The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

weird day
i started off by arguing with aurora cos she didnt wanna come to beach
then on way to rehearse at music con
nk rang to say her grandmother had died
which was quite awful although we knew it was coming
marie was quite a lady
they dont make that model anymore
she’d take me on anyday
if she didnt agree she told ya so
she was devoted to the doodles being their great grandmother
irreplaceable person
great loss
sad day
at the con things were underway
im sorry to say the show will be excellent
sorry because i guess if i was gonna bitch n moan
it might be more interesting than my gushing praise
however
i must say that everyone involved was quite excellent
missy higgins was there
of course you may remember i wrote something uncomplimentary
about her once in the cafe days
her song came on the system and it pissed me off
how dare someone have their song on the radio
when im trying to write a blog??!
anyway i didnt character assassinate her or anything
just something churlish like “gurly” or something
so i felt guilty, try n avoid her all day
and then they run the show
highlights from this performance
dan kelly a lovely man
does a wonderful version of ive been moved
just very very nice.
the drones….wow!
right on my wavelength
a ripping intense powerful totally convincing performance
i instantly fell in love with these guys and gal
honestly, i reckon you lot might like this
i didnt know much about em
they tour europe n u.s.
they are the real deal
scintillating raw power
watch out for em!
clare bowditch
a big redheaded lady with finger pickin nylon string
she played and sang like an angel
kinda countryish…not my style but wow! shes good!
paul kelly himself the organizer
you guys know i like kelso
again, not what i do but
hes real good at his own thing
and hes himself
then of course
missy was very very very good
i feel like a real real real fool
why do i always do that?
anyway
steve kilbey
yeah he was ok
anyway
i ask guy in band for lift home
im standing there talking to drones
when someone taps me
its missy who i still aint spoken to
hi she says
im driving you home….
well thats how my life is
i wrote some petty nasty thing
now she turns out to be gracious, talented
and giving me a lift home
she knows theres something going on with me
but shes very quiet
i know she sang milky way so she knows who i “am”
we also give paul kelly a lift to coogee beach
we talk about grant and sad songs and dave mccomb
when paul jumps out of the car
i am compelled to admit to missy
that i had written some nasty things about her
she accepts this quite matter of factly
but its weird
but although i am prejudiced envious and stupid
i have also learned to admit my mistakes
i am not obstinate
when i see something good
i dont go on saying its bad and vice versa
i apologise
i tell her she has the x-factor
(in spades)
ok she says
well i got it off my chest
seems she sometimes lives near me here in n bondi
alright
im gonna learn my lesson
how long before fate
has me round nicole n keiths for dinner
and me having to own up to my misdeeds
and they may not be as nice as missy about it neither
no more slagging anyone else off ever
muse : yeah, sure……i bet
no, i’m determined
you never know
when ya gotta eat crow
now
i gotta go
tomorrow
more kev
to follow
state theatre a go go!!

i knew itd turn up sooner or fucking later
that stupid video for un mo on you tube
watch it and weep my fiendss
it was 1980
i came up with un mo
the littlebigshot who “discovered” us
decided we shood do a video
oh great i think
i got some ideas
oh no
oh horror of horrors
the idiot hires an advertising idiot
called french
a right little prick
a supercilious little ponce
a chubby poofy makeup wearing wally
who used to get in “scuffles” in niteclubs
maybe he was great for hairspray commercials
but this turkey ruined mah fucking song bigtime
what a silly little bastard
he said we would be like colours wandering round in a blurry void
i would be number one in grey
i’d meet up with pk dressed in lincoln green
then mwp dressed in pale blue baggy clothes(huh!!!)
then nick nigel murray ward dressed in black
yeah frenchie said
it was the story of a band getting together
picking people up one by one
did he fucking listen to anything i said?
after all it was my song
my first video
etc
nope
this cecil b d imbecile
marched us round kings cross in middle of day
in brutal aussie summer
we all savagely sunburnt within one hour
a man with a very hairy back pushed us around
literally shoving us into the scenes we were reluctant to be in
the whole crew treated us with scorn n derision
including an idiot who said “travelling”
when asked to do something….
then we went into studio next day
i screamed n cursed when they stuck make up on my sunburnt face
in fact i gotta doctors certificate
to say i couldnt play gig next night on account my red burnt face
then frenchie
proceeded to shoot his masterpiece
including abba like shots
and dry ice
and queen like harmony singing etc
the video is a fucking travesty
watch it to see what i was up against
he managed to make us look ugly
when we were in fact very glamourous at that time
when i saw this video
i went bananas
i wanted to kill the ignorant snobby self satisfied little prick
you shouldnt judge a book by its cover
but in this case
what ya saw was what ya got
a huge empty talentless fraud
i threatened everyone involved
i would walk away from the band n record co etc
if this abortion ever got aired
i was absolutely livid
it contained every 80s cliche n then some
he was nipping my career in its bud
if people ever saw this tripe….
i honestly threw my stupid weight around enough
screaming n pleading for em to destroy it
emi: but we spent blah blah thousand on it…
me: (screaming) never never never let this be seen
DO YOU UNDERSTAND????
in the end everyone agreed
after all rubbish is rubbish
and this was plainly rubbish of a very low calibre
so i succeeded in having it squashed n quashed
and that woulda been the end of it
cos shortly after we kicked murray-ward out
got ploogy in
and did a great vid for un mo
but it was too late
our first big hit had no vid
cos by the time the new one was ready
un mo was droppin’ outta ye olde charties
but
but
one stupid thick plank at emi
(no shortage of these)
thought hed do us a favour
and leaked it onto a few shows
that he thought the killer’d never find out about
periodically thru the eighties
youd hear the explosions in rozelle
when i found out that it was out there
i tried to round em all up
i even went into emi
forced open a cupboard in fronta a horrified secretary
and jumped up n down on some i found there(she had denied it!)
and deleriously ripped up a buncha stills from the shoot
but it survived
finally in about 1988
the first vid jukeboxes were appearing
one had un mo on it
we paid our money and…
OH FUCKING NO NO NO
I DONT BELIEVE IT!
ITS THE FORBIDDEN VERSION…….!
i chucked my last and greatest william over it…
then
fuck it!
i’d done what i could
to purge the world of frenchs monstrosity
now i see the things on you tube
go ahead
watch it!
truly grokk what a bloke like me
was up against:
clueless useless ad execs ruining my songs
knuckleheads in record cos
lying secretaries
nick nigel murray ward
men with hairy fucking backs pushing me round
and
THE EIGHTIES
a decade of pure swill!

i produced a record for kev carmody
about a long time ago in the naughty nineties
images and illusions
yep
thats me n polinski n a whole load of others
we did it
kev is an aboriginal (i hate that word) singer songwriter
he got me in cos he read an i/view
with me
in my usual fashion
slinging off against the music biz
and he could detect a kindred outlaw spirit
anyway
its a lovely record
you should try to hear it
some very very cool stuff on here
kev n i got on well
he was every nice thing you can imagine about a bloke
and then some
unfortunately i was on the gear
which meant i didnt do as well
as when i wasnt on the gear
the gear preoccupied me
and i seemed to squeeze the rest of my life around it
including even work
and stuff
i couldnt work sick
but when i was stoned i was detached, not fully there
anyway i got invited to sing on a kev tribute record
i did images of london
i did it my way
i like it
people liked it
kev was surprised by it but loved it (apparently)
today
im sitting home
nk to take doodles to afternoon movie
but i stay home with woofle
whos much to naughty to take to movies
so i read paper
oh kev carmody starts thursday nite…
THURSDAY NITE…….!
uh oh i better check my emails
oh im rehearsing at….200 today…!
oh not so popular with girls now
oh no that had been looking forward to see film
but im not rehearsing tomorrow i say
we wanted to go today! they all say
damn!
must get it together
rush off
to
sydney conserve a tori um of muusic
where i get there with 2 mins to spare
huge huge huge place
hey i didnt need all this bullshit to learn the bass
n singin’ n writin’ n producin’….
muse: this place is for real musicians, you goose
oh
yes
youre right
i wander around this complex
lost
a musician lost in a music mega joint
finally some toffy violinst shows me to the kev rehearsal
a nice theatre thingy
they got a loada sharp young hired guns
and theyre rehearsing
my version of images of london
i know a few olde roadies there
i wish i could do you guys again, killer one says sadly
so do i i say knowing we couldnae afford him any longa
he does these big shows now
but he still has soft spot for los churchos
its not anything else except i just love your music he says
nice to know hes mixing me on thurs n fri i thinks to meself
anyway
i sing this song with the band
theyre total pros
the re-produce it perfectly
the md is the keyboards player has the whole thing down pat
he cues the other players like a conductor and runs the show
the players are excellent
versatile
non argumentative
they play exactly the right thing
the sound in theatre is perfect
its being filmed for a doco
we run thru it 3 times
each time more perfect than before
i tell the musicians to loosen up if they like
and they improve on the song even more
we finish up
im extremely happy
i talk to the director of kevs show
it will incorporate a lot more than just guys singin’
i saw some stuff today…bigger than ben hur
have ya gotcha tickets?
will anyone in the crowd be rooting for me?
anyhow then did intaview
about kev n our record
i dont know much about him really
i only ever did this one thing
i dont know if he knew i was on the gear
or if he thought i was just another strange producer
i never really connected with him
but
i never really connected with anyone when i was on dope
still a good record despite that
i learnt a bit about prejudice and tolerance
hanging around with kev
he invited me to go walking with him n his mates
in nth qld
me? i asked
yeah! said kev
your mates wont fucking like a bloke like me i say
yeah they will he said
of course i couldnt go walkabout in the desert
when i had a 300 buck a day habit…
from his perspective i saw what i hadnt thought about before
the gross gross gross injustices
kev was beaten not long before we started on our record
3 fucking idiots broke into his house a beat him
his head is bleeding from these wounds
in what became the albums cover
all the stuff that happened to him
taken away from his mother during fifties
to go to missionary schools to re-educate him into
the white mans hell
his mum would try n hide him n his brother
but the bastards’d find em n drag em off
they only could live with parents in brief holidays
the govt thought they were doing em a favour
stamping out their culture…
this is one of the stolen generations
despite this
and a million other knocks
kev was a lovely gentle geezer, a real gentleman
im looking forward to it on thurs n fri
state theatre sydney baybee
cannot buy my soul
right on!

good good morning
im sitting here with
eve kilbey
and aurora kilbey
and scarlet kilbey
its sunday morning
good morning doodles
a + e: good morning dad
how are you doodles today?
e: good
a: cmon….can we have an interview
so…..how are school holidays?
a: great…gettaway from school…
e: theyre terrific!
how are you guys liking the northern lights book?
a : its really good …its got my name in it
e: pretty good
scarlet talking about her bears which she calls beers
scarlet calls ice blocks bock-ocks
scarlet calls ice creams deems
scarlet calls planes bains
scarlet did her first wee wee in the potty yesterday
(hosanna hosanna, hallelujah !)
the weather here is….
a: what i would call cloudy
e: it could rain….
sorry doodles
i gotta go to work again today…..
a: what?
do you hafta go to work
you went to work yesterday
e: can you have a time off from work?
what did you doodles hope to do today?
e: go for a swim
a: i dunno…have some fun…
if i was from another planet…could you doodles
tell me what fun is…?
a: well fun is a goodtime n being up to mischief…sorta
e: lemme think….no no…i need to hold my tongue….
hmmmm woofle doesnt say much….
scarlet: dad car beer doodle be baa bow deem bear beer
doodles…would you rather be boys???
a: no…thats my final word
(scarlet demands a bock-ock)
bock-ocks for breakfast….nanna joyce wouldnt like that..
we didnae have bock-ocks for breakfast …
scarlet: ooh ohh i gotta bock-ock…!
scarlet offers bock-ock to daddy
hey doodles…wheres mummy-o?
a: easy …shes sleepin’
doodles..who you like best…me or mummy-o?
a: would you not ask me that question…its hard to choose
e: both
(what a cop-out!)
doodles, what instrument would ya like to play?
a: drums…no no..i mean…i dunno..maybe …shakes head
e: drums
ok
what job would ya hate to have?
a: working in an office definitely all the way
e: in a little office…theres more…for ten hours
come home at ten at night…..uh huh
doodles, would ya like to rock n roll?
a: what does that mean?
e: uh….not really…actually kind of
a: what does that mean?
doodles, dont ya know what rocknroll is?
a: uh i guess its a noisy band but sorta a little famous..or a lot
e: um big loud band that blows yer ears out
scarlet sucks on her bock-ock thoughtfully
i cant believe i let em have bock-ocks for breakfast
hmmmm…anything else youd like to say
a: uhhhh…i dunno..
like to play a game of cluedo?
(i shake my head)
e: i could play a game of cluedo….
eve is a beautiful child like a young sophia loren
chestnut wavy hair with hints of blonde and auburn
my daughters are my wealth i guess
doodles, have you seen yer big sisters lately?
e: no…
not interested in em?
e: theyre not really interested in us….
the doodles n woofle become bored n wander off
its a cool grey sunday morning
ive not had much sleep
but it seems i dont need much sleep or food these days
a; i aint had much sleep either…im gonna make my own blog, dad
she starts drawing on some cardboard…
eve reads a book to scarlet
a: who invented the computer…?
they shoulda put it in alphabetical order…
meanwhile
its very very quiet out there
sensible people sleep in…eg nk still asleep
but little kids n olde rockers are awake
been writing in studio with band
oh my ears are ringing…
i feel hungry and nauseous
i feel tired but not sleepy
in just another 4 hours i’ll be rocking again
scarlet runs round trying to get people to read her a book
aurora brown eyes
eve hazel eyes
scarlet pale blue eyes
daddy grey eyes
mummy closed eyes
birds call out there
sydneys eastern subs slumber on
people wakin’ up next to strangers… (shudder)
they think uh oh what have i done…?
i like this part of being a fambley manne
sunday morning….no regrets…easy
constantly surrounded by attractive young females
lucky daddy boy
lucky olde rocker
lucky doodles n woofle w/ bock-ocks
lucky duckling nk sleepy sleepy
lucky twillies never get up before noon
lucky us in a time of peace
lucky whales…nice japs doin’ research..what kind little men…!
lucky planet…all warmed up n getting warmer
lucky universe…having humans to explain everything
lucky readers…fresh time being daily
lucky listeners..painkiller n k/k n new churchy
lucky triffids …me singin’ with em sydney festival
lucky killer singing with kev carmody at state theatre
lucky people havin’ me at their private party jan 26
lucky everybody
hip hip hooray!
wow!
scarlet says moon daddy blues clues daddy puppy moon moon
daddy says
yawn….jesus…yawn…oh….uh….blah blah blah
ocean says sure
birds say tweet tweet
dogs sleeping are let lie
nk appears
scarlet : hi mum…daddy biggle bock -ock mum mum biggle
ah domestic violence….errr i mean ..bliss!

9 am a cab rolls up to my house in bondi
i bid the doodles n woofle n loverly wife nk a sad bye bye
aurora had been trying to heal my ear with crystal
hmmm she got the gift…
915
pick up pk in rose bay
925 pick up trevoor johnno johnstone in kings x
945 go to alexandria pick up some equippy
10 airport
much much argy bargy to weigh and number all our bits of equippy
1100 fly to brizzy (no direct cheep tix to goldencoast)
12 00 land in brizzy
meet ricki and jorden
2 00 ish all our equippy not arrivey
we waity and waity
230 me n pk n ricki n jordy n trevy piss off
its raining we hit a traffic jam on outskirts of aeropuerte
its raining its hot people are running outta petchrol
we remain in jam till 600
find veg rest
have six diff veg platters n mango smoothy
my only meal for day
645check in have shower
700 drive back to gig listen to new church tapes
730 do a quik soundycheck
800 do gig
900 come off
get very angry hanging around waiting to go
piss every one off with mah impatience
at about 1200 i gotta lift back to hotey with tims friends
that was it
i met anarchy males-trome and graham n n rowan d
drank one little glass jaeg n red bullshit
smoke too many spliffs
get in niggly argy bargy with many
i am a lazy bugger
i dont like ‘anging around
dont like workin’ or waitin’
back to syd
straight into rehearsey for newie
maybe go home furst say hello my gurls (sigh)
am i too olde for this fucking caper?
(its a rhetorical quezzy…!)
(dont need to answer you clown!)

credentials
yes
thats right
what do you want
ok
ok its ok
i mean
i guess
i s’pose
rock n roll
scar
pits in my heart
chunks gone
baritone
gadgetted up for weeks
are you with me
mind music baby the black hole stars remember
she turns in midnights harbour
powers ending broken
moths around a summer
cracking back the blacksky
dont let me see you
dont let me catch you
dont know my own grown strength
dont own this strength at all
night is a version
pullabout frames collapsible net
sunstruck unstuck heatstroke
thats all right for you
i wish the clouds
i hope the shadow
i think the dark
baby let me see
try now try now
watertight in the aquatics mesh
fractured mambo voodoo juju go go dodo zoo
i torture you lulu
damn it
waverly
illa warra
bangalow
damascus
go blitzen n crimper
go mercury and hermies
go bobcats go manx go abroad
gimme some clue
go home boy
get it in
chop it
hash it
blow it
keep it alight
all night
learn
return
a newman

lily of the valley
dressed in alpine green
with her tiny hands
with her innocent eyes
with her trusting heart
a child star
a ray of hope
milking her little cow
sleeping in her snow white sheets
wandering in the sleeping forest
her quickening dreams of a golden saviour
her candle lit room
her childhood ever present
no lord
let no harm pass her way
let no swarthy stranger disturb this idyll
let no wolf see her bathe in the crystal streams
alas
oh smooth tongued villain
oh cruel and evil fate
oh nothing good can last forever
a snake in eden
a shark in paradise
a wasp amongst flowers
here he comes
here comes the start of the end
threading these mountain paths
coming to the valley at last
by a fortuitous route
through the hardest winters
through the blasted summers
through thorn and bramble and rambling rose
inexorably moving towards little lily
who knows nothing of the city and its duplicities
who knows nothing of men and their dark needs
who knows nothing of soot and grime and filth
and the sweet flowers floated through the air
in the shimmering springtime
in the laziness of perfection
in the drone of the bee
while the green leaves sprouted and thickened
catching the light that poured on down
underground the elves worked in their cool caverns
forging rings and swords for the heroes to come
black crow sits amongst the branches
singing a lonely song
and with certain eyes
you can see everything engaged in a slow exchange
you can see the spirits of the trees
but the stranger comes regardless
he has no eyes for the flowers or the skies
and his face is grim
he hefts a killing axe
and he hews at the trees in his way
and he kills the creatures he finds
and he has no love for life
as she sits in her garden feeding the birds
he has already entered her valley
and approaches her
endlessly