The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

(me n cst coach ryan m
discussing the best way to wring an idiots neck)

its hard being me
its hard being a human
its hard being a creature on this planet
theres always more twists n turns ahead
accidents to avoid
crises to avert
revolutions to crush
suffering the slings n arrows
the gig in connecticut was slightly derailed
by a guy who wanted to stand up the front
in the theatre
dangling his hands on the stage
touching the cables etc
the theatre didnt want it
for whatever reason
and asks him not to
but he wants to
eventually i get kinda embroiled in it
i dont know what to do
i dont care
im neutral
but the guy is calling out
n carrying on
nothing major
just a niggling useless problem
by this stage
its all about the guy
his rights etc
he doesnt care the gig is going down the tube
maybe he cant see it
then he starts calling out to mwp
getting him involved
just losing all our momentum
the guy loved the church
but in the end
it ended up damaging us
this is what i mean
as a human being
you push one way
you get the opposite result
you protect freedom…you get a police state
you tolerate anything…you lose yer freedom
you try n help but you often hinder
you try to be consoling
people say dont condescend
try not to get involved you become aloof
try to get involved and youre in someones face
this isnt just for me
its for everyone
some kinda design error makes everything hard
until you finally get
windows that dont open
because someone jumped outta window once
so
now no go in most american hotels
THE WINDOWS WONT OPEN
FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!!
how about
for your own safety this gun doesnt shoot
for your own safety the war has been cancelled
for your own safety the bad food is unavailable
ha ha
yeah
so i tried hard after the annoying man finally buggered off
but somehow my attention was diverted
i was thinking about a load of stuff
instead of being in the zone
where i shoulda been all along
because thats when you get a good show
still
no one wanted it to happen
but it did
just like iraq n vietnam n ww1 n 2
and all the other stuff
from tiny to huge
that just keeps going wrong here
for us hu-man beings
we did recover towards the end
and ended up having an ok gig
but
just one of those things
like stubbing your toe
or catching a cold
or killing yourself to live
or the beatings will continue until morale improves
let me say this
i do my best usually
i listen to what you say
a lot to juggle
imagine being a president or general or pilot or captain
everyday i hear n see contrary things
i get confused
i make bad calls
i make poor decisions
i ignore the wrong people
i listen to the wrong people
ah
sometimes the futility of it all
i dunno

tonite its albany
last u.s. gig
we re here now
its a weird kinda theatre
in a govt building
who knows how its gonna go…?
see ya
sk upstate new york
empire plaza
albany

yeah new york
wow
oh boy
gee
thats me n belfrank in the pic
in a genuine backstage pic taken in nyc
new new nnn new york city now
up to lexington 1 2 5
yeah the village man
yeah down in washington square hoo boy
the neon lights are bright on broadway
they say
downtown
uptown
midtown
whatever
visit my old prison cell
try on my old handcuffs…sentimental devil i am
i climb up empire state building
i do speed with loo read
i do some painting with andy war-hole
i hang out with jackson bollock
i shoot morph-een with billy burrows
i have breakfast at tiffanys (diamonds on toast)
i get a cab up to harlem and clean the train station
i get lost in some west side storey
i am subsumed in the steam
i am eaten up by the crowds on 83rd street
new york
much better than old york
much better than tom york
much better than york iller, arent you?
yeah
im so fucking hip
im so cool
im so where its all happening
the very epicentre of everything
i’m here and youre not
aint that too bad
rock n roll aminal
forget that i’m 54 cos i just got paid
subscribe or shut up
and to that nasty little sourpuss haunting my bloggs
YEAH I GOT A BIG N UGLY NOSE
EVERYONE HAS SAID SO MY WHOLE LIFE
NOW LETS HAVE A SHOT OF YOUR SCHNOZZLE…MR PRETTY
ooh sorry bout that…..
ah where was i….
i sit here with belfrank
we listen to new gb3
gee its good aint it?
yep
would i foist any second rate palaver onya?
would i what??!!
tonite
i will be redeemed
new york will love my
intelligence
my sophistication
my hot ancient boddy
my silver beard
my velvet voice
my hip references
and my great big hooked n ugly nose!
anyway
nnnnnnnew york city now
oh wow
how cool am i????

yeah
i write
i type
i’m that type
i remember streams of notes and words
i’m fluent in bass guitar
moor than you can dream of it
my busy fat little fingers
im waiting for you backstage
im a carpet
im a fridge full of exotic beers
im a ashtray
im a gig
im a venue
im a parking lot
im the headliner n the support
i sing the body corporate
i sing the songs that make the whole world cry
i sing like a beast and i bellow like a ram
i kilbey
no one else
could
would
wanna be
i kilbey
in the blackened room
with the loud noises
with all the gizmos n gadgets
to bring my fucking songs to life
my song of song of songs
i need drums i need strings
i need reeds
i need some air
here i am in the gig
here i am outside the gig
here i am drivin’ away from the gig
here i am forgettin’ the gig
here i am then
kilbey kilbey kilbey
you cant get enuff of me until then…
you suddenly have a little overdose
whoops
kilbey overdose coming thru
too much of a good thing
its too rich
im too sweet
im tout suite too
no one on the street
the drums go thump thump thump
the stuff all gets moved around
someone does the vacuuming
someone buys a ticket at the box office
outside the trees sway in the breeze
who gives a freaking frigg about any of this
the made up world
the strings of words
the fawning ninnies
the angry bouncers
the bored barmaids on their mobiles
the luggers n loaders
the crew
the others
me
my brain
my fingers
my throat
what do i have that anyone wants to see
some mad old half aussie hippy
who smoked a joint n got hooked on strawberry fields
forever n forever n forever
still in buffalo
i meet kristinas sister
it was 100 years ago i spent the winter here
yes thats right
one hundred years ago in some long winter
man she sure had some wherewithal
she had the knowledge thats wonderful
maybe she became nk in some mad mixup
where my songs collided with my lifey life
and until i didnt know what was going on
and
i imagine scarlet kilbey will shake this world around
i imagine eve n aurora dispensing love n mercy
n elli n minna on top of some heap
oh my eyes ache
my uneven steven eyes
im 54…can you really dig that number
because i cant
by my calculations i should be older nuff to know better
adam franklin is a nice cat
so is lee n mikey
i love listening to em each night
you should check em out
still in buffalo
i wander round the olde neighbourhood from that song
its hard to tell without the snow
maybe i’m just a ghost now too
a hundred years is a long time until its gone
i fall asleep in some hundred year old starbucks
in a comfy armchair sucking a soy hot chocky
i start to dream of my little bedroom in bondi
i sit in my chair waiting for my wife to come to bed
the house is so quiet
the children all asleep n tangled
my wife so slim n pretty
my wife so young n playful
my wife all blonde and tipsy
i reach out for her white white skin when…
steve
steve
hey kilbey….!
ive dropped off at the wheel
weve crashed into the charts at 1660
weve driven thru a field of magnetic poppies
grant is with me
steven…..he says astonished
i was having the strangest dream
i look around all my pals in the van
kraal-man
ricki ticki tavi
markus
the ice berg guys
the little lord of course
simon polinski at the controls
hes adding more reverb to something
a load of middle aged guys swamp me
hey steve i saw you in 1853 at that valley forge gig
hey steve i saw you on the mayflower
hey steve i saw you at the court of william of orange
the music all plays backwards
it all sucks into itself
ziggy sucked off into his brain
i remember to remember that much
and i check into some room
outside is some dead city
people speaking a freaking dead language
tonite the church dead in necropolis
says the poster
the dark streets full of fear
i dont wanna play
but someone pushes me out the fuck on stage
my dad says
slim how do you know what to do?
i turn to my dad
dad please be big and warm n smelling of cigs n old spice
a sign says
no readmittance
a sign says
staff only
a sign says
please wash out your mouth before singing
aunty lou says hah! he’s no singer…..not him…
someone unlocks a door and the crowd trickle in
a plague of middle aged men
i drown in their tertiary degrees
they throw their credit cards at me
but i have no swipe
they call out in the fog
all of us lost
all of us had the best deckchairs on that titanic
i had a cabin with a lovely view of some desolated parking lot
its canada on a saturday night
someone buys drugs on de yonge street
someone faraway milks his cow outside saskatoon
someone on the prairie listens to priest equals aura
much further south
the falls keep falling
the boys limber up for their soundcheck
jorden brebach plays snippets of down to the cardboard
over the p.a.
no strings attached
no certainty either
clint eastward
crowdy rowdy head yates
bang bang
someone shot thru
it was me
not you

i

last nite
what does it matter now
we jump in the cars and drive some more
past terrible factories where people die for their living
past nice little streets with nice little houses
past alleyways and broken down buildings
jumped up border guards
who solemnly say
with no hint of irony:
sir, i’m protecting my country
and hes got that fervent look
and you know hes a bit mad mad mad
and the huge utes and wagons roll past
and the macdonalds got it all sewn up
a million truckstops
a million heart attacks
a million acres gone
but the earth aint infinite
when will it all give….?
yes i briefly met peter hammill
who is slender and quiet
like a oxford professor
i eat my dinner too close to show n go on feeling sluggish
after show i go back to hotel fleapitt and i sleep for 11 hours
still feel knackered today
still feel like a daze
a permanent reverie
i get angry if any one asks me anything
my reverie is rubbery an achey haze
we roll into buffalo
well its like a dead city downtown here
i get lucky we stay at the hyatt
wow
nice room n everything
can you see it in the picture?
up high with a view over the city
the weather is overcastish n nondescriptish
the streets are emptyish
the town seems half closed down
is it a holiday here i ask someone
oh no no no no…they laugh n shake their heads
the theatre district seems emptyish too
hardly a person anywhere
is this the recession or what?
i go up to my room n sleep some more
all the late nights /early mornings come back n haunt me
sometimes i feel like i dont care
and it fills me with vertigo to not care
sometimes i’m just going through the emotions onstage
the words n notes come n go
a series of symbols i invented once
a long way from the source
i stand here somewhere
playing to these tables n chairs n these glasses of wine
what more could you want
what more could you expect
i shake peoples hands but my mind is far away
i pull my haze down over my head
yoga seems like a struggle with myself
i eat too much sugary rubbish
outside buffalo is most uninviting
the opposite of rome or melbourne with their bustling/hustling
buffalo seems deserted
the odd person wanders along
i cant go out there tonite and walk about
where to?
i am trapped within my hotelwomb
spending the summer up in buffalo
i wonder about that song i wrote
maybe it all happened in another world
maybe the city was something else
maybe i sit here now listening to popol vuh
its almost 8 in the even
ing and a weak sun tries for a last bit of shining
the weather is neutral
its like nothing
i look out over bridges trees houses
a city set up for winter
i feel more lonely than ever
as the tour comes to an end
i feel quite desolate
not because i dont want the tour to end
but some kinda angst….will this be the last
how can we ever turn it all around?
touring you love it and hate it
some nights youre on fire
some nights youre flat n weak
some knights are off
but to do what?
yoga …i guess
and rest a little
before the last hectic bit
tomorrow night buffalo
the night after n.y.c.
that should be chaos n mayhem in a nutshell
ok
hadda nuff
see you later
commentater
i see we still have a little voice of a carping turkey
plaguing my comments
can you imagine the tedious jealousy that fuels his every word..?
oh…and i gotta get my eyes re-aligned
the left one is 4 inches above the right!
the ugly bastard

fanciful fool out the back of theatre
an enclosed courtyard
the soft breezes sing
the sound in my ears
last nites music still plays on
i get up
i go on
i get going
i go hot n cold
i crouch i lunge i stand still
i kneel i dont know why
hamilton ont
hammer town
walk the streets
at least i been here
tired ness stricks me
i must stop before

have had a horrible day
driving to buffalo
and on
where we are gonna cross into canada
we are doing a gig in hamilton
opening for van der graf generator
it musta seemed like a good idea at the time
but
we have driven a whole 12 hours to get here
i feel disconnected depressed and jittery
too much caffeine
quite frankly i wish i was at home
last nite was another good gig
in a hot n dark little place
i dunno
i feel like this has been an awful day
i wanna get to bed
still to get thru border crossing n drive to hamilton
i’m over it
fuck it
i hadda nuff
sk somewhere on canadian border
fourth of july
almost midnight
and ive fucken hadda nuff

ok
at about 1 00 in morning we queue up
to get into canada
we have to go in the place
where they check us out
then
just a short drive to hamilton…right?
wrong
roadworks saw five lanes of busy july 4 traffic
turn into one lane
it took another 1 n half hours to drive the 40 miles!!
arrive at the crumbiest smelliest hotel in the world
a cigaretty flea pit
outside it looks like a bad bit of detroit or something
yippee
all to open for some olde band
even older than us
in a tiny theatre…..
gee
i’m underwhelmed
i need some new socks…..

i wake up confused
who where what am i
where in the world
am i?

more later maybe

in a little house in the woods
its a gig
do yoga in a field but the bugs close me down
try to do interview in field but mozzies attack hard
tonite tupelo music hall, nh
lush verdant fields
trees
lovely buildings
tonites gig is like a n.a. meeting in the woods
like in the swedish woods
the weather warm n still
a feeling of contentment in people i meet
summer is easy here
in this strange little house
in these woods
seems like middle of nowhere
but gig nearly sold out
holly is here
mem rumoured to be near
klk the man without whom none of this would be happening
belfrank is here
erik e with some of his jazzy bingles
yeah
now backstage waiting

tonite the troc
the very gig i met my sweet lil wife in 1998
wife told em
i gonna marry him
and lo it came to pass
nk could remember our future together
before it happened
as soon as we met up…….well…
and it happened here
in these very rooms
last night was a strange but good gig
after the big fair dinkum theatre at falls church
we do this like dinner cabaret set up at the rams head
something in me fires
and i jump around all night like a childe
so full of energy i was simply astonished
all on this tiny little stage
felt like i was showing off to my parents friends
and i gave it to em with both barrels
there was lots of cheering and standing up by the audience
they enjoyed it quite a bit i would say
the room had a weird L shape
and it seemed most people were in the wrong part of the L
bloody L !
afterwards there were meteorologists doctors engineers
and peoples with other interesting jobs
sign stuff etc
today we drive to philly
city of brotherly love
we drive thru a bit of delaware
wow
anyway
we arrive at troc
but everything seems to have changed
the rooms the same
but all the ghosts have gone
the memories do not cling
i find no trace left of our first meeting here
it was cold and dark that night
today is sunny and bright
i can suck nothing out of this building
like the time me n russell visited our old school
but could find no nostalgia lingering
we stood there empty handed in the quadrangle
but no old memories came flocking to soothe us
to lead us back where we obviously wanted to go
back to the days of yore and your youth
the sun was too bright that day
russell said : the ghosts wont come in this sun….
anyway
its just another empty venue in the afternoon
like a load of others
with its own charms and blues
with its one million stories
with its sweat n blood n tears n beers n ash
with its faded grandeur
with its whatever it was
ive played here maybe 4 times now
we never get a very big crowd
and its quite a big gig
man it would be good to see them balconys full…
steven tyler : dream on!
last nite was a stadium show in a 300 seat cafe
if only if only if only
philly is a big busy and occasionally heavy city
dont be in the wrong parts and acting dumb, now
be cool and hopeth that they treatheth thee cool
was recognized twice on the road
once at a truckside stop buying trail mix
a lady with her extended family in tow :
excuse me are you a singer?
me : yes i am
oh wow i saw you guys last night…
the whole family are happy for her
they all stand back smiling happily
the grandfather says
keep talking we like your accent
the next time is in the carpark
a lady asks me to sign her u 23 cd
gladly lady that mayest i do..
now im just sitting here
did a huge yoga session this morning
lotta people suddenly interested in yoga
tim says to me
are you the first person to do yoga n rock
at the same time
i dunno
the 2 somehow go together
why have all this flexibilty n mobility n not use it
so i go up n down n round n about
i crouch n hop n jump n skip
it feels real good to do it
it just kinda happens
but there also is a message
veg/yog/ex
do it or become stiff forever
(but not where you wanted probably)
you dont have to get so old so fast
or do what you like
and you’ll be sorry
when youre my age
and you cant bend yer knees
or you cant hop skip n bleeding jump
go ahead sit there then
yoga is like magic
but you dont get to cast a spell for a while
till you show yer dedication n resilience
no easy quick way
only hours of hard but lovely work
as you tune in
yeah tune in
to your self
to the planet
to the universe
sounds grandiose?
sure it is
hey i’m made of the very stuff of this universe
my intelligence
bewildered by maya
seduced by the zeitgeist
has some how gotten me outta tune
i need to get back in tune
i need to apprehend phenomena accurately
like a cat does
you dont see cats miss the mark when they jump on a fence
they dont hesitate they dont second guess
they feel it
the intuitively know exactly how high n hard to jump
thats what yoga will give you eventually
eventually
and if you practice hard for five years n you dont get that
whatever else you did get
will more than make up for it
its win/win
its guaranteed
i hear a lotta talk about protein
a lotta people say they cant be vegan cos theres no protein
where do gorillas get their protein then?
a lotta big heavy lazy people say they need their protein
looks to me you hadda enough “protein” for a while, my friend
if you sit at a desk and watch tv and not much exercise
why you need all this protein
if you a marathon runner ok i guess
but c’mon
look around ya
where do i get my sodding protein from
and im not fucking fading away am i?
i got energy to sing it out and heft heavy bass and jump about
wheres all the protein i needed for that?
i tell you where
by abstaining a little from all that delicious food
by exercising and breathing
by the sunlight and fresh air from chi and prana
from water and fruit and vegetables
just like a gorilla
yeah i got 24 hour non stop on tap energy
i can pull a song outta the air or walk along ten mile beach
never puffed out
no aches n pains
can sleep at night
this quality of life is so important
in my naivete i urge it upon you
in my heart i dont believe anyone “needs” meat
tho they say they do
i dont believe it
its their meat addiction talking them back into it
yes even after years n years’
you dont need it
you just want it
anyway come along n see me
see if you think i’m telling the truth
yoga is the bees knees
one day youll even thank me if you start n persevere
the ones who dont will never know
aint it always the way

dont let them put their wires in my brain
ive lost the plot
i’m live in americker
i’m a rocking rolling spawn of seitan
i’m the hot wired wi-fi lo-fi fee fo fi fum
i spell the blood of an englishman
(type OH)
i’m that smooth swimmer
i’m that hopping hopeless crooner the sooner the better
i’m wetter in water
i down in the pond
but 2 ducklings got me called
grabham n peckham
i aint chicken, maryland
the rams head tonight
i hope the sound aint too woolly, dont ewe?
i’m lost in my hotel room
i cant find the i-door
i cant use my i-bed
i cant stand the floor
the ceiling is unsealing
the pc is un-pc
everything adds up to nothing
divide it n what do you get
bibbitty bobbitty boo
what is music
noise rearranged
what is art
something you like to look at
what is love
the necessity to reproduce
what is life
a brief brief candle
what is kilbey
an olde olde fool
what is madness
another way of seeing things
why did you name your band the church
i dunno but i wish i hadnt
how was doing yer washing yessaday
loads o fun..tim n i caught up on star enquirers
how is annapolis
pretty pretty
i go down to the water the chesapeake bay
wishing my wifeling was here
because we are big fans of this neck of the woods
because in this hotel several years ago
i told aurora at breakfast
that i had to leave em n keep on touring
her answer : her head fell forward into her oatmeal
and
gee its really special here with all these trees
do people in orstraylia know how lovely the east coast
n midwest are in sweet sweet summertime
oh my word its so love love lovely
sentimental olde git these trees speak to me
oh i love the trees
i love them
i notice each one
i revere trees
i am the arbour man
i am the arboreal lord of leaves
the stumbler pon roots
the branch king
yes i love my trees and leaves
oh my wordy now yes i do
and swan king the elf lord the eater of souls
lord vishnu the preserver
preserve your trees
let the people of this earth be struck by good sense
please leave the leaves alone
believe in the leaves
trees everywhere
plant em grow em
commune with their spirits
walk in cool glades
celebrate summer naked in the beckoning forest
here i am
christian wolfe
here i am
mangey panther
here i am white rosehips moses
here i am stephen jon kilby
here the nut case dash board
here i am
in the summer
seek me
accept no substitutes
i am the time being
i am the killer who slays with love
i am the shy show off
the complicated simpleton
a stupid genius
a professional amateur
the vegetarians will prevail
the yogis will prevail
the music will prevail
the swimmers will prevail
we will all win the lottery
we already have
drink plenty of water
call me in the morning
if you still feeling
green

pittsburgh…..
yeah…i remember…uh…pittsburgh
i do my second yoga session in a corridor outside an office
its warm
the theatre is olde and funky
the vibe is cool n laidback n easy
i guess about 200 people
but guess what
they really like us
they are very appreciative
they really seem to love what we’re doing
but for fucks sake
we are one of the best bands in the world
we are underappreciated
and now 200 folks have just stumbled upon us
here in PA
down in a run down theatre in boho-ville
but when we start to play
all bets are off
the sheer inexorability of our sound
when unleashed full throttle….
i dance about but in truth weariness gnaws at my bones
i still try my hardest but occaisionally find myself drifting off
i think about some daydream
and when i come back ive missed chunks of the song
i strive to be in the here n now
but the combination of internal and external proclivities
always produces a mild confusion in me
everything thats happened to me lately bewilders me
coincidences sinkron-icities
nightmares and visions
i am now where no one else much has gone
my combo of attributes and failings
my triumphs n despairs
my big mouth and hard heart
yeah all of that n more
pittsburgh…yeah…i really enjoyed playing there
we jump offstage before encore
a door opens
ive gone from being onstage playing at a million decibels
to being out on a crowdy boho street smoking mother nature
people drift past like in a lucid dream
i puff n drift
my reality moorings are further loosened
back onstage for some more music
i pluck my bass
i sing my words
it seems i can do no wrong
it all just happens
like driving a car
the music embedded in me by now
it just rolls out like a tap turned on
plucking the bass so easy to do
yoga helps me
yoga got me loose limbed like a goose
yoga suggests things
yoga says jump around if yer happy
rock to the east
rock to the west
stay still
yeah suddenly people are interested in yoga
you can see the proof in me
not because i am extraordinary
but because i persevered and i got the results
and i can bend around like an 18 year old
and boy does it feel good
the yoga is getting me in tune with everything else
dont ask me how it works but it works
it may take years but it works
eventually
its hard work
and the more you need it the harder it is
if you wanna grow young again just do yoga every day
you cant learn yoga from a video
you need classes
and practice it day in day out
the more you do
the quicker you approach some lovely state of grace…
yeah
last nights hotel had a horrible smell
a strange antiseptic smell that had gone off somehow
oh my word it was verily a nasty pong
and could i get the internet to work
could i like hell….
red roof inn…you have been warned
young craigie is playing up a storm with both bands
and charming the locals with his aussie accent
and it will be hard to ever play without the keys again
hes a very amenable chap and always seems to be “up” to something
i feel sure sooner or later he will be snapped up
by a big band
or by a cougar
or by his own success
one can never tell
gary and kerry watching on from cambelltown
we salute you
young craigie is doing quite well
i’m sure goodness and mercy
will follow him all the days of his life
a valuable utility player….for the time being…
the adam franklin guys are great guys
and im loving listening to em more n more every night
we are quite complimentary to each other
theres some great guitar moments in adams set
its unique stuff
now ive driven 4 n half hours to get to falls creek virginia
which is a suburb of washington dc kinda
its close to a loada places
lovely venue
weve presold maybe 300 tickets
boy
signing stuff aftershow is doing my head in
whatever i do or say i feel stupid
its such an awkward situation
i never thought people would fucking venerate us
its a weird feeling to suddenly be me
some old underappreciated n venerated dude
like im confucious or something
the venerable bead
but fuck it all i’m nearly 55
i guess i am arrived at an age of veneration
but this is confusing too
i have not prepared for my role
i dont know how or who to be
sometimes i try to be real
but what is real to someone doing this
long long drives
everynight in a different bed
loud music
adoring crowds albeit smallish ones
people shaking your hand
people telling ya yer great
nice people too
educated people
cool people and uncool people
suave and naive
young n old
boy they like their church
i just gotta smile
and count my blessings
and dont worry I DO
i ring up nk at 2 in morning
she and girls in centennial park sydney
daddy …says scarlet
we’re feeding the ducks and the eels…
in my nasty smelling room alone in the night
i can imagine
how nice it would be…
gonna hit the mat for an hour
hang in there you would be yogis
persist like yer life depends on it
and
in some ways
it does