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visitation

the devil is in the detail hot red hell the crimson and white of her flesh the angry welt cross her chest in anger and confusion in temptation and taboo evil for the sake of evil the grin the smirk the pout the baby voice the spirit of a criminal framed in black the instrument panel lined in red lush velvet deathly white walls sin lives here and their air is icy hot my hands were cold as i touched her her eyes never changed as i reached down others might try to humiliate her defiance i could imagine them as they did it a voice in my head was saying something something awful i couldnt even repeat it to myself sin had manifested as this woman i caught sight of myself in a pool a shambolic wreck i look like some lunatic washed up in the south seas my face all flushed my glass forehead beaded in sweat nostrils flaring knees buckling i was a horror unto myself look what all this sin has wrought her one kiss makes me feel devoured jezebel oh you want to punish her…… the snake in his tree is watching you touching her are you a man or an animal ? it asks a man i am a man i/you reply no surely you are a beast the snake says in your mind my hands have been lost for days they wander far and wide across the countryside the snake watches the woman whisper in your ear shes not interested in you you fool the snake says i shake my head i’m watching a film in some cinema some mean old landlord evicting a young mother out! he says oh please kind sir isnt there some other way to pay you than money […]

Photo on 2011-05-09 at 15.35 #3

red shift

the devil is in the detail

hot red hell

the crimson and white of her flesh

the angry welt cross her chest

in anger and confusion

in temptation and taboo

evil for the sake of evil

the grin the smirk the pout the baby voice

the spirit of a criminal framed in black

the instrument panel lined in red lush velvet

deathly white walls

sin lives here and their air is icy hot

my hands were cold as i touched her

her eyes never changed as i reached down

others might try to humiliate her defiance

i could imagine them as they did it

a voice in my head was saying something

something awful

i couldnt even repeat it to myself

sin had manifested as this woman

i caught sight of myself in a pool

a shambolic wreck

i look like some lunatic washed up in the south seas

my face all flushed

my glass forehead beaded in sweat

nostrils flaring knees buckling

i was a horror unto myself

look what all this sin has wrought

her one kiss makes me feel devoured

jezebel oh you want to punish her……

the snake in his tree is watching you touching her

are you a man or an animal ? it asks

a man i am a man i/you reply

no surely you are a beast the snake says in your mind

my hands have been lost for days

they wander far and wide across the countryside

the snake watches the woman whisper in your ear

shes not interested in you you fool the snake says

i shake my head

i’m watching a film in some cinema

some mean old landlord evicting a young mother

out! he says

oh please kind sir

isnt there some other way to pay you than money ?

she implores him on her knees

the camera zooms in on our villains eyes

twinkling with merry old sin

well (he twirls his moustache ) perhaps there is one way….

doctor faustus is in his office when a red face appears from a wall

lust the rawest and most  incurable sin

the devil dreamed up lust just last night it was his last chance

oh fuck i’m a genius he said upon discovering it

and he sent it into mans hearts to bewilder them

doctor faustus middle aged and serious sits glaring at you

youre an evil person he says in german accented english

he pronounces evil as eefil

you think

some say the devil is quite a gentleman

he knows his way round a good red and some tasty meat

he prefers a piece of rump or the white flesh of the breast

for dessert tongues in various jellies

the sheets in his bed are as black as space

tiny crushed stars as crumbs under him

why do you need your soul anyway? whispers the woman

her hands have multiplied under your clothes

oh yes youre definitely an animal says the snake as it watches

its eye never leaves you for one single moment

tasting the air saturated in sin it recoils itself

i notice some music is playing

the most delicious swaying suggesting music

it comes drifting upon a concupiscent cloud

the devil writes music that is unearthly

his notes fall from grace in spacey elegies for lust

lewd and rhythmic percussion

fuck you! says the woman astride and riding away

faustus asks where are your morals?

mother asks where are your clothes?

my neck all bruised and blueish

i blew my salary in this den of iniquity

a refund ….? you must be joking …..says someone

someone in another room

he is an animal and a fool the snake again

he will suffer much but learn nearly nothing

what do you want to see honey? asks the very first woman

i want to see fuckin’ everything…you say

then look here sweetheart she says

and the last thing you think of

as you gaze into the laptop

is the image of an apple

with one single bite

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a new guinea pig

in your wildest dreams i am your slave then seven times you will do my bidding and seven time return from wherever you are you said in triumph from wherever i am ?i asked askance even from limbo….. you said akimbo then my body was prepared with some magic how could i know…… my mind was put to sleep when i awoke i was out in this world this world of danger of mischief of time out in this world i was a lamb unto the slaughter i was given a name i was given a number you do this you do that they all said until one day i realised i was saying that too fixing the facade for the establishment happy to be a cog behind the scenes 3 people manipulated my life the god and the devil and you not necessarily in that order and sometimes you align with the god and sometimes with the devil with god you protect me from devil and with the devil you protect me from the god so when the devil kills me seven times the god resurrects me the same each time i return i come stand before you you in your guises you in your darkness you in your tower that lies to the north each time i come back i stand at your table my eyes are so dim my hands are restrained the first time you chuckled i heard that you died yes i said i had a growth in my side then tell me you said what was your death like oh it was like nothing i said like in the blackest black dream…..? like in the deepest dark sleep like in the most silent night….? like in the quietest dawn so you flung me back […]

Photo on 2011-05-06 at 19.56

jumbo jumble in jungle

in your wildest dreams i am your slave

then seven times you will do my bidding

and seven time return from wherever you are

you said in triumph

from wherever i am ?i asked askance

even from limbo….. you said akimbo

then my body was prepared with some magic

how could i know…… my mind was put to sleep

when i awoke i was out in this world

this world of danger of mischief of time

out in this world i was a lamb unto the slaughter

i was given a name i was given a number

you do this you do that they all said

until one day i realised i was saying that too

fixing the facade for the establishment happy to be a cog

behind the scenes 3 people manipulated my life

the god and the devil and you

not necessarily in that order

and sometimes you align with the god

and sometimes with the devil

with god you protect me from devil

and with the devil you protect me from the god

so when the devil kills me seven times

the god resurrects me the same

each time i return

i come stand before you

you in your guises

you in your darkness

you in your tower that lies to the north

each time i come back i stand at your table

my eyes are so dim

my hands are restrained

the first time you chuckled

i heard that you died

yes i said

i had a growth in my side

then tell me you said what was your death like

oh it was like nothing i said

like in the blackest black dream…..?

like in the deepest dark sleep

like in the most silent night….?

like in the quietest dawn

so you flung me back amongst the living

i was some character

got my brains blown out in a war on drugs

god said its a miracle you never ODed before

devil said it was me keeping our boy alive

you said i dont care about any of that

i want to know of your second death

it was nothingness i suppose i said

it wasnt that bad being nothing…? you asked

no nothing feels nothing i said with a guess

it sure felt like nothing to me at the time

how was it to finally be just a nothing…?

nothing special i admitted with sigh

sent back here a third time i crashed my head

into the side of the zeitgeist one night

my animal spirit perished inside me

without it i quickly succumbed to fatigue

by magic enchanted

by yoga much strengthened

in pleasure and woman and money much weakened

destroyed by pressure of illusory junk

what have you to say for yourself ? you ask

i’m sorry i wasted a life on such things…..

what things do you mean….? you asked almost politely

i mean things that burned me over and over

devil just laughed

i could have told you that he said

god said nothing

he looked at the clouds

arent they beautiful….? he wondered allowed

you rolled me back into number 4

i was a soldier for rocknroll

some bastard on the other side had me electrocuted

i hated your stuff ! said the devil

too good for him but…..said god

too evil for him….said the devil

yes theyre both right youre falling through the cracks you said

i was despatched

then for the fifth time i came again here as a doctor

doing plastic surgeries under the stars

turning back time with a stitch shifting time and pitch

but my hydrofoil ran out of juice on a cliff

oh too bad over the edge of a tumultuous waterfall

oh a sickening feeling i dream of it still

down and over and over and down

you should have seen your face ! you said

the god said my dear you should have seen yours….

the devil said nothing

he puffed on a soul

thought about a lovely glowing abyss

and some bright red she devil with colossal big tits

much better than this world out here damp and no fun

the sixth time i drowned in a bottle

no one could pull me out even tho i called out once

help me i’m going down…!

i heard him said devil

i heard him too said god but he had his free will…

how was your death then drinker ? you asked in mock horror

it was awful…!

i groaned cause it stays with me still

it sickens my heart and it wearies my mind

and my soul full of sorrow my mouthful of lies

ready for seven then you said with delight

oh no and then

i woke up here just now and its right here tonight

the devil said well he’s caught on at last

the god said one thing that boy aint is fast

you said good luck

and then fuck off

into the past

and i wonder what clown

is picking the cast

 

 

 

 

 

 

in marine seraglio

on the road to underwater damascus i dream of dry land before earth drowned i access the collective unconscious accidentally one day although it lies there waiting for you all down in the bottom of your minds lake oh i was diving diving after some illusive thing holding my breath in that murky descent gargantuan cavern never penetrated by light air in my lungs starting to congeal the blood becomes green the surface now so far away oh years and years i am changing i say to the murk been under under under so long underwater under hypnosis i float and drift like pieces of wood i have forgotten whatever i it was i was chasing as the depths open up and swallow me whole inside my wet suit inside my man suit inside my strong suit my goggles full of my liquid eyes my mind full of oceanic lies neptunes palace in those seas skies as we fall and rise as we fall and rise    

Photo on 2011-05-04 at 18.04 #3

silent vicious unfathomable

on the road to underwater damascus

i dream of dry land before earth drowned

i access the collective unconscious accidentally one day

although it lies there waiting for you all

down in the bottom of your minds lake

oh i was diving

diving after some illusive thing

holding my breath in that murky descent

gargantuan cavern never penetrated by light

air in my lungs starting to congeal

the blood becomes green

the surface now so far away oh years and years

i am changing i say to the murk

been under under under so long

underwater under hypnosis

i float and drift like pieces of wood

i have forgotten whatever i it was i was chasing

as the depths open up and swallow me whole

inside my wet suit inside my man suit

inside my strong suit

my goggles full of my liquid eyes

my mind full of oceanic lies

neptunes palace in those seas skies

as we fall and rise

as we fall and rise

 

 

new voice

a new voice has begun to talk in my head amidst the clamour amidst the ebb of music amidst the uncertainty of lives a fantastic visitor lodged here in mind a wonderful cruel philosophy fatalistic and abstract this voice mumbles to me as it stumbles through me sometimes a man sometimes a woman sometimes a child sometimes a cat over long outer long inner long lee i said this night aches with memory i look at the lights in the city ive seen i wonder how far you can fall dont ask why theres always forever you fell from a sky falling through nights so much thicker than tar and you fall and you fell and woke up where you are no you crashed in the morning right out of the blue looked in the mirror it was no one we knew yes you looked through a window all covered in you in valhallas where warriors wait for the wars and paradise stranger than a lane changer and heavens number seventeen and in between and spells cast arithmetically everything is still possible you see my new voice suggests the most useful of guests haunting out my mystery whispering weird things it sometimes thus sings all the love the virgin brings all the moon on moth wings all of a sudden the dull thudding of the clouds yes my new voice has ears and it hears and it hears listen it tells me listen to this and i listen and there is its bliss fasten me to the mast boys i call out in my dilemma as we float past the sirens off the island of alabama yes ive heard the songs yes ive been touched by their words i screamed at the men set me free  because ive heard (so […]

Photo on 2011-05-03 at 18.26

gossamer

a new voice has begun to talk in my head

amidst the clamour amidst the ebb of music

amidst the uncertainty of lives

a fantastic visitor lodged here in mind

a wonderful cruel philosophy fatalistic and abstract

this voice mumbles to me as it stumbles through me

sometimes a man sometimes a woman

sometimes a child sometimes a cat

over long outer long inner long lee

i said this night aches with memory

i look at the lights in the city ive seen

i wonder how far you can fall dont ask why

theres always forever you fell from a sky

falling through nights so much thicker than tar

and you fall and you fell and woke up where you are

no you crashed in the morning right out of the blue

looked in the mirror it was no one we knew

yes you looked through a window all covered in you

in valhallas where warriors wait for the wars

and paradise stranger than a lane changer

and heavens number seventeen and in between

and spells cast arithmetically

everything is still possible you see

my new voice suggests the most useful of guests

haunting out my mystery

whispering weird things it sometimes thus sings

all the love the virgin brings

all the moon on moth wings

all of a sudden the dull thudding of the clouds

yes my new voice has ears and it hears and it hears

listen it tells me listen to this and i listen and there is its bliss

fasten me to the mast boys i call out in my dilemma

as we float past the sirens off the island of alabama

yes ive heard the songs yes ive been touched by their words

i screamed at the men set me free  because ive heard

(so then i whose telling this story pleaded with my new voice)

tell me then of these marvellous visions !

on one condition

answers the voice so clear in my ear i wonder no one else can hear

and it says something strange i cannot decipher

an accent unknown pronounced with a quiver

a cypher a sound a glyph from beginning

a sign from the gods the harvest was coming

a wedding a feast a flaming blue summer

but i couldnt tell what ever its asking

i just agreed ; it was my greed to get on with the thing

i just said yes it was my guess that everything would take care

of the rest

but i wonder in a warm safe room in my past

the voice walk beside me wearing a mask

it touches my skin and enters therein

i remember places that i never been

i remember face that i never seen

i watch myself right up on that screen

i watch that screen what does it all mean

that screen in my head that the voice shows to me

that sea in my head when that voice flows to me

that wind in my head when that voice blows to me

that thought in my head when that voice knows to me

the simplest creature divinely inspired

beautifully made lovingly wired

hand fired

wrought from lust in love if so desired

fairy dust encrusted

trusting not all her jewels to mere fools

knowledge  a deep chasm in an ocean of  folly

as you go further down theres more to be known

and the secrets are obvious as soon as revealed

but up until then their sense was concealed

like a pressure or increase in the outer shield

like an undetected presence in the magnetic field

like life within a tomb

like death within the bloom

watch her walk across the room

the voice says just try and understand

how the sea and the land love each other with rivers

the comets overhead are the returning souls of the dead

(at this my neck was aquiver in shivers)

the rain is alive as it falls from on high

and the pain that you feel is in some ways unreal

and the joy that you take is in some ways an ache

sometimes you bend sometimes you break

sometimes you dream that youre really awake

sometimes the grace of the system slows it all down

you might get to re-live it again and again

you may live to regret it over and over

of course i can never translate what i saw

in the gaps of synapses that acted like doors

the voice then is silent

i stand here alone in my head as dry as a bone

i call myself on my inner eye phone

bring bring

hmmm no one home

 

 

 

 

 

nature

christ i am reborn in far off lebanon mosaic spring heralded by a carpet of poppy golden carp swim up honeyed streams and echo in reflection the frenzied mating of the ibis the cocoon of the bat in between fig trees taller than clouds strides a noble lion the crush of grapes leads to such a fine fine wine yes drink if you are thirsty drink and sleep and dream oh the gentle sun nudges me forward in your footsteps we pass shrine after shrine on the road to joppa we hear of miracles we hear of devils in the quiet of cities we can only see the forest implies itself upon arrival a great mossy portal feeling of being watched the snake says nothing the worm broods in earth a monkey or two in the canopy their sad human eyes trapped inside animal oh yes i see everything now even the distant sea which burnt far off in morning even the garden with white walls where you played as a child my thoughts tremble upon uttering these words we loved each other more than this world deserved my hands slump from wrists mammon hammers me male day upon female night male wisdom within female magic male anger inside female scorn an egret at the edge of a heavenly lake the bright green frog in its mouth represents mankind the clear blue water at its feet represents ripples in time the egg in its nest represents the ever replenishing future where my heart exists in song my father moving through the mountains snows my mother at the edge of solomons pool my wild sister at the frontier of her glorious madness pleasured insane by the sentience of all things each word had its own colour each colour had its own […]

Photo on 2011-05-02 at 20.26 #3

a white shot in your heart

christ

i am reborn in far off lebanon

mosaic spring heralded by a carpet of poppy

golden carp swim up honeyed streams and echo in reflection

the frenzied mating of the ibis

the cocoon of the bat

in between fig trees taller than clouds strides a noble lion

the crush of grapes leads to such a fine fine wine

yes drink if you are thirsty

drink and sleep and dream

oh the gentle sun nudges me forward in your footsteps

we pass shrine after shrine on the road to joppa

we hear of miracles we hear of devils

in the quiet of cities we can only see

the forest implies itself upon arrival

a great mossy portal

feeling of being watched

the snake says nothing

the worm broods in earth

a monkey or two in the canopy

their sad human eyes trapped inside animal

oh yes i see everything now

even the distant sea which burnt far off in morning

even the garden with white walls where you played as a child

my thoughts tremble upon uttering these words

we loved each other more than this world deserved

my hands slump from wrists

mammon hammers me

male day upon female night

male wisdom within female magic

male anger inside female scorn

an egret at the edge of a heavenly lake

the bright green frog in its mouth represents mankind

the clear blue water at its feet represents ripples in time

the egg in its nest represents the ever replenishing future

where my heart exists in song

my father moving through the mountains snows

my mother at the edge of solomons pool

my wild sister at the frontier of her glorious madness

pleasured insane by the sentience of all things

each word had its own colour

each colour had its own sound

she can perceive with ease a creatures name for itself

her eyes fly with birds she has tamed

as she lingers alone at the end of a day

awaking from reveries given by god

as eden was stolen by harlots and thieves

and the tigris was filled with the blood of our adam

and it floated through memory staining the banks

it set man and woman together apart

both expect mercy but neither will give it

both need forgiveness though neither will have it

with one eye i can see the passing decades

with another the rich threads of each second dissolve

i know that my saviour kneels in clairvoyance

and hearing the throb of the sin in this world

and my love dressed in black stands at a funeral

and whose grave is that if it is not mine?

and my children in roses under her bluest of sky

and my friend strides beside me grim and so fair

and our arrows are knowledge of nature and science

we never ask how we only ask why

go home to your wives and lay down in love

go home to your beds and lay down in sleep

tomorrow again the morning star rises

spirit nature love dream come

if i am indeed your son and your sun

and your only one

i ask you this and only this

reverse treacherous time which is up to my neck

more life is all i crave

more flowers more hours more lovely days of summer

a refuge from winters cloying claw

dark bloody winter with his train of frost ghost

dead soulless winter quiet like death

hard hollow winter with pieces of skin

whitened black winter his face is a skull

i once knew a woman in nescient egypt

her magic was growing stronger each year

but all of her hemlock and philtres of nepenthe

couldnt absolve me from each fleeting  minute

and none of her fingers all ringed in mute sapphire

and none of her toes all ringed in screaming gold

and none of her souls surrounded by jet

and  none of her prayers which were guided by light

and none of her sisters who were spirits of trees

the oak and the fir and the spruce and the pine

they danced with the fauns at the back of her dreams

a fever she got when she visited tyre

a wind had swept out of the mountains in rage

and it visited plagues on the temples of set

that same old serpent who constricts this globe

the one who offered  fruit to another mans wife

the one who descends in a fog of thick blackness

shadow the sun in a shroud of cold intent

no day can come through eclipses like that

no star may break through those raptured in lies

but my saviour with  his armageddon eyes

he lives and he breathes and he hears and he sees

the planet we standing on suddenly gone

and he smiles and is secretly pleased

 

kitten kaboodle

oh my kitten kaboodle you made me laugh in the middle of next week right out the other side of my face into the softest night now you can run free down by the sure thing around the square feline made a beeline kitten kaboodle with a little poodle kitten not smitten merely bitten ooh a big red car gonna run you over there you think i care? theres a nice honest mouse that lives in that house i bet he tastes nice (if you like fucking mice) he licks up your tears maybe after years n years n years n years and after many many beers he’ll appear not so queer its hilariously sad so sanely mad so goodly bad transparently obvious obviously transparent he shower you with gift oh brother he smother you with love he take you to bondi vet he give you anything i bet he’ll gobble the morsels you chuck him all you gotta do is…… oh well theres always a catch close yer kitty eyes ( he’s half yer size) think of england natch it wont take too long not like his song that seems to go on n on n on n on at night if you can still get out i bet you soon out n about looking for a much bigger rat kitty kat and now thats that!        

Photo on 2011-05-01 at 19.17 #3
Photo on 2011-05-01 at 19.17 #3

see sick

oh my

kitten kaboodle

you made me laugh in the middle of next week

right out the other side of my face

into the softest night now you can run free

down by the sure thing

around the square

feline made a beeline

kitten kaboodle with a little poodle

kitten not smitten merely bitten

ooh a big red car gonna run you over there

you think i care?

theres a nice honest mouse that lives in that house

i bet he tastes nice (if you like fucking mice)

he licks up your tears

maybe after years n years n years n years

and after many many beers

he’ll appear not so queer

its hilariously sad

so sanely mad

so goodly bad

transparently obvious

obviously transparent

he shower you with gift

oh brother he smother you with love

he take you to bondi vet

he give you anything i bet

he’ll gobble the morsels you chuck him

all you gotta do is……

oh well theres always a catch

close yer kitty eyes ( he’s half yer size)

think of england natch

it wont take too long

not like his song

that seems to go on n on n on n on

at night if you can still get out

i bet you soon out n about

looking for a much bigger rat kitty kat

and now

thats that!

 

 

 

 

faint impression

in the afternoon of the tea garden the royal blue skies above the towns and villages the water bearer describes an unbearable arc in the eastern sky between whispering pine and silent ash a forest full of  loveliest creatures fawn faun for nevermore a pale woman in a carriage a little crimson man on her lap oh her hounds are laying low an hour elapses hazy distant sun is disappearing morning suddenly so old afternoon already mocking its promises the water in the river is cold no one could survive in there  that long manikin in doldrums the voices of the drowned entangled in the reeds royal swan arrives and spring unfolded like a pageant thieves in their dens full of honour the mercenaries who linger to strip the dead vanishing pointlessly like the violet evening daughters of avalon the nephilim come masked as mere men the future drifts in like fog on a still lake take what you want no one is watching black cat that sat on the path my ladys mirror buckles under her beauty her eyes an elusive blue her memory of me long ago worn away a starlike grace impossible to fight someone should consult the native guide the road has just ended in this field of flowers my judgement may be wrong thats all perhaps its all still left to come a merchant of darkness purveyor of doom the poor widow waiting patiently outside in the rain the graveyards yawned and in the earth their residents churned my hands stained in paintings of martyrs st steven pierced by nasty arrows bleeding wine and crying elysian tears neither cross nor hook nor strangling knot moment of clarity comes and goes hidden justice in the wild a child by the wayside fading no spell of yours […]

Photo on 2011-04-30 at 17.41 #3

spirit photograph

in the afternoon of the tea garden

the royal blue skies above the towns and villages

the water bearer describes an unbearable arc in the eastern sky

between whispering pine and silent ash

a forest full of  loveliest creatures

fawn faun for nevermore

a pale woman in a carriage

a little crimson man on her lap

oh her hounds are laying low

an hour elapses

hazy distant sun is disappearing

morning suddenly so old

afternoon already mocking its promises

the water in the river is cold

no one could survive in there  that long

manikin in doldrums

the voices of the drowned entangled in the reeds

royal swan arrives

and spring unfolded like a pageant

thieves in their dens full of honour

the mercenaries who linger to strip the dead

vanishing pointlessly like the violet evening

daughters of avalon

the nephilim come masked as mere men

the future drifts in like fog on a still lake

take what you want no one is watching

black cat that sat on the path

my ladys mirror buckles under her beauty

her eyes an elusive blue

her memory of me long ago worn away

a starlike grace impossible to fight

someone should consult the native guide

the road has just ended in this field of flowers

my judgement may be wrong thats all

perhaps its all still left to come

a merchant of darkness

purveyor of doom

the poor widow waiting patiently outside in the rain

the graveyards yawned and in the earth their residents churned

my hands stained in paintings of martyrs

st steven pierced by nasty arrows

bleeding wine and crying elysian tears

neither cross nor hook nor strangling knot

moment of clarity comes and goes

hidden justice in the wild

a child by the wayside fading

no spell of yours will bind his soul to this plane

unfortunate mother of orphan

even farther than before

snorting beasts decked out in wars finery

we have been crushed by our own weight

the angel epsilon opposing the dragon set

but neither can win

good evil

evil good

no immaculate conception

could have conceived of someone like you

one day it may be easier

one day the fish will be catching us

i hurt inside someone elses pain

lay down your weariness lay down your cares

there is no way to get back home

something changed when you werent alone

the long night of sideshow magic throws strange shadows

a world returned to dark ages

the men in the taverns drunken and stupidly arguing

the laws turn away from the poor and infirm

the women in the asylum have escaped with the answer

the crooked beak of your italian spur

the fractured glass of the boys skull

maybe we underestimated the enemy

perhaps we trusted fickle friends

the evidence of my god behind this plague is compelling

i wonder why i see you when i die

and i wish for nothing

i can trust

 

 

 

 

snow job jobby

in 1993 living in surry hills on albion st a 3 story terrace house complete with recording studio a doctor on the gear a dominatrix and an assorted cast of musicians , junkies , flunkies n fools grant mclennan and i reassembled jacques frost as he called it lowdown mean n dirty ok alright i had a huge habit n grantley wasnt all that far behind actually some days he abstained and went thru that torment occasionally we couldnt get any n we both played on thru the suffering fucking gives ya an edge i tell ya going thru opiate withdrawals life is right there in yer face right there ! other times i stumbled over to jason n rhondas place what a fucking rigmarole you could never just turn up you had to make an appointment in code telling em what you wanted monday meant a fifty tuesday meant a hundred wednesday was a half and the weekend was a gram the good weekend! the junky doctor used to say to em down the phone they took ages solemnly weighing up this ridiculous powder i mean have you ever seen how much ya get for 300 bucks? like half a teaspoonful or something anyway a load of other famous actors n singers n dancers frequented the joint jason n rhonda were such philistines they didnt realise  that skinny guy with all the black hair was a goth god they didnt realise that boyish geeza was one of our top actors anyway im digressing grant and i were obsessed by the gear n all its many rituals the whole fucking box n dice i had more money at the time than grant and sometimes oh i was so kind laying it on him gratis othertimes i was a right fuckin’ […]

Photo on 2011-04-25 at 19.07 #2

lotus elan position

in 1993 living in surry hills on albion st

a 3 story terrace house complete with recording studio

a doctor on the gear

a dominatrix

and an assorted cast of musicians , junkies , flunkies n fools

grant mclennan and i reassembled jacques frost as he called it

lowdown mean n dirty ok alright

i had a huge habit n grantley wasnt all that far behind

actually some days he abstained and went thru that torment

occasionally we couldnt get any n we both played on thru the suffering

fucking gives ya an edge i tell ya going thru opiate withdrawals

life is right there in yer face right there !

other times i stumbled over to jason n rhondas place

what a fucking rigmarole

you could never just turn up

you had to make an appointment in code

telling em what you wanted

monday meant a fifty

tuesday meant a hundred

wednesday was a half

and the weekend was a gram

the good weekend! the junky doctor used to say to em down the phone

they took ages solemnly weighing up this ridiculous powder

i mean have you ever seen how much ya get for 300 bucks?

like half a teaspoonful or something

anyway a load of other famous actors n singers n dancers frequented the joint

jason n rhonda were such philistines

they didnt realise  that skinny guy with all the black hair was a goth god

they didnt realise that boyish geeza was one of our top actors

anyway im digressing

grant and i were obsessed by the gear n all its many rituals

the whole fucking box n dice

i had more money at the time than grant

and sometimes oh i was so kind laying it on him gratis

othertimes i was a right fuckin’ bastard

i dole him out a tiny little bit

and then get loaded myself outrageously

we had a stupid jokes

we had our stupid codes

heroin was our girlfriend our only girlfriend

we bitched about her we praised her

we despaired of her

and when i saw more of her than grant

he got fucking very jealous

the record was engineered by my brother russell

and tim powles played on it quite brilliantly

grant n i watched a doco on the mamas n papas

we both fell in love with michelle phillips

and we both determined to get some of their interweaving harmonies

listen to running from the body

a complex typical grant story about a murder

“what about them bones in the orchard wall”

we let our guitars rip

grant n i wandered about permanently strapped up

because inspiration was striking us at all hours

on hot city nights we’d hang on the steps outside

me smokin’ dope with opium

grant smokin’ peter stuyvos

we’d strike up conversations with passers by

or i’d try n embarrass him if any females went by

we were on a pretty busy street albion street

a mecca at the time for intellectuals, prostitutes, drug dealers, gays, winos, punks

adolf hitler woulda hated the places to smithereens

i’d sing streets of your town to passing bints

grant’d protest oh steven steven no no stop …

back in the house i had a 24 track n all the latest stuff

i had a big leather lounge just like the pros

i had a glass bit between the control n recording rooms

i had a piano n a load of guitars

i had loads of gadgets n i didnt even know what they all did

grant and i would chuck on guitars and plug in n start up

we were raw we were visceral

the songs on this album are disturbing

they are sad songs songs of despair and triumphant hopelessnesses

grant played bass sometimes and i played lead guitar

together we overdubbed loads of other guitars

we always had an idea for some more guitars

i bash away on the piano

tim pounds the drums

its a brutal sound in some places

sometimes grant would drink a bottle of red wine

i might even have a slurp

our muses collided and lurched all over the place

we knocked the stuff out effortlessly

hell i wasnt even trying

you can tell that thats for sure

jesus tho its pretty good

like 2 crazy songwriters on drugs doing whatever they liked

grant surprisingly liked to rock out with a guitar

theres plenty of rocking out

polinski gave it a good mix

tim does some mixing too

it says i produced it

this was my idea of a brilliant production move

hey russell how long is that piece of tape?

its got 2 minutes one second on it

ok lets do a song that lasts 2 minutes one second and let the tape run out

you can hear it on shakedown

the picture inside is me nodded off

ooh i’m lovely when i’m comatose

grants got sunglasses on he looks quite macho

meanwhile the record is angry passionate disillusioned

grants great faith in love seems to have failed him here

i’m in there playing a lot of the instruments

some of the tracks i played everything

i was kinda on a roll too

i was making music constantly

except when i was asleep on the couch

or waiting for the white holden commodore

one of my other dealers

yeah i’d be standing out front waiting for that car

unlike grant i couldnt really play if i was junk-sick

oh god if youve never felt it

like a terrible anguishing aching painful absence

the worst fucking feeling you could never imagine till you felt it

when the endorphins had been shut down n the opiates turned off

you were burning you were freezing you were so down you hurt so bad

sweating shaking sleepless miserable time elongated out to centuries

a nightmare oh you would not believe

dont ever try heroin youll wish you never been born

so there i am spending hundreds of bucks a day to feel normal

i never overdosed once

i lived on custard and sweet soft milky types of things

i had all these silk shirts i bought in thailand

all the same but a different colour

i swapped the very last one with merrick one day in stockholm

he had an amazing shirt i coverted

grant smoked n drank took drugs n rocknrolled

i mean we were such a cliche pair

squabbling over the white lady

n then laying back strumming keith-like riffs

me with a spliff

grant with cig

tim sitting there trying to figure out

which lunatic was supposed to be in charge

it was not pretty n i was not proud of it

we argued over money n drugs

and we fell in n out with each other

i was a panicky when i had run out

i was blase when i was on it

grant was no angel n he was often rude to everyone else

tho usually he was not rude to me

he destroyed me with clever quick quips which might quote me him or dylan

grant n i both loved dylan but i deferred to grant who claimed to love him more

we loved to play dylan songs

we were always doing that bit

“they say i shot a man named gray n took his wife to italy”

we loved to imitate dylan

we dissected his songs

we conspired to secretly rip him off (even more)

all the lyrics are snatches of lives

hard lives sad lives good lives gone wrong

i just wanna know

how long you gonna keep me locked out of your empire?

we were interested in production too

n fooling round with stuff

theres some sophisticated bits amongst the brutality too

wow they were strange times

what was i thinking?

i was reading books by angela carter

oh she is so up my alley

and then i found out she’d been dead awhile…i hadnt realised

grant n i knocked out this song for her

she lives in her own world …we sing optimistically

theres some nice chord progressions

grant n i were across that stuff too

jacks of all trades

we bickered n squabbled n giggled n stormed off

we created we got loaded we felt withdrawals nasty fangs

its all here

its all on this record snow job

grant hated the cover

thought it was too sexy or something

he was a bit of an old fashioned gent when it came to that kinda thing

very courtly romantic sort of sentimental bloke

its in the lyrics too

he cries out against the fickleness of the female

the white lady

the girl hes kinda might be “seeing”

he really wanted to believe in “love”

whatever that means grant was all for it

except these modern girls hadnt read those 19th century books

the ones grant musta had for breakfast during his country days

so he was often telling some faithless loveless woman off or something

boy he could get hurt n jealous of a certain old flame of his too

any mention of her latest news would get him writing a thousand songs

its all there

its all here still in these grooves

i have unearthed the final cache of these cds

about 20 or 30 left in this universe and thats it

send me 25 bucks on paypal (mention snow job) n i’ll send ya one

including postage i guess

yep hes hawking his stuff on his blog folks

shame shame shame

each one will be fabulously auto-graphed by me

(or with a dedication should you desire)

anyway if you wanna own this record

its definitely your last chance

also definitely coming soon

premium sk ; first release DAVID NEIL THE WILDERNESS YEARS

goodnight

 

 

 

 

 

fish

my hand dealt by your hand queen of clubs goes on the king of dope the jack of all trades goes on the red car pet the knave of rolex between the suits my brain stuffed full of memory someone write down the score ok ok i’m jus’ warming up the words will flow you cant force the process you know its easter sunday surely the day itself is in hearts i’m steve kilbey in spades the kitten is the two of clubs and scarlet kilbey is some red queen the game of life starts by all players being dealt out their hands oh man you gotta play the hand thats dealt ya ok no one is agreeing on the game either i thought after a foul i got 2 free goes or could jump to a square n get crowned n be a king in tyrus just for the night crowned in crown street downed in the high street i move through diagonals i think unseen i glimpse at your cards oh no i am not afraid to cheat oh i’d like to move your pieces oh i’d like to see your 6s and 7s oh i’d like to know where yer knights gonna go i get all mixed up secretly the queen of spades gets passed back n forth between the players its the maximum penalty she is a lethal lady she is anathema to a real player thanks you bastard says some unlucky sod as i slip him black queen i’m sorry man …i begin yeah yeah says the player…you dont look fuckin’ sorry i smirk behind my sunglasses then black queen goes straight for ace of diamonds you bastard says another player as black queen comes out she lays on the table looking up at you […]

Photo on 2011-04-23 at 18.59 #4

plummet in some seamless night

my hand dealt by your hand

queen of clubs goes on the king of dope

the jack of all trades goes on the red car pet

the knave of rolex between the suits

my brain stuffed full of memory

someone write down the score

ok ok i’m jus’ warming up

the words will flow

you cant force the process you know

its easter sunday surely the day itself is in hearts

i’m steve kilbey in spades

the kitten is the two of clubs

and scarlet kilbey is some red queen

the game of life starts by all players being dealt out their hands

oh man you gotta play the hand thats dealt ya

ok no one is agreeing on the game either

i thought after a foul i got 2 free goes

or could jump to a square n get crowned n be a king in tyrus

just for the night

crowned in crown street

downed in the high street

i move through diagonals i think unseen

i glimpse at your cards

oh no i am not afraid to cheat

oh i’d like to move your pieces

oh i’d like to see your 6s and 7s

oh i’d like to know where yer knights gonna go

i get all mixed up

secretly the queen of spades gets passed back n forth between the players

its the maximum penalty

she is a lethal lady

she is anathema to a real player

thanks you bastard says some unlucky sod as i slip him black queen

i’m sorry man …i begin

yeah yeah says the player…you dont look fuckin’ sorry

i smirk behind my sunglasses then

black queen goes straight for ace of diamonds

you bastard says another player as black queen comes out

she lays on the table looking up at you

go on she says goading you on

kinda hard to tell her age

go on she says

if youre man enough

fuck this i rifle through my hand

the joker screams at me from behind the 9 of wands

the other players have responded with their big guns

unable to contain my triumph i lay down joker with a small scream

fuck you where’d ya get that from ? says one of the players

‘e’s gotta fuckin’ mortgage on the fuckin’ joker! says another angrily

black queen goes thru em like dominos going down

but you played your one n only joker now what…?

the other players have upped the ante

the bets are obscene

one folds like a deck chair

another jumps over men in an L shape

its simple he says

no dealer no drama

i shuffle i huff

i suddenly in on a bluff

i play rough

i never feel i got enough

zeitgeist? tough!

yeah its all froth n bits o’fluff

until the hard stuff

creampuff

 

 

 

 

man woman life death infinity

the truth aint out there somewhere sitting like a continent waiting to be dis-covered the truth is so elusive appearing in is myriad disguises at funerals at bars at the going down of the sun why do you do the things that you do ? says someone someone in another room who am i? i turn to say i was hoping you could tell me until i meet up with someone so sweetly complete perhaps this reflection i see will belong to me my blood throbs in my chest my thoughts course thru my brain part beast part star part stupid oaf we are series of reactions to external stimulii resolving contradictions i am destined to believe only in chance love from life to life life from star to star beast star oaf is zero sacred? nothing would look good on you you understand it effortlessly good beyond good somehow you remain quite bad bad to the bone apart in a fickle world you remain mercurial in good fridays happinesses and sadnesses the day they murdered such a gentle man the hammer the nail the splint’ring wood the screams of man this part i still dont understand humanity torturing itself oh and i hope margot has met jesus by now i hope shes talking his reddish-blond lovely curls off i hope shes made a few suggestions about some more bottle shops up there and sought out some famous dead guitarists and demanded a chord progression i hope shes just like our margot but without the pain without the fear i hope shes just like our margot with strange gorgeous words escaping her lips i hope shes just like our margot walking and talking with jesus next day margot deep in the forest round vrindavan she hears krsnas flute drifting from […]

Photo on 2011-04-21 at 21.01

blow

the truth aint out there somewhere

sitting like a continent waiting to be dis-covered

the truth is so elusive

appearing in is myriad disguises

at funerals at bars at the going down of the sun

why do you do the things that you do ? says someone

someone in another room

who am i? i turn to say

i was hoping you could tell me

until i meet up with someone so sweetly complete

perhaps this reflection i see will belong to me

my blood throbs in my chest

my thoughts course thru my brain

part beast part star part stupid oaf

we are series of reactions to external stimulii

resolving contradictions

i am destined to believe only in chance

love from life to life

life from star to star

beast star oaf

is zero sacred?

nothing would look good on you

you understand it effortlessly

good beyond good somehow you remain quite bad

bad to the bone apart

in a fickle world you remain mercurial

in good fridays happinesses and sadnesses

the day they murdered such a gentle man

the hammer the nail the splint’ring wood

the screams of man

this part i still dont understand

humanity torturing itself

oh and i hope margot has met jesus by now

i hope shes talking his reddish-blond lovely curls off

i hope shes made a few suggestions about some more bottle shops up there

and sought out some famous dead guitarists and demanded a chord progression

i hope shes just like our margot but without the pain without the fear

i hope shes just like our margot with strange gorgeous words escaping her lips

i hope shes just like our margot walking and talking with jesus

next day margot deep in the forest round vrindavan

she hears krsnas flute drifting from the hidden lake

oh margot i can see you

your eyes filled with delight

you so pale in your sari

you so glowing in your sartori

and margot sings along to the divine music of india

her voice fills the glades in its mellifluous wordless singing sigh

so i leave her there among the swans

i leave her there amongst the lotuses and her companions

far from the crematorium at the edge of the eastern suburbs

far from the coffin and the flowers

little sister we did all love you

your poor family, little singer

could they understand your torments and obsessions

i turn angrily to my jesus who stands here on good friday

my jesus that i painted with the gold guitar back in the imperial avenue days

my jesus with the groovy hair and beard of  stars

my jesus with tears in his eyes maybe i see

yeah i loved margot smith too he says in his most beautiful voice

i love all of em he says nibbling on a cadburys hollow chocolate egg

whats with all the rabbits n eggs ?  i ask him

symbolism he smiles and sighs …kinda obfuscated things a little

i always felt rotten having a holiday the day they nailed ya up…..!

confusing isnt it……jesus and his beatific smile

suffer the little children …did margot ever sing that?

it was a lovely day for margots goodbye

goodbye goodbye goodbye

sunny but with a cool wind

out here in this windswept southern coast

far from england far from ireland

margot no more DTs no more morphine patches

no more assaults when you were using the bathroom

margot no more hospitals no more disappointments

margot fly away from this earth now

oh you are free beyond freedom

oh your songs now fill the future and your words are winged like birds

yet i feel your presence in this room

bereavement on multiple fronts

i grieve for nazareth for venice and vienna

i mourn my babylon i mourn my mornings in distant melbourne

in an english garden crying like a phantom in the sun

in america the new world bargaining a million acres for a mirror

a rich roman widow sobbing amidst her vines

you are lost my reader lost in this tangle of inklings

so you switch on your new sat-nav machine

you have a choice of voices but you choose the one marked SK

the machine come on with cough that clears a throat

how are ya ? says the voice

refuckingcalculating says the voice

oh boy youre really lost arent ya? says the voice

its good friday too says the voice

and i dont quite frankly fuckin’ know where you are says the voice

left or right its all the same to me says the voice

it good friday and the tourists are pouring into bondi says the voice

wanna avoid the future its undergoing repairs

wanna avoid the past…theres been an accident ….

take the present until you reach the end

the end aint the end i’m sure says the voice

then you go on n on n on n on

you will change

you will grow

you will encounter unbearable pain n pleasure

until……says the voice

until……

until what ?! you angrily ask

until….fuck i dont know…..! says the voice

but by then youve turned into the drive

and youre safely home

and youre just a tiny tiny child

so safe in the familys bosom

and good friday

lingers dreamlike seconds slowed down

something you will always remember