The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

at the gig
i chuck all my washing in a machine here
its all black n sopping wet
then we find out the dryer is faulty
it dries for 1 minute n stops
n then has to be jiggered with for another 60 second burst
what will i do with no clothes
n a wet pile of stuff
i seem to have lost my alex grey shirt…
or have i lost my mind
my phone continued to not work
despite visits from different workmen
we have sold virtually almost no tickets tonite
but the venue is a corker with great lites n sound
of course
its denmark baby
they do things properly here
except no one wants to see old aussie rockahs on monday nite
i dont fucking blame em
my get up n go just got up n went
why am i struggling on with this?
i just feel de-feeted
under done
too little too late
i dont blame anyone
maybe myself
but who really knows
rocknroll is a twisting beast
im gonna end up with a loada wet clothes
my glasses are busted
im worn out
just trying to keep track of it all
passports n keys n money n glasses n sunglasses
computers n tickets n directions n bravado
so yeah im sitting here in arhus denmark
getting ready to play
thats gotta bee goode right?
but im ugly n olde n tired n sensitive
n i hadda nuff
hadda nuff
this is too much like hard work for me
what am i gonna do with these wet clothes?
FUCK!

the time being awakes
from a deep troubled sleep
trying to do some impossible task
some mystery achievement
i awake in a small dark room
outside a leaden sky
world drained of colour
then i remember
as far back as my thoughts will go
a town called utrecht
we were a little late hitting stage
but it was good
now no more than a distant set of images
playing n singing
technical troubles
all i ever wantd to see etc….
then find hotel in darkness
check in
try to call fambley but no luck
wanted to talk…never mind…
next day yoga n qi gong in hotel room
big spacious room
lovely bathroom
the sort of bathroom youd look forward
to using every day n night
a powerful stream of hot water
a nice range of bing-bangs for washing etc
thick ole towels
a hare drier
anyway have brekky
the boys from hs7 are down havin a very hearty
(meaty)
brekky
hammy miss pammy
bacony bacon
pressed meaty weaties all speckled with yrchhh!
anyway
my word theyre lovely guys
n a very good band
if you aint seen em yet
you will be surprised
i do wishh however
they could sort out the food
n the ciggies
or they aint gonna be rockin
in 20 years time like yours truly, julie
i mean
cmon
you cant rock on meat n cigs when ya nilly 53
that having beeb said howe ever
your lowly time being has been gorging on euro bread
n euro chockies….totally unvegan, megan
im sorry
at most places i been havin tomato soup n chips
or fries or pomme frites or whatever
predictably and including not swimming
even in this short time
the beings mortal frame has suffered
no exercise
just sitting in cars
like after brekky yessaday
well i had muesli n soy milk
the soy milk i procured for myself from gig last nite
but i also had 3 bread rolls with delishus jammy
i never would eat that at home
in other words im getting fatter again
after five years progress
undone by a weak week or so of chockies bready
n hanging about
or driving
driving the van
when did i sign up for this lark
a hundred n fifty on the auto -barn
jokers in porshies goin past like im standin’ still
the van has little torque
tho it has plenny of talk
sometimes i get stuck overtaking a truck or something
n i become a bottleneck
holding up a thousand of deutschlands most impatient ninnies
who beep n gimme fingers n arms up
as they rocket past
after our olde nag has finally gotten past
yipee!
and sunday nite drivin along
seeing all the happy familys
driving home to warm well appointed houses
in some leafy tolerant suburbia
with veggie restaurants n people who clean up
after their canine friends
and i wish n i dream
if i was livin’ in that flat there
if that bloke there was me walkin’ along
if i was driving that beemer full of kids
if it was me riding along on a bike
holding hands with me girlfriend on her bike
the way they do in holland
anyway
i feel kinda temporary n lonely
driving thru a terrible traffic jam that meant
crawling at 1 k for about 20 ks
and its a manual…..
we stop at first place in denmark
i order chilli burger without meat
they still charge me over 20 aust bucks for it
n a platey of chippy whippies
wow thats nasty even for bondi
we drive n drive
through the gloaming
i get in back pull a blanket round meself
n ipod on
smoke some dutch herbals
but still feel empty lonesome n blue
we arrive in arhus denmark
worst hotel ever
like a network of tiny cells
like a jail cell for not so naughty crims
its suicide hotel
its joyless cheerless
prefabricated
its still a hundred aust bucks a night
everything in here is pale green
my phone didnae werk
i wanted to call nk…
march down to desk
wheres me phone?
gormless clerk: its there
no it aint
gc : yes it is
i go back up
no it aint!
gc : listen im ringing it..hear it ringing
maybe so but its dead at my end
gc: why you want phone?
what? you cheeky rascal….
i wanna call my goode wife
gc : please to use payphone
but i justa arrived ni got no danish crowns
i wanna use the phone in me room
gc :another room then
but i must come with you n i must serve all the other disgruntled
people inevitably gathered here expecting a semblance of accomodation
and instead have found this disgusting shambles of a place
n its hopelessly gormless desk clerk
among them mwp whos trying to park the van
hes arguing with gc
i hang around glaring
i guess he finds me the better bet
than an angry mwp
he starts calling me steve
hes not danish
hes some weird mix of a whole loada things
he speaks a weird soft english
and he starts a little conversation on the way to the room
unfortunately the time being just grunts n shrugs
being uninterested in this banter
he lets me into room with a chuckle
i let you have their room he says almost under his breath
i dont venture to ask who they might be
i hope not mwp n tiare…..
but now i have two singles pushed 2 gether
and no upper bunk bed
(can ya believe it)
pick up the phone says gc
i pick it up
ah …a dial tone
the gc grins
there you go steve he says in his soft voice
im sorry i was so…..ah…..you know…i say
he says yes steve this was my first week on the job
oh i say dismayed
he goes back off to fight mwp
when i pick up phoney to call tho
when i hit 0 for outside line
the phone makes a sound like a prisoner has just escaped
a whoo ooo eee ooo whoo ooo eeee oooo
im just about beside myself now
off i go
marching thru the tv area where hs7 are setting up a smoke screen
back to front desk
where poor man is in deep argy bargy with mwp
who hasnt been able to park van for almost an hour
let alone getting into a room
if they had a picture
of the word “beleaguered”
they should have this dude
anyway i rudely interrupt this argument
it wont dial out
he jumps behind desk
and fumbles with computer
i dont know why steve he says
i march off in a super huff
n then i explode
JESUS FUCKEN CHRIST!
off i go to my room
take off clothes
what can i do
i lay down on the plank of a bed
knock knock
i explode
who the fuck is it? i scream
its him
oh no
i jump up n pull my pants back on
stumble to the door
“i just want to say i dont know why n i am sorry steve”
great i say
you got me outta bed for that?
(remember it was 2 a.m. n i’d driven 12 hours)
can i call your wife for you in america he asks
no i say
just go away n have a good night …
i imagine him ringing nk would give her a fright
hello…in his soft voice
please hello is this steves wife…? in america?
no itd blow her mind
i gotta do something about this phone tho
boy i hope hes gone home by now…
i started likin’ him n then i couldnt be so angry
ha!
i need to call twillies re arrangements for sweden 2morrow
tonite its arhus
a completely unknown quantity
we’re doing ok in copenhagen
but malmo aint sold many tix
i have no idea what we could mean up here
its a gamble
as per bloody usual

who knows
who knows
anything
not me
where are you
in breakfast room amsta hotel
how was the gig
good
good?
good
tired drunk stoned n good good
but not scintillatingly good
just good
in a loud numb rocknroll good
wham bam a lop bam ka boom
sound rushing in my ears like a river
drowning in electronic racket
bass like a rubbery throb boom boom boom
the words
who dealt this hand
sing
poor singer
singer poor
pour it all out
sort it all out
yeah yeah cruising down this shuddering info hiway
posting posting posting
my life……
can you imagine
so tired
im so tired
sleep sleep sleep
stoned n over n out
green genie out of its bottle
the white widow is following me
with the body of shiva
but i get up n do yoga
i eat bread n jam for brekfast
i do qi gong in my narrow cell like room
i squeeze in all the prana i can get
im worn out
need to fade to black
too much life
head heavy
aching head
so many mistakes
i make so many mistakes
always getting it wrong wrong wrong
heavy headaching hangover
eyes photosensitive
the grey holland spring sky dazzles me eyes
the clock on wall goes tick tick never tock
it s noon
another day on erf
another gig to play
2morrow long drive
but tonite
utrecht holland
you gotta love it baby
you gotta let it roll
you gotta thank lord vishnu
for another chance to rock
the most liberal n sensible country on earth
good on ya nederlands
its on
lemme rock
its only natural
soon
i will
rest

bang
the coffeee shop
i’ll have a baggie of each
the widow
the shiva
the other two
outside a shady guy says
you wanna buy something?
i say yeah what?
he says gimme 80 euros now
i say what for
he says quick
i say why
he says gimme 80 euros
i say ha ha
go away silly man
you think im a nidiot?
canals
guys sitting round on boats drinking beers
furtive transactions in shadows
familys buying sooveneers
lotta people on bikes
last nights show was good
quite a lotta people
they liked it
we rocked
etc
what can i say
hotel room tonite like a cell
no amenities
very austere
in a basement
tonites gig souled out they say
thats only the small room at paradiso
big room has big metal band on
we used to play the big room once
sigh
pause for readers to become misty
as ttb contemplates his gradual demise
still its good to sell out where we are
why here?
well i guess a lotta pommies coming over
stoners from all walks of life in the eu
to see us rock n blow a number
slip into that universe next door
unlocking that door legally
going with that sweet greene iceing flowing down
amsterdam red light mr what do ya want?
van go go museums?
im sitting backstage
on the net
rockn roll
the heavy metal pounds somewhere above us
i follow the red line to our room
its a rabbit warren of people n corridors down here
waiters n cooks running around
roadies n people from a tv station
a driver who used to drive for us 20 years ago
i rememember this n that he says
soon will go on n rock the nether regions land
more of this
soon

berlin was yesterday
today in krefeld in germany
have driven long way
forests
rolling meadows
fields of rapeseed
sausage parlours
cans o red bull
sudden gusts of wind
last nites show good
very tired today
too olde for this lark
when will i be put out to pasture?
sk

jesus
im gonna bee real careful what i say
i donta want 1000 screaming bouncing czechs
a hounding n a pounding at me
luckily my praguish experiences are glowing
(but whatta cliche…how predictable…)
yeah im here to bring ya the olde news that praha
is good ha ha
all the stuff ya heard about
bridges
statues
fountains of the great god poseidon
standing astride a strange doglike dolph-fish
kafka coming out of the seams
you want kafka kondoms
you want a kafka kockroach
gee that kafkas an ubiquitous bloke
statues doing wee wees
yes 2 giant automatons
waving their huge bebeebs around
and peeing water
while a crowd of giggling wimmen
have fotos taken
gee
theyre gonna be disappointed with their hubbies tonite…
we had lunch in veg rest with tofu steaky
nice club
the vibe is very ….oh how shall we say
bohemian
well we’re in bohemia baby right here
the real deal
after that
real absinthe
and the white widow pay me a call
oof!
the green genie n the white widow
show was pretty good
no complaints
a noisy guy eventually silenced
but well intentioned
lovely hotel
writing under a skylight
more pictures soon
sk

well beograd gig was ok
i dunno
i did my best
we were ok
the people were nice
but it never really took off
technical problems
etc
i drove the van to praha ha ha
only notable thing was a border guard
leering in to the van
so he says
you like peach juice huh?
as sees me drinking the peach nectar
which is plentiful n delicious up this way
you like peach juice?
but he made it sound very sinister
for miles afterwards im saying
so…you like peach juice…HUH?
slovakia is beautiful
but the roadside stops were all truly sausage parlours
got into prague last nite at 1 in morning
nice hotel
like a huge old house in suburbs
thats it
more tomorrow
killa

dear people in croatia
im sorry
youre all right
the stuff i wrote was …..
upon reading it back
was pathetic bitter stupid
and just the kind of ignorance
that i rail against myself here on these pages
ive always been a classic example
of blaming the people who do come to the shows..
instead of being grateful that they came
i dont know anything about croatia at all
and where it might be funny to slag off, say
new zealand or london
or whatever…parts of america
this vile blog made me thoroughly ashamed of myself
if you can accept my apology then do so
i wouldnt blame ya if ya didnt
it was truly the pits
theres no excuse
i m just totally stupid sometimes
iam chastened n sobered by your responses
to the guy who brought us food
im fucking sorry too
i didnt know that was how it went down
put yer email address here
and i’ll fix you up
i didnt speak for no one except myself
and it was all wrong
i really am sorry
ive deleted it
ive never done that before
im so angry with myself
i hope ive learned a lesson
the anger was really directed against myself
cos it IS hard being a washed up old rocker
driving for miles
being late
being average
and playing to a big room
with hardly anyone in there
my ill considered views did NOT
represent any one else in the organization
i wish i could take it back…
i was trying to be funny n controversial
i ended up being bigoted n loathesome
im really very very very sorry
it was simply just rubbish
sk

yeah people
im spoilin ya!