The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

i must admit
the novelty of being straight has worn off
still stuck in my skull with the dreaded kilbey
not a lot has changed
belfast frank sends me some amazing music
hindu mantras and slightly europeanised indian music
i do yoga twice today
i go to my pool but its full of blokey blokes having a swim meet today
i swim in the pacific ocean instead n catch some waves
i guess ive hit a plateau
i dont wanna smoke dope anymore thats for shore
alcohol disgusts me as do drunks
ive never been drunk in my life and i never will be
i turn to yoga and exercise and meditation
it cant turn it all around just like that
i want the answers and i want em now
i want to love and be loved
i want to be a real man
i want good friends who accept me as i am
i want my music to be spellbinding
its no good telling me about records i made in the past
i need to move on like a shark in the sea
they cant ever stop n nor can i
my very nature is to be restless
thats where all that music you presumably liked came from
i appreciate all the love that you my readers have been throwing at me
yes i really do
oh yes it helps to have you all on my side
but i am unhappy with things at the moment
and i cant just cheer up
imagine if baudelaire were alive today n writing a blog
it would be full of turbulence doubt sarcasm n moodswings
that is the artists lot
our thin skins
our disillusion
our ups n downs
thats how we get stuff done
i aint yer average joe
and thats good n thats bad
im searching for something i probably never gonna find
i need the things i have to push away
i cant abide the things that make most people happy
i want it all ways at once
i get so sick of myself
my friend annaki mayhem comes round tonite
she deals with more in a week than ive dealt with in my whole life
and shes cheerful
me? im a writhing self obsessed mass of contradictions
i need yoga n extreme exercise just to keep me vaguely balanced
i need god like other blokes need the pub
every now n then i catch a glimpse
i see something
i read something
i feel something
and for a moment….
then kilbey closes in again
that love him/hate him ego with all his big ideas
could be a hero could be a villain
anyway
thats me
i didnt write about time space mind did i?
maybe next one will be more profound
love to those i love they know whom they are
and a big finger to the naysayers
walk a kilometre in my blunnies…you couldnt last an inch
tomorrow producing simon starling out at tims
hes a beautiful cat n im looking forward to it
the pool should be cold n empty tomorrow
just the way i like it ah ha ah ha
i’ll get there eventually
i adore my readers
thank you people
you are the core of my (in)sanity
blessings beaucoups on you all
xxx
steven

sit in the kitchen
cooking up a blog
maybe its a beauty
probably its a dog
seven planets
seven dwarves
seven seals
seven deadlies
the plato code
the bible code
the code of the road
song of the city song of the road
hip gnosis
the sufis
be a real man suffer them slings n arrows
prospero n miranda
agamemnon n elektra
the sphinx
garudasana
a bucket full of starfish
steven john kilbey
out of joyce bennett n leslie john kilbey
out of caroline davis and bill bennett
out of stephen kilbey and jesse bellette
beyond that is unknown
the rosy cross
golgotha place of skulls
oh columbus
oh america
oh lovely sweden n my distant identical twins
2 for the price of one
pushing sixty
old man look at my life im a lot like you are
hi fidelity
in fidelity
ulysses in transit lounge
my foolish boat still leaning
the lion lies down with the lamb on broadway
aslan sings the world awake
the leo sun god son of man
cracked actor crackling rosy crucifixion
spades are upside down black hearts
diamonds are forever n ever
clubs are noisy
the dizzy nymph jumps the quick brown panther
patient as decades fly by
i used to be a little boy so old in my shoes
gravity i have
gravitas i have not
still i’m sad
every child player must win a prize
empty handed paris on the battlements of troy
scarlet kilbey with her box of semi unprecious stones
strange child with strange proclivities
moving thru the ages appearing over n over
eve n aurora having a sleepover at some kids house
eve with her chestnut curls
aurora with her swollen ads
dutiful daughters
my ears ring on
i-sight fading
miracles are scarce tonight
no one calls
no one knocks
no one visits
the red bulb in my room
my bonsai tree that needed my love
ive lost my keys
my golden car
my freckled white skin
an inventory of my temporary flesh
my guitars all unplayed
my painting unfinished
my sentences peter out…
its cold but i cant feel it much
my neck aches holding up this heavy stupid head
i imagine my brains inside my skull
little messages running hither n thither
heres a compartment with my swedish
heres a compartment that remembers childhood
heres a tiny compartment that can do arithmetic
heres the bit that tells my heart when to beat
our hearts need our brains to know when to beat
autonomous processes continually upgraded
this f;lash of genius
this puddle of dullard
this pond of fondness
this lake of love
this stagnant swamp of envy
i wish i was going somewhere
thats the great thing about touring
youre always going somewhere
check in check out
a new bed everynight
checklist : keys, ipod, flip camera, headphones, passport, clean sox
vitamins, shampoo, toothbrush, a pair of undies, my sunglasses
my reading glasses, my novel, my sheet which tells me where to go
my sheet which tells me which room tim n peter n marty are in
a letter from a fan
a stick of frankincense
a tiny statue of buddha
small change
you go on stage
the audience cheers
you strum your guitar
you sing your voice
you dance about a bit
afterwards you lie in your silent room
you eat a piece of chocolate
you look in the mirror
you look old
you keep expecting to see an eighteen year old
but unsurprise you dont
i run out of steam
suddenly
and
i stop

wintry day
grey clouds like gun metal
sporadic rain
sit in my room
writing this
strangely flat
thinking about jesus
thinking about krsna
thinking about the way it can all go right or wrong
imagine all the people who were born today
imagine all the people who died
security eludes us
the street is filled with homeless
humanity and its seven deadly sins
go shopping up at the mall
god where does all that stuff come from
shopping carts full of cans and paper and packets
a cold death aisle full of disgusting bits of corpses
i mean who the fuck is eating chicken livers
how civilised we think we are
and then theres all this blood n guts n misery everywhere
dismembered sheep and cows wrapped in their own gore
all kept cold tho its still going off as you catch its unholy whiff
unhappy parents beleaguered by unhappy children
tv dinners in front of the blaring idiot box
i read a pop magazine
i havent heard of any of the groups …i’m out of touch
christ theres some moronic looking popstars out there today
gormless chubby ponces with silly hairdos playing some mega dome
aw the youngsters of today….there seems to be no coherent fashion
what would i know? i’m glad i’m not involved in it really
guess ive turned into some reactionary grandad
blustering away about the good old days whenever that was
a cold wet night comes down on sydney
sydney aint set up for winter n it shows
i just sit in here type type type
my shoulders a little achey
my head a little empty
my well a little dry…why?
alright then thats all from me at my post here in the antipodes
can someone bring on spring i feel tired dry and (c)old
maybe go out for a walk in the rain
see if it soothes my existential pain
ok then……

took my beloved and sweet human bunny to the ear nose throat quack
she hasnt been breathing properly for a while
her tonsils n adenoids are huge
and the roof of her mouth is quite arched
so in just under 2 weeks
shes having em removed
i’m kinda nervous but apparently it has to be done
my accountant TOLD me to get some medical insurance but i didnt
n now i gotta pay top $ to get her in n done quickly
and to jump the queue in public hospital system
can you believe its gonna cost 4 grand….sheesh!
we were afraid if we waited the year it would have taken
she would have serious problems with breathing n teeth
she has been quite weary n tired for a while
thats because she cant breathe through her nose
and isnt getting enough rem sleep per night
god i love her to pieces so i hope the op goes alright
and that she can get some decent sleep without snoring
apparently her tonsils n ads are quite enormous
she took it all quite stoically as is her wont
poor bunny…gee shes a good girl
shes working on her book about eddie
a three eyed monster
a strange enchanted kid
gee i hope shes gonna be fine
i love her more than anything
(pic taken by j cain at isidore sessions)

jeffrey hit the airport today
what a dear friend and valuable colleague
we have made an incredible 2nd album
the music is superb
cain is a master writer crafting strange melodic wonderful songs
i believe i sang pretty well
some titles to whet your appetite
the reappearance (of isidore)
repossession
life somewhere else
the privateer
belle in mid air
that old black spirit
you will remain (for gregory)
some reverse magic
song of the city, song of the road
readymade
blessing
…ive forgotten some of the others
the spirit of our dear departed drummer informed our sessions
this album will be dedicated to the memory of gregory slay
a true trickster and sorely missed companion
did i mention cedric le moynes incredible bass playing?
i am truly excited and truly inspired
i think its a thing of real love n beauty
no drink or drugs were consumed
these songs plucked clean from the void
crushing any doubts i had that i needed to be high to write
this record is the antithesis of all that tiresome rubbish you’ll normally hear
jeffreys music is always unexpectedly familiar with tiny twists
my lyrics are concerned with life death and infinity as per usual only better
i cant wait for you to hear it
jeffrey is gonna mix it back in alabama
this is a record you will cherish for the rest of your life
i am very very happy
wow!
music is the answer
it always was
now i reaffirm it in spades
om mani padme hum

one step forward
one step back
something good
something bad
i sit here writing lovely songs
but out there my life unravels drip by sip by blip by dip
still it doesnt matter
i am a survivor
i go on n on regardless
my yoga my meditation my swimming my pure diet will sustain me
clear headed and on form i am
yet so dismayed by a constant stream of lowdown tricks
and slaps in the face
you wouldnt believe the half of it
now i feel so tired and spent
just an old bloke
being used up for all his worth

i will forgive
but i will never
ever
forget

fuck i’m a ‘andsome bastard
and guess what
i been clean for one month
yes thats right
sober as a (stephen) judge
unintoxicated by anything
just swimming just doing yoga just creating more stuff for you
for your pleasure for your delight
oh its almost unbearable to be me right now
seeing things so clearly
i’m gonna take this to its logical conclusion
no more blurred crusades for this knight
i got words pouring outta my pores
and my paws
i got offers pouring in my inbox
steve can you do this
steve can you do that
i got a hilarious musical i’m gonna be in
i’m gonna send myself up n i’m gonna enjoy it
i can sit back and have a laugh at myself
its better than crying
i’m a survivor
the luck of the devil
im deaf and blind but boy can i sing n play bass
i’m pushing 60 baby …what a hoot…
i guess i’ll never grow up now
well you know i worked hard for this
2 hours of yoga a day
being a vegan
not watching telly
hardly ever n now never drinking poisonous booze
no cigarettes or cheezy pizzas
no sitting around like a couch potato
screaming at a tv screen with the “boys”
its a high n lonely destiny (ha ha!)
i’m a workaholic
i walk the talk
i got some good friends now
and i appreciate them
i can sing i can dance i can knockout a haiku
i appreciate fine literature
i meditate again
i wanna reconcile it all before i die
i in love with jesus christ
i in love with krsna
i in love with cs lewis
i in love with dylan n lennon
i in love with iliad n odyssey
i carry the torch
my next few records will blow yer socks off
i got experience oozing out my ears
is that why i’m so deaf
i got no time for arguing the toss
i miss my dad… fuck he was a great guy
i get on well with my brother rusty
i’m glad we’re good mates now
i need his love and support
my children are my joy
my business is a pleasure
and pleasure is definitely my business
you can well imagine
you will have to imagine
even though i am chased
i am from now on chaste
thats right
to pursue my dream
i am sacrificing everything
no nothing for me
i need all my energy for the work
the rakes progress
redirecting desire into concrete abstractions
i contain huge contradictions
i am obsessed with myself
its easy and its cheap
i dont need anyone else
i have my deep mind to fall into and drown in
ha ha ha
dont you love it
and out of all this vainglorious hubris
i got some seriously decent music coming atcha
i got my kilbey mega site
theres gonna be loads of stuff
new unheard works
films from the past
i’m gonna open up my scrapbooks my scrapheaps
i’m gonna open up my chest cavity
n lay my still beating heart on the line
i’m gonna give you insights outsights and oversights
my past lives
my past loves
my foibles my peccadillos my shoo sighs
all the kilbey you can handel coz i know some of you fiendss are hooked
i dont blame you
theres a lot of shallow rubbish out there
n not too many renaissance blokes like moi
so the time being . com coming real soon hopefully mid july
you can get it free
or you can pay n arm n a legge and get premium kilbey
if you recently subscribed here we’ll accommodate ya too
its gonna be a comprehensive one stop shop for all yer kilbey needs
i’ll take the money and abscond to lemuria
where i’ll live in a decaying palace waited on by flying monkeys
we’re planning on having loads of special stuff for ya
yeah i know you cannot wait…too bad…you have to…
bring on the bile my detractors
youre impotent hillrods and boors
no one gives a flying fuck what you whingers write
i rule
old king coal
in the winter of disco tent
a real panther …growl !
a gentleman , ma’am yes i am
a beggar outside the door of love
i’m only here for this moment
you can trust me to be straight with ya
but can you be straight with me?
i’m gonna give you the goods with both barrels
the kinda thing you need as an antidote to all the jim jims
the sad ugly little clowns trying to bring this world down
i cant stop em but i’ll give y a few good CDs to listen to
as we all go under
a few laffs
a few fucking tears
a few mistakes fuck i made few
i been ‘onest with ya
i aint no saint even though i look like one
my grey blue eyes see deep inside
my voice in yer headphones: i sing you your life
i’m not for everyone…i’m too good for just anyone
my music heals and it feels
i’m onto something here
stick around and watch this space
i’m reaping the reward of 55 years
a grand master flashed
i ruin you for all the others
i cold i clear i so very very near
i gone daddy gone
thats it
i feel better now
wow blowing your horn is hard work
im tired after all that immodesty and arrogance
i gotta go
bye bye

steve “killer” kilbey /jeffrey “caino” cain
a real dynamic duo
hidden away in sunnyhurst bondi
making izzy-door 2
caino has not failed to come up with the goods
as you might expect a load of subtle tricky elusive yet familiar music
a worthy successor to our brilliant first album only more brilliant natch
i’m very excited
the words are flowing out unto me from the universes
from the cosmic subconscious
from the eternal well of art and groovy things
caino manning the computer manipulating the data
killer behind the mike (as it should be)
this music inspires the words that i would elsewise never have written
of course i am filming the whole thing (kip!)
and it will be available on my coming mega-site
the making of isidore 2 (yet to be titled!)
wow! im excited i’m valve bouncing
we’re both on a roll here
this is the stuff you been waiting for folks
this is the good shit that’ll (gregory) slay ya!
nice work caino youve done very very well
ooh what a beauty
another great record coming down the line atcha
in spades baby in spades
and in hearts too…..

i hate vodka
i hate what it does to people
i hate what it does to families
i hate the way it takes over and takes control
it is an unstoppable juggernaut of destruction
i saw it in rehab
i saw it in rocknroll
i saw it in my friends n enemies
i saw it in women n in men
i saw it in the young n the old
a frightening nightmare exploding in yer brain
a delusional toxic devils piss of a drink
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
more addictive than the worst drug
itll fuck ya ten times quicker than smack or crack or anything else
and totally legal
i saw whole rooms of finns slugging it out
i saw people driven rabidly foaming mad
i saw the aftermath too
the hollow wrecks it leaves behind
the burnt out shells of those it hath possessed
the emptiness the messed up blank and black eyed stare
more like a methylated spirit than a drink
its a clear cut killer of life and love and reason and beauty
stealer of youth
causer of quarrels
a violent horrible sickening poison
i saw a young geezer have a grande mal seizure on the filthy stuff
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it
you can hardly taste it but its gonna get ya down on yer knees
by the fucking balls
the anti-muse
nothing good comes from it
just trouble and strife
destroyer of life
oh i hate it
alcohol entity and elemental eating you up from the inside
making ya stupid and angry and coarse
i hate it
oh i fucking loathe it
oh i d-test it and what it does
i hate standing by watching it chew thru its victims
i hate that inchoate state
i hate its pernicious trespass upon humanity
its all bad
it rots yer guts
it fucks yer liver
it burns yer throat
it makes yer brain smooth n wrinkle-less
until you never ever gonna think straight
oh i despise vodka
oh i could scream
oh i could writhe in agony at its pointless poisonings
oh i damn the spirit of vodka which infests man soul
and swallows him whole
spits ya out dead if youre fucken lucky, mate
its evil its wicked its rotten its disgusting
oh i hate it i hate it
oh i truly and absolutely hate it more than anything
oh i do hate it so badly
oh i hate it so

1. i wake up 2 weeks ago with the name sid rumpo in my head
sid rumpo were an aussie band that made one record i never heard
back in the early seventies …but i dont know anything about them
nor have i ever thought of them before. that day i fly down to melbourne
to do rockwiz finale and whilst on the plane i read about goethe
and his theory of interconnectedness
then i meet famed oz rocker angry anderson from rose tattoo
and we share a limo into town
on the way there i ask about his previous band buster brown
i say : you guys musta been one of the 1st bands on mushroom records
yeah says angry us n a band called sid rumpo
wow i say i thought of that name this morning when i woke up
wow says angry thats an example of interconnectedness
(a double synchronicity there folks)
2. i go to wendy the white witch for a healing
she gives me a cd of the lords prayer related to chakra healing
when i get in the car all relaxed
i put on the radio n on comes the first song
dirty deeds done dirt cheap by ac/dc (a jarring juxtaposition )
i immediately turn it off
when i get home n stick cd into my itunes
my itunes erroneously recognises the cd as dirty deeds done dirt cheap
(huh!!!!)
3 jeffrey cain turns up today
hes rented a flat in bondi
its the same flats marty lived in 30 years ago when he first moved to aust
weird, eh?