The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

schadenfreude

i am a fool i am everywhere

a party in a courtyard

its raining

people stand around drinking and laughing

i smoke a spliff in the darkness frowning

the orchestra taking five

the flutes and trombones

the violas and the bass

the mercurial sound of their overhang

my ears ring on n on

my eyes blur and hurt

my mind churns deep

other than that its a black monday night

black as spades in spades

blacks as clubs too or maybe blacker

the silver rain falls in desperate tropical spurts

i get wet just gettin’ out of my car called tibi

i am a pagan i am stupidly stupid

i enter a room like ive landed from outta space

sometimes im a old man walking like a snake

sometimes i appear in the past as rosy cheeked youth

i dream of filthy rotten rich nights

i swim through an ocean of pale naked women

their hair floats around me as i sink into all that flesh

all those voices whispering my name in my neck

fuck i’d need a bouy oh ha ha

my dream turns sour

i’m crawling around under a table looking for venus

is that a metaphor or a meta 4

i’m sitting with my axe in my small hands

i’m gonna cut off the bud at the head

waking up into the moving yesterday still available in some places

no you can never go back its sideways

follow that hunch buts its a jinx

follow the link but its a 404 error

its a missing link

page not found but floundering

somethings are lost

other things are there forever

some things you never had

something you always got

its ok

falling felled the flowering kingdom

tumbled out of the mix

inside my head the 7 furlong strip

see my baby come along the dip

orchestrating events like arranging a whip

sinking feeling like a ship

what a trip

shot silk rupture

here come a vulture

they circle in rapture

in slow exodus from woodwork

out they ooze

out of  their lair

out there somewhere

your excellency men risk their wives for you

stumble upon new continents in side

where other things want to hide

morning arrives deep and wide

in shallow breaths i jerk myself awake

ive slept on the bed i make as day break

the stars fled the red sky feel like i should die

my seed freed indeed

my dreams bleed i feed them blood

even then youre cool so much cooler than cool

add fuel for the fool abiding by the rule

you combine everything

re define anything

really an illusion

glow like a distant lamp

tramp on the ‘celerator

stamp on the levitator

jump up the wire

sometimes youre on fire

sometimes its just smoke

white mist up a tube

must resist a good bloke

must persist if you spoke

the words you speak i been listnin’ to all week

in my mind where youve danced and dined

in my etheric sheen in my cosmic dust

saw you move in quiet trust

saw you grok it saw you’d sussed

saw you soaring saw you saw

back on earth wanting more

slim as a chance

tall as a story

sleek like a jaguar

zooming past it’ll never be mine

must be doing 99

fine

i walk home in my golden car

all the way from alexandria

my feet comin in handier

my sweet little perelandra

babu-luma zuppo de zuma

lie and lay

night n day

awful thirst

which came first

a sleep

me n kids bought voyage of the dawn treader

probably one of the best books in cs lewis’ excellent series

the bad news

THIS FILM IS A STINKER!

as a lewis fan i am disgruntled and disappointed in spades

absolute rubbish

what a shame

some bright spark in the writing dept decided that the book was lacking

what the story needed was an evil  green  mist

because all the stuff in there already wasnt  good enough

so it was green evil mist all the way (with no explanation of what it was)

GREEN EVIL FUCKING MIST, OK…..?
swirling round every fucking scene

green evil mist

because cs lewis’ books aint racy enough for kids nowadays

they need a green evil mist to keep em interested

there it is swirling in the cheapest stupidest special effect

ruining an already over -effected hopelessly rotten film

not even worth reviewing properly

except saying

pluck out your own eyes rather than watching this rubbish

gee tho that evil green mist

hmmm

imagine the bible updated with it

it’d be a cracking film the kids love their evil green mist

adam n eve in the garden attacked by the EGM

jesus on the cross  nailed up by the EGM!

the devil in hell surrounded by EGM

i mean its got applications everywhere

sept 11 the true story ..it was the EGM

church at oprah house sucked off by the EGM
the steve killbee biopic …convinced to take ‘eroin by the EGM
re-do lord of the rings n put in more EGM

who killed JR …? the EGM

finish off deadwood finally al swearingen eaten by the EGM

a decent ending for the slopranos tony gunned down by the EGM

who won the fucking tennis today …why the EGM

whose the new singer in REM its EGM

whats charlie sheen snorting oh no the EGM

priest = EGM

under the EGM tonight

sergeant peppers lonely heartsclub EGM

man its incredible

it solves every problem ever known to  man

who offed laura palmer the EGM of course

ok thats enough

go enjoy yer day

and remember

watch out for the
EGM!!!!!!!!!!

des pear

i long for sleep

i long to walk that corridor to some warm dreamy place

turn off the voices

now i’m anybody i want to be

see me fly thru the sky

my winged spirit searching the astral for something

the eternal me has vacated the shell

tonight please be there

you will wait in the house i built in the clouds

the soft dopey music plays so quietly now

i arrive thru a painting and i go for a song

my words are all over the page

my method is to forget

my energy is to obsess

my lesson is to not learn

a troubled night

i get up over and over

i have a piss or have a drink and walk around a bit

but i always return to the same dream

a huge city where its always night

somewhere in town is a huge apartment block

inhabited by some loathsome  evil

right at the top of the building lives this terrible thing

i myself living in another tall apartment block

at the top of which lives my employer or benefactor or whatever he is

i am scared/in awe of this person who has some power over me

i cant work out if he owes me a favour

or if i owe him one but we are seemingly bound together

one of my daughters is missing presumably in the bad tower

i keep petitioning my boss to help me rescue her

i make the long trek up  the lonely stairs to where he lives

full of doubt full of trepidation

sometimes hes there

sometimes no one answers my knocking on his door

he is rich urbane and knowledgeable

i can never clearly see his face

sometimes hes angry to be interrupted

sometimes he promises me help

he gives me a pistol

he has friends in the police

we should alert the police

other times he says no police we’ll take care of it ourselves

i wake up i stumble thru the house trying to shake it off

when i lie down the dream starts up again

the city of night

the 2 apartment blocks

sometimes ive arranged a big group of vigilantes

we climb up the stairs of the evil tower to find my daughter

and the others missing in there

sometimes it seems like a huge terrible worm is at the top

sometimes its empty

sometimes hideous ordeals that amount to nothing in the end

then i’m back in the tower where i live

“go up and see him!” urge the various changing people i live there with

or sometimes on my own

i climb up and up the stairs

to see him

he again gives me the pistol or suggests the police

at the police station i stand in a line

but the station always closes before i get to the top of the line

at the evil tower ive broken in with my pistol

up the stairs i go

empty or full of foul things

i battle and struggle alone or with comrades

we never find our missing ones

the evil at the top is always elusive

eventually at the end of my last dream

(i must have woken up n fallen back into it 15 times)

eventually i realise

why yes of course

its the same tower

why yes of course

the man i’m working for

is the evil thing

a perfectly detailed world with solidity and dimension

all within my heaving mind

i sit here now unable to forget the torment of it

is it the great gothic novel?

is it a warning?

or is it just an incredibly complex recurring dream?

i dunno

but i cant shake it off

hell!

handsome

lovebringer  sing me ya elegy

twists n turns have burned me cold

i wake up n i’m old

i sleep  n in my sleep bad dreams come cheap

like everything bad starting up again

in my dreams when i am other men

in my head too small to contain all this self infliction pain

well it certainly is strange but ive gotten out of range

i shoot my words but 2 thirds are meaning less and less

i prosecute myself

the evidence stacks up

then i got the audiences backs up

the witnesses take the stand man there all me

the jail is my self

the sentence to be in this skin

no parole no good behaviour no out or in

solitary confinement

the chains are  my brains

my mind hems me in on all sides

these bars were in my stars

my own future turned round bit my arse

a tragedy or farce

i’m locked up but free

free to choose how i lose

dont wanna roll

dont wanna role in this play

i wrote it but i cant play it

i did it but i cant say it

bored with this metaphor and my fatal flaw

floored with sealing my fate

a fraud a fake

i need a brake

my heart aint listenin’ to

my head  where the signal is unread

red my mind

blue my mind

dont mind me

i will lose all that i will find

shadow cabernet

headache

clouds gather

wanna hide away from all that is unhidden

skulk deep into some covers and dream a forever

so warm outside

the green billowing sea grasping at our shores

peace is delicate

my eyes blur the words

my ears veil the sound

nothing more to say than that

just another afternoon

before its all drifted away

mr clean with (soy) milk

arranging with an arranger

adding strings n things

whatsa a fuckin’ bassoon do n all that malarkey

a bit more friggin’ pizzicato

a tad more bleedin’ french horn

give those cellos a bitta welly guvnor

turn up the whatchamacallit for more wallop

fuck yeah more tremulated crotchets and make it allegro

make it presto hey

make the geezas on those woodwinds earn their top dollar

whip that lazy harpist why its patti hood from armenia

she escaped from the 13th century and now shes as slim as a teenager

still the old armenian magic in her fingers

telling stories of the distant stars and the struggle of life

telling stories of the deeply rivered land

and the  love that lives on after the bodys death

her fingers back n forth on the strings

like a widow weaving fate on her enchanted loom

like an eastern witch casting some mesmerising spell

backwards and forwards her fingers weave in mathematical poems

up and back she never misses her mark

as she plucks and she lays out

as she touches and watches

that beautiful sound oh that heavenly music

sprinkled all over the churches hammer and cruise

oh yeah pity you aint got your tickets coz its almost sold out

too bad this is a one off me old matey

dvd yeah but….

i really wish i could have all of you there

but still…..

back to work

black cat/white man

is there meaning in suffering

or are we simply suffering

random lifeform on a lucky planet

bizarre microbe evolved into poetry-writing monster

that primal pool of cosmic goo struck by lightnin’

vishnu dreams up planets floating out of his pores fully formed

weird visitors shaping us in their images

children from the future

ghosts before their time

ive got a feeling this is all a joke

ive got a joke this is all a feeling

so i got my feelers out sensing the atmosphere

i am bound to a certain extent by my age my gender my race my belief

time and space and race prevent much understanding

fragments come thru from someone unknown

i want to understand at least myself but i remain impenetrable

i want to change the settings but the panel is inaccessible

i see no way in i see no way out

the manipulation of opposites may contain a clue

but a clue to what……?

how do you manipulate opposites anyway

well you stretch them apart and in the middle is something else

and the mind held half on half off

flickering between the two opposite things or qualities

suddenly temporarily jammed open and in comes X

oh sk you say i can hear you what doth X equal

oh ho ho but i tried to describe X for 31 one years in sound n song

childe there is no simple equation for this thing X

but X feeds something inside your many selves

you your heart your mind your ethereal body your sexual desire

oh my god if i but could freely dispense X they would nail me up

i would be taken away in a big black car for a lonely ride

i would be found miles away insane or appearing and vanishing

everyone wants that X

everyone that had it never says no again

so these other ones try to learn to manipulate opposites to obtain X

but X is illusive and elusive and allusive

hard to sift thru all of the dross to find theres not a trace

no nothing in your test tube or philtre

the more you push

until eventually travelling in an opposite direction

youve become youre own opposite

with all the things that come with that

the humdrum surrounds us choking our senses

the mundane alternating between cozy and stifling

the momentary pull of jesus or opium

the jolt of injury the explosion of orgasm

the hurtling train of the thought in my mind

derailed it goes plowing through the fields of your memories

some call this madness some call it vision

some call it a nuisance and block it all out

the afternoon has turned nasty

the electricity builds up in our cortex and sky

love charged storm ….will it emit X

maybe indirectly maybe as an accident

X will be released in some gland in the cyclonic eye

washing right through us like red dye thru a cloth

crashing down on the buildings and towns

the human race comes alive reborn from the earth

children resembling seraphs

reassembled from spirit and atom of yore

convulsed up at the beginning of time

(i laugh to think it was that long ago)

spat out by creation whatever it was

formed by some god

unknown by a name

defenestrated

the night ahead

the day behind

on each side possibilities stack up

in some other universe where i am you

in some other you in some other place

what if what if what if

someone says there are no what ifs oh but there are

i mean

right time right place

wrong dimension

i mean my spirit encaged in this mansuit of flesh

i mean it wanders wherever it wants

you could end up anywhere

you could end up lost

life within emptiness

emptiness within life

forget all the times that you have burned

forget all the times that you have returned

a reality not fixed

nothing is

not even the truth

which has been stretched out of shape

reduced to a fact

bandied about

love is not the whole truth

the whole truth still is not love

they might intersect

anything goes

everything stops

an invisible hand guides me i cannot resist

some things are forbidden

some things are enforced

some things i have leeway

some things i have chains

some things i know nothing

some things i have known

sweet oblivion will embrace me

at the other end some brand new day

oh to start again

somewhere so nice

not like this place

half good and half bad

misfortune and grief nip at your heels

weight of this world pulling you down

words mean so little

they pour out of a mind

like they throw out your stuff

when they left you behind

and life seems so solid

but its jumping from thing to thing

it suddenly leaves you

it suddenly arrives

and you stand up and lie down

a puppet of life

mysterious force no one can see

vanishing appearing

like rain over the sea

thats me

fallen

yet still unfree