The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

i arrive at an airport in the heat
i disembark and collect some luggage
i breeze thru the building
a car is waiting for me
i jump in and it zooms off silently
all around the humidity and the brilliant green trees
swampy gardens merge into spectacular red flowers
the air conditioning purrs
i sit back in the seat watching the sultry suburbs go past
temples and small jungles
walls grown over with ivy
streets leading who knows where
it begins to lightly rain
we drive through exclusive neighbourhoods
a confusion of architecture
steles and little towers
ponds bridges palms brooks
peacocks wander around
finally arrive in some driveway
a garage door slides open
and we go inside
i jump out of the car
i go through a door
through a passage
i enter a long cool corridor
dimly lit
strange paintings hang on the wall
the carpet is sumptuous
the heat is defeated herein
lovely music plays somewhere
i walk down the corridor
i look at the paintings closely
its so hard to focus
the still lives seem to move
the portraits bulge out
they sweat wink and smile
i walk on n on
through the gathering storm
yes
in the darkness of the long corridor
a storm has been assembled
and it blows towards me
the portraits all scream
something appears within the storm
a black lack
an emptiness
a void
i reach for my knife
but the emptiness swallows me whole
and i stumble in some nothingness and
i swoon to the soft floor
a light comes on
people emerge from the hive
the lions prowl at the edges of civilization
helicopters come down in boiling seas
the vines and lianas strangle the trees
the statues crumble under the rain
the traffic skids to a halt
the old way is closed

so tangled tonight
such a fair light
its so still
my heart drags
the stars
the clouds
all the usuals
this is hurting a bit
i sang today
yeah i stood there singing
where was i?
far far away
singing this about that
i sang some song
same song
about pursuit
theres me in my mansuit singing pursuit
the drums go boom
the guitar go clang
the bass go throb throb throb
some people clap
i sing some more
i stand there singing more to the grapes n trees
i stand there looking out at it all
i sing some more
they clap some more
i walk off
clap clap
i smoke some dope
i talk some talk
i eat some dinner
i hit the road
thats it

deep n dirty
the wind burns
my eyes are wild
hurtling headlong
friction ripping off my layers
i re enter an atmosphere
i plunge downwards towards the end
i fall apart all over the place
look out now
when ya gonna learn
i achieve velocity with mere words
put the petal to the metal
i explode in your mind like a balm
i am all over the shop excuse me
i blast out my raquet in the omni friggin’ present heat
i wobble before i pick up speed
i overheat so easily in the marshes
soon we are lost on the highway in :
trees wave limply in the still air
something slips into the water
every move brings more stalemate
i randomly string sentences together
and pretend its a blog
or a poem
or an impressionistick diary
barry came down the pool n punched my head in
dutch peter n lightfoot dragged him away
covered in my blood
barry slipped into the sea
he was immediately snapped up by a nasty sharky shark
which masticated him agonizingly
sorry bout the grin then
in my dream
im singing some song
in the heaty heat
and i
like
look out n there is my accountant david r
now a knight of the garter snake
and i think
i’m glad he gotta good seat then
and then
i wave my eyes around
i open my arms
good god….i’m ascending…thru out…
i twinkle
i hover
i disappear
properly
away from the hoi polloi
who couldnt dig my deep trip
in the swamp of my life
i flail i flounder
i tread on dangerous things
i put my hand in the wrong places
i trust my voice which whispers wordlessly
it says
only when youre dead
only
when
youre
dead
i enter samsara
check in here
the voice warns me guides me guards me
the voice in my head talks in a dead language
the voice in my head instructs me to do unspeakable things
the voice in my head keeps mentioning some stupid name
i begin to lose my temper down the long black hall
i imagine all the tiniest details of some room
i dont think ive ever been or wanna go
i turn on the radio and out jumps that voice again
the voice gives me addresses
it gives me messages from our beyond
from our far flung beyond over yonder
from some dead painter wanna use me
let me see
he says in some flemish cafe
as he counts out twenty ducats
the summer day has dazzled everyone here
we sit around languidly drinking n smoking
we celebrate the moon by strictly observed rites
kilbey types away
the painter has a sleep
the farmer grows his stuff
the dealer slings his bags
the singer sings things better left unsung
the junkie misses the vein
the driver misses the train
the lion misses the lamb
the lamb is jammed in a jamb
maybe it should ram
yeah i do my best
yeah i wander abroad
yeah i don a disguise
go amongst men as a beggar
please pay me for my bloggs
i shout feebly into the dust of caesars wanking chariot
i am whipped down by the mercenaries
who ride in empires wake
you dont know the half of it sunshine
kilbey has nearly had enough
time to close up shop
time to hunker down
time for private life
time for the trees that speak to me of their properties
time to muse on everything that ever happened to me
time to straighten it all out before i lay me down in slumber
leave me then
here
no where else to go
but wherever i want
but i dont believe it
not all the time

fiendss
your humble bumbling hero did well
a lovely venue
a big crowd
an appreciative bunch
the triffids played like demons
i came on 2/3 rds the way thru
sing stolen property
everything goes according to plan
the words now lodged in my head
i am free to interpret
what an amazing song
it goes down great
next lonely stretch
wow
we knock it dead
next wide open road
good but not as good as the others
encore :field of glass
i go to fucking town
running about screaming myself horse
i fall to my knees
i wave me bloody arms about
i give it everything
i let my mind shutup
and i let my voice just roar n sing
the words all come off their carousel in my head
i nail it
i nail it good
no major cock-ups
some minor timing issues,,,nothing more
what a great nite
im knackered
go home
eschew after party bollocks
tomorrow : bimbadgen winery
ok
i’m well on course
love
kilbey

melnibone
too thousand plus nine
temp : 117 degrees
altitude : cruising, thank you
destination : yet to be confirmed
mission : to lose myself within 4 songs
while simultaneously getting l’audience off

this only will be accomplished by giving it my all
tonight hamer hall
i must be marvellous yes
but i must subsume myself
to the greater purpose:
the transcendence of l’audience
its not about me
i am a cog in a big mechanism
wow they gotta lotta players
biggest band i ever played with
2 drummers
2 keyboardists
up to 6 or 7 guitarists
2 violinsts
i cellist
i bass player (but what a player)
sometimes electric vibes
and a whole bunch of singers
a three hour plus extravaganza
a crash course in the genius of dave mccomb
if you aint crying at the end of this…….
rehearsed yesterday
man
if its as good as it was yesterday tonight
i’ll be well pleased
when i sing these songs
i release some inner beasts
and they come roaring up to the surface
kicking out that smirking detached kilbey
and replacing him with some charged up
souped up
geed up
geezer
wow but they are great songs to sing
you can never love yer own songs
the way you love anybody elses
its not possible
my own songs ….ah i know how they were done
other people songs i can lose myself in
i play a part
but the part swallows me up
i am amazed everytime i open my eyes
i’m just singing a song
i hope the triffids extravaganza
comes to a town near you
cos this is like the last waltz or rolling thunder revue or sumthing
i got butterflies n goosebumps
just sitting here
dressed in a towel
in some hotel just behind the gig
its already hotter than than the billy-o
(a line from a song i sing tonight
summer vacation n its 40 degrees)
ok
time for yoga
lunch meeting
soundcheck
wait around
wait around
wait around
then
knock knock knock…mr kilbey……..
YOURE ON!

dont come here looking for answers
i am quite patently mad
my parallel universes are leaking
vishnu swirls it all around
the walls and barriers have collapsed
everything is on
everything happens at once
clairaudience
i got it in spades
i’m sitting in the park with kathy my twin sister
well she looks like elektra my daughter
only shes taller i guess
and shes dressed like them biblical n ancient women
and shes saying steven why did you let me fade in your world…?
and i’m saying oh kathy…
when david neil and ricky turn up
and ricky looks like my dad when he was young
and david neil looks tired
and david says
i been talking to ricky about my album, man…
ricky says: wait till ya hear this stuff, man…
and ricky says : hey kathy….how you doing…?
and kathy says: ooh its our mister ricky….
and david neil says : i didnt know you hadda sister, man
and he says : hi , my names david….
and kathy giggles
and she says: oh i know who you are…..
and ricky plonks himself down and he starts rambling
hes talking about a show he saw
but i aint listening
i’m watching david chatting up kathy
and i’m getting real real angry as they sit there laughing
and davids saying did you hear these guys are rereleasing my stuff….?
and kathys saying i bought the wilderness years for my brothers birthday
when we were sixteen……
and david says hey far out are you identical twins?
and kathys explaining all the different types of twins to david
and rickys telling me about this guitar hes gonna buy
and then ricky leans in low n says
man theres been a lot of print-thru today…..
i say what do you mean, hombre?
he looks up at the darkening sky
you know…the parallels….bleeding in to us here…
do you really believe in that stuff? i ask
whoah man…aint that david neil…hes dead!
and steve….kathys not supposed to be here….ricki hisses
i say fuck!
david neil and kathy stand up
we’re gonna get a drink he says
oh yeah ?….i say standing up
ricky says ooh take it easy n slightly restraining my arm
i shake it off angrily
i take kathy aside
dont go n drink with him!
she stares back
a female version of me
or am i
a parallel male version of her?
she was born 13 minutes after me
i have always tried to boss her around
i have always competed with her for dads affection
i have done things to get her into trouble
i have been rude and stupid and aloof
she stares back at me furious
i dont even exist in your world
and you dare to tell me who i can drink with…!?
david neil sticks his nose in
whats the problem here my man?
no fucking problem man…
we start pushing each other
you canadian prick….
you fuckin’ wanna piece of me..?
get yer fucking coat off then….
ricky jumps up
whoa hey hey slow down
he gently takes neil outta my face
kathy shakes her head
steven, he’d have you for breakfast…dont be stupid…
kathy i say
dont fuck david neil!
we stand there facing off
the same height
the same eyes
the same intensity
steven she says
you got some fucking nerve…
and then she smiles
and she looks just a photo i saw of her once
and she tries to embrace me
but i’m pushing her away
no no no
and david neil says :kathy, you comin’?
and its night now properly
and peacocks stroll through the park
and genetically modified unicorns
and lovely little water dragons
and graceful striped swans
and mythological chimeras
and dwarves dressed in satin finery
and marc bolan comes out of a big hollow tree
and dad appears out of nowhere
dont tell me you 2 are at it again?
and he looks at kathy with favour
and me with disfavour
ricky says is that your dad?
and kathy says
dad this is ricky n this is david
and dad says david neil?
david says yeah
and dad sings a few bars of one of davids songs
and everybody laughs a little
and dad starts talking about the piano
and kathy puts her arm around his waist
and they both giggle as she squeezes him
come ‘ere then slim! dad says
and kathy and dad beckon to me
but i cant i cant i cant
and david neil says
steve whats up with you?
and i turn around
david youre dead
dad youre dead
kathy you dont belong here anymore
ricky says : now youre being a real bummer, man…
and i say
ok
all of you
do what you want
and i’m crying in frustration
cos i cant control anybody let alone myself
and i love davids music
and i love my long gone dad
and i love my little sister kk
but they all walk away
walk away
walk away
you could go after ’em says ricky quietly
no i couldnt i say
and we both sit there for a long time in the darkness
eventually my amigo pulls something out of his pocket
and sticks a thin white joint in my gob
what about the cops i say?
fuck em ! he says
as his lighter flares
in the black australian summer night
and i inhale
deeply

softness
entering sleep another way
meander over verdant vista
hook up with yourself sometime
forever never over
the place where songs are
pictures of songs
vision of sound
songs growing wild
songs on the vine
songs for the asking masking and basking
songs long and short
songs of songs
what is a good song?
a good song makes it better
a bad song makes it worse
my songs avoid these issues
my songs are not good or bad
my songs are ideas
expressed by the uni-verse
through me
its only son
my songs are not about things
they are the things themselves
once written they exist eternally
once sung they move into your cortexes
my songs i heard on some wind
my songs i snatched from your dreams
my songs accompany me through life
they arrive before me and switch on the music
they wait till i am asleep n turn off the light
my songs are solid
my songs have minds of their own
when my songs hear a new song
they come running to me
“a new song a new song!”
my songs dont argue with each other over keys
my songs are so ambiguous
only god knows their true meaning
my songs have no true meaning on earth
i borrowed them from the thin air
i never remember their birthdays
once gone some never return
once youve worked them out
they will become shy around you
my songs are memoryproof
my songs are as good as their word
my songs are masculine feminine and child
my songs call on the past
they visit the future
they dabble in the present
they discover themselves
re establish a connexion
burn themselves onto hard distance
my songs go lala la la la la de da
my songs go bang bang bang
my songs howl in terror and delight
my songs are bait a trap a fix a stone
a stallion
a river
a counter point
a reprise
why dont we sing this song altogether
open our eyes let the pictures come

kilbey
type
type
type
go olde boy
type it all up
like an eagle in the skyways
its too hot to imagine a blog
the sweat runs over my ibook
as i labour away
in the bristling morning
stick on my migrastick for my ever present headache
i told ya genius was pain
i’m hot n i’m angry
and all these words pouring outta me like the sweat
and planes cruise thru the painful sky
their noise re echoing in the filthy heat
oh the drums
oh the drums
oh the infernal summer
sitting here unclad n sweating
hot n red like an olde lobsterman
in some hot little hole
i wave my great clause around
and i boil slowly in the drowning air
get a fix on me
i’m just behind those cliffs
in my hot little house
and i’m tuned in to the heat
and i’m wired up all over my mansuit
and i move thru this air like a missile
i eat mangoes n bananas
i drink rice milk
at least my diet is pure
i vibrate so much faster now
i can dissolve
i can leave if i want
i have written 2 thousand songs
i sing the body hypnotique
i am no prophet in any land
i am too fucking good for them
i coulda been a contenderizer
i coulda had it all
but it was not my fate
this had to be my path
because fame n flattery n gluttony
bring ya monotony
and if you try to play
monotony
you may end up with a supertax gobblin’ up your pass go dough
while being in mayfair in a red hotel recedes into yer distance
and i’m tired of only being second in the beauty contest
and i’m too hot to care about yer triple double six
and i wont visit ya in jail
because i hate those timid freed men
and i suppress murderous thoughts
brought on by the oh the heat…
i hit the pool soon
yeah if i swim it all out like an eagle in the skyway
yeah my unicorn you were born to it
yeah lithon the black
the rider of stars
yeah
tyrannosaurus rex
the eater of cars
yeah
time being in excelsis
the kicker of arse
yeah
cover me wild bill hickok
yeah cover me botticelli
yeah cover me mickey finn
yeah cover me gala dali
yeah cover me dave mccomb
yeah cover me ian rilen
yeah cover me narcissus
yeah cover me bewlay sisters
yeah heres some heat for all my fans still in winter
heres some hot air from the furnace of the sun
heres some gaseous explosions straight outta mah head
heres some warmth from my savage pen
heres some january blast from the antipodes
where things are warming up
hold my sweaty hand you stupid world
i’m gonna lead ya down the jardin path
bring yer parasol
bring your suntan lotion
bring yer fucking hat
bring yer white clothes
bring your goggles n schnorkle
bring yer flippers n yer flip flops
pull yer thongs over those things
sing a song like i sings
i sings about the hot bite of the clouds
i sings about men who turn into pigs
n women who turn into witches
i sing about the distance n the time
i sing about the zeitgeist and its tendrils
i sing about the opulence of vishnu
i sing about the capriciousness of venus
i sing about getting born n the big sleep
i sing about the love between
my brothers n my sisters
all over this triple world
and why
you ask
why why why
do you sing sing sing of these things, oh kilbey…?

BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE FUCKING CAN!

jesus christ…i’m an englishman
its just gone 7 in the morning
and its over 85 degrees
AND I LIVE IN THE COOL PART OF TOWN
poor old timbo its gotta be 10 degrees more
out his way in the western subs
a giant praying mantis hangs off my fly screen
my room is such an unbelievable mess
i cant find anything
last night me n scarlet kilbey
who is my familiar
who is my double
who is my opposite
we went down n had a swim at 8 pm
we talked all the way there
lil sk :would the bock-ock man be there ?
big sk : no…i doubt it
lil ; would ariel the mermaid….or king triton…?
big : maybe…..
lil : or prepps eregut
(this is her way of saying prince eric who is ariels hubby)
big : no no prepps eregut
lil (becoming angry) : not prepps eregut PREPPS EREGUT!!!
big : ok ok ok
we get down to bondi bloody beach
its all blokes with metal detectors
and couples who should getta room
but are making out
making up
or making it
on the beach in the fading light
another dad with a kid scarlets age
scarlet n the kid hook up immediately
every time i try to talk to the dad tho
the little brat comes over n screams
why?
jesus his shrill little screams hurt my old damaged ears
the dad drops his conversation like hotcakes
when the little bugger interrupts us
the kid demands that they go home
fuck mate ..i say
the first half yer life
yer parents boss ya round
the second half its yer fuckin’ kids…
he smiles sadly n wanders off
with the kid on his shoulders
still ordering him round
scarlet kilbey is throwing herself into the surf with glee
the water is icy cold and i feel a million times better
the moment the pacific ocean lays its cool cool hands on my head
the waves are breaking onshore
and i scratch up me chest on the sand
my swimmers fill up with sand too
and despite a long shower
some of the sand rides home with me
in all kinds of intimate places
later to irritate me all night long….oh bollocks!
me n scarlet stop in at an israeli place
n buy some hot chips
it burns my hand to carry em
and i drop most of em on the footpath
just outside our blooming place
i come in with a half empty ripped bag
but aurora n scarlet n i still tuck in to some that are left
yadda yadda yadda
the heat goes on into the night
i wake up at 2 30 unable to sleep
i sit on the balcony in the darkness
there is not one breath of air
the night is totally still
it still must be about 90 something
bloody colonies!
phew…whatta scorcher
izzit hot enuff for ya then ?

fucking hot day blooms outside my door
its gonna be a million degrees
and its not yet even 8 oh clock
i am the time being
these are my journals
everything you read here is true
everything is permitted
we are making good time
we are covering vast distances
we are off the beaten track
we are in the interzone
here we are in the white hot day of gods summer
here we are on the hill of morning
here we are waiting in the true haze of memory
we are at the heart of the controls
we stand in nepal n chat with lord ganesha
we crash land on cythera …wheres aphrodite…?
anywhere you wanna go just be there
anything you wanna have just take it
yeah life speeds up …i told you that…
but oh
i’m loving being olde
now i have the POWER
ha ha ha
this brief flowering before i’m scrambled again
took me so long to put this all together
all things are becoming obvious again
all the things i shoulda remembered
along the way
i perceive the patterns behind art music poetry
i perceive the lie of the land
i perceive the handsome men n lovely ladies
i perceive the white stars burning in their blue holes
i perceive the children endlessly asking questions
i perceive the evil in all mens hearts
the carelessness
the futility
the ambition
yes i see
yes i note
my many faults n failings
my own trespass
my own cruelties
my own bitternesses
my own lacks
my own unnecessary
my own brutal
my my my
the weather outside turns overcast
i will take my girls to the beach
they will chatter to me all the way and back
they will plunge into the ocean
the way they will one day
plunge into the arms of men
and i…..
i will disappear into the undetermined future
i will reappear
well masked
no doubt
i will come back
and struggle all over again
but next time
i will reach a slightly higher point than this
this steve kilbey in his nice mansuit
if you cant feel the truth in this….
if you cant see it….
oh well
nevermind