The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

7 20
gee im running late lately
people ask howcome ya get up so early
i dunno
i just do
isnt that a pattern of life
when i was a wee nipper
knee high to a grass hopper
i jumped outta bed at the crack o dawn
then as a teenager n youf
i slept in all day
as a young man i reviled the dawn
and i’d be angry if anyone rang before eleven
now in my twilight years
it seems to behove me to get up nice n early
tap out my foolish blogg
etc etc
yessaday nk says did you see the drunken ant?
sure enuff
a loada ants are up around the cap of the jagermeister
sucking on whatever little crusty stuff they can find there
then a whole bunch staggering around the bottle
and i aint seen em since
i feel sorry for these ants
its cold outside and theyre mopping up in my kitchen
so i aint had the heart to squash em
but anyway
the j meister seems to have slowed em down a little
you can imagine em all staggering back to the queen
queen” what have you brought me, drones???”
ant “well ya shee ya majeshty its like thishhh….”

anyway the ants are all gone
i hope they didnae die of alcoholic poisoning
also i feel bad that some of our german readers
think ive jumped on some rocknroll bandwagon
and started drinkin’ the j meister
as someone said it used to be a drink for grandads
well thats me fiendss
could easily be a grandad
and thats the side of me
enjoying a medicinal nip of an evening
not a billy idle motorbike riding rocker
slurping it down in a l.a. bar

been chucking my cd collection into eye choons
a wearying task
be glad when its over
have not actually “done’ anything yet
since i been home
the thought of that five weeks in the u.s.
making me preternaturally weary
in advance
all those drives n flying
makes me nervous, i can tell ya
so many things to figure out
(how many pairs of socks to take…etc)
im knackered just by thinking of it…
scarlet starting to say dad dad dad
and shes turning out to be quite a drama queen
yessaday as soon as i put her down she started carrying on
seems like she was the queen of sheba in her last life
cos shes gotta bad attitude if everythin’ aint revolvin’ around her
shes got a big head and a big bum
and she had her first go in a high chair yessaday
hardly scintillating stuff is it…?
but thats the thing with babies
no good quoting andre breton or rimbaud to a baby
doesnt matter how cool or educated or hip or whatever
babies dont care
they get angry n sad n ya gotta figger out whats wrong
i say to scarlet
dont lay no boogie woogie on the king of rocknroll
but she doesnt think its funny
she just goes on carrying on
trying to touch my lapptopp even now as i type this to ya
even as we speak
eve and aurora are all caught up in a movie
(or film as we used to say)

called the adventures of shark boy and lava girl
which they watch over n over
and youre not allowed to say aurora hassa crush on sharkboy either
or people start runnin’ around and yellin’

years ago i signed a bad publishing deal
with a greedy crooked swine
20 years later they still ripping me off
so yessaday i tried humanitarian approach
with the company who got me 3rd hand
after greedy crooked swine exited the bizness
this contract is so fucked up
why didnt ya getta lawyer to look at it
i hear yall scream
well, i did
unfortunately it was a lawyer the greedy crooked swine recommended
and guess what?
he was greedy crooked lawyer
cos the deal couldnt have been worse…it was impossible
every clause does the opposite of what it was supposed to do
and they stitched me up for fucking ever
even on pluto
even if i change sex or become a giraffe
they still got me by the ye olde balls
so yessaday i tried humanitarian approach
dear sir
i suffered for 20 years
i got 5 daughters
please let me go…
please….?
pretty please….??!!

i’ll let ya know what happens fiendss
if they dont comply
and im sure they wont
im gonna give ya their email address
and you can petition em for me
with letters like
if you dont let olde sk go
then we the undersigned will think
the music biz is made up of
fat greasy greedy lying smarmy useless bastards
ruthlessly robbing the talent of their dues
while yerselves cant write play or sing
youre parasites on the abilities of others
and you devise legal but immoral ways
of keeping the fairly earned money of yer betters
hiding in bigg corporations
cynically raking in others cash
and figuring out schemes to deprive em of it

signed sks loyal fiend
blah blah blah

i tell ya its true
most of the scum in the bizness are pathetic
the sort you wouldnt speak to twice
if he wasnt holding all the cards n purse strings
i revile em
i think theyre the lowest
and i’ll bite their hands whenever i getta chance
they ARE some good guys
but most are bloodsucking pigs
and
I KID THEE NOT!

anyway
a little bile for brekky, fiendss
im off to the pool to cool down
(it could be under 15…i dont care..bring it on)
surely today is the day
i get some work done
i love ya
sk

yeah yeah
here you are
what took ya so long?
cold morning
at the lapptopp
(obviously)
yessaday the pool was 15.1 degrees
oh to immerse yerself in cold clear salty water
what a feeling of elation after my 20 lapps
no wonder those dolphins are playing around all the time
from the icebergs you can see the whales n dolphins
and it makes me so sad that a couple of despicable crooked countries
are still fuckin’ with the rules
and trying to kill more creatures like this
no one wants it!!
but how do we stop it…
OBVIOUSLY THEYRE NOT TAKING THE WHALES FOR RESEARCH
AND EVEN IF THEY WERE< FUCK EM
COS NEITHER WE NOR THE WHALES NEED ANY RESEARCH
we just gotta sit back and watch these idiots n criminals
harpooning whales, clubbing dolphins n seals etc
this is how things are and have always gone wrong
gone wrong
bad things being done by a greedy stupid powerful few
that are perpertrated on the nice n gentle people n creatures
most of us just wanna live our lives…
always someone bendy bendy with the rules
talks ya into why loadsa badde stuff has to happen
some carnivorous gooseball told me
that
the cows should be thankful that humans breed n slaughter em
“or there wouldnt be so many everywhere”

right on!
thats the kind of self satisfied idiocy that gets things killed
still no one can tell me why all those young men had to die
in europe i1914 1918
but at the time
at the time
fiendsss
i bet they had all kindsa good reasons
youd bee considered a fool or traitor to have argued back
its the same with this whaling bizness
how can ya blast harpoons into something like a whale
and drag it back home
cut its guts open
use bits n pieces
its so obscene
its so inhuman
is that all the fuck that we’re good for
inflicting that kind of agony on creatures like these
they aint fish
theyre probably smarter than everyone reading these words
and sneaky little nasties figger out ways to keep it goin’
greenpeace and the other dudes actually physically opposing it
well
they are the real life heroes
the actual putting their selves on the line guys
cos somebody has to…

in other matters
youll be happy to know ive reached a terrible torpor
a state of inertia fiendss
a la all things work related
not getting anything done
day go by
days go by
suddenly oh…
that was wednesday
and shes gone
and i never asked her why
or anything
you see im badde with schedules n deadlines
they make me lose track of time n probability
my daughter minna says
the thing i hate about school is that theres always this
big looming important assignment causing this constant
feeling of agitation n anxiety in the background…
and as soon as youve done it
theres a new one to do
why does school have to be like that
shes right!
we start piling the anxiety on early
on the kidss
my kids school is real nice
everyone is real nice
the kids are real nice
but ultimately its the system
teaching ya how to cope with
and how to be a cog
in the great machine
let em compete n compare
let em learn whatever we think we know as facts
slowly but surely you got em
they never gonna question the whole shebang
what can ya do?
i dunno
i got no alternatives
the balls rolling now
gonna take someone younger n stronger n smarter n richer
than me
to figure out the way out
i just sing a few songs
write a few bloggs
waste my time in the sun
and the sea
when im gone
be like i almost never was here
and thats that
sk

oohhh naughty boy sk
you slept in you crazy olde rocker
man its already 7 06
yessaday sk walking past ye olde liquor store
was guided by voices to buy a lovely bottle of
jagermeister
(for medicinal purposes)
and it seems the damn stuff has made me sleep in
a herbal liqueur…it must be good for ya right?
jesus that taste
feel like ive been tasting that that for thousands of years
like if youd dropped into some witches place
in the middle of the forest
in the middle of the middle ages
she woulda given ya something like this
to warm the cockles of yer heart
black thick bitter stuff
mmm-mmmm
nk says whatcha doin’ drinkin liquor in the afternoon?
i say its ok, its herbal…
jonny z drops around
he has some too
its ok its herbal….
more after dinner
(a soy cheese pizza from the lil gourmet pizza shop!)
its ok its herbal
and a spliff
its ok its herbal too
then your humble bumpkin
has a last look thru yonder emails
uh oh
seems i have an interview tuesday nite
but….thats tonite
summoning george the 007 of taxi drivers
who arrives dead on the money
he delivers your slightly worse fer wear hero
to 2 ser in downtown syddley
on the 26 floor of some scraper
(sk hates elevators)
i arrive miraculously on time
and stroll into an interview
with john e.
whos playing chruch vinyl singles
and getting me to comment on em
well with the jagermeister and herbal auxillary
yer humble hippy foole waxes loquaciously
fer an hour on all things primitive chruchy
weird to see them little black singles goin round
after a few months in eye choons land
she never said our first single…what a giggle
then sisters n tear it all away….turning into ourselves at last
blah blah blah
talking about the olde daze
what happened to richie ploog
hes a gardener
etc etc
ole sk waltzes off into the good night
blow me down if george the 007 of all taxi drivers
aint waitin’ out the front
what service
and a scintillating conversation about men n women too
george, as some great sage once said,
love is a battlefield
its never gonna be exactly how ya want it
thats the obstacle course, fiendss
men n women
part of the obstacle course
you’ll get yer chance to play all the parts
look at me surrounded by women
a lone male voice in a house full of female jive
would i want it any other way?
hell no
but sometimes i wish there was occaisionally another bloke
so i could say
didja just hear that?
here have another jagermeister..
its ok, its herbal….
speaking of women
the doodles have escaped the liftoff velocity of their warm beds
and are roaming about now
getting into trouble
new colouring books
and markers ready
i guess thats probably the end of it then
today…swimming
(getting cold in yon poole fiendss
can ya dig 16 degrees for half n hour)
gotta sort out my messy studio room
its disgustin
an explosion of receipts, cd’s, paints, pastels paper
guitar cases, books etc
cant even move in there now
must get some painting in
commissions to finish…
wonder how the jagermeister is for brekky…?
dont worry, its herbal….
sk

gooday fiendss
saw johnny cash movie last nite
still dont know much about johnny cash tho
i dont even know what drugs he was taking by the bucketload
and i aint ever seen a dealer of any drugs
who carries his stash around in a big rolled up hankerchief
like your mum’d do for you for school
and ikept thinkin’ johnny cash was gonna change into that badde emperor
maximum nastiuss
he was in dat other big movie
(which i didnt mind)
i dunno
it seemed so awfully faked
why spend 10 billion dollars
on making a film
then have them mime the songs
actually the dialogue on most holiwood films
its lip synched
recorded n dubbed in later
by actors watching themselves and trying to match it up…
they dont record the sound usually when they film
or if they do they hardly ever use it…
all the sounds you hear.the cars the cities the crickets
the guns and hands knocking at door
are done later
does this contribute
an olde smarte arse like mee wonders
does this contribute
to most films inability to transcend
suspend yer diss-belief
theres bradley pitt-stoppe
up on the big screen
hes temporary just like achilles
no expense has been spared
theyve spent more on this scene
than the city of sydney makes in parking fines in a year
(shame ! shame! shame!)
the citadels a’burnin’
the evil-doers are a’writhin’
the damsels are a”kissin’ n a’cuddlin’
we zoom right in on his lips as he whispers
his final doomed desolate words…
and jesus christ!
the man is a poofteenth of a second
behind his dialoggy
and then it shakes the jaffas rite outta yer packet
that the words you were hearing
were uttered by yon achilles pitt
in the gold star studio, la
probably clutchin’ a starbucks
n joshing with the other guys
i dunno
they shatter an already frail illusion
and they treat us like chumps
steven and kilbey give walk the line
a big thumb upndown motion

on sunnaday
i went to see first screening of davey c s
movie overboard
which i did some “music” for
its a lovely horrible film
put me off houseboating(!?) forever
sustained anxiety
aust gothic
i dunno
watch out for it somewhere soon

got 5 dvds werth of jacques froste
from donaldo bee in ye olde middle or is it albert park?
some leafy european suburb of melbourne
living the high life no doubt…..
strange to see that goes without saying…
grant distancing himself hilariously
from my stupid behaviour
on the “set” of our video for t t i w o u
get that reefer away from me
the beleaguered grant mutters
and then complaining about my gold glittery guitar strap
and then backstage in boston or somewhere
in 1991
grants explosive laugh
his everpresent black top
with the little silver zip on the collar
his scornful n withering looks
when the local guys are layin’ it on too thick
some live footage of us in paddington
the nite we squabbled with eddie keupper
about who was goin’ on last
ok you say
whatta cliche rocknroll squabble
no but ya see
me n grant wanted to go on before smilin’ ed
because it was our second gig ever
and ed had a drummer
and they were really good…
but ed smelled a rat
and didnae wanna play after us
cos he wassa stickler for detail
and ye olde contract said before jack frost
and thats how he wanted it
(fair enuff too)
anyway there we are
strummin’ away
havin’ a bit of a laugh
cos i loved playing live with ‘im
anyway
im gonna try
possibly with db s helpman
to make ye olde doco/roco from footage
and handage

lookin at my tour schedule sometimes gloomily
all that travel
all those miles hurtlin’ along in metal
in the air
on the ground
all the fuckin’ argy-bargy
all the disappointments n successes
all the waiting around
all the airport metaldetectors messin’ up my etheric double
all the we need you to fill in this cardn yer rooms not ready yet s
i know
i know
stop complaining
some of us got real jobs
touring is anxiety for me
meeting a load a people
who already think your
a prophet
or
a prick
and im both n im neither
and i hate being rude
but usually am
and i want it to be goode every nite
and i feel rotten for both our sakes
when it doesnae happen
sometimes it just doesnae happen
thats a fact
how can you explain that
and then in other
totally unlikely places
it explodes into a ball of fury n energy
and if you think it aint gonna rock cos we’re accoustic
come n give me my money back guarantee
this is pure rock
unsurrounded by the noise
like waterskiing in bare feet
or parachuting without the chute
or bullfighting without the bullshit
insert own sporting cliche here
anyway
back to my anxious complaining
and i know some of you have real hard backbreaking gigs to do
dont you?
do you?
but its a glorious 2 hours
surrounded by 22 other hours of rigmarole
driving in vans
finding yer way in sellersville pa
or oogamalooga in wa
turn right there pete
oh no
now were on the freeway to the airport again
we just by passed nyc completely
and the gig started a half hour ago
and i aint had my vegan ice cream with nondairy chocalate
lashings of toffuti tutti n eggplant soy shakes
i aint checked into my 3 and a quarter stars hotel
you know the one next to the black hole of a construction pit
where the noise starts at 6 30
but that dont matter
cos yer getting up at 5 30 to start driving n flying
to nexttown
and yer cant get yer suitcase closed
and theyve charged you a million bucks to call home
and the others have already had brekky and wanna go
or youre sittin on the bus packed n ready to go
while theyre all asleep in their beddies
do we do instores?
i hate em
no surprise
do they do any goode?
how the hell would i know?
it aint all dancing on clouds
not asking for sympathy fiendss
jus’ givin ya a lil insight…
kilbey n.bondi 2006

good morning you lot
its 7 am on monday morning here
its cold n grey with a little blue showin thru
yessaday i got some stuff in the mail
from some people on here
cst coach wry-un
wow he sends me some magazines he writes for
in which he undertakes gruelling journeys
thru deserts n mountains
and lives to tell the tale and writes about it!
druid, im impressed ok
and thanks for the vid too
im gonna check it out too
you are hereby made duke of all the deserts
(i’ll take the desserts)
in kilbey land
i been walking thru the desert
no it musta been the library..

another thanks to mr wil-o
for sending the far out corporation
which i never heard before
grants record with ian from peefinger
(only listened once but its real good)
arise lord wil-o , all you see before you is now yours
i decree it
and let nunn stand in thy way
mr mem
thanks for this weird book, my brother
hmmmm a book about bachs last days with
freddy the great of russia and its a true story
evening in the palace of reason
now sir mem, lord of the northern wastes
forever a prince among men
and editor of a very weird little mag
(sk occaisional contributor too)
mem, what is that mag called?
how can people on here getta copy?
its gonna be right up yer alleys fiendss
i assure ya
and cheers to yer brother the brainey man
stay off the hard stuff mister!
ok
ok
what more
polinski the iconoclastic one
sent me some rare ambient gear
(our shared passion)
AND
talked me thru how to get mp3s into my eye choons
not once
not twice
but 3 times
without losing temper
or sneering at my complete ineptitude
eg
polinski: now click on the arrow
sk : cant i arrow on the click?
polinski: open that file
sk:what file?
polinski : the one ya just clicked on
sk: my screens gone black, is this normal
polinski: is yer computer turned on..
sk; damn, i was doing it to the karoake machine…
etc etc
much merriment ensues
thanks polinski
now i got bahn bahn bahn of the autobahn
going well with my slightly germanic phase
(oh sk loves germany in summer too
wish i was at picnic with manfred n fandorin n carlo
no snakes, no spiders
just lederhausen)
and finally
a copy of vegan voice
with a note from editor handwritten too!!
now this is quite funny
you see id been doing the interviews in parts
over a long period
and in the beginning of the interview
my answers were short n straight
a little unimaginitive i guess
i wassa in ye olde cafe at that stage…
and i hate typing…
anyway 2/3 rds the way thru
the thing
one day i show up at caf
have smoked a little whippet thin spliff
of p n p s finest
ready to become “olde sk”
when malfunktion on bloggy
no can work
so i roam thru my emails
frustrated….hmmmm? whats this
more questions for vegan voive eh???
so instead of getting curt quick steve kilbey
they now gotta sk on the line
going on about this n that
(how i communicate with animals among other things)
all in blogg speak
the lovely interviewer writes back
love yer answers man
but we gonna have to unversify them
itll take up too much room to print em that way
so there i am a right nutcase blathering on
in free prose about the horrors of meaty things
get the article and spot the point
where i change from one into the other
and fuck
i feel guilty about any cheesey or yoghurty
i had in europa
folks
i wassa fucking hungry….alright!?
you try being a fuckin vegan in espagna
yeah yeah
i know merrick
youd never eat cheesey even if you were droppin’
but the show must go on….doesnt it?
who said it did?
i dunno
but if it took a little thing of yoghurt and some white widow
to get me onstage in bilbao…so be it
otherwise it was a plate of runner beans and broccoli
i need a little more than that
but im back to my veganism now
and should hopefully be able to maintain in u.s.
where you CAN get veg food
specially in cally fornya
wow
we’re hitting some strange places on this tour
florida etc
arizona….in july…who booked this tour???
oh yeah i bet those cool breezes blowin down mainstreet in july
the death valley theatre should be a good gig too
then down to tex arse
better learn texas moon
hope no cowboy gonna blow me away fer mah auntie guns stance
oops sorry no denver folks
seems i forgot to pay for my packet of cashews from the mini bar
and the colourado copps are trackin me down…
no boston…ooops…and just when lord belfrank has moved there…!
i hear gw refused to let us gig in d.c.
damn
i know dick n donald are digging ultc too
nevermind
cleveland ulp!!
they never liked us there even when we were bigg??!!
but an easy drive for ms eeky i guess
new york city
alrighty wow
will i get to meet k the g
will jay dee be there?
will i go downtown and visit my mates in the lockup??
will i get my hands around the neck
of the little prick who went outta bizness without
paying the chruch their royalties
(he knows who he is…and dude….i WILL!!!)
god
nk just tells me its 55 degrees in this kitchen
or 13 in celcius
no wonder mah teeth are a chatterin’ and mah feet are a’freezin’
baby bumper is quite snotty and has been snoring all night
man
we try to pretend winter doesnae exist in sydney
but let me tell ya
ive never been this cold inside in sweden
a pale sun sticks out its bleary head
it couldnt warm up a paper bag
oh oh
must end bloggy now before i freeze over
but im still gonna hit that pool fiendss
and then im gonna hit that sauna
and then im gonna hit mah messy studio
an get some work done
love on ya
fr’ever
sk

you wanna know what it is like to be me?
i know
i know
why would you wanna
its a presumptuous question
but sometimes,
i know i do,
sometimes wouldnt ya give everything
just to be someone else just for 10 minutes
just to get a break from the guy in here
youre so sick of
just check out somebody else view
whats it like thru other eyes for a change
you know what
you never really gonna find out
thats not the answer you were hoping for
maybe you wished somehow
on this blog by some olde singer
there could be a technique for mind transference
i wish i could say you were right
i wish i could say then imagine this
its exactly 5.27 am
its cold
youre sitting in your kitchen with a woolly hat
hunched over a laptop
typing this too who are you?
are you imagining hard enough?
i dont feel the tiny push of your intrusion
into my life at all
take a swig of pitta tea with m. honey
cold hands
one finger typist
hunched over
shoulders startin’ to complain
thats how ya did it last time hisses your left shouder
and im next joins in the right
gulp more tea
youve made two cups cos youre gonna need it
dawn is a lovely time
remember when the thought of dawn made you cower
the horrible sick dawn arriving?
poor dawn, knockin’ at yer door
steven she says in some germanic accent
open the dooor I am here!!
and you know you cant keep this lady out any longer
so you pull something on
race downstairs
peer thru the little hole
oh its dawn alright
one of your voices says
well she floods into the place
and there you are
all alone baybee
the radiators whirr and bubble
dawn goes up the stairs
out on the balcony
pull those curtains
but shes still standing out there
sleep closes its doors
you bang on sleeps doors
hoping to be readmitted
when a very angry man pops his head out
and says
dont let me see you before about 10 oclock tonite!
why do i have to wait
you/i wail
i mean it he says
now scram!

open the curtains
ok
dawn steps back in
somehow suddenly older
not radiant and golden
but grey and timid
and while you were trying to get into sleep
she stood there patiently withering
as though she just needed
a fix of aknowledgement by you
to keep her held
although today is sunday
a bad day to feel bad
more tea
cold empty beach day
car parks empty days
foggy quiet day
mr winter i dont like you anymore
mr winter youre makin’ me sadlook around the wallls
pictures of tori amos jostle buddhas n ganesha statues
masks stare down from walls with peeling white paint
everwhere bulging with mail, scissors, pens, bills, potplants
bowloffruit, vases with real n fake flowers
thermometer n ghetto blaster
a bamboo plant that needs a serious haircut
a few weary ants up early on their shift
to locate and transport
any food lying around
books, cds, a wooden parrot on a stick
are you here with me now
i dont know
is that you
or just mr winter
chilling me down to the bone
here its still dark actually
6 oclock nearly and still dark
both cups of tea gone
my typing hand n finger
are especially cold n distant
the shoulders start complaining again
its enough already they say
finish it now
and
blame it on us!

the bottle contained one message
and the messsage was help
neuman glumly drained its contents nevertheless
he was out drinkin’ with his good buddies
steve kilby and aleistair crowly
the bar was almost empty
neuman was drinkin’ beer
kilby was drinkin’ something black n bitter
crowly was drinkin’ a grant mclennan ice tea
which was basically every white spirit plus some juice or tea
or something
rudy its getting kinda late for me said kilby buttoning up his coat
whats the matter with you man said neuman
youre getting old man thats the problem
crowly ignored them
he was watching the couple in the corner
kissing n drinking n laughing
he was conceiving a little plan
a little surprie if you like
it was great to be alive again after all this time
all thanks to these 2 rascals neuman n kilby
things were like that in the future he thought
i need a familiar….
neuman was swearing and drinking furiously
every small thing that came up on the multi-screen
caused a torrent of abuse
oh for fucks sake he raged at the screen
whos that? kilby asked genuinely puzzled
its the new german minister for dreams
what? said kilby
he says we’re on a yellow dream alert right now
oh wait, moving up to red at midnight, tonight, in fact
kilby shot the clock on the wall behind the bar a lightning glance
sure enough it was five to twelve
rudy how long back to my hotel?
what you frightened off man neuman slurred n sneered
pinch yourself are you awake?
crowly was repeating something to himself
just under his breath
it sounded like a prayer…or a spell
jesus you two worry me sometimes kilby complained
leaf him alone said neuman
let him do his fucking thing
the outside which was no longer outside
came in
it seemed like there were some monkeys
and some merchant seamen
a fight broke out
neuman whipped out his syllable gun
a bottle broke across crowlys head
the place had suddenly erupted
neumans gun went off
kilby clutched his chest
oh rudy oh look what ya did…
its only a dream
its only a dream
neuman shook the limp form
wake up
wake up
WAKE UP!!!
the pain subsided in kilbys heart
everything became clear
everything became bright
a great calmness pervaded there
neumans handsome face came into focus
ha ha
almost believed you were gone man
but rudy you just shot me…..kilby gasped
whats going on here..?
crowlys leonine face hovered over the prostrate bassist
hey stephen you brought me back
i brought you back …right?
but al, is it true all the stuff those commenters said about ya on mah blogg?
well im sorry sir but i dont read your blog
but…?
and what if….?
and then you see that……?
the whole fucking world doesnt revolve around your blog, kilby, said neuman
but rudy you just shot me here on my own blog
and howcome youre spelling our names incorrectly sir? accused al
come on man
its just a blog
get ovfer it whispers neuman up close
where im laying on the ground
in this bar in this dream
in this blog
i can smell the aftershave and his beery breath
i can reach up and grasp his strong tanned hand
any way says al
thanks n goodbye
just like that says neuman
can you believe that fucking guy?

neumann sat in his observation module
fingering the velvet frost he had bought from zeitgeist
zeitgeist was a discoteque/biblioteque/boutique
in the old town in actionstrasse
the sky was red and torn and tattered
a cold winters day staggered to an end
in the streets urchins were peddling angelfruit
the moon was too scared to show itself
so everyone crept in the shadowy fog
slo mo
lo key
neumanns latest gig was filming some secret bullshit
he was bored by the assignment
he met his girlfriend hilda at the nietzche cafe
rudy theyve changed the menu she said
huh ? said neumann who was still in undazzling mode
i thought meat was outlawed last year by the e.u.
neumann checks the menu
cannibal burgers
sure enough, the “carni-vore”
could contain meat products
cmon he pulls the girls arm
we’re leaving
outside cologne is cold and bitter
rudy, what does it all mean
neumann reaches into his pocket
the syllable gun snug against thigh
in case theres a war of words
raining droning coming down
a taxi pulls up
someone watches from a window in a flat
too much undazzling for neumann
when they get back to hildis flat
he stumbles in and stretches out on the floor
in shivasana
hildi pours them both a black liqueur
made from belladonna and sage
and wormwood flowers
the rain turns to sleet
she holds his heavy blond head in her hands
want some music, rudy she says
yeah if you like said the ageing spy
back with two beasts she says
neumann settles back
as the first notes of snowfaller begin
the first snow of the winter
adhered briefly and then melted on the window
there were some big fish to fry somewhere
neumann found it hard to relax
the girl used the spellman technique
on his third eye
neumann fell into a hypnagogic slump
dreambeings walked past him in the streets
the factories in the distance kling klang in time
the cars in the underpass swelling like a schoool of fish
the changing lights, the flickering signs, the reflected glare
the computers that were out there computing
the measurers all a’measurin’
neumanns head spun with the sudden enormity of it
all
do you like that rudy? came the girls voice
from very far away
stills of locations
coded numbers
exchanges
translations back into english like this one
take it easssy baybee he barely whispered
the speeding porsches and fords coating the night with white noise
one by one the lights go out in apartments
everything still
thats all…

a hundred levels down
enter name here
TIMEBEING
enter password here
*******
WELCOME Mr Steven J Kilbey
you are authorised to enter
please enter search word here
MEMORIES
please enter year
ALL YEARS
all memories at once?
YES
not recommended
CONTINUE

crabs crawl from rockpools at coffs harbour
we are on holiday
dads kindly warm presence/aftershave/ cigarettes
mum still very young /pretty dress
the car park on a cliff
what am i thinking?
blue idyllic 1950s sky
limpets and sea snails
bless this day, my lord
the green sea still chilly in early spring
but the yellow sun is warmer
younger than now
shines softer on our skin
come on then steven,
dad wants to get at least half way there before we stop
the backseat of the morris major
troubled sky
rain skates down the back window
i kneel and watch the miles disappear
we stop at motel
check in stuffy room but nice smell
i play outside in twilight
the motel owner has got shells everywhere
his wife is a practicing witch
there are pagan symbols everywhere
as well
the bush is still teaming with animals
the night is teaming with stars
lock onto feeling
cant be felt any more
all the details to be captured
blur without maximum focus
which is only possible for tiny bursts
in the sandy shelly garden
i produce my soldiers
who will fight it out here on this deserty landscape
other stuff is flying around though
a recurring nightmare
to have to contain in
to have to have all this stuff undercontrol
but it was impossible to do
even after i slaved at it inside ten minute dreams
that went on for literally ever
blue shadows of the night on sand
come on son
its getting dark
the open door to the room
dad outside smoking in the dark
our car reassuringly outside the window
much easier than a bloody hotel, innit? says dad
we all smile and feel modern
its great to share these little breakthroughs
just the 3 of us
im pretty excited
im sleeping in a campbed in the close darkness
at the foot of their bed
the people have left us biscuits in little plastic packages
and a little jug of milk in the fridge
tonight the nightmare cant find me
the bush sounds surround the cabin
everything closes down around me
this is a significant moment apparently
its nearly 8 oclock here now
where i “really” am
a constant stream of personality bytes
receiving and sending out meanlingless messages
important data
running checks
improving upgrading
sweeeping low over salty lakes watching for flashes below
anything you like
thats the problem
and thats the cure too
have a nicean day, fiendss
me

circle
procession
the water nearby, waiting
another moses in the bullrushes
moon obscures itself
secret pieces
long years in slavery
priestess of snake cult
lions restlessly pace
a tatoo, faded to a blue blur
faltering lamplight
it all moves around again
voices in our head
language , ciphers, signals
trained in the white arts
useless attempt at definition
more and more
we will move closer
the red giants
the black dwarfs
meridian is calculated
the only and painful way
your masters chains
garden light
the early and last stars
figures repeated for our benefit
how could we get it so wrong?
the waves begin
their amplitude has been underestimated
now the truth will sink in
we are going under
and after everything
now this
have the gods noticed?
motion in temple
ganesha crying milktears
vishnu crying moontears
ra crying suntears
every god will weep
but none may stretch out their hand
conquerors conquered
its all going down to the bottom
they play the anthem one more time
our brave men and woman
solemn against the sky
more waves breaching the shore
and inland
monkeys scramble up
lizards twitch in the hazy sunlight
countryside with farms, observatories
domes, libraries, statues, fountains
wells, horses, exotic birds
something unexpected is about to occur
running out of steam
the island shifts
buildings come down
the sea opens its mouth
boats go down into green chasm
nothing left
glassy calm
strange objects float
potted plants
some ceramic retorts
things rise up
but sink back down
here she lies
deep and cold now
never far from our mind