The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

outside my window
some fragile rainbow is stretched across a sky
that goes from the deepest blue to the palest dawn
the jackhammers up the road pound the pavement
the garbagemen do their thing
the buses stop and start with mechanical groans n shudders
the cars pull up with squeaks n squeals
motorcycles roar off in the distance
the regular birdies : tweet tweet tweet
the mynah birdies : clack scratch brrrrrrrrng!
the door knockers : bang bang bang
the wind : woooooooow n sssssssshhhhhhhhhh
the intermittent rain : tap tap tap
the workmen : shout talk argue
the radios : ad rubbish ad rubbish
the tvs : rubbish ad rubbish ad
the lizards : no sound at all
the cactii : no more frickin’ rain
the downstairs neighbours : slam bang slam
the tinnitus : ring ring ring
the voices in my head : whisper whisper whisper
my stomach : gurgle gurgle
my heart : thumpetty thump thump
the clock : tick but never tock
the insects in the house : rustle nibble rustle
the memories in our heads : sigh sigh sigh
the regret in our hearts : oh oh oh
the compassion in our souls : ah ah ah
the megalomania extant : me me me
the poverty : brake breaking broke
youth : going going gone
time : i’m leaving you behind
sex : fuck !
drugs : zzzzzzzzz
petty ambitions n petty obstructions : ha!
the weather : burn freeze soak fry
the sea : crash roll crash
the traffic : roll crash roll
the planes : roar ROAR roar
the children : grow grow grow
i am alone in my body
same old me
whose seen today by the thousands
the nsw autumn days that hurl the storms about
the choppy ocean
the half deserted towns
one day my mother picks me up from school
on a day like this
at lunchtime
she arrives in our blue morris minor
i think shes very pretty
i’m always relieved when she arrives
i havent got any lunch if she forgets to come
i look at the picture of our young queen elizabeth
every morning we sing god save the queen
save her from what? i think…..death…..?
i love the happy n glorious n victorious bits tho
i guess the date is the 21st of april 1961
this day is always trying to reclaim me
my mother drives down the road and i sit beside her
my mother is a secretary for a guy called jim leadingham
i never met him but i heard about him plenty
same as my dad
his big boss was called george buckland
i never met him either
but they’d get mentioned at home a lot
my mother drives along the kembla grange
away from dapto and my school
towards wollongong and the lighthouse
we drive through unanderra
and all the houses n shops have significance for me
they all call out to me
i see their lives
i see their secrets
my mother keeps driving
we come to figtree
a turn off up there would take us to aunty mays
thru figtree
past the hospital where russell will be born
into wollongong
the 3rd biggest city in nsw we were told proudly
50 miles south of sydney
the steelworks
the milk bars
the weeds and the cigarette butts
lemonade delivered in crates on tuesdays by brough brothers
gee their cola had a great taste
mum likes to shop at anthony horderns
anthony horderns…what a great name for a shopping emporium
can you imagine an emporium called steven kilbeys?
we park by the lighthouse
outside a motel with sea shell window sills and frames
we sit on a bench
under a seagull sky
while the wind whips out our hair about
my mum is about 33
we have a strange relationship
i want to be her little boy
but somehow i’m already too old
already i’m too old in my shoes to be a boy
even though i’m only seven
somehow she keeps me at arms length
she loves me of course
but she doesnt really seem to like me
its ok
i’m beginning to accept the fact
that a lotta people dont really like me that much
i seem to have been born with this general dislikeability
just like some have a big nose or an aptitude for sports
i was born a bit hard to like
i kinda know why that is
even at seven
and i kinda secretly rejoice in it
i realize it is my strength n weakness kinda combined
and i immediately feel different
as soon as i could feel anything
the first thing i felt was different
and i wasnt justa kid
and i wasnt justa little boy
i was something less n more
women saw it in me
and the grown up ladies treated me strangely
never mind
i’m sitting under the lighthouse in wollongong
the fresh sea air
the sea gulls wheeling in the sky
we eat our sandwiches
the sun shines and is covered by cloud
the world seems so new
the world seems so shiny
the world seems so noisy
on mornings like that
in times like these
another noisy morning

i talk to my mother
my mother says
son where do you get all this stuff from
i say what stuff, mum
she says all the stuff you keep writing
she says i got untitled #23 and i cant stop playing it
she says ooh you really are a clever sod arent you
she says ooh your fathers family were all musical
she says your fathers mother was a great pianist
and all her brothers n sisters could play
she says steven, your piano teacher cried when she couldnt
get you to play march militaire
she said you were her most promising pupil ever…
in fact although i was ten and she was 21
we had a lotta erotic frission going on
and our piano lessons were charged with a certain…i dunno
plus
they had this system
where you read these numbers above the crotchets n quavers etc
the number was the number finger you put down
i wasnt reading the notes
i was reading the bloody numbers
the first time the numbers went…i was baffled
i was brilliant up till then
devouring the sodding piano
but when they took the numbers away…
like taking the floaties away at swimming lessons
man i sank to the bottom of the piano
how strange
it was snowing that day
we have it on film
it snowed in canberra deep n crisp n yes even
julie ann the piano teacher is there with me at our crumby cheap piano
an old banger for my dad to bang out his boogie woogie
the house seems so dark
distorted and enhanced by the old time film
the dog runs around in the snow with russell
a close up on russells red nose and his blank blue eyes
hes only about 3
hes a very spacey kid
a real dreamer
hes running around in the snow like a madman
and the dog chases after him pulling at a red scarf
the scarf is so scarlet against the snow
i have a kinda flat top crew cut
as i sit there
with this prim 1965 piano teacher from wagga or gundagai
trying to tame me to knuckle down n learn
cozza she knows “i got the music in me”
but i wanna do my own thing
march militaire is a fucking bore
i wanna play day tripper or something
i wanna play the organ where the sharp keys are white
i wanna explode cos i can feel it all in here
but it cant get out
cos i had to live
and i live and i learn
but believe me or not
i am the slowest learner
so i dont learn
i just make up my own thing
its painfully slow
why i only learnt to sing not so long ago
sing properly
why did it take so long?
cos im a slow learner
i told you that already
anyway my mother says
its a shame you never learnt to play properly son
i say mum i wrote the most friggin popular song for the last 1000 years
she says i know all that…
…..it just would be nice if youd learnt…properly…!
my old mummy 80 and not out
she inculcated a lotta stuff in me
that i cant get rid of with my own brood
for example my mother hated nay could not abide
bed clothes not neatly made
let alone strewn around a room
let alone the house
but the doodles walk around with sheets n pillows n quilts
the my mother in me freaks out
although “i” cant see why it drives me nuts
but shes bred this into me like a brainwashing
all her foibles and my fathers
watch out what you give yer kids…
we renting a little car for 5 days
and yesterday we end up
down at mrs macquaries chair on the harbour
a bit of the botanical garden thats opposite the oprah house
and the syddy hubba bidge
theres a lot of (especially asian) couples getting married there
theres this rather big bride
and a rather tiny skinny little groom
its beginning to rain
and the photographer wants em out on these slippery rocks
and the bride has got this huge heavy dress on
and tottering around on highest heels
that she has to mount n dismount
like a knight in the old days getting on a horse
the groom who is ultra nerdy with his gelled do
and his thick glasses which made his eyes swim behind them
hes trying constantly and awkwardly to assist his blushing bride
as they stumble and stagger up these rocks
and the tides coming in and splashing em
and the rains starting to get a bit heavier
and the photographers n family
call out instructions to em
and she keeps nearly slipping in the sea
and he keeps grabbing the wrong part of her body or voluminous dress
i mean the dress had enough material to win the americas cup
(eg as a sail)
and shes getting angrier with it all
and slapping him away as he fumbles about
saying the equivalent in his language of
yes dear sorry dear..
and then the photographer musta said kiss
cos they hang there
their lips suspended 2 inches apart
perpetually about to kiss
and looking at the camera
and smiling
and keeping balance on slippery rock n tide coming in
and rain falling down
and trying to look happy
its yer wedding day remember
and trying to ignore all the idiots sitting around
who are beginning to giggle at this unlikely scene
and i’m having a bit of a giggle myself
until the rain starts to bucket down
the big bride casts her littleman aside
and scrambles to the shore
with her slightly wet feet n dripping dress
immediately a swarm of rellies attend to her
one standing dutifully behind
lifting up the huge heavy curtain of a dress
and they all scuttle headlong
looking for shelter
my fambley n i run away
we get drenched
and scarlet wont walk cos her legs are “itchy”
its the rain on them thats doing that
so i’m running along in rainy
carrying this big stupid lump called scarlet kilbey
instant karma for my wedding giggles
but seriously
cannot see much joy in that marriage
if down by the rocks was anything to go by
wow!
shes already totally impatient with the little duffer
and they were both only about 21
jesus
do they know what theyve let themselves in for?
meanwhile we try to get to a starbucks for hot chockies all round
but can never get a parking spot n its raining too hard
we drive round pyrmont
and stop at another harbourside park
we see another side of the hubba bidge
the rain buckets down again
everyone has a wee wee at the toilet
pile into the corolla
and we’re off down a tunnel
that spits us out back near bondi
gee whiz
how exciting…eh …
what next?

there is a symmetry i must obey
at night
the hollow gradient of her face
a half moon imploded in cloud
the memory of pleasures
the faint smell of burning paper
always sand in the bed
we are up and on our way
flying over green pastures
and bolting over gates and grids
into the swedish indian canberran forest
i am all myselves at once
totally manifest across the realms
i spin words like a gossamer net
and i trap the meanings shooting by
and i fill my poem with meaning like a belly
and i paralyze the truth
and it hangs suspended in my mossy night
waiting to be gobbled up at another time
and i join up with you in the stars
where we all eventually join
where we all will shine like distant points
but not yet
not yet
no not yet
the night ruptures in raptures
the night opens up to reveal reality
the night slices away and peels back to show us
the night offers herself immodestly
the night shudders as we all enter her
the night then surrounds us and emits tiny noises
the night runs away with us
over gates and fences we scramble
i’m sprinting up a hill in the seaside night
i run and run getting faster and faster
my feet leave the ground
and i go crashing into the atmosphere
headlong into jeopardy
rolling and burning up and gliding in flames
the night will not hold me up
the night lets me fall
down and down and down
no one has ever fallen this far
my stomach full of butterflies
my hands swooning around
my cascading hair all around
i go starring thru the void
a vain inferno
a burst of intense and devouring red fire
yes i fell like lucifer
clawing at the dark which contained no purchase
into a pit so deep and black
so wondrously silent
the pit of the night
the night which had turned its back on me
that blasted night with her comets and moon
i fell falling into that nights slippery arms
awake i was widely awake
suddenly awoken from my former life
hitting the ground running up that hill
over gates and brambles
over stiles and crooked brick paths
running through the night still
trying to keep up with the shadows we cast
as we flee ourselves
me as all my selves
white beard
brown beard
golden beard
all the time
we race into the future
exercising our free will
charging up existence
hauling up the black corridor
until
inevitable morning

there are many types of goose-balls
but this is outside the scope of this arti-kel
there are many types of trees
there are flying fish whose wings both swim n fly
there are cheetahs who can run at 70 mph
there are winged monkeys
there are mastodons of industry
there are the new collapsing buildings
there are men who breathe under air
there are 5 moons in the sky and a dark sun
how many words am i holding up?
what was the date of your 1st date?
i descend down into nonsense
somewhere in here is the new blogs thread
i wade through the one billion sentences my mind has ready
should i be in need of more nonsense
just lately
i been wondering about nonsense
when i started reading the bible again there
or am i an idiot?
gee i remember all those ranking idiots
i remember a kid at school called jeff hurst
could rank all the idiots in their correct order
cretin
moron
imbecile
idiot
actually idiot was at the top of the list
at school these words were freely bandied about
especially in card games:
you moron kilbey you could have used the king…!
hes not a moron hes a cretin!
much laughter
the morons and imbeciles seemed to have faded
the cretins are long gone
i called one of my kids a cretin recently
but they had to ask me what it meant
and then had a good chuckle
as i tried to remember the old lyneham high ranking
imbecile is such a great word
it was used freely in the three stooges by moe
WHY YOU IMBECILE …….I OUGHTTA ………!
followed by a two finger eye jab
which made a funny popping sound
at dapto primary the 2 finger eye jab caught on
but no one could get it to make that funny popping sound
even idiot has so many sub catty gories ie
the quite common “stupid idiot”
the old fashioned ” bloody idiot”
the personal “you idiot!”
the exclaimed “whattan idiot!”
the ageist extremes “young idiot n old idiot”
the sizeist “little idiot n big idiot”
the rude “fucking idiot” which is
probably my favourite
and a way i think affectionately about myself
i sit here n eat some bread pudding
my mother made it for me
its like bread and dried fruit gone all cooked
crusty on outside
kinda moist n delicious on inside
not to be mistaken with bread n butter pudding
not to be mistaken for apple n rhubarb crumble
in america they have peach cobblers
(in uk cobblers is slang word for the testicles)
i remember first time someone asked me if i liked peach cobblers
me : huh?
anyway
i have met some “real idiots” in my day
and yes it really takes one to know one
i saw a haughty girl walk into a pole
i saw a proud man lose his pants
i saw children being spoiled by parents
i saw children being beaten by parents
i saw 1950s mutton dressed up as 1960s lamb
i saw man land on the moon
voice in a nother room : or did he land in a studio in california…
i saw vandals n widgies n sharpies n skins
i saw bullies n bitches n bastards n buffoons
i saw sods n fools n floozies n boozers
hey they still making some good idiots now
i havent caught up on them so much
but tv n radio personalities are up there
idiotically speaking
with any of the bozos n turkeys from “my” day
“total idiots”
youd put george bush in there wouldnt you?
he just has got all points covered
tho they say his iq is quite high
but so is mine
so theres 2 reasons to disbelieve in iq tests
but i must be an idiot to think bush is an idiot
actually hes a great guy
he really cared about us n so did his friend dick
they loved us the people
and they tried so hard to protect us from ourselves
and they tried to smoke out those terro-ist idiots
but theres just too much evil to clean up
what with war on drugs
war on terror
but no war on making levees for new orleans
no war on povery n complicated expensive legal n medical system
hey
we/you musta been idiots voting for him (twice!?)
well actually once
the second time
cos like the first time
some idiot manipulated some idiotic system
and the guy who got the most votes…er…lost…
now call me an idiot again…but aint that stupid?
no actually
i cant get over it
the way that all justice is so easily perverted
we must all be idiots really
we stand by
watch each new idiot get it wrong…
how hard can it be to not be an idiot?
anyway
rocknroll has loads of idiots too
almost anyone singing about satan or death n putrefaction
boy bands are generally required to be idiots
the olde geezer with the hat i consider quite an idiot
g n r seemed quite an assortment of them too
all those glam heavy bands
vince neil …”classic idiot’
the guys in poison : idiots thru n thru
whitesnake iron maiden leppard sabbath
many an idiot amongst em
the sweet
mud
gary glitter
rick astley
limahl
duran duran
new romantics
boy george
milli vanilli
oh god
the liszt goes on n on non
us idiots
weve penetrated every echelon of society
idiot security guys
idiot air stewards
idiots coppers
idiot thieves
idiot husbands n wives
idiot neighbours
idiot weathermen
idiot drivers
idiot wind
and idiots anonymous
c’mon
are you an idiot?
be truthful now
theres a little idiot in all of us

the phone ringing in my head
hi is that kilbey
voice in another head : groan
kilbey picks up the phone
bring bring!
in a little car driving to newcastle
ooh nice hotel on the water
ooh nice cosy room
ooh nice little wife with me
have dinner with 2 accountants
indian
we talk n eat n laugh
we play at cambridge hotel
on before firekites
who are vaguely paradise motel-ish
n i highly recommend em
i a medium man in every way
do very mediumly
i am mediumly popular with the crowd
who speak at a medium level all night thru the music
it sure wasnt the factory gig
where i burst out of myself
and bestrode the stage like a mad king of yore
voice from another century : yore gotta be kidding
at newi
i was
adequate medium ok alright not too bad
i just couldnt get it to flow thru me
that delicious power that nowadays i can tap into
oh watch out americka
cos im channeling ambiguous
and you gonna need to interpret it…
we drove back this morning
after having brekky at beach cafe
i had soy porridge with stewed fruit
it was scrumptious
lovely drive homme
listen to ipod
listen to so love may find us
its a frickging masterpiece or what
fandorin n vlach
have written some rather scintillating reviews of #23
university level stuff….thoroughly enjoyed it
but vlachs musicology stuff is beyond me
i thought aeolian mode
was a setting on a greek air conditioner

anyway
blah blah blob
dob dob dob
good job

i only got five mins to write this blog
no time to mention jehovah
or anyone else
blogger is closing down in 4 minutes
i’ll just post this
so you know i’m still kicking
tonite i’m doing a gig up in newcastle
cambridge hotel
all my thousands n thousands of newi fans trying to get in
ha!
anyway
see ya soon
killa

mad just like you like me
wordspinner
i pour out n out n out
my only gift
an ability to hold forth forever
on any subject known to man
except maths
science
geography
history
politics
etc
yesterday
i worked with jorden brebach again
at the orange room studio
a lovely attic room smack
in the middle of sydneys rag trade district
theres a lotta traffic birdies kiddies
so we open the window record all the ambience
put it backwards against itself
and then protools it
to fade up with these guitar swells
so the weird ambience sounds part of the guitar
we played around with music n words for my exhi in pitts
soon it will be finished
and youll be able to look at my controversial paintings
and hear their controversial sonic counterpoints
i provide the lot sweetheart
visual aural n verbal
one giant ego trip by me
cos i’m either fluent in the arts
or
a colossal wanker
voice in another room : guess which one i’m going for…
actually
i been thinking v.i.a.r………bout time he had his own blog
muse : hes just another version of me….
ah shaddup then…both of ya
yes i am a colossal wanker
you dont think sali dali was too
you dont think mozart would have been a wanker
if he wrote his own fucking blogge?
v.i.a.r…tsk tsk…comparing yerself to the greats again
its frustrating
i’m not really “great” great
i’m merely great
i’m really just yer plain olde renaissance wanker
i sing like michaelangelo
n i paint like liszt
or is it liszt?
or is it lizst?
why couldnt he spell his name properly
did he really look like rog adultery..?
anyway
yeah there i was in surry hills
recording me stuff
i been swimming in the morning
to the pool with eve
who stopped swimming
when she saw some crabs at bottom of pool
GIRL 9 MAULED BY HERMIT CRABS IN SEA POOL!!!
i braved the crabbies and did mah laps
i emerged unscathed
when they failed to swim up 15 feet and nip my doo dahs
but who knows what jehovah might instructeth them to do today
“and He spake unto the crabs and said verily nip that bastard!
and lo the bastard was sorely nipped!” (CRABS,23)
v.i.a.r : bet yer former fan enjoyed that…
former fan : damn!
latter day saint : knickers!
muse : bollocks!
barry : woof woof!
maudlin git with wimpy voice : twee slop piano boof
death metal singer : satan enema prepuce stenchy cadaver gall bladder pig
country singer : i divorced my dog n ran over my husband
the israelites : look we just popped over for some milk n honey…
king david : bring me a thousand philistine foreskins
king david on drugs : bring me 4 philistine thousandskins
goliath : ow fuck!….you little bastard….
samson : leave it long at the back, thanks …
delilah : mmm youd look good with a crew cut
jonah : had a whale of a time
gilgamesh : tell noah to gimme my flood back
gilgamesh : tell adam to gimme my garden o eden back
nick ward : this is a fuckin’ yip blog
peter k : hasnt got a black pixel in its body
marty w-p : steve…did you ever read that email…?
tim bo : no…you play the fuckin’ mellotron…
ploogy : this is my friend, chris planet….
banger pearson : killer…are ya ready to hit the frogntoad?
david neil : im dead tired
u#23 : im a frickin’ masterpiece….aint i?
gaf : im a gaffe
starfish : i’m a crusty asian
crab: nip
cat : nip
tree ; sap
watts : up
good : bye

i have wandered thru this world
ive seen a lot yet most remains ineluctably hidden
ive had n lost money fame friends youth ambition
ive squandered my resistance for a pocket full of mumbles
such are promises….
ive rocked to the east
ive rocked to the west
i shot my mouth off
i blew my foot off
i blue my chances
ha! everyone knows my story….
what am i?
jack the lad, baby
and i got nine lives
dont ever say that its over for me
cos you might be surprised
true or false :
more westerners killed each year by falling coconuts than islamic extremists
i dare not reveal the true answer for fear of a war on coconuts
(was keith richards in the vanguard when he fell from tree ?)
this is a bizarre n random world
the world is run by older children, thats all
the religions that guide us are un-understood
or interpreted literally
i must be the only person i know
whose read the bible
i would wager my doo dahs that ive read more of the bible than
bush
or you(any of you)
or any other christian southern baptist type
you see
the bible is my type of book
you see
being a second rate poet n all
and a lover of myth
and searching for lyrics
and researching the “good” book
i actually stuck with it
and the koran
and many many volumes of hindu stuff
(sublime)
do i think that vishnu literally lies there
with his wife fanning him
while he literally sleeps
and literally throws out universes from his pores?
look
oh my dear fellows
we do not have the words or minds to understand vishnu as he is
this is a crude human attempt to describe things
this is really an ineffable concept
just as a prawn in the sea cannot discuss botticelli
we cannot really find the words to describe
an immense and beautiful creator
who effortlessly “dreams” up universes
(you think vishnu labours over this?)
surrounded by all beauty luxury n wealth
as symbolized by his wife
goddess of fortune
these are human terms dreampt up by human minds
there is no language to describe vishnu and his magnificence
and guess what?
you can call vishnu god if you like
all names and images and stories are human approximations
much of all religion is analogy
much of all religion is metaphor
i have personally studied and compared religions
i see myth and charisma at work in everything
i am not immune to it
i am very attracted by obamas charisma and his burgeoning myth
it is amazing to see it in action
youre not actually supposed to believe in everything tho
life is a document to be interpreted
i know that
thats what my songs represent
the interpretability of life
everything happ’ning on many levels
no hard n fast
that has been the wests biggest mistake
to only see that one dimension..the literal..in everything
and then
you see
armed with a literally interpreted “bible”
we went about doing great harm
ooooh
much much much more harm than islamic extremists
and it started with the crusades in the bad olde days
when we tried to get jerusalem back
and us
(christians, westerners, english etc)
we invaded and committed incredible atrocities
down in the middle east
and we been doing it a while now
this was why it was very un-PC
of mr bush to use the word “crusade” early on
because thats like
THE ENGLISH WORD FOR JIHAD
and it dont go down well anymore
(especially for the muzzies)
yes
we had a few goes at jerusalem
and were well known for our dirty tricks
and our wholesale slaughters
this is king dick the lionheart n co
and then of course
after the war 2
we just said
you know
hey this is our biblical israel again now
and appropriated it
and i guess you can see why the arab world is kinda pissed off
if we had always left em alone
it mighta been ok
but weve niggled at them for years n years n years
why?
how is it our right or bizness?
‘i dont bloody know
but how could i
i am a washed up singer in a pop band
old and bitter n all the rest
of the things they say
which are probably true
but its not me trying to arraign bush for war crimes
(eg bombing civilians in baghdad)
its a multi-national group of lawyers n humanists
i was just saying they were trying to do it
and i hope they succeed
(is that my gay-ness showing then?)
furthermore
the “censorship” you talk of
is for the benefit of my other commenters
who were being attacked here
on my very own pages
my very own diary
my very own blog
please remember
this is my very own blog
and remember
you read mine
but i dont read yours
and guess what?
i decide what happens in my realm
if closing yer window on a horrible racket is censorship
than so be it
i’m a censor
i’m old (how can i deny it)
i’ m bitter (its true but seeing i say so myself
anybody else saying it is irrelevant)
i’m poor (sigh aint it the truth)
please kind sirs
dont castigate me for these sins on my comments
comments reprimanding me for my poor old bitterness
will no longer be printed
ie censored
because they are tedious
comments accusing people of being gay (puhleese! )
will no longer be printed
(that is they will not be printed)
censorship
you betcha!
comments insulting my father also censored
so there you have it
please
jehovah n out

the problem of evil
the problem of free will
the problem of free beer
the problem of a crazy world
where the aminals are all dying
whoops there goes the frogs
whoops there goes the bees
whoops there goes the fish
whoops there goes the penguins n whales
whats wrong with humanity
why did we have to go on until it got like this?
the cancer in our mothers side
there are no more guarantees
many species in their hundreds
many species in their tens
tigers will be gone by the time yer grandkids grow up
and tassie devils
and rhinos
never mind
we still got plenty of chickens n cows n pigs
lets get em into the amazon
lets get em into the forests n the steppes
lets get em onto our tables n into our guts
western civ……the feet of clay
western civ…..we come to you and give ya jehovah
have musket will travel
free s.t.d.s
free alcoholism
free slavery
free guilt
its all there in the bible
if you got god
you got the right
you got the missionaries
you do things for the savages own good
people in foreign countries need the bible
they need to know how enoch begot ezra n ezra begot ephraim
they need to know how theyre gonna burn for eternity
it’ll sort em out
those crazy israelites
gee they had a ball
those other guys worshipping graven images…
they had it coming, right…?
and its easter
and i got my chocky bunny
and i got my laptop computer
and i got my mansuit on n it looks good
and i donated some money last year for something
and i’m reconciled to making amazing records n remaining obscure
and i’m reconciled to turning 55 and i never long for my lost youth
and i do vegan benefits so my conscience is so clear
and here are my major beefs
in no particular order
music in the eighties mostly sucked
eating meat is immoral unhealthy n disgusting
drugs should be medical not legal issue
war is criminal unless defence
bush is a war criminal n should be tried in the hague
priest = aura is a widescreen masterpiece
untitled#23 is quite brilliant as well
loads of less talented geezers than me make more money
i dont like perfume n makeup or gossip magazines
no one except jimmy little has ever done milky way any good
i dont like reality tv or crime tv or dancing shows
i dont like danny minogre
i dont like that maudlin git who sings in that wimpy voice
i dont like heavy metal or country
i dont like rap or grunge
i dont like boy bands
i dont like the wiggles
i dont like rich bitches in fucking lexuses blocking the street
i dont like idiots who speed up narrow bondi alleys
i dont like kyle hand-shandilands…what a podgy ugly pudding
i dont like reading about or seeing “jen”
her chin is a disgrace
i dont like plastic surgery or mutton done up as lamb
i dont like mobile phones or texting
or rude bastards having loud conversations on em in cars
i dont like women who fucking swear all the time
i dont like the sound of skateboards or mynah birds
i dont like weed whippers or leaf blowers(the ultimate in garden idiocy)
i dont like losing my stuff
i dont like boring stuff like watching football
i hate bars
i hate pubs
i dont like drunks n smokers
i dont like boors n bores
i dont like men who hit women
i dont like women who nag men
i dont like little boys who squeal like girls
i dont like elton john or george michael
or billy joel or axle rose
i dont like the long lists i make about things i dont like
i dont like cucumber or eggplant or capsicum
i dont like myself
i dont like my freckly skin n wispy hair
i dont like my wrinkles n sags
i dont like my vanity
i dont like my envy
i dont like my insincerity
i dont like my lies
i dont like my intolerance n cowardice
i dont like my self obsession
i dont like my cruelty n aloofness
i dont like my addictions n my weaknesses
i dont like my lusts n greeds n angers
i dont like my stupidity n my oafishness
i dont like my lacks of talent
i dont like my second rate attempts at greatness
i dont like my reliance on pot
i dont like how im often too busy for my family
and i dont like how they distract me from working
i dont like paying taxes tho i know i must and always have
i dont like my teeth falling apart n not affording to fix em
i dont like the constant ringing in my ears
its deafening me so i listen to more loud music to drown it out
i dont like not doing yoga
i dont like missing out on me swim
i dont like how europeans
propped up by the bible
went around this world n fucked em
in north america
in south america
in central america
in australia
in india
in africa
in the south sea islands
up in canada n lappland
we dealt out our deck of misery
i hate world war 1
it was a outrageous tragedy
and attempts to glorify it are pathetic
i hate stalin n adolf n bush
i hate all the stupid fucked up things tyrants n despots do
blah blah blah
does anyone out there correspond to everything i said?
thats my final easter spew
tomorrow we will be back to abnormal
no jehovah content
no jesus
no satanic milk
no talking u-serpents
no bono huge-sun
no bill bailey
no john gillis
no reggie dwight shrute
no burny terrapin
no world wore nothing
no world war untitled#23
no sturm n drang or even vlach
no midge urine
no steve smotherland
no carrere no emi
no byron ferrari
no peter bysshe shelley
no howard trafford
no ono sideboards
no regrets
no promises (if you should fall)
no reason to be sad
no reason to be glad
no explanation
no exit
no dice
no no no i must be on my way
no fixed abode
no go
no caroline no
no sense in waiting for more
no goodbye

jesus
i get up early
at the break of day
its warm and its drizzling
i pull on a mansuit from the wardrobe
i sit in my room
and i begin to type
god
the bible is such rubbish
who cares what the fucking chaldeans did?
this is the book that has guided western civ all this time?
a book of vengeance n tribalism n retribution
a vengeful jealous god who picks sides n changes his mind
a bunch of israelites running about
seizing this land n losing that
plenty of murder rape incest holocausts
gee jehovah
nice little world you created
no wonder countries go insane trying to follow it
the holy bible…wheres the holiness in killing everybody?
the book is complicated boring irrelevant ancient tripe
occasionally poetic
occasionally exciting
more than occasionally derivative (gilgamesh should sue!!)
occasionally inspiring
but mostly a catalog of the israelites triumphs n woes
some desert tribe a long time ago
doing n being done to…
yeah yeah
but somehow
when i was a child
and much more so
even before i was born
we were raised to believe that this was somehow OUR struggle
that the israelites really were gods chosen people
cos they put together some book of twaddle that tells us they are
WELL THEY CERTAINLY NEVER FUCKING ACT LIKE IT!!
proving to be as bloodthirsty n barbaric as all the rest
except they gotta new god who tells em its ok to do it
sometimes he orders the slaughters
men women children animals he says
n i’ll sort em out
we saw movies about moses n company
which were frightening horrendous inexplicable bursts of violence
who could ever fucking understand jehovah?
n who’d want to….?
jehovah nags moses
and moses nags the israelites
and the israelites
merrily fuck up and get fucked n fuck over the locals
they just turn up n requisition all yer milk n honey
ya see its ok if jehovahs on yer side
and this thinking has been employed by us westerners
particularly those speaking english n spanish n portugese
we done done a lotta harm in ole jehovahs name
blah blah blah
anyway it was inculcated into us
that the israelites tent god was our god
and that the israelites book of tribal laws n murder
was our “good” book too
WHERES THE FRICKIN’ GOODNESS IN IT???
go on pick it up
flick to any page other than the gospels n find some goodness
i dare ya!
but somehow we kinda believed that all this israelite stuff was important
and all their malarky had crept into our “culture”
with semi-holy connotations
eg some folksinger singing let my people go
or river jordan is chilly n wide ..hallelujah…
or by the rivers of babylon…..when we remember zion
etc etc
but what did it have to do with us?
and then
for a brief moment
the holy bible is illuminated by jesus
who does n says the very opposite of jehovah
whose s’posed to be his actual daddy
jehovah is wrathful n murderous
jesus is cool n kind
FORGIVE EM! he says
showing more fucking sense in his four gospels
than the rest of the bible all put together
but after the gospels
its back to fire n brimstone n apocalypso
when former murderer saul becomes paul
n takes up jesus’ cause
(with himself as the star prosecutor!!)
finally johnny somebody goes to a greek island
has too much of good time
and has a “vision” in a cave
of the horrible awful burning screaming rotten end of the world
complete with dragons, giant whores and angels blowing trumpets
(how quaint!)
how very jehovah
to create a such a wonderful ending for us
we all burn
except the ones who “believed”
what the fuck does that mean?
and isnt that a flimsy premise to burn us forever?
cos we didnae “believe”?
anyway
even poor old jesus c had to die in a spectacular grisly way
(and that was the plan?!)
jesus its a sorry story
most kids today dont have a clue what its all about
and theyre better off
no one i knew at any of my schools understood christianity
they paid lipservice to it
but no one understood it
or researched it
or challenged it seriously
sure there were atheistic kids
but no one ever really wondered what this book
this book we swear on n live n die by is all about
you should have a look
it will astound you
the utterly irrelevant nonsense of the measurements of this n that..
cubits,anyone?
the nastiness n sheer imperialism of the izzies
the capriciousness n sheer stupidity of jehovah
the loveliness of christ
the barbaric world they all lived in
the superstitious bullshit
that the preachers tried to ram down our throats
its all there
the bits nicky cave re-appropriated
the bits that bobby dylan nicked
all the misery n backstabbing n psalms
theres even a brief erotic interlude
so king solomon can write some naughty verse for sheba
poking his key thru the hole in her door
(ooohh mr humphreys!!!)
go on
read this book
its got sex n lust n murder n mayhem
what a story
what a joke
what an albatross to hang round our fucking necks
for 2000 years
jehovah?
dont make me laugh!