The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

there is an avalanche
all the books are opened
all the words coming off the page
the spells unloosed
” it is the raising of the complete man in a vertical straight line
any other operation is black magic”

prospero solemnly intones:
in the poisoned robes of Form
i have wandered this island
performed works of divination
commanding live spirit from dead matter
i freed monsters from trees
i pulled seraphs from thin air
i make the birds sing my songs
i make the flowers grow in gods name
i cause the moon to appear in my glass
i scry for angels in the dark summer afternoons
i imbibe the drink of the cactus
it sure tastes strangely sweet as it goes down inside
the cactus sends a spirit to meet me
a spirit in my chambers
mescalito all in green-o
mescalito moving and changing
mescalito with the dry laugh
he holds out his hand to shake
prospero pulls back his hand covered in tiny spines
more dry laughter
the spines are gone
prosperos small tanned hands healed
look at your hands!
now bleeding stigmata
crimson gore in my palms
hole right thru my hands
o mescalito
i’ll give you one-o
green grows old san pedro sings mescalito
am i the fucking nazz? wails prospero
dont nail me up you bastards sings mescalito
oooh thats gotta hurt! says a voice in the future
bang bang bang go the romans
oh fuck oh god whimpers jesus/ prospero /shakespeare
why cant i feel it ? sings mescalito
is it just a lie?
jim morrison goes wand’rin’ round his neighbourhood
liberating cacti in mescalitos name
jesus awoke before dawn
intones prospero dressed in black
he leans into the microphone
as the organ swirls in rococo arabesques behind him
then an interruption
father?
yes, miranda?
father….i want to……
yes …..what is it, my childe…?
father….i want to….leave ….all this…
the audience suck in their breath
voice from another room : what about jesus…?
mescalito grooves to abraxas
i feel just like jesus son he sings
meanwhile in jerusalem, cal
they bang up olde jimbo on a cross
and hes screaming n writhing in his leather
no no no hes singing
bowie playing judas in the crowd says
you couldnt believe you were in this song
marc bolan playing lazarus says
i danced myself out of the tomb
prospero suddenly comes back to his chambers
its late afternoon
on his island in the mediterranean sea
this man has studied nature
and moves in its grooves obtaining results
that seem miraculous to you common era men
prospero looks around for mescalito
but cactus man has gone from this plane
ariel the spirit arrives
why hast thou not delivered that which thou hast promised?
prospero spins round angrily
how dare you speak that way to your lord?
ha! the sprite whirls flaming in the air
even prospero only catches glimpses of her
as she really is
a pale lithe naked winged creature
emitting light and dazzling flashes
why hast thou not delivered that which thou hast promised?
prospero
the magician
a performer
high wire days
long way down
summon houdini
summon anubis
summon yourself
prospero breathes in deep
ok ariel he says
theres just one more thing i want you to do….

suddenly today i wake up changed
i crawl out of my car apace
i wash all these songs from my hands
i labour away at the notes that cling
i lift flute phrases away with tweezers
i am a man
everything is s’posed to be all laid on for me
i walk outside and survey my kingdom
my sword is dressed to the hilt
i cut all attachments
my tongue is on a roll
my hands finger each other
my calves wander never lost
my eyes that hear visions
my mighty heart that pounds in its cage
my hardness that reinforces each delicacy
my whispering thoughts that think themselves
god i’m good
good god, i’m……
i’m good, god
good, i’m god
see
i sift thru it all so you dont have to
my mind is awake
on darkest nights
computing our position
aligning our strange stars
documenting limbos chaos
apprehending crimes henchwomen
pressing the pills of muchlove
i got a dozen buckets of pseud
i got customers stretching around the blogk
i got people ringing me up from antares
saying
“i just bumped into mick, he tells me you know where to score”
i’m into everything
but at the right moment
i’m right back out again
nothings gonna change my world
still i expect no small reward
i’m the kinda person that takes everything you had
and says well whats for dessert?
nothing can keep up
because i move at the speed of melancholy
(einstein computed this to be $49.95)
i dream what others take as reality
for lucifers sake there is no other
now i’m old
i’m a proper sage n everything
dressed in saffron garb age 54
i dispense my advice
arizona take off yer indian shoes
indiana wants me lord i cant go back there
the lights all went out in massachusetts
nothing would be finer than to be in carolina
oh oh alabama can i see you and shake your hand?
texas thats where i wanna be down in texas
californian wine tastes fine
staring down a forty five in west virginny
in the cold kentucky rain
kentucky woman she gets to know ya
she gets to show ya…..
in the meanest time
in n.bondi it is overcaste
my skin develops an allergy to itself
i swim n i sauna n i chat to the locals
the old diggers playing gin rummy
the iron man ivans n the muscle marys
the tourists who wander in our fair boroughs
the weirdos n dispossessed n repossessed
i plough up n down my lane
cursing the johnny come latelys
who dont have the balls to swim in winter
(isnt there a joke in there somewhere)
i swim swim swim swimmy swimmy swim
i listen to my breath bubble in n out
my breath starts to lock into a pattern
my limbs still heavy from xmas xcess
my brain thinks over old times
i overtake n am overtaken
somedays i glide through turquoise heavens
somedays i fight through a saline grey sludge
sometimes i am alone in a lonely pool
othertimes the swimmers jostle n derail
i sit in the sauna watching the surfers weaving dissolving patterns
i walk home pumped up on endorphins…
its a hard fix to get
but its worth the trubble…
colour of the day
blue coming out of grey
sound of the age
a dead lark in a cage
film i’d go n see
a film of tears n a cuppa tea
i am yet to conker the world of ballet
stay untuned
steve xxx

presently our company rounded the great green hills
that divided ante-lebanon from olde saxony
david and bathsheba dismounted immediately
their dwarf running hither and, yes, thither
all dressed in his yellow livery
and pouring red wine from a big green bottle
marked danger
the clearing had been decked out in gay abandon
standards and flags fluttered in the sweetest breezes
tony and cleo showed up bearing gifts and raving
about a new theatre in alexandria
my young ocelot delighted to be let free and
it greeted each guest with a painful nip if they bore no gifts
my twin sister kathy was there looking radiant
at a distance
she twirled away through the trees
dancing with the handsomest brutes one can well imagine
the band played on
their violins woke the crooning nightingales who sang backups
david neil, yes, david neil stepped out of the lengthening shadows
he smiled to see me standing there
striding through the glade in his thunderbolt suit
white lightning? he spoke like a ghost
welcome david you are welcome here…i said shaking his hand
davids already drunk on the night
he plucks another drink off a waiter dressed as some dopey eros
whats this ?he demands of the waiter
dopey eros says
why sir
that drink is called drink
and it contains
one shot of writhing n blues
one shot of triple sec
one shot to the head
one ounce of raspberry pulp
one shot of belladonna
one shot of deadmans tears
one shot of nepenthe……
oh! said david neil interrupting him…nepenthe….
go on david
sing nepenthe i said
go on! yelled out somebody else
yes david sing us nepenthe they all shouted out
david took up his 12 string guitar
and he pulled that david neil face
that one where he stares off into the future
and he sings to you of wreck n ruin
and his early demise and his late appointments
and with indecision within decision
you wanna hear nepenthe? he whispers to us
yeah! we all answer back a unified beast
ok ….he grins
and re tunes his guitar for a while
i’m sure youve all heard nepenthe by now
davids last big hit
before he….
but that still perhaps remains in the future
where it belongs with all other trouble
tonight we are at this pastoral romp
and lo and behold
david neil himself will sing his most achingly beautiful song
the one where the music sounds all babylonian
like it had skimmed in ninevehs hit parade
david fucking neil, man
will you look at that cat go
he plays that sad long weird phrase on his guitar
all chordal flourishes with slight dissonant implication
he begins to sing:

down by the ocean
down by the shores
shifting sands
octopus woman
holds 8 drinks
in her 8 hands

in one hand i hold water
in one hand hand i hold wine
in one hand i hold yours my love
and another i hold thine
and in the fifth is honeyed ale
and in the sixth is coke
the seventh is a mystery
but the eighth
ah the eighth
it s my own little joke

nepenthe
oh welcome forgetfulness
forget forget forget….yourself…

the mob howled their applause
flowers fell from some lovely scented place
the peoples spirits bucked up and happiness was truly abroad
well done, david neil!
david shrugs: aw its just a songy song …its nothing really..
a kind of mist comes down
everything travels within its aureole
mescalito pops in and remembers us to a friend
david n i step outside the forest for a moment
i take the melting mirror
he takes the door in the tree
we meet up outside the exit sign
which flashes dimly within the clinging mist
david pulls out a joint
he lights it up
so how you really doing, man ? he asks
yeah fine jus’ fine …i say
are you sure? he says offering me a smoke
nah …i say ambiguously
david shrugs
yeah he says eventually
it really is time you went straight

none of it
oh childe
its so much stranger than fiction
which poet could ever dream this up
every level has another level
when i do this or that
i do it on a symbolic level
on a real and surreal and hyper real level
on a physical level
on a level of another million glorious implications
on a sexual level
on a suggestive level
on a mythical level
on a prehistoric level
on an astral level
on a causal level
on sea level
on sensuous level
on an evil level
on a moral level
on a financial level
on a macro level
on a microscopic level
on a humourous level
on a magical level
on a spiritual level
on a poetic level
fill in your favourite level here
you olde devil
you olde white devil….
the levels are truly infinite
you can move in any direction you like
if you have the validity of any moves
i mean a fucking pawn cant just jump in any direction
a pawn is a pawn in the game baby
being pushed straight along by fate or duty
or whatever unseen fingers urging it along
but pawns always contain the incredible ability
to become anything they damn well want
if they can only get there
but there is where all the magic is
you could wander this earth and
never bump into a single magickal thing
or you could live in an age of miracles
and be surrounded in it
and move in the light
and remain in the light
of course
you know i’m gonna say
ha ha baby
this is not that age
and indeed it is not
but still there must be clues
if youre ready to look
if you keep your mind open
and youre ready to fly right out
if youre skull cant contain you
use the old ways
yoga is waiting to help you
the plants are waiting to help you
breath is waiting to help you
your past lives
stacked in every conceivable direction
are waiting to help you
you wouldnt even have to break the law
but jesus they make it hard for you
why do our modern authorities attempt to cage us?
for our own good……..sorry….it cant be that
theyd happily get us killed in much stupider ways
than leaving us alone to explore our nature
our nature as much as theirs
but we have to accept the fact
that “the authorities” are stupid and scared
and have done a right royal job of fucking things up
for all of us
and why would they be likely to stop anytime soon?
they put me thru school
and tried to turn me into
a person with all his filters turned on
so all i saw was reading
writing
arithmetic
that little british voice
came on the school radio
trying to keep us in some victorian nightmare
of tally ho the empire
and cricketing stories for boys
and how we gave gerry what for
and good old captain cook
and mr thompkins gave us six of the best
but i kept on believing
hanging off aslans every word
i wanted to get into narnia, you see
cos some people out here were ruining my trip
marc bolan made it all seem so easy
days of love are always in a dream you know…he sang
it seemed to make sense
but youre battling the sheer brute force of education
my headmaster says study study study
i couldnae study
my mind wouldnt couldnt co operate with that malarkey
i was brainwashed by the fools
they didnt know what they did
just like the useless pricks who banged jesus up
or little steven who burned down the park
everybody rushing into mistakes
all of us programmed to self destruct
how can we deny everything else
to concentrate on this one channel
that they let us watch?
i’m drowning in their second hand ideas
they dont know the whole picture
and they wouldnt let us have it if they did
im talking about the kinda thinking
that keeps kennedys assassination under wraps
until we all dead
kinda thinking starts wars n bumps off marilyn monroe
yeah you know
that current paradigm
should mix in a little indian
should mix in a little lemurian
should mix in a little alien
should mix in a little triple sec
should be able to do whatever you like
as long as….etc etc etc
anyway the best fun is still and will always be free
somethings under our noses everywhere
its so funny this must be earth
isnt that just like home?
anyway
poets get paid to explore these things
what can i say?
the universe remains ineffable
even me
and i cut deep
and we all go along way back
and everything you know is wrong is also right
thats not what you wanted to hear
its not what i wanted to write
but then again i’m justa stupid pawn
(but i dont dig no prawn)

these words have i been bid to declare
as i struggle with this language
so long it has taken me

i am a nameless magician
i travel throughout and within
i move in tomorrow
some call me helio-ixx
some call me drink
i come when i am called
i have been called
by preparation
by austerities
by dint of will
by saint peter
summoned here here here
let me then tell you of lemuria
i was there yesterday only yesterday only only only
oh lemuria a magickal land
hidden
only i
only i
with the keys to some kingdom
saint peter has called me
san pedro maybe he is really called
but my language is pre spanish
buy a million miles
lemuria
everything is possible
brigadoon in south america
i jump from place to place
i am something between monkey and jaguar
i move through smooth space
like an arrow
i bring it all together
i fall in the future
the power is mine to take
i am here now
as you are my witness
lemuria
does that name ring a bell
ding dong ding dang dong
i am here
i live on sweet milk and fruit
i move through treetops
with my female consort
whom i ravish throughout the ages
i am inside the trees
inside inside inside
in the most inside
i am further inside
of the most outside
i am further outside
power flows through me
i am almost nothing
i am emptiness
i pure alert
i harness night
i surprise myself, saint peter
to find i am the real deal
real deal
deal real
i deal out the deadmans hand
given under my hand
given under the law
magic magic magic
visions
the choking jungle
the lovely jungle
the flowers
the birds
i meet mescalito
i am a mayan
i am among my friends
here i am at home in the real lemuria
imagine if it was no joke
the truth
this thing is so huge
and no one has a handle on it
mescalito fucking hugged me man
and said welcome i been waiting for you
this is all yours
you have come home
home to lemuria
and your jungle
abra cadabra

zeus the thunderer was no longer listening
his daughter was berating him
whining at him
sulking with him
odysseus this
odysseus that
he had smiled when he heard calypsos name mentioned
ah calypso …..
he sank into a reverie
he had known calypso well
he would rumble out of the sky over her island
her island which was a just a point in a blue sea
her island of enchantments
he stroked his beard and gazed into the distance
he felt his potency rise
he licked his unbelievably handsome lips
while athene complained and irked
zeus stopped time
with memories more vivid than the reality of men
he revisited calypso
her aisles of delights
her potions that had caused the love increased
her skillful hands that flew and hovered
the willows alders and cypresses
her ambrosia
her nights like nectar
but that was all long ago
long long long ago
on that last time
as he was leaving
calypso said
i guess i’ll see you round….
yeah…..zeus said
they both had known it was over
back in olympus
athene shakes his arm
youre not even listening to me are you?
zeus breaks off his reverie
how dare you talk to me like that?
athene glares at her father
odysseus….
zeus interrupts her
poseidon is furious with this character…!
athene starts listing out all odysseus’ woes
OK OK OK thunders zeus
odysseus ….why should he care….yet…
what is it to you that he should do this or that? he asks
athene is a very cool goddess i mean shes very wise
but this question hurts her
because even though she is wise and clever
she is also very vain and very jealous and very bitter
we know this because she competed for that damned stupid apple
bloody apples
eris as the snake
offers eve the golden apple
from the tree of life
and on it is written
kallisti
to the most beautiful
and
discordia as snow whites evil stepmother
twice removed as a crone
says
here my dearie
take this lovely golden apple
from an old woman
and she cackles
as snow white flicks her black bangs back
and goggles the inscription
to the most beautiful
and loki
disguised as kilbey as a boy
offers miss mountjoy his teacher
a golden delicious
and as she takes it
she sees a small sticker that says
to the most beautiful
and so you see
athene had righteously thought
that that apple belonged to her
she wasnt just wise
she was beautiful as well, for titans sake
couldnt a goddess be wise and pretty?
did one negate the other?
in hera…yes!
neither wise nor pretty…
in aphrodite…yes!
the original dumb blonde thought athene
but athene had it all….she thought
but ever since aphrodite got that fucking apple
she was feeling….undesired….
and…
the truth was
she was in love with odysseus
she was wise enough to not get involved with a mortal
but she still couldnt help herself
fixing things from a distance
opening some doors
pulling some strings
some times they saw each other face to face
she was an awesome lady to be sure
but odysseus had never thought of athene in that way
she was like a powerful austere aunt
how sad she would have been
to know he thought of her in this way
how surprised he would have been
to have known his protectress
harboured lustful feelings for his mortal hide
angrily athene guessed that aphrodite was behind all this
her little bastard son with the bow and the arrows
love like life
life like love
idiot love will cause confusion
athene stamped her divine foot
daddy, cant you just do this one thing for me, please?
zeus acquiesced
hermes! he shouted
hermes strolls in
a well toned young cat
pretty much naked
except for a wispy loin cloth
a golden helmet with wings that bark
and golden winged eel fingerling sandals
hermes delivers messages for his boss
zeus says
hermes…go n sort this out for me, old son
hermes says
whats the trouble, squire?
zeus says
nip down n pay a visit to calypso n tell ‘er
to bloody well let that odysseus go or else
hermes says
no problemo,boss…and what if she dont want to?
zeus says
you know what to do
hermes says
consider it done!
now right now
as you sit and read these words
hermes is skipping cross the water like a stone
hes sprinting over the vast seas
all the way down from snowy olympus’ mists
now he shoots over the tropical ocean
wherein lies the nymphs isle
if you were in a boat on that sea
you would see a golden young god
flash across the backs of the waves
rushing headlong
to where odysseus sits
watching the horizon

meanwhile
in 1250 BC
odysseus still sitting on that lovely little beach
on his way home
everything he’s been through
the men hes killed
the cities he has laid waste
the women he has had
the riches he acquires and loses
the miles he has travelled
always struggling and struggling
always plagued by fate
undone in triumph
hated by the sea god poseidon
loved by wisdom herself, athene
odysseus trying to get back home
empty handed
scarred and tired
hes met his match
calyspo the witch
calypso the demi-goddess
calypso the nymph, oh!
calypso on her isle of marvels
odysseus wanting wanting wanting his home
and all that it contains
(somewhere in 1965
10 year old s kilbey says
yet you spent 7 years on that island…..!?.. )
can you modern readers imagine
odysseus our hero
lost in the sea
comes to this isle
half drowned
battered driven by the wind and waves
a remote place
as he lays on the shore
coughing out the sea
convulsing and shivering
too enfeebled to move
in a cold fever
so much driftwood
someone finds him
takes him in
revives him
fortunately
unfortunately
that someone
is the ageless immortal calypso
a lovely creature indeed
long and lithe in her viridian gown
enchantress
neither good nor evil
the 2 regard each other
odysseus sitting up in her bed convalescing
calypso feeding him delicate morsels
massaging his knotted back with her healing hands
her maids bathe odysseus and giggle
men of his calibre dont wash up that often
not like odysseus
what it is it about him ? she wonders to herself
odysseus is glad to be alive
he is grateful for her hospitality
but he is wary
remember he thinks to himself
circe
another witch
yes odysseus had tangled with circe
turning his men into swine
she had stripped him naked and commanded him to ravish her
she said
come with me to my bed
so that in making love
we may learn to trust one another…
odysseus said
circe
you order me to be gentle with you
you who turned my men into pigs
in your own house…..!
but they had been lovers
and she willingly restored his men
and it had been hard for odysseus
to leave her island
and now…..
almost 13 years since he set out for troy
odysseus finds himself becalmed for 7 years
how did they spend the days?
wandering the island
calypso taught him of its flowers
the names of its birds
they saw dawn rise in the skies
they dipped in the sea
they walked in the sun
and they loved in the black fragrant nights
imagine them in her cave
tireless and ardent
the witch
with her love and magic
the man
with his long agonizing journey and his cunning
imagine the things they said to each other
imagine the things that they kept from each other
imagine odysseus’ heart torn in 2
how did the time drag or glide for him?
what could 7 years mean to an eternal creature?
yet
calypso
offered odysseus immortality
he would still be alive today
yet
but
he needed to get home
he had to get home
for the sake of the story
for the sake of destiny
for fates own reasons
eventually athene
pleads with her father zeus
please daddy
tell that fucking nymph to let my odysseus go…

odysseus awakes in the remarkable stillness of dawn
calypso is gone from the bed
he has never seen the nymph sleep
all is so quiet
lost track of the days
lost track of the love
lost track of the sea
lost track of…
he gets up from her soft bed
where she has loved gods
where she has loved heroes from ages past
her bed where she never sleeps only loves
odysseus looks in her mirror
his tanned battered intelligent face
his straight nose
his frowning eyes
his planes and angles
he’s seen better days
befuddled
moving slowly as if in a dream
dreams of struggling
never fulfilling the task
never getting it done
never never never
let that word echo round her cave
things in the mirror flicker
things in the mirror change
odysseus sees himself an old old man
his strong limbs withered
his robust body weakened
his unswerving gaze now rheumy and faltering
calypso appears behind him, the old man
unchanged for all the years
she steps out of her robe
the old odysseus watched her in the mirror
she goes to her bed and lays down
she beckons to him
she lies on her side and beckons to him
come yes come she says and he hears her only in his mind
as the old man watches in the mirror
his younger self goes to the immortal nymph
through tears and years the old man sees them
lovely lady of the sea and shore
calypso so soft and hard
she moans just like a mortal woman
the mirror changes as if filled with vapour
the mirror reveals an empty bed
voices all around whisper in odysseus’ ear
words he cannot understand
he reaches out but the caves walls seem to move
in the mirror he goes out into her wonderful garden
he looks at her flowers
that pulsate in strange colours and vibrancy
the flowers move in unison to the first breezes of the day
everything has changed
odysseus feels open
everything is coming in
this wondrous bower
the grapes which grow on trellises
her sheep and goats graze for the wool
that the lady spins upon her loom
her birds
for the lady must have song
but when she sings all else is silent in the world
and her voice shames the nightingales
2 tiny rivers run through her garden from a spring
” my garden is an inclosed spring, my love” she had said
holding his hand to her
odysseus remembered this and smiled
he watched the nymphs minnows dart in her silver streams
he put his head down to the waters and
he drank from her crystal spring deeply
as he lifted his head
in the rippling reflections
he saw her form once again
move like a dream
across his life
calypso weaving
calypso singing
calypso brushing her dark hair in the mirror
calypso walking with her goats
calypso at midday as she swam in the sea
calypso in the long afternoons of her endless summer
calypso telling him of times long ago
of jason of theseus of perseus
all she had known
the isle was alive
and everything there did its mistress’ bidding
the fruit grew and was sustained by her powers
the elementals obeyed her
the rain fell only when she desired
odysseus went down to the shore
as he did every day
as he had done for thousands of days
the sea stretched away
away away away
he could not even remember
why he had wanted to leave

odysseus
we see him now
he’s a medium man in everyway
only his eyes
only his eyes have this look
they are the colour of the sea
we see the nymph calypso
tall pale dark haired
tattooed on her skin spells and enchantments
they sit together on a little beach
she lightly strokes his back
her fingers move like electricity underskin
odysseus stifles a shudder of pleasure
for the nymph makes men forget themselves
here on her island
here in this glittering grey sea
here on this strange and random world
the sun sets but the evening is warm
the man eats cheese and bread
he drinks a deep draught of calypsos wine
her fingers and her dark wine continue to bewitch him
odysseus on the enchanted isle
calypso with her crystal rivulets and her golden loom
her seabirds and falcons
her lovely maids each a different elemental
calypso sings in her unfathomable voice
as she sings we see her songs manifest as foggy images
we smell faint aromas
we taste but distantly ambrosia
the nymph sings
of arcadia of pan of the grape
of wondrous heaven
of zeus’ love for mortal women
of the burning cold stars
of sleep
of dream
of mortal mans death
see her dressed in red
her black hair bound back
her amulets of sea silver
her anklets of jade
her ring is a golden skull with sapphire eyes
ardent and immortal witch
odysseus stares out to sea
a medium man in every way

underglass
finalization of the cut
out with the old
in with the pneumatic
torn away
more kilbey…oh no
someone watching me
envying me
cursing me
you know where i am
come on n get me
as if i dont know who you are
you think : oh it couldve been me…
no
no it couldnt have been you
you didnt have what it took
i didnt decide that
everybody else did
its a free market
and frankly you had no marginal utility
you never even knew me
but oh how it must have goaded you to see me rise
and still no one loved you
yes i understand the craving for love
poor you…unadored all these years
how can you bear it?
the weight of all that obscurity
and there he is
your opposite
your opposite in everything
hes reappeared
hes getting the keys to some kingdom
you stewing in your day job
i would be sad but thats what you deserved
many were called but few were chosen
you betrayed yourself
you were not where you wanted to be
i’m sure youd happily forgotten about me
and then
damn it
i was probably stuck in your face
that name going round in your brain
oh my pretty face in a magazine
kilbey says this
kilbey says that
it must have made you fume
but you had no platform
but you had no forum
but you had no listeners except a few bored cronies
theyd heard it all before
and eventually switched off
when you started your rants about me
all that pent up steam!
i wonder at what stage did you realise it was over
and mercifully give up?
i wasnt surprised the first time when it was you hassling me
and i’m not surprised now
you see
if anyone understands envy its me
everyone here knows that
loads of envy festering in me..to my own ruination
how excited you must have been
when you finally found a platform
a platform to tell people that…..
that…
and thats where it kind of went wrong for you
because you realised
well
there really wasnt much to say
youre all jumped up and ready to go
but
jesus
you aint got much information
you dont really know me
you cant really say anything bad about me
but you hang in there
being a mystery sniper over the years….
(pardon me, i’m yawning again)
but you just cant handle it
even after my ups and downs
if you see anyone “loving” me
it incenses you
why?
well its obvious i suppose
you think
why dont they “love” me?
well the reason that they dont
is that youre an anonymous sniper
on someones blogs comments
and that doesnt get much adoration
unless youre really funny….nope
or cute…nope
or even in-the-know…nope
youre a bitter shadow from the past
youre a face accosting me at a mall
this is the difference between us
i went out n made starfish n jack frost n priest n etc
you did a cover version of a 2 chord new wave song
and it was a little dull n dismal
not one person ever adored you for it
let me tell you adoration isnt all its cracked up to be
its fickle
and it bites
and it hurts
and it hurts when its all gone
it wouldnt have suited you
it wasnt on the cards for you
i know it sounds cruel
but im trying to let you off the hook
the hook of your obsessive hatred
let your axe be ground
turn your sword into a ploughshare
just breathe n let it go
forget about me
go gently into that good night
youre alive…rejoice!
maybe theres still hope
now
let it go