The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

2 good things however
autumn andel a filmmaker has made an
excellent vid to go with
all is one
by k/k
i had almost forgotten martin had mentioned that autumn was to do it
i had seen her whiskey marine and thought it was pretty good
and then i kinda forgot that there was a vid on its way
anyway today i get the link
oh wow
i didnt think anyone could interpret that song
but autumn has actually added poignancy to the whole thing
NO MEAN FEAT!
i am very very hard to make happy with stuff like this
i hereby declare best vid ever of one of my songs
part swirling van go go-ey liquid painting
part allegory
part tear jerker
part cosmic fable
amazing attention to detail
my wife watched it 3 times n cried everytime
so did i (believe it or not)
usually i cry in frustration
but this unusual and beautiful video
will make even the hardest heart soften
autumn here is your golden time being award for excellence
i think martin might put up a link real real soon
you gotta see this one!
meanwhile
the new tibor has non working cd player
no jack in for yer ipod
so i been listening to the radio
i heard a song i liked a few times
it seems to be getting a real caning
i found out it was australian group the temper trap
i know im pathetically behind the times
but i really love this band
downloaded cd from i tunes
its pretty good its pretty more-ish
its pretty uplifting n soulful n youthful
i check their myspace page
my lord these guys are already huge
playing 3 sold out nights at a big london gig
watch their video
the lead singer is an indonesian guy
not what i was expecting
but i can see how he could be a huge star
lovely high melodious voice
their vid has had almost 4 million watches
meanwhile bad thing
ac/dc
bear in mind i saw brian johnson play in canberra
in 1973
in some little club
he had a band called geordie n he wore a stripey jumpsuit
i believe he even in those days
wore that dreadful hat
that presumably covers either his bald head
or some weird growth (or both)
he was old even then he seemed to me
a nudge nudge wink wink hows yer father type
bloody orrible
i also saw acdc with their very 1st singer(dave evans)
in a tiny canberra pub
there were about 7 people there
malcom young was dressed up like a keystone cop
i kinda liked ac/dc with bon scott
he was a charming lovable rogue, eh?
but i cannae abide them as they are
so unbelievably silly
so silly that silly old sod
singing those silly old songs
and all those young boys watching them
freud would have a ball with the symbolism
his voice is like listening to calico tearing slowly
a screeching phlegmy cackle n grunt
his words are puerile obvious monotonous tripe
his look
is like hes lived on egg n bacon n beer for a hundred years
and yet
these guys sell out the megadome in 2 seconds flat
80,000 tickets in a moment
why?
its so fucking embarrassing with the cannon and stuff
all those teenage lads listening to some old grandad
boasting about some cartoon bawdy escapade he supposedly had
actually
i cant really see an ugly little old sod like him getting laid that much
can you?
am i too harsh?
i just cant understand how anyone could enjoy
this awful amateur carryon
but theyre the biggest band in the world
maybe i should buy a fucking satchel……

this illusion hurts so bad
i carry anxiety expectations insults n lies
i dish em out n i wear em
i love being fire until i get burned myself
i hold it all in
kilbey you liar
kilbey you bastard
kilbey you cheat
kilbey you fraud
kilbey you has been
kilbey you fool
kilbey you prick
kilbey you old
kilbey you brute
kilbey you coward
kilbey you motherfucker
i hold it all in
my heart n throat dont wanna talk any more love
my heart doesnt want to know
all my ups n downs arent getting me up or down no moor
i reach out
i lash out
i thrash about
on an impulse i go to see wendy the white witch
she can see whats wrong with me
does her magical thing for 2 hours which i can feel
witch i can feel
i come out much lighter
i still angry but now i can bear it
angry with who you may ask
angry with myself i have to answer
because of everything
i dont need no one else to ever be angry with me
i’m so angry with myself
thats the trouble with troubled geniuses
and its even the trouble with me
not a cheerful loving lovely ray of light
but a turbulent deep n shallow sea full of monsters n mirages
no use telling me to lighten up cos surely you got the wrong blogg
i am a hotblooded fiery creative self righteous brother
i like things my way or see ya later
when i heat up i burn baby i burn
when i cool down i ice baby i ice
i believe things arent as simple as they seem
i think we are duped and tricked n manipulated
all of us
by our leaders
by our children
by our parents
by our husbands n wives
by each other
i wish i could get my hands on some truth
i’m sorry
i dont trust no one
NO ONE!

sunday morning coming down
down the spiral staircase of past days
all the ones i lived n never lived
glimpses and flashes disrupt my continuity
sometimes i disturb magnetic fields
clocks stop and small babies giggle
i smoke dope to tune it all in n block it all out
because all this raw data is too much for me
then
shiva asks his consort
darling with your liquid eyes of love
what is the nature of your reality ?
his radiant and divine wife
answers him in a number of sutras
each a sublime tiny poem of transcendence
she says things like
on a black n rainy night become one with the rain
and i understand immediately
because that i have done my whole holed holy life
on the loneliest of nights when i could not find a friend
was i such a monster…..?
this morning i get a message from a very old friend of mine
just reading his name takes me back to these olden days
he was 19 n i was 18
it seemed that we 2 and only we 2
were the absolute authorities on music n fashion n stuff
although i dyed my hair ponced around n wore a bitter makeup
cmon this was 1972/73 for godsake
i was fiercely heterosexual
i mean i never ever had one tiny second of doubt
n i never had one tiny physical encounter neither
no matter what i was into women ha ha ha
not so my friend who was more” confused”
from things i gathered in his letter today
he was kinda overfond of me
this kinda clouded our relationship a bit
because i really liked my friend
because he knew so much about music n records n production
he had an amazing record collection
all pristine in their plastic covers
but this “confusion” eventually meant we didnt hang out
which was a shame
because in canberra one didnt meet a lotta like minded individuals
my friend had a lotta talent n ability too
but sadly he had no confidence
me…i hadda loada confidence
as i said before
i didnt think i was THAT great
but looking round at the competition….
yet
i still marvel at the mediocre ninnies doing well
i see the great undiscovered cloud of potentials
i take drugs to keep em all out
i study ancient arcane texts to escape from myself
a pair of parrots land on a wire
hes vivid red
she is fluorescent green
radha and krishna deep in the forest
india india india
the upanishadis
the vedas
the gita
their science of devotion
krishna stops time with his kiss
indra sends his daughter to earth to learn our mortal woes
lord shiva with the ganges in his hair
i am a thousand men who passed this way n left no trace
i took opium to block them all out
the subcontinent is on/in my deepest mind
the heavenly birds talk in sanskrit like songs
sunday morning in the pacific ocean
saturday night i walk thru lamplit darkened streets
with my 3 daughters and their friend
they talk out loud of their dreams
i had previously thought their friend a little world weary
but now she waxed rhapsodic on her marvellous series of dreams
“a stable full of horses made of pink diamonds ” she gasps
the 3 daughters listen wide eyed n attentive
as i march em thru the cool back streets of bondi for exercise
i see parties and people drinking outside pubs
cars n taxis pull up n discharge passengers
it is saturday night in sydney after all
but i just march em all thru the streets
silently keeping up the pace
bondi looks lovely on a full moon summers night
there is a sacred feeling in the air
tho not many seem to pick up on it
now the morning has come n almost gone
hot n humid
i already had a sno-cone
one of my fillings has fallen out
yes i bit down hard on life
and life felt like chewing aluminium on your fillings
and life was a snakes and ladders set up
and life was extremely sweet n extremely sour
etc
meanwhile
i’ll stop
have a little rest
re-set
n
continue

sit in my room of rooms
unbelievable mess
surely only days away from over hall
books n cds pile up
a squalid mass of old wrappers
hot sultry afternoon
have swum n done one yoga
have eaten 2 bowls of muesli
have drunk a soy cappo
people coming over
people just left
my finger types types types
an extraordinary life
anxieties manifesting
creativity surging
getting it done but getting further behind
further n further behind
taking it all in like a blue whale
straining out the krills and the thrills
talking bout music
talking bout life
talking bout the way things are down here
summer undisputed indisputable king
angry clouds
angry sun
wind whips up
its saturday
what does that mean to a man like me…?
i dunno
you tell me

the church
of skins and heart *****
too fast for you ******
the blurred crusade ********
sing songs ******
seance ******
remote luxury *****
hindsight *****
heyday ********
starfish *******
gold afternoon fix *****
quick smoke at spots *****
priest = aura *********
sometime/anywhere ******
somewhere else ******
magician among the spirits ******
hologram of baal *******
box of birds *****
after everything now this *******
parallel universe *****
forget yourself *******
uninvited like the clouds ******
beside yourself ******
back with 2 beasts ********
el momento descuidado ********
el momento siguente ******
jammed *****
untitled 23 ********
coffee hounds *******
shriek ******

solo
unearthed *******
earthed ****
slow crack + *******
remindlessness *******
narcosis + ********
acoustic + intimate ****
dabble ******
freaky conclusions ******
painkiller ********

hex *******
hex vast haloes ******

jack frost ********
jack frost snow job ******

isidore ********

kilbey /kennedy
unseen music unheard words ********

steve n russell kilbey
gilt trip ********
gilt trip egyptian register ******

refomation *******
mimesis ********

vincent van go go was in the sauna today
the red painted orange hair
the anxious look
penetrating eyes
trying hard not to sneak a peak
sink into green
green grow the rushes oh
marine green
the sea what does it care
the old swimmermen playing cards
brown in the whitish gloom of the seacloud
toasted muesli with berries
an architects german wife waves to me
an article in paper about these special padded undies
to make womens bums look bigger
selling like hot (bum) cakes apparently
not to be used as a flotation device apparently
can male undies with built in package be far off
i go into bank n talk to a guy about my bank account
hes got an accent but i couldnt pick it
hes quite a nice guy actually
i walked out n paid my exorbitant rent at the p.o.
ooh my bar code is coming loose
i go out n buy a bubble tea
i go home n work on notes for boxset
relistening to my old solo back catalogue
some good n bad in there
talking about including some unreleased stuff with it
from pre-formation n artyfacts boots
gee theres some interesting stuff in there
some of its already up on youtube
you can hear some of it there
yeah my solo career ha ha ha
a seriously badly handled affair
nonetheless
this boxset will make it all available
trying to make the deadline for the notes
trying to get everything done but losing the battle
my friend mich drops over n we go swimming with doodles
the water is warm n green green green
i see bream swimming around in there
i do my 2 yoga sessions
i apply myself diligently
i begin to occasionally transcend n oscillate
my bones feel pleasantly rubbery
i may be old but dont have to feel old
tonite still have to do my 3 month tax doo dah
the kids fight n carry on a bit
i drop mich off in paddington
in a busy street where traffic is building up
mich gets out
and the doodles fight each other to get into the front seat
as one tries to climb in from the back
the other is hitting at her n holding her back
both are appealing to me
DAD I CALLED IT FIRST!
eventually aurora beats down eve n climbs in the seat
talk about oblivious doodles…jesus
i will be co-judging a vegan bake off in feb in newtown
will be playing in lyneham canberra
at a gig that used to be the post office
now its all tree-ey and soy lattes and metrosexuals
no longer the sombre stomping ground of my old bullies
gee how nostalgic will i be….?
anyway
thats it for now
please subscribe generously (if you can)
love
sk

see above

grey day
hoping something will type itself
yeah i believe in heavenly inspiration
do i look naive
it rains off n on
i take the kids for a hot choc then a bubble tea
i suddenly become immune to everything
beauty ugliness anything at all
a friend comes over n we discuss stuff
the afternoon becomes featureless
grey into white
there is no time or temperature
everything becomes still
the inevitable distant barking dog
the lowlevel of bird twitter
how come they never blog tho?
somedays i really feel i am going frigging mad
i get angry
i get confused
oher days are spent in zennish calm
pseudo-zen i should say
or not zen but damn close
but i am a victim of the times
i’m all geed up
i’m all het up
i’m all anxious and got a bad feeling
earthquakes
famines
murders
tragedies
heinous crimes
incredible breathtaking lies
just like it ever was
but in bondi i feel enervated today
more heat threatened tomorrow
drank some more white powder of gold
something happening but what is it?
have got no work done
nothing
not a (soy)sausage
forgive me if you waiting on something here
the weather is heavy
a mist schmist schmog or something
people on the streets amble along
backpackers n blow-ins
colourful clothes etc
oh no another fuckin’ description of bondi
i listen to jon hassell
wonder how people are passing this hot summer night
wonder what the rich people are doing
wonder bout the old geezers in hospital waiting to die
wonder bout the children just been born into this quite ludicrous world
the earth itself is not ludicrous
but the world of men is a hilarious fantastic tragi-comedic fiction
unbelievable like you wouldnt believe
wow!
still i’d keep quiet for one of them nice nice houses
with the shady groves and tranquil pools
i’d keep my trap shut
and i’d hang in my studio
ignoring all emails
ignoring all tv
ignoring all newspapers
i’d write a lovely song
i do my little painting
i hide within my house
never never coming out
oh i can imagine that peace n quiet
on long green days of rain
youd see me in my library
flicking thru some arcane fiddle faddle
i dunno
uninspired like i gotta hex round my neck
or a jinx up my leg or something
heavy weather
heavy days
heavy feeling
the nascent storm just hangs there
will sign off
as
sk
for ttb inc

at 9 a.m. its 90 degrees in my kitchen
at 11 a.m. its 110 on my balcony
incessant merciless heat all around ya
your humble correspondent feels a little irradiated
i have cold showers and for for 5 minutes i freeze a little
you hop out feel good for a second
then it starts
the heat
oh god the heat reminds me i’m an englishman after all
the heat is poisonous and vile
everything glows like dully polished lead
my head throbs with the past
with the claustrophobic feeling of being shut up in here
with being fried alive inside my skull
one million hot days
one million hot nights
the memory recoils
the impressions are superimposed on my consciousness by the past
the past yeah baby the past
the past we cannot get our heads out of
except to poke our beak into the future
the engines heat up
machines heat up to pump out the tepid cold ac
the path’ll burn yer feet mister
you better step into the shade lady
the sun is gonna scorch your almonds
anyway
i’m up to my eyeballs in heat
frittering away my fucking time being as usual
wonder if this?
wonder if that?
i try to take in some details for ya
but the light bangs around in my retinae
bastard weather no good weather evil weather
the clouds gather
but the sun out trumps the storm for a while
we go to the beach
and i drop off family and find a park miles away
as i walk back along the ultra posh and beautiful street
i sing the long n winding road
the houses are just so lovely they fill me with a furious envy
a stupid discontented envy
the houses have such lovely leafy gardens n facing the harbour
fountains pools tennis courts gazebos arbours exotica statues
the houses are the sizes of small hotels
its like a cross between monaco and a hollywood on the sea
every fucking car is either a beemer or jag or merc or lex
sorry i did see a bentley
oh and my falcon of course
who sits in the park waiting for me
my obedient if lowly slave
the falcon has been running well
gee it uses a loada juice if you put the ac on
but it dont heat up like tibor mk1
(yet anyway)
down at the beach
the heat is unbelievable
i sit on a concrete step
and when the sun comes out
its like your skins being peeled off
the doodles n woofle are straight in the water
its very very crowded today
someone was getting married…picked a warm day
imagine dressed up in all that clobber in 110 heat
thats fucking 44 or something in cels
hope the groon doesnt get his wedding tackle overheated
meanwhile i don my swimming cap n goggles
i don my rashie and my earplugs
n i hit the green brine
netted off from the sharky sharks
its a harbour beach not the ocean
i do about half a k
theres soft jellyfish like the fig jelly in bubbletea….hmmmm
have to say nk looked good in her turquoise rashie
the water brings my temp n my anger into check
i go n have a cold shower in the sheds
walk back to car
thru those tantalizing houses
oh they fill me with longing
oh i could truly appreciate living in a nice house the resta my days
sitting out in my brilliant landscaped doo dah sipping a what not
look if there are any millionaires out there
please
buy me a house
its not much to ask for
a nice little mansion of my own with trees pool drive n all the trimmings
a gardener a butler a man at arms
a cook a cleaner and a procurer of naughty things
oh yes wouldnt i be happy
oh i would just stay home in my house
walking from room to cool room
my billiard room
my trophies room (pretty darn empty)
my smoking room
my dining room
my master bedroom with on sweet
my harbour views from the second story treetops
anyway its just a thought
if you ever wanted to buy someone a little p(a)lace
i could be a candidate……couldnt i…..
meanwhile i find tibor 2
we drive home
i do yoga
a little storm comes along
there is some feeling of release
not enough tho
but dark clouds are building up to the south
we hope for a cleansing n thorough downpour
down on us poor
i’m not getting any work done
i’m distracted edgy restless listless
my white powder of gold drink has not worked out for me
ive ordered another brand off the net
andrew hmelnitzky asks to paint moi for the archibald prize
austs biggest portrait comp
have to be a distinguished australian (resident)
wow
imagine if my portrait wins
everyone will recognize me as i buy my fruit n veg at the shop
fuck it could be worse…
but i bet i dont win
i bet no millionaire buys me a bleating house
i bet the big deluge kinda peters out
theres thunder rumblin’ n everything
but i aint got my hopes up
i’m boiling here
i’m cooking alive
i’m sizzling like the bridegroons sausage down the beach
i’m way way way too hot
HOT!

sex
smoke
sea
sand
storm
its a hundred degrees outside
nimbus baby nimbus
the sky glowers
the fuckin’ sun blasts you you wouldnt believe
it radiates thru you like a cosmic ray
drive along with your hundred radio stations
fumes smoke air condition
i work on the past
i write notes for my boxset
i walk to some hot shop n have a tomato sandwich with chips
i read the paper about local celebrities with less talent than shrubs
someone violates my fake roses in the drive
a cockroach shudders as the ants eat it inside out
i am in botany today
yeah near the famous botany bay
toora ra roora ra atali baby
where old cap’n c(r)ook landed
working on the fucking past
thinking about the long gone days of your yore
hot days
big storms
tape recorders
hot bitumen like burn your souls off
in a blue collar blue singlet part of town
i stick twenty dollars in a poker machine n it doesnt blink
i think win win win at machine
but it goes lose lose lose
i drink coffee to stay awake
i am silent in the group
i alone in my head
isolated as usual
a high and lonely destiny said uncle andrew
in my ivory ivied i-mind tower of hours
kilbey
blah blah blah
see you soon
aha