took you so bloody long

they say bad luck comes in 3s
but i just lost 2 of the nicest friends i ever had
so surely that must count as a 3
vale auntie weenie
it was a delight knowing you
you were a gorgeous lady
steve

good mourning little fiendss

yessaday we said our goodbyes to grant
one of the worlds finest singers and writers
one of the most sensitive and lovely of all rocks characters
taken from us too soon
too soon
every leaf that falls from the tree whispers
too soon
the service was in a big old cathedral in brissy
packed to the rafters with grants family
his friends
and the many many fans
who came to pay their last respects
to a genuine one-off genius
the service was ok
a few too many messages from our sponsor, maybe
but it was ok
grants brave sister sally spoke about him
robert f miraculously maintained his composure
and gave us a very comforting speech
about hearing grants voice all week
then grants partner emma
a beautiful lady..
she gave us a few insights
some poems
i know she and grant loved each other very much
all 3 of these people
showing..
what was that phrase, grant
grace under pressure
i had my brutha rusty and good fiend wil-o with me
but i met and chatted to grants brother lachlan
glenn bennie, we finally meet!
tim whitten , a lovely lovely man
tyrone n. from george
who done some work with grant lately
this cat was beside himself with grief
and we were reminiscing and crying and laughing together
and we both realised that we loved grant so much
that that alone made us friends for life
(and ty, i forgive ya for singing the words of un mo
to almost with you ..it was a stressful day
and grant woulda thought that was hilarious)
i had one of grants fave drinks a long island tea
which seemed to have 5 different white spirits in it
and certainly knocked me around
i met the moody and enigmatic ed kuepper
(and i hugged him!!)
what a gentlemen
i met peter milton walsh of the apartments
peter walsh of livid fame(no longer the bleary eyed idiot)
the fiery lindy morrison
the serene and lovely amanda brown
of course the likable and handsome ian haug
from p finger
who loved grantley as much as me
(they did the far out corporation together)
and he was stunned to lose a mate like grant
everyone i met there
i say
did you know grant
oh yes theyd say
getting that smile on their face
i knew him well
it seems to know him
WAS
to love him
this man wasnt just admired and respected
HE WAS LOVED
and all of us
will miss him every day of our lives

grant if youre reading my blogg today
see if ya can get some good players together
for when i next see ya
i love you grant

on the way home russell gives me a book by kurt vonnegut
called a man without a country
and blow me down
if he aint saying the same things as me
about war, the bushes, guns, america
never forget fiendss
my wife and 2 of my daughters are american
a lot of my best friends and greatest heros too
me and kurt and michael moore
and the likes are not anti american
we love the ideal of america
we love what america could have been
but its all gone wrong fiendss
im sorry, it has
it wasnt sposed to be like this
america was sposed to be the country we all looked up to
the fair and righteous one
but as kurt says
now everyones afraid of it
everyone hates it
why did that have to happen

i saw a picture of george w and his brother jeb
and theyre saying ..next pres jeb?
and gw saying
hes a big strong guy…makes the decisions
fiendss have ya seen this fucking imbecile ?
surely
surely
in that huge country
they have 10 million men more suited
to this most crucial position
than this obviously stupid tub of lard
bathing in nepotism, cronyism
and fuck democracy we were born to rule
fiendss the bushes are going for a dynasty here
thats what ya fought yer war against us limeys for
in the first place
to get rid of one brutal moron handing
down the crown to his even more brutal stupid kids
now look what ya got
so after reading kurts little book
i am vindicated(he even goes into rants like me
complete with “fuckin’s and fuck offs when
he really gets mad)
this is a brilliant man
served his country ww2
and he says like me
no wars
no guns
love is the answer
etc etc etc
just the same stuff us
bohemians artists and intellectuals have been saying
for the last umpteen thousand years
but the aggressive turkeys always hi jack the agenda
and you get vietnam and iraq
which none of us ever wanted
you think vietnam woulda taught em all a lesson
but fuck no
these warlike types are thick n stupid
(and cowardly, they never do the fighting, themselves)
give fucking gw a gunny
and tell him to patrol the nasty suburbs of bag-dad
see how long he lasts
but everything i say you know already
if ya still hanging round saying
no iraqs a glorious victory
and thank god for the bomb
and nuke a gay whale for jesus
and all that…
i feel sorry for ya

thats it
read kurts book
itll only take ya an hour
i love ya
sk

a big hello to all the firearms enthusiasts
who set me straight on guns
why gandhi loved guns…even the one that shot him
why jesus loves guns
why we need more guns
guns for everyone
thank you
now please desist
you and i are diametrically opposed
guns are made to kill and maim from a distance
you see in the olden days
you actually had to have some skill
and some balls
if ya wanted to kill another man
but guns made it much much much easier
jus’ squeeze that cute lil trigger, kidss
cmon you dont have to know nuthin’
bang bang
you just saved liberty

look im sorry
i tolerate most stuff on here
but i think you got the wrong blogg mister
i dont know frankly why youre here at all
you mustnt have listened to my songs, dude
you werent tuned into my wavelength, amigo
so look im sure
theres plenty of bloggs and chat pages
where you guys can go
talk your brave and big talk
about fucking militias and assault rifles
and dum dums
hand grenades
(every family needs em to protect
the land of the free)
why stop there
free bazookas
rockets
the whole lot
you see guns save lives
guns stop wars
guns are better for ya than pot
guns are your right
guns are your best friends
guns never hurt no one
(they was framed!)
guns are safe
guns are manly
guns are for the free and rebellious
try shooting
youll like it

im sorry
i think you got it so wrong
that we aint on the same page
what are you doing here
please
please
please
no more progun stuff
im asking ya respectfully
i ask you as a son of a man who gave 5 years of his youth
shooting and being shot at
in france, italy and germany
HE DESPISED GUNS
BRING ON YER BILE
IT LL BE MANNA TO ME
sk

early morning to ya fiendss
ive been up an hour
meditated
chi gong
back killing me
i tried everything
evey yoga pose i know
hang from a bar says tim p.
hang out in a bar says david l
dencorub
anti inflammatories
big doses of aspirin, codeine, ibroproofun
a pair of city molls
nks worked on it
the masseur at the pool worked on it
now today
i drop an a bomb on my twisted knotted back
an hour of acupuncture
if you aint had acupuncture fiendss
and ya gotta badde back
get out there
and get those needles into ya
i wassa in the sauna yessaday
discussing acu and other arcane healing arts
and this woman says
i couldnt get pregnant without acupuncture
i says (quick as a flash) (straight of the cuff)
there ya go…all you needed was a little prick
(canned laughter)
but seriously folks….
acupunture is goode for
back, neck, shoulder, or headaches
acne
impotence
insomnia( a miracle cure)
and loads of other nasty painful things
ya see once i wassa getting off the gear
i hadnt slept for about 2 weeks at all
and i was, in its widest sense, tired and emotional
i was in la of all places
but lord vishnu must have been watching down on me that day
cos very early one morning
after trying warm baths, massages, sleeping pills
herbs, hypnotism, and simply tiring myself out
i was exasperated BEYOND BELIEF
now this is the very very nastiest thing about the gear
that the hysterical newspapers and hip smack priests
(now theres a temporary position)
dont tell ya about
when you get off a serious opiate addiction
you may not literally sleep for weeeks or even months
you are so unbelievably exhausted
your head falls back on the pillow
you close your eyes
you start to drift
then ……
click
this printer is out of ink
yep
you aint got the chemicals ya need
to sleep
you CANT go to sleep
and ya see
after 2 or 3 weeks of zero sleep
i was hallucinating, hearing voices
crying at anything at all
everything broke my fucking heart fiendss
the veneer was stripped back
i had nothing between me and a resovoir of tears
id never cried when i should have
and they all wanted to be cried NOW!!!!
i see mickey and minnie mouse embrace
i bawl my eyes out
i was crying watching the commercials..
i just wanted sleep so badde

now actually once in a rehab
i prayed and the sweet lord had granted me
30 minutes of nectar-like rest
and a lucid dream in which the lord appeared
and we walked together in beautiful gardens,
and when i awoke i was refreshed and renewed
but that didnt happen this time
i couldnt pray as singlepointedly as i had the other
and i was left to my own devices…

but this time
i was back in l a
i had gotten over most of the really nasty stuff
you know like cramps sweats vomiting etc
i was battered
an endorphin-less
and seratonin-less wreck
any how
aftet another sleepless night in a hateful hotel
a nasty nylony plasticy fake type modern hotel
i stumbled into a “drugstore” or pharmacy or chemist shop
or even apotek
as the lovely swedes say
(related to our old apothecary)
im in this pill shop
looking at mountains of painkillers
not a fucking one with codeine in it
ya see fiendss
codeine is a mild narcotic
it comes from the poppy
its one of opiums many alkaloids
so if ya can get a bit of codeine in yer system
you can stave of the horrors a tiny bit better
but
codeine aint legal in the u.s, or sweden
without a quack givin’ ya a script
in australia they always put paracetamol or ibuprof
in there
so any jonesing junky trying to take a big codeine dose
is gonna get a nasty surprise
when his liver gives out from the other stuff in the pills
theres a bit of western logic for ya!
any how
im trying to read all the labels on the stuff in this chemists
i was quite a little pharmacological whizz by this stage
i could spot a pseudo opiate in the drug company lingo
a mile off
anything anything
if i could get 5 minutes sleep
disengage my screaming brain and nerves
the i tunes in my brain was stuck on a horror
eternal flame by the bingles
round and round
“give me your hand darlin, can you feel my heart beating
do you understand…”
oh no
sometimes i had to throw something even worse in there
like swallowing a spider to catch a fly
something really vile
like one of my own songs…
which i couldnt bear to touch
when i felt this way
anyhow
im looking through the pills
when this older, kinda jewish lady
says ah whaddya lookin for, sir
i give her an impatient look
how could she understand MY pain
ah i dunno
she says
maybe i can help ya
i look at her
i say
i doubt it
she says you lookin for painkillers
i say yep
she says nothin here doin it for ya
i say nope
she says what are your symptoms
i say my backs killing me
i aint slept for 2 weeks
ya got anything for that?
she says nothing here
i say thats whatti thought
she says i think i can help ya
i say look im getting over a narcotic habit
she says yeah, i know
she says im an acupuncturist
i’ll put ya to sleep
i guarantee it
now i was very very sceptical
cos i had just come from dublin
where my dear friend frankie x
had hooked my up with the chinese woman
atta clinic
and she was acupuncture personified
chinese studied in peking
but she couldnae budge my insomnia
so i couldnt see how this small gladys kravitz
was gonna be any help
but she gave me her card
she said come and see me
and when i looked in her eye
her spirit jumped the gulf and said
i aint fooling!!!
so i go round her very hollywood little bungalow
im starting to think this wasnt a good idea
lay down on the table
she starts sticking in the pins
one in the top of my head
a network of em all over my back
she connects the one in my head
to a little generator
and gives me a few volts
to the skull
next thing i know
ive left my wartorn body
ah im out in deep space
or deep in inner space
or somewhere black and soothing
i have expanded to take up everywhere
but i also have ceased to exist
oh fiendss this is a beautiful place
and you can get there by meditation and yoga
and opiates get you there too
but what a terrible price to pay
where oblivion is beckoning
where leviathan is reckoning
you see fiendss
you gotta earn yer ticket to this place
or youll have to pay some nasty fines
anyway anyway
to cut this long story short
the lady woke me up
and said steven
honey youve been sleeping for an hour and a half
im sorry to wake ya up, my next patient is here
fiendss
i paid the lady
i tipped her good
i gave her a jubilant hug
and thanked her profusely
yes
i had underestimated someone AGAIN
because of their looks
but
id had some precious sleep
and shed broken my slumber-drought
so get a good acupuncturist fiendss
if ya ache or cant sleep
i guess thats the moral of todays rant

tomorrows grants funeral
goodbye
sk

fiendss
im gonna confess
im a little sad and beaten at the moment
my back has locked up
right between the shoulder blades
and im an agony ant
my back IS 2 beasts
hey i thought yoga wassa sposed to make me immune from this
its gone from a throbbing ache to stabbing pain
yeah yeah
im gonna see my acupuncturist tomorrow
thatll fix it fer sure
i know
acupuncture is amazing stuff
it can reach stuff that the other methods cant seem to touch
ya know
i mustnt complain too much
ive hadda relatively pain free life
except for a couple of things
like ten years on the olde gear
and my broken and rebroken arm
my back has occaisionally played up
but i know a few olde fellahs like me
who got it permanent
i remember one day when i was 18
my dad said to me
“you dont think that you’ll ever be 50 , do ya”
and you know what fiendss?
i really didnt
i thought i’d be 18 forever
i wouldnt fritter away the years like my dad
i wassa gonna be an eternal teenager!
anyway
if youre young
and youre not looking after yerself
may i humbly suggest that you start
cos a bad back
or a fucked knee
is gonna slow ya right down
take the wind right outta yer sails
anyway
one thing to avoid is the gear
do what you like
but dont get on the gear
it wont make you a romantic aesthete
itll make you a whining imbecile
it aint glamourous
it aint fun
it aint worth it
i…..
for me it was a jail sentence
10 years of hard misery
yeah
i lost my possessions
that was the easy part
but its like being possessed in itself
an evil spirit took up residence in my soul
and whispered its bile in my ears for ten years
forget all that lou reed and keef richards stuff
those guys had a lot more money than you or me
plus
sooner or later
youll wind up in rehab
or jail
or
a coffin
i did the first 2
and i aint anxious to try the 3rd
and when i do
it aint gonna be smack that lays me out!
i hear a lotta bullshit about the gear
no one knows what the fuck its really all about
except us ex junkies
and all we can say is
dont fool with it!
the western govts headed by the u.s.a
have made this stuff some kind
of unmentionable evil horror
surrounded it in illegality and prisons
and in their typical fashion
made the whole thing a million times worse
than it had to be
ya see folks
once a ponna time
all drugs were legal
in 1870 you could enter anywhere ya liked
pockets full of dope
nobody fucking cared
then someone in the states in the early part of the 1900s
realised if ya made drugs illegal
you could disenfranchise the blacks and the poor
and get em back under the govts control
why are drugs illegal?
why is there a war on drugs?
because there so bad for ya?
cos heroin is such a killer?
ha ha
you buy that?
fiendss theres a billion things you can do
that are worse for ya than smack
and there all legal
war, for one
what if they made drugs legal
and war illegal
what if the word war
was met with the same horror
as the word narcotic?
cmon
they dont give a toss about ya
drugs are illegal to control ya
not to protect ya
ciga-fucking-rettes have killed more people this month
than smack has killed in its entire history
but ya can cop a pack of cigs anywhere
and frankly fiendss
i’d rather o.d.
than die of cancer or emphysema

just remember
the govt has not made drugs illegal to protect ya
if so
why is pot illegal
they even recently hadda huge inquiry into it in the states
the govt gives money to scientists
doctors
“please come up with somethin’ badde on pot”
they couldnt
the “anti-motivational” syndrome
yeah, like, um
i dont wanna die in yer fucking war
or
i dont wanna be a “straight” and have a “job”
any way these scientists come back and say
“although pot is bad for yer lungs
(any smoke is)
it appears it actually contains many anti-carcinogens
that actually have tumour deactivating properties

i bet all those guys lost their job!!
its all a fucking lie
the whole drugs thing
they dont want ya to change yer conciousness
unless with alcohol
cos thats what they use
and thatll keep ya nice n quiet n
(unless ya beating yer wife or getting in brawls)
and drinkers aint usually thinkers
but folks taking pot or hallucinogens
theyre a different kettle of flying fish
they dont buy that fucking war so easy
they dont believe in the 1950s and cold wars
and witch trials
and nuclear bombs and smart bombs
and collateral damage

the olde western alpha male style governments
were so concerned about the plight of the junky
they gave em methodone
oh whatta nice safe name
methodode
its got method in it
the govts helping us, right?
oh yeah
methodone
formerly adolphine
invented in germany in ww2 during a morphine shortage
now fiendss
i been on methodone too
and let me tell ya
i’d rather get over 100 heroin habits
than one methodone
if you wanna feel bloated empty and depressed
if you wanna be hooked forever
on a synthetic poison doled out by the govt
that ya can never ever stop
methodones yer drug
jims on heroin
OH NO
its ok, now hes on a methodone “programme”
oh, thats good
hes making progress
god blees america and methodone
ha ha

if i tell ya to stay away from smack
stay away from methodone 100fold
itll make ya live a half life

now just think
all that crime
all that misery
all that suffering
that drugs cause
and most of it caused by its illegality
and punishment
it doesnt have to be like that
look at holland and switzerland
yeah yeah i know they had their problems
this is no easy thing we talk of here
like looking after the aged
or any other social issue
theres no easy fix
but treating drug takers as humans is a good start
why lock up junkies and potsmokers
what possible fucking goode can that do
fiendss the moment i was in jail in nyc
there were guys selling every drug under the sun
making connections
consolidating their “criminality”
how can guns be legal and drugs illegal
would ya rather a drug user
or a gun enthusiast move in next door
do guns kill more people than drugs?
are guns more dangerous than drugs?
theyve somehow brainwashed ya into thinking
that drugs are “un-american”
but guns are yer birthright
ya know gw bush was a coke fiend
even possibly a dealer
oh but thats ok
hes now born again
the man who leads the free world
is a certified drunk driving
coke snorting
draft dodging
cowardly s.o.b.
who says his most proud moment of the last 6 years
was catching a big perch in his own lake
yet he is the 1st thing ya see
when ya arrive in la
and they start searching ya fer drugs
now that i gotta little record
they always take me apart
treat me like a fucking crim
when the guy whos a 1000 times worse than me
looks down from the wallk with his idiot half grin

but no one can even attempt the legalisation of drugs
such is the mc carthyesque hysteria surrounding the subject
eg
the a.c.t. was gonna have a trial heroin programme
instead of methodone
they were gonna give a small number of addicts heroin
just to see….
just in case…..
like i switzerland where they find that
people given the gear in clinics
stop stealing pawning etc
and return into society
and manage their lives
surprise surprise!
but when australia had the gall to try this plan
on a small scale within its own borders
the u.s. objected
theyd do this n that
they wouldnt buy our morphine…
why?
why should they fucking care
if some canberran junkies got some govt smack?
why indeed?
cos its so badde for ya?
ha!
cos the stuff is inherently evil?
ha!
so they could maintain their hegemony?
yes

cmon
heroin is a bad deal
we all agree on that
you aint ever been thru anything like a major narcotics detox
or have ya
you wont believe that life can be so hellish
and yes
it was all my own fault
i aint asking for any sympathy here
but the current treatment of addicts
and the western attitude to drugs is a farce
i remember in sweden in the paper one day
i saw a guy who murdered a kid get less time in jail
than an exstacy importer
whod ya rather have next door fiendss
an ex dealer or a kid murderer?

i know im reducing it to simplistic terms

just dont believe everything they tell ya
question their motives
and ok heroin is nasty stuff
but why the fuck is pot illegal
they try to tell ya its intrinsically evil
like god would put a “bad” plant on this earth
but did ya know
that there is a receptor in yer brain
that will forever remain inactive
unlessit encounters thc
now thats gotta mean something
we were meant to smoke the herb
maybe not as much as i do
but its part of being a human
its a potential you can explore if you want to
what you do with yer brain is your business
no body should be able to boss ya round
if ya feel the need to alter yer consciousness

they got ya fooled
theyre manipulating ya
take their drugs
valium
we know that fucks ya
methodone
we know that fucks ya
alcohol
we know that fucks ya
sleeping pills
we know that fucks ya
hmmm pot, acid, mushrooms, hmm
we cant seem to see what they do….
maybe theyre bad for ya
but we aint found any hard proof yet…
ok THOSE substances should be illegal
for yer own goode
the nice olde govt is protecting ya from yerself
thanks guys
now im drug free
i can go to iraq
and be a useful cog in yer machinery
gulf war syndrome…
no problems
we got some goode govt drugs for that
(fiendss, the other day i met a little boy
covered in eczema, 3 years old,
diagnosed as inherited from his grandfathers
(an australian soldier in vietnams)
exposure to agent fucking orange
horray for the goode guys
hooray for l b j and bob menzies)
yes the sins of the grandfathers are visited
on the children
you trust these mo fos, fiendss?
you believe anything they tell ya?
you wanna tell that little suppurating oozing scratching kid
about the fucking domino theory
and communists and caterpillars?
cmon
surely smokin dope is the least of any ones worries
this world is a joke
we are the punchline

a war on drugs?
as will self said
you might as well have a war on tables

grantley, im still missin’ ya
when will this stop?
sk

morning fiends
how are ya?
obviously im still pretty broken up bout grant
and all those regretful things that happen
when someone you love dies
like something i didnt tell ya
after grant and i were reconciled last year
a couple of weeks later
grant called…
hi steven, im down here in sydney
oh dear not a good time for me grant…
i gotta do this…
i gotta do that….
but ah, thanks fer callin’
give us a ring tomorrow or something..
grant sounded sad
i knew he probably wouldnt call tomorrow
he hung up sadly…
ok steven, i’ll speak to ya soon…
and that was it
of course
now im not gonna beat myself up for it
how were either of us to know…?
i had other more important things to do…
(yeah, right….what was that…yoga? painting? shopping?)
i missed a last opportunity to hang out with my friend
people always ask me when i play in brissy
is grant coming?
will macca be here tonight?
“ah, i dunno…i didnt call him….maybe”
you see i thought i had all the time in the world
just like the last time i talked to my dad
“sure dad….i’ll catch up with ya later…im a little bizzy right now”
yeah procrastinate
hey we’re all gonna be around forever, right?
now i know that grant, wherever he is
understands and forgives

but ya see where im going with this, dont ya?
if theres someone ya love
and ya feuding…
fer god sake make it up NOW
dont put it off
ring em up
say
“lifes too short, i love ya, lets get together”
cos it could be them
it could be you..
be smart, my fiendss
call em now
whattya got to lose?

lassa nite i listen to snow job
the second frosties album
(grant always called us the frosties)
so different to that first album
the levity has faded somewhat
but with tim powles drumming
this one really rocks
if you do hear this youll notice i dont sing so much
my voice wassa pretty shot with drugs by then
and i was so uninspired i could hardly be bothered
but grant does a great job
and by christ
these songs fucking rock, baybee
listen to grants grreat guitar solos
a lotta pentup energy and raw emotion
he was a sensitive guy who could shake it!!
theres some beautiful songs here
i will no longer avoid this record
the aviatrix, a song about amelia earhardt (spelt wrongly?)
listen to the layers of guitars at the end as they peel off
before polinskis beautiful ambient section….
running from the body
we watched a doco on the mamas n papas
and we both identified with john phillips drug hell
and we were taken by their harmonies
we tried to incorporate those harmonies
intricate…
angela carter
a song about one of my fave authors
grant sings sorrowfully as hed known her personally

you dont know
i wrote the music
grant came up with the words and singing
“you dont know what life is
you dont know where life is taking you…”
sadly prophetic

empire
i love this song
once again i did the music
grant the singing
another message to ab?
“i just wanna know how long
ya gonna keep me locked outta yer empire?”
i just couldnt believe hed come up with lines like that
straight off the cuff
but that was his genius

weightless and wild
wow i actually sing this one
a lonesome fucked up song
“watch me run a crroked mile” i sing
while underneath grant sings
“youve lost the world”

haze
listen to the string of images at end
memories from grants early days
the country doctor going blind
i only just found out grants dad who died when grant
was very small
was a doctor

grant was haunted by his dead father
i guess he never met
i remember one night in new york when we were playing
grant came running into the dressing room
youll never guess whos here, steven?
who grant who?
he got a strange look in his eyes
“our fathers, steven, our fathers are here…”
mmm, i’ll never forget the way that made me feel
for a second i wanted to believe it…

that was grant
funny and sad at the same time
he wasnt a saint and he had some wicked putdowns
and sometimes he could seem a little snooty
he could nae abide swearing
nor did he like dirty jokes

i dunno
i dunno
i dunno
his funeral is on friday in brisbane
how am i gonna see lindy and amanda and robert
without completely losing my nonexistent composure
i dont wanna go to grants funeral
i wanna go up there
and see him appear
glass of red wine in his hand
grin on his face

grant was on the front page of the sydney morning herald yessaday
i KNOW that woulda given him a kick
just like i said once
youll become immortal on the day that ya die…

anyway ya gotta say he went out onna good one
he beat the chchur to win his aria award
(we beat streets of my town in89)
he had some money from his emi deal
he was doing pretty goode
i wish id come across him at “rics” in new farm, bris
drinking his ice teas and smoking his stuyvos
i’d wrap my arms around him
and say
grantley, i had the strangest dream…..

but now thats too late

if there is someone in yer life like that
let em know
sk

further thoughts on grant mclennan

i cant believe hes gone
in the weeks before this ive been doing some solo shows
i always play providence
but ive been doing ramble and thought that i was over you
and bye bye pride
amanda brown came to my last solo show at the icebergs
grant has a new song on the gb3 record (brilliant)
i been thinking about him in lotsa small ways
listening to jack frost
remembering olde times
grant wasnt some minor talent now gone
and everyone trying to make him into something more
believe me, he was the real deal
he picked up a guitar and sang
and you hadda original
no mistaking his voice, his songs
i saw on amazon they gotta few copies of the 1st jack f record
do yerselves a favour
if you aint got it, get it
im so proud of that record
the only record i made (other than solo)
that i actually hands on mixed myself
every hour god sends
a lament about the iraq invasion in 1990-1
thats me on verses, grant on choruses
i was horsing around in the studio
saying
“oh that grant, he works every hour that god sends, that man”
a standard lament i would hear as i was growing up
but grant turned it into a threat
everyhour god sends…some wings
everyhour godsends …some stones
all that wild electric guitar…thats grant
he wasnt always thomas hardy ya know
he could fuckin’ rock on the guitar
and
he wazza great bass player too
birdowner
when i first met him grant said he had
thousands of songtitles ready to go
i asked him for a couple
the first title he said was birdowner
we wrote this about a witch who turns men into birds
we wrote all the lyrics together
in a park in balmain one cold morning
on a bench smoking a spliff
civil war lament
grant had already written this
i loved it and i got to sing it
he could knock songs like this off
like most people write shopping lists
i liked the ambiguity of
“and all you do is carry on”
to grant this meant that she continued
to me it had other connotations
we thrived on this kinda ambiguity
geneva 4 am
again i sing the verses
grant takes the chorus
i guess no one will mind me saying now
that grant had amanda b in mind when he
wrote his bits for most of these songs
he always seemed to get it back round to her
i was imagining a bunch of lowlifes round a bar at an airport
grant turns it into pure longing
“i look for you everywhere
but i can find you anywhere”

trapeze boy
we had a little bit of tape left
we doodled and noodled on it
i said to grant
putta poem or story on there
he said i will
he did that first take
i, in the control room, was stunned
“funny how someone you never met, manages to stay with you”
yes , grant
a lotta people feel that way about you now

providence
one of my fave songs ever by anybody anywhere
obviously you can hear grants bits and my bits
so sad
so much sadness in this song
“remember when we were lovers, the things we used to do”
it always gives me goosebumps
so romantic,
so lost.

thought that i was over you
what can i say about this one?
everybodies felt like this
i dont think he did really ever get over her.

threshold
jack f gets funky
my music, grants lyrics n singing

number 11
grant n i imagined we were lost in a plane crash
i know you can keep me warm
beautiful, grant, beautiful

didnt know where i was
our 1st song we wrote together
sorta velvets-y i guess
” a damaged doomed charles bronson, stumbling on this earth”
who else could write stuff like that
boy, im gonna miss him

even as we speak
i wrote and played the music on my own
grant walked straight in
and sang it
and made the words up on the spot
how could he instantly come up with something so poignant?
his words always fitted the music so perfectly

ramble is my song
grant was showing me the chords to
streets of your town
i said lets get another song outta that
he played the electric guitar
and you can hear his distinctive
“its coming on again”
it was all coming on for him again
all the time

everything takes forever
our music
my verses
grants chorus
you can sing with accordions
you can sing with violins
we even put an oboe in there
just in case ya didnt completely get
who this song was addressed to

making this record wassa sheer delight
grant n i were equals in every way
he laughed at my gothic dark side
i laughed at his country boy romantic side
we steered a course right down the middle
pulled each other into a new place
this record is one of the best records ever made
you wont find more personal poignant love songs in rock
sweeping windswept landscapes
anger, jealousy, memories
grant was my dearest friend
a real gentleman
i wouldnt say so if it wasnt true
there was no one else on the planet
who i wanted to work with more
he taught me a lot about songs
and songwriting
it was a fucking privelege to work with him
i loved this man
i will play providence and other jack f songs
till the day i day
and i hope that when i get to fucking heaven
grant is waiting for me
his guitar strapped on
“now, steven, are ya ready for our third album

grant
i dont think i will get over you
vale
my dear dear dear mate
sk