The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

the chruch had a meeting in bondi today
on n on n on it went
our next move
our next release
our blah blah blah
why theres never any money leftover
why theres this bill
why theres that bill
what happened with this
how much does blah owe us
how much to we owe blah
who caught that taxi then
whos gonna do this
whos gonna undo that
oh man
a million complicated questions n answers
leading to more q n a
going round n round
i zone out
dream
come back to earth
theyre still talking about blah
anyway we all got on quite well
it was all very cordial
onwards to 2010 including new tours n records n special events
nothing chiselled in stone though
europe usa on the cards
i guess
this n that
i dunno how it all works
a million figures shout at me from brandished documents
i see the first column of numbers n i tune out somewhere else
something says concentrate but i cant
i’m the minister for esoteric affairs
the books baffle me coz i cant concentrate
my mind wont go where i try to push it
it wont
no more will my fists smash through a brick wall
no more can my eyes see far off distances
the record n publishing businesses are so complicated
%s of this n that n the other
no bastard really seems to know how it works
the 3 experts in the church all got different takes
every figure or statistic is as interpretable as any dada poem
every occurrence can be used to prove yer pointa view
anyway
we’re all good mates
we’re gonna continue
we’re gonna try n be good
sure of course
its a given

avatar
from the sanskrit avatara
to descend into
specifically the lord vishnu
only vishnu has avatars
vishnu descending into flesh
to experience life here
vishnu as krishna
vishnu as buddha
like jesus in many ways
one name for krishna is krista
the glorious one
the anointed one
the one with every attribute in spades
anyway
what we have here
is an ultra-classic myth
only being slightly retold
its basically pocahontas in space
a white guy goes to wild new land
meets chief of locals daughter
who teaches him how to get down with nature
then white guy has inner turmoil
as his white pals wanna war with the locals
n vice versa
ye olde hero gets torn between these 2 worlds
theres a lotta room for friction in there
no surprises anywhere along the line
the music : for crying out loud
if youre on a wild weird planet covered in perpetual jungle
let the music represent that
not the same old stiff upper lip pseudo -mock- classical pomp
the same old starwars crossed with titanic
no lady there are no celtic pipes on fantabulous planets
they got their own weird music
SO WHY THIS HOLLYWOOD DROSS MUSIC
IT FUCKED THE FILM!
for me anyway
next
do people really still say stuff like
youre not only one with a gun, bitch
in 200 years time?
do the tough scientist women still puff on ciggies?
other than that
i dont think this qualifies as a special cinematic milestone
the 3D made nk so ill she left about a third in
aurora stuck it out but without her glasses
me n evie n elli escaped unscathed apparently
but i could see there were plenty of people leaving in a hurry
the special effects themselves are pretty good
not totally unbelievable brilliant
but you know good
ok good is good
on another level
i enjoyed the film
you knew from the start exactly what would happen
but it didnt matter
a classic storyline
you wanted n demanded a happy ending
a few cliffhanger moments
but the hero n heroine get through
on one level i like it
on another level i’m dissatisfied
on another level…what do ya bloody expect
evie loved it
aurora was kinda feeling a bit sick
elli was already dialling up her next appointment
on her mobile phone
me….yeah…i’m glad i saw it
i dont wanna see it again
better than a loada other films tho no doubt

bad news : already smashed a mirror on tibor 2
i side swiped something in a narrow street
crash
oh god
sorry!

just a short one

the new falcon is ALREADY playing up (FUCK!)
it goes in the garage on friday

bubble tea is a sweet (soy for me) milky drink with tapioca jelly n other jellies
ryan…..can you lend me a toof?

the flat where twills are staying till next week….well
the owners coming back suddenly leading to wailing n gnashing off teeth

tonight me n nk elli k evie k aurora k going to see avatar
in 3D at imax screen in syd
will report tomorrow

feeling like AAAAARGHHH!!!!

mary i wish that fuckin MS would just piss off
linjo i wonder if my spleen is clogged with yeast?

meanwhile
love on all a ya
sk

not much to say
my life seems complicated beyond all reason
so many things to do
so many things to read to write
so many other things
the pressures off in some ways but
i cant relax
hedonism sucks me in
paranoia whispers
i give in to anger
i give in to inertia
have to force myself sometimes
my protestant work ethic has kicked in
after all the years when i didnt do much
i got loadsa things all on the boil
what about this
what about that
of course i got the kids
they demand and deserve time
they need guidance help n discipline
i battle with trying to make them exercise n be outdoors
the computers n tvs n ipods make laziness easy
elli n minna are complex personalities
elli is like a female me
if i was gorgeous blonde swedish and 18
the problem with being like me
is that you hate any one saying
oh youre just like me
so elli cant see thats shes like me
shes simultaneously smart n stupid
and mercurially switches between either
its a tightrope of diplomacy to talk with her
this seems to be a time of argy bargy
twice the paddywagon in my street
dealing with aggro booze fuelled domestics
DID YOU FUCK HIM? DID YOU FUCKING FUCK HIM?
demands a yob of his missus at 4 a. m.
on a very very quiet morning
he then demands more specific info in graphic terms
until another neighbour goes out on her balcony n screams
will you shuttup…..? i got kids in here….
I GOT FUCKIN” KIDS IN HERE ….bawls el yob in reply
there are arguments up n down the road in the hot steamy weather
dead pine trees litter the streets celebrating what….life…?
on a planet needing all the trees it can get…..what a shame….
i bought a new car today
sorry
fuck it
i need to drive about
i bought a 9 year old pale gold ford falcon station wagon
no frills
hope its not a pale gold lemon
i can chuck gear in the back
i can park in loading zones
its like tibor but a bit better
my musical gear arrived
what it is is nothing really exciting
i got a mic
i got some very good but pricey speakers
i got a focusrite interface
i got a keyboard n stand
n some other stuff
now i got no room for it in here
in this room where i sit n i type
i cant have a painting studio n a rec studio in one room
but i dunno what to do
blather blather
anyway
thats my stimulus spending spree over
i am an addict to the bubble tea thingies
had a dip in ocean today with biggle n starr
etc
ah….thats it….
life

explosion of unbelievable energy travels up yer spine
you slump forwards but it shakes ya nonetheless
notwithstanding the technicolour flash behind yer eyes
hereinafter referred to as t.flash
t.flash zooms in n in in unbearability
the sky all frazzled
the time fizzes like singing voices sibilance
the things you took to be real
the anchors that hold you here
the breaks that you apply
the measurements you trust
you start to move out of your body
your shaken by an intense oscillating feeling
you run down the blackest corridor of em all
fuck the cops have arrived in time to see you dissolved
they shoot at you and the shots singe your starhide
but its too late to stop you know now
you remain a smile hanging in the air
you remain a laugh on the wind
you remain a name on their lips
in contraverted time where you arrive with a frump
where the clocks have faces
and the the second hands have fingers
and a load of screwy other things
that make themselves known with another t.flash
which lights up the smouldering recesses of yer cranial void
and you roll over on some hard n polishious floor
all cold n shiny like a marbled field of unending frozen patterns
cracking out to the horizon
tracking the shapes of beasts in spirit
lacquered under a varnished veneerish queerish glass
travel induces nausea
but you have nothing to throw up but the past
you heave upon the years
you choke on individual days that stick in yer craw
you taste bitter gone long gone nights of heat and darkness
you gag on on yer old gags
you spit out your spleen n bile and its tres vile
whoo you nearly faintly pass out
you remember that voice from longer go
that said
its almost like dying, isnt it…?
maybe you are dying you think
a t.flash and wave of panic
fuck fuck fuck
think think think
come down you tell yourself
somethings has destabilized me you repeat to yourself hollowly
whoo you cant feel your hands as the punch in the sequences
the numbers all fade from your mind
day and night at once
on the threshold of a million million dreams
at the hinted lands
at the promiser lands
at the mountains of mayhem n sheer madness
in the vale and veil of death
whoo sunburner moonripped

befuddled
or in another life
some mathematician
i dreamed up a groovy sequence of notes
the numbers always came up for me
the beautiful sevens
the lovely thirteens
the supreme twenty threes
with my king minus subtraction contraption
with my strings of vulgar fractions
with my areas
with my volumes
with my sweet velocity
with my ratios and indices
with my theoretical place in the universe
i juggled numbers in such a way
even those who could not understand would see
the fruitful curves of geometry
where the numbers turned into music
and the music turned into a spell
and the spell was a number of words
and each number represented a value
a colour and a letter
and i grabbed hold of existence
at its deepest square root
at the prime number embedded in its core
i tore back the zeros from the one
at once i perceived this reality’s formulae
which cannot ever be accurately expressed
only inwardly observed
everything fitted the sequence
the sequence was a loop
the loop was a circle with radii and
a voluptuous circumference
by means of certain calculations
the nature of reality could be apprehended
on paper
in pencil
or in the stars in our skies
or in the majesty of storms
or in the hand of karma
or in the arms of love
or in the art of the old masters
or in the eyes of the glorious saints
or in the finality of death
the final division
between the living and the dead
dead or alive
off or on
zero or one
we are binary creatures in an omni-dimensional model
in theatres of operations
before the great emperors of our worlds
our 3 worlds
past present future
here there everywhere
jesus jehovah holyspirit
brahma vishnu shiva
good bad and ugly
yes the threes came thick and fast as
i performed for those great kings
my number dance
my sequence of perfect notes
my musical vision
my deduction of unreality
my addition of infinties
my incredible arithmetic tock tick
oh time
oh space
oh intelligence
oh imperceptibility
out of thin air
i pulled the numbers
that proved the theorem
that justified the joy
that permeated each strata
that multiplied the data
that love increased and increased
until
suddenly
it all ceased

tragic news that gregory slay
isidore drummer
remy zero drummer
died yesterday from the big C
after a short illness
he was at home with family n friends
mr slay as we called him
was energetic charismatic generous mischievous
and very very boyish n childlike
i believe he was in his mid to late thirties
a total one off character
we instantly became fast friends
we shot a video for isidore that got aborted
we hung out a bit in l.a.
including an intoxicated isidore all night studio jam
(cmon jeffrey …send me a copy!)
where i adlibbed most of the lyrics about…mr slay…
an american jack the lad
mr slay vale my man
i am shocked at yer sudden passing
i will miss your effervescent personality

ok
i guess it had to happen eventually:
a geezer writes to me on myspace
the email is grandly entitled
“im the guy who wrote the riff in unguarded moment”
in a very nice tone
the geezer says
im sure its haunting you etc etc
but i was in such n such a band who supported you
at such n such a gig
(a gig we never actually played at, mind you!)
and church road crew recorded our show
and gave us a cassette
and gave you a cassette too apparently
which contains such n such a song
wherein you stole the riff for unguarded moment !!!???
then some very very condescending n extremely infuriating stuff
about we have all done wrong things that we try to hide etc etc
and i should make amends etc but geezer emphasizes
hes not threatening me or anything
this geezer is so wide of the mark
so pitifully delusional
everybody knows i stole that riff from the melody in ticket to ride …
anyhow i only was playing the bass part
pete n marty kinda figured out their bits
it has about as much to do with this geezer as
a fucking cod in the northern sea
yet his language is so unbelievably self-righteous
i tell ya one thing i aint ever done mr geezer
n thats sit around listening to the live tapes of bands
who opened for us in some dingy non existent pub
mr geezer my head was overflowing with songs 24/7 in them days
i never stole nothing from ya
but go ahead
sioux me!
now please dont write in my comments
oooh …why djya get so angry with that…!?
its my blogg
i get angry with whatever i like my friends
and some of this stuff is just a fucking insult
and i, like you, have my pressure points
and you know
i wouldnt have minded if they guy had written :
dear kilbey
i always wondered this
and tell me honestly now
man to man
didja rip off me riff?
signed
a geezer
ok
i would never of mentioned it again
to anyone
but this geezers language was thoroughly offensive
so geezer if yer reading
sorry pal
its not your riff
though you may think you have one very similar, i’m sure
yawn…..
and why wait 30 years
why not go me when it “happened”…?
next……
the weather is unbelievably humid
the pool was full of ninnies
the sauna full of strangers
had a mango strawberry date banana rice milk smoothy
mmmmm….

but
poor mr slay….
what a nice cat……!
R.I.P.

we see 9 pm fireworks from a high plateau above bondi
looking towards the city
a loada people gathered up there
sparklers
white wine
eskies etc
charmless youths with a mishmash of last 40 years of fashion
usually the worst n most inappropriate bits
a lot wearing those stupid little cutesy hats
guffawing n pushing n stuff…
woofle sits on my shoulders to watch
i love the greem ones best she says
we go home
i listen to beatles on balcony
one night of year you can blast yer music
but all around is relentless doof doof doof
like the drums of doom
at midnight the fireworks explode again
i just cant get too excited
some neat tricks with the hubba bridge tho
looks like its burning
the kids go to sleep
me n nk (over) indulge in everything
hell it was new years eve
wake up today
feeling sore and sorry
go down beach
its warm and steamy and raining slightly
but the sun is kinda breaking thru too
swim in the sea with all five daughters
nice to see em together
have mexican for lunch
have sno cones at beach
have bubble tea after
wow costs a fortune but it is new years day
come home
nap and wake up feeling groggy
stumble around
write blog
early night i suspect