The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

yesterday hadda jam with jonny z
hamish s
and stu h
jazzy players
we met up at this place overlooking tamarama beach
good lord i feel like im in a modesty blaise film up there
cactus plants n courtyards
a table n chairs outside overlooking the pacific
god these jazz guys can play
i get confused easy at 1st
im playing my bass
so theres electric bass
n double bass
then hamy on drums
stu on piano
im all thumbs
i feel like ive never played my bass in our lives
i wanna show these guys i can play
but i cant get even the smallest thing together
i think about yoga
i think about swimming
gradually i relax and get some discipline over my fingers
i start doing a little chordal riff
j z comes in on a slippery slidey bass thing
the drums n piano come in like magic
ok we all know we onto something
a cuppla hours later n we got a good instrumental piece
recorded on stueys phone
we knock out a cuppla more things
wow
i hope we could get to record this stuff
i wanna string some narrative lyrics over the top
anyway we have a cuppa tea with the druid who lives there
my envy dismantled immediately when he turns out to be real nice
ha ha
anyway after that
“the eagle landed” chez killbee
and rikki tikki came over
now clock this
2 of the grooviest alt-rock-space-indy-windy-miney-mo rockers
ever
i mean
the bj fuckin m…..dude…where you been..!!!???
rikki youre so bohemian…AAAARGGGHHH!
anyway nk wants to have a wee sleep
but not with ye olde bumper..
however the doodles want something to eat
despite ricky being late for an appointment
with even more groovy rockstarz
in ultra-hip/groovy paddington
hes pressed into service
the bumper has climbed like a chimp into my arms
and she aint being put down
how can i cook like this…i moan
and ricki jumps into action
i mean as a cook hes a good guitarist
and he keeps asking me
what to do next
as he juggles tomato soup n toasted sandwiches
well this is alright
i got this other dude cooking the doodles food
and all i gotta do is hold bumper
whos in a sad mood
we listen to my version of images of london
on a brand new kev carmody tribute record
out now on emi
who?
emi
eventually
after being very patient
me n eve n aurora drive ricky off to his film
course hes pretty late by now
but true to form
rikki never complains
i can see why they need ya in that groop
a calm rocker in the eye of the sturm und drunks
on the way home i quiz the doodles on names of baby animals
they dont know that baby swans are called cygnettes
thats a silly name they both protest
and fingerling strikes their fancy as another silly name
aurora (who is nicknamed the biggle
because when she n eve were babies
she was the big girl)
says dad what do they call baby biggles
i dunno i say
chatlings she says
cos aurora is aurora love-a-chat
and she can talk the hynde leg off a donkeys ass
q:how are you guys today
both: good?
what about yer cough aurora?
good….uh, not really
have any dreams lassanite?
both : no!
aurora : thats what we say…err we dont really know
do you guys believe in god?
both : yeah
eve : who the heck dya think made all this earth?
aurora : he lives forever
what happens when someone dies?
a: a one way ticket to the underworld…
e: they go up into heaven and fish go to the
big blue pond in the sky..
what does art mean to you?
eve : its really important to do some art each day
that way ya get better n better
a: its a very simple part of nature
eve; it is a part of nature cos papers made outta trees!
i gotta few more questions
aurora walks off holding her back
im sorry dad i dont think i can make it..
cmon i say
ok 3 more questions
whats the worst thing with adults?
aurora : they tell ya what to do
whats the best thing with adults?
a: they take care you
e : i dunno whatd aurora say?
would either of you like to sing or play music for a living?
a : yes id like to have a rock band with my frends
e : sing
hows the bumper?
nk :sleeping
hey nk whats it like being my wife?
nk : (long silence) its a real adventure….
(hmmm thats ambiguous)
nk laughs sounding like betty rubble
whats yer favourite chrunch song?
nk a hard question to answer
aurora:under the wilky under the ….
i gotta feeling that whatever i ask you..
nk: me?
aurora : i answered his questions..
nk i’ll give you five of my favourite
ok
nk: invisible,telepath, its no reason, buffalo,real toggle action
(wow 4 outta five aint bad)
the bumper arrives and starts kissing auroras belly
whats the best thing about living in australia?
nk : um oh god….all the beautiful beaches..australia
no i dont wanna say that…(in a soft seductive tone)
i was gonna say gettin to see all the cherch shows here…
(oh good girl, nk!)
what do you, apart from your family, miss most about the u.s.a?
nk( slightly teary eyed) oh god i wanna say something interesting..
forget that. what do you really miss…?
nk…i …i…miss the trees the seasons and autumn all the trees
changing colours n in spring ….all the classic seasons
what do dislike most about australia?
nk : ummm…oh god (betty rubble laugh) all the cockroaches
whats it like being a woman
nk: hmmm…..ummm…clears her throat
sometimes its the most wonderful thing
sometimes the hardest..
me: but you could say that about being a man
nk : you could..
whats the worst thing about me?
nk ; the way you often harshly judge yourself
sometimes youre too critical of yourself..
what about when im being over egotistical…doesnt that negate
the harsh standards?
nk : smiles ..laughs ..very occaisionally you can be annoying with that
but youre an extraordinary person..
me : shucks
one last question
what goes on behind locked doors?
nk : oh no (starts to giggle) are you really asking me that?
me : yes
nk : cant ya just put
wouldnt y’all love to know…

a wave of nausea filled the being
as he jumped headlong into the future
when he awoke he was alone
a dark night sky filled a vast expanse
stars twinkled
but he could recognize none of the constellations
a lonely creature howled somewhere far away
the being shuddered
in the darkness things rustled
he could hear the drip drip drip of moisture
he could feel the awful weight of that forsaken sky
pressing down upon him
so this was it huh?
the much vaunted future
well it was warm
warm n dark
erskine wondered where he was
the soft rain began
music started up
somewhere
sad music
music that sang about erskines life
he couldnt even hear any words
but in his heart he felt the song
oh so long ago
no these memories…..
from another earth
from another person
steve kilbey
ha ha
erskine had written a little novella
called ephemera
it really didnt have much plot
just this musician wandering around
having misadventures
n getting killed
in some other world
a world with cities that have names like
boston
erskine set his story in 1986
was that past or still to come now?
steve kilbey was playing this place in boston
he was playing before another musician called reverb n rabbits
boston was a strange place
bitterly brutally cold
oh how erskine wouldve enjoyed a blast of bostons freezing winter air
but it was afterall only fiction
in erskines world it was warm n damp
erskine swung malarial in his hammock
erskine was delerious n delusional thats for sure
he dreamed he was the time being too
the time being was some older guy with a white beard
some smart arse “space rocker” erskine had hallucinated one night
well, it was always night now
i mean
the sun was out there shining of course
but
well erskine couldnt actually explain what had happened
but anyway
that was before he was born
he had heard all those old wives tales
about the moon
and about winter
but quite franklin
he wasnt buying any of it
anyway erskine left all that “what if only”s to other people
he was a musici….
no i mean he was a magician
and he wrote a thing called a blogge
which is a silly name
i mean even the olde being was stuck with that
and young steve kilbey in boston playing his thing
jesus so slim n all that hair
does he even know that im dreaming him up
hanging in my hammock
malarial n outta my skull on opiummmm?
the being out there somewhere
being himself
being others
the being, himself
himself, the being
or stevie k
playing that song
he dont even know why he wrote that song
i mean
he didnt….i did
me here in boston
i look in the mirror
tight blue pants
a waistcoat n a silk shirt
2 blue mexican crucifix studs in ears
a naive face late twenties or early thirties
i gotta play now
i gotta get ready
i gotta strap on this …uh…plank..
but no wand….but…
no musicians dont have wands..
musicians play things
like kilbey playing a ……
oh i cant quite picture it
a keyboard
typing typing
commands to execute
the being intruding
the intruder being
erskine look up at the stars again
antares n arcturus
and artemis and palanor
and the pole stars and the green star
and if you want to be a star of stage n screen…
words intersected in erskines head
emerald haunt and overdrive
i mean its nonsense isnt it
it doesnt even make grammatical sense
unless emerald is being addressed in the vocative case
in which case the emerald is being commanded to haunt
but by who and why?
nightmare descent into nineveh city
sang steve kilby
and the crowd, the audience could see it all
i mean theyre my fictional audience
you know not real people
like nevets yeblik n his muse
not like me johnny erskine
and my wife conesuela
whos spanish or mexican or..
and not like that olde time being
inhabiting the nooks n crannies in history
out there in his future
a legend in his spare time
who ?
whos that?
and who are you
eaves dropping on us…?
what could you want here
as i swing in my hammock
as he sings in boston in 19 eighty 6
as the being sits there type type type
hammer on hammer off i say
i say treat women rough and theyll make you breakfast in bed
i say privelege in privelege
i’d speak spanish to my wife
but shes gone gone gone
she left me this note
called
el momento descuidado
but thats weird
i mean
its not even proper spanish…
why would she write that….
the being types as erskine swings as stevie sings
we need microphones and managers…
a microphone …thats what kilbys instrument was called…
but why would kilby sing that…?
it doesnt matter
no ones gonna care what the words are
i mean the words are a prop
for the story of the time being
and this other one too
a negative reversal
and daughters…!
yes…there were daughters…
and the song was called mer
it was about the sea i guess
and there was this book called
the ground under her feet
and damnit it beat me to my storey
about a singer called steve kilbey who channels music
from this universe into his
which is like ours except a few key things have been changed
for example in his universe
there is a band called the rolling stones who are very successful
while here the rolling stones are a tribute band to
the greatest rocknroll band on earth
the b j m
i mean anton newley has singlehandedly shaped rock since
he burst out of liverpool in the 19?0s
i mean…
what do i mean
and what about ricki the lead rhythm guy
did he drown in my swimming pool
or was that jorge harryson?
santa francesca
the corner of haight n crown streets
no no
theres no such place
its an intersection
its only a point after all
but what is a point
and what is the point?
right?
and anton newley wrote that song
i cant get no brown sugar
and another group called six inch nails did a duet
with victory a’mos
and trex was in the cretaceous error
and by concealing a small metal pick
in the fleshy folds of his feet
houdini was able to play the ebow solo in mer
muse: youve fucken flipped olde bean..
nevets yeblik pots won
sure sure
we understand
the pressure
the late nights
the drinkin’drugs
the blinkin’ lights
the hammering tongs
damn
the hammock swings
the singer and his voice
the good type types good
muse where are you?
and all the carni-voormen
and the hyena-girls?
and is this the malaria talking
type type type
ive run out of ink
thinks nevets
kilbys singing about the highway
and the pain in their ice
he knew about the thaw i guess
did we all intersect there
which ice?
the polar caps?
the drug?
the ice in the mescal he used ta drink in those days?
who cares anymore
i can never unravel this mess
see see for yourself
im run down by a train
stand back from a shark attack
and its all the same…
hey that IS good
relax killbee never wrote that…
no?
not in this world any way
maybe over there
where?
you know
there
there?
yeah!

stabbing in the dark
billy franklin shut down his neurotine fountain
bad science fiction always made him cringe
and this wasnt gonna be any different
god i hate all those conjunctive pseudo-bullshit words
he said wiping the preda-tour from his chrypto- puce
franklin
as you may remember
is your futuristick magickal uber-agent
working for a cabal of tycoons n millionaires
intent on subverting “reality”
franklin is gaunt n wasted
his thin air plastered against his scalp
like steerpike on meth-analog
or like andre breton on neo-pix
or like robert the bruce on shreddy-mones minus the fucking kilt
or like apollo mc god on ambrosia dipped purple heads
yeah franklin is a cool cool cat
hes got nine lives too
one for the flaming sun
2 for the location
3 for the martyrs and the etc etc etc
billy franklin always gets a 5 star review too
for all his music/chrymes
franklin is the laydees man
franklin is the last word in hideo-cute
he hunts down carnivores n picks em off with his appender
nothing funny than a flesho out of phase with himself
franklin dont care
they been warned
franklin hadda laugh
a cannister of clean air was now more expensive
than a bottle of clean water
i mean you could still breathe the “free” air
but everynow n then you hadda pop a can of kleen-heir
or yer lungsd give up the ghosting
ever since china n india had become chindia
everytime franklin took a deep breath
he could hear his lungs straining n weezing
trying to find any stray oxy-gen in there
todays assignment: the time being
21 st century blogger n spacerocker
the being had seen it coming way way way back
the 1970s…can you credit that ?
but then in 2007 came the beings crisis of faith
where hed come to a fork in the road
and the being had chosen the nonexistent middle way
deserted by his protogees n disciples
lost in a roman wilderness of pain
for 40 days n nights
tormented by grotesque visions
tempted by the deville
now manifested as a big fat aussie show biz exec
maaate dont ya wanna make some real munnie?
asked the tasteless buffooon
his safari suit open to reveal a leo pendant on his hairy chest
the devilles beer n wine gut hung over his calf-leather belt
and upon his fingers flashed ostentatious gold
maate all ya gotta do is play unguarded moment n eat this
he pushed over a barrel of mc chicken-knuckles
he pulled out a copy of “the charts”
it wasnt just the music charts
the deville had the charts on everything
who was making the most money
who was getting the most sex
who was taking the most drugs
who was living in the nicest house in vaucluse
who was listening to the most hip n obscure music
who was envied most
who stuff was coveted most
whos image was the most copied
who was the most enlightened
who was the most young looking olde guy
who was the most holier than thou
it was all there
an index of where you stood
now he offered the being the world
get thee behind me seitan muttered the being
but the lord of evil was not thru
maate remember how ya used to sell out 2 nights at the enmore?
maate remember how ya used to stay at the poshmore hilton in vaucluse?
and how ya always had a ford waitin for ya at the heir-porte
and ya started with a fuckin falcon n then
i took ya up to a forte
n then a futura
then a fairmont
then a fuckin fairlane
then finally
a LTD
maate you were drivin round in a LTD!
the devilles alcohol swollen veins popped in his face
whats fuckin wrong with ya maaate
you coulda haddit all
you had the loox
you had the choons
you had a grate banned….
my 7th wife n i danced to unguarded moment
at my # 6s beheading n our wedding
the old deville belched a sulphorous !
scuse me mate
ive gotta fuckin ulcer!
missus served up chicken vindaloo
n i feel crook…
have you thought of a vegan diet?
asked the thoughtful being
mee….naaah…im the deville aint i
you cant have a vegan deville can ya?
well why not? offered that pleasant being in his melodious voice
well…began the dev
suddenly he exploded in anger
look i just like the taste…ok?
sure said that handsome calm being
the deville said
how olde art thou being?
verily replied the radiant being
i am 52 summers
no fuckin way groaned the deville
as he eyed his flowing chins n greying flesh
he held his bulging belly n his knees creaked
im only fuckin thirty nine…
the deville stopped and the room grew silent
suddenly franklin burst thru the door
he was naked…all timetravel must be naked
franklin stared at devilles buxsome gorgeous vegan secretary
hey honey do ya like time travel…?
the security men burst thru the door levelling their salami guns
at the being n franklin
and the sprinkler system went off
the infra red alarms went off too
and the whole place was breaking up
the being ,franklin n the naked secretary
ran thru the now cracking apart building
take them
take them
screamed the dev
his men all crack shots
could not seem to hit our hero
the 3 fled out a secret passageway
that ran under a nuclear playstation
suddenly they came to a sheer drop
the ocean crashed around rocks far below
the devilles men were on their trail
there was only one thing left to do
(to be continued)

goodmorning
confused
gotta cold
(sneeze)
sometimes i run aground
ive been feeling a little unloved
i wonder if all those people have left the blogge?
nope its gone up in the ratings
i mean i’d be really happy if the unrepetent carnivores had gone
and i’d acquired a loada vegs
but to tell you the truth
i dont really know exactly what i was trying to do
i just couldnt believe that they could be so blase
so “get on with something else, then!”
in the face of great tragedy
people say these animals have no voices
but yessaday mwp sent me article from bbc
about an african parrot living in london
with a 950 word vocabulary
who strings articulate phrases n answers together!
imagine
imagine if the beasties
are much cleverer than we imagined
(not that cleverness should be a yardstick for slaughterability!)
and its just their misfortune to not have the right vocal chords mouth n teeth
as humans
to speak our lingo…
to be able to say
please dont kill me…
for some strange reason this parrot
has learned english and demonstrates that animals can “think”
now those piggies gotta be as intelligent as the parrot or what…
and thats another thing that pisses me off
birds in fucking cages
how very obscene n typical human thoughtlessness
the girls downstairs have a parrot
and i see him in his cage looking out at the tree in the garden
thats full of the same kinda birds as him
only they are eating berries n squawking n flying hither n thither
poor old “maxie” is sitting in his cell doing solitary for life
why?
so the girlie can occaisionally look at his pretty feathers
maxie, if you were a sparrow youd be free, olde son….
and heres another thing
yessaday im working on my portrait commission
and ya know what
its looking good
then suddenly
doof doof doof doof doof doof
coming up thru flawboards like a pounding headache
like a throbbing toothache
drowning out n negating the music i was listening to softly
i turn up my music
but it dont drown out the sub bass stab of that doof doof doof
oh no
anything….but this
in my own painting room…
oh no it isnt fair
suddenly i fucken snap
ive smoked a big strong joint
and im not feeling up to argy bargy
but this is too much
and after all the restraint
i show day n night to tread as quietly as possible
on these wafer thin boards
(ooh thats quite poetic!)
and to restrain doodles n la bumper from going crazy
leaping hopping n jumping around
and keep the tv down etc etc
especially in the morning when they sleep in…
any way i go charging outta the door
my head full of phrases like ..uh…
i dunno…stern authoratarian things..
and i knock knock knock at door
yes comes a little voice
yes its me i say
(which is incorrect english…
i should have said” it is i”)
one of the girls appears
then the other
then the brother
now although ive looked at these guys plenty
this is the first time ive seen em
and immediately my suspicions are confirmed
3 extremely polite well brought up kids
eager n anxious to please me
thats pretty fuckin’ loud sub bass you got there mate
its coming up the floor n using my room as a reverberation chamber
the kids are falling over emselves to ameliorate the situation
theyre very friendly n happy people
theyre not the sharpest knives in the drawer…but neither am i..
we talk a little about late nights n loud music
we talk about the doodles runnin around n bumper crying
gee i like these kids
i dont like their music
i loathe their barby-qs
i dont appreciate their late hours n noisy entry
but they themselves have confounded me again
expecting an angry confrontation
i discover some naive young kids in their 1st ever apt.
eager to “do the right thing”
look i say
when its too loud i’ll stamp on the floor
but youll know its not ,like, an angry “how dare you!” stamp
its just me going knock knock down there ..thats a little loud..
then i cant resist it
nk told me shes heard the utmw doof doof playing down there
hey i say
ya know that utmw doof doof
yeah they say
craig obey vs the church says the boy
well guess what im the church!
no way!
they look at me harder consider my speaking voice..
i sing a little to help em along…
(cringeworthy…n’est-ce-pas?)
they break into very aussie
oh wow
awsome
gee
i dont believe it….
did you play on that song?
i fucking wrote it baby!
i leave the kids happy n excited
that theyre livin under a big olde celeb -ritty
their 1st apt in the bigsmoke
and theyre livin under whatsisname
from that group somebody sampled for a doof doof
as i walk up the steps thinkin
well thats that
i hear to my dismay that doof doofs going again
fractionally quieter
fractionally less bass
so theyre clever little bastards
got me likin’ em now
but doof still going
damn!
anyway after all that
los doodles stupidos had some frends over for a “playover”
and they went fucking nuts
totally nuts
running round
screaming the bumper is a vampire
screaming at the top of their lungs
and stamping stomping and stampeding
like a herd of bewilderbeasts on jumping beans
they commandeer the karaoke machine
yelling n distorting the mikes
i keep jumping up n threatening em
im gonna ring these kids parents n tell em to come n get em
i blather at em
but the chaos remains unabated
scarlet gets so worked up
shes runnin round yelling at the top of her lungs
my godd shes got a piercing voice
sorta like cilla black if you can remember her
eves getting all hot n sweaty running about
and aurora is quite gung ho about defying me
she seems to have taken control of todays gathering
and shes calling the shots and totally, brazenly
ignoring my pleas for a little reduction in the mayhem
eventually i come running in anger out of my room
due to a caterwauling and an insistent stomp stomp stomp
(the people downstairs surely musta fled in horror by now!)
aurora has the mike n shes “entertaing” the other kids
by bawling into the mike accompanied by a heel going
into the fllor boards …hard!
the bumper so geed up from the bigger kids by now
is running round in circles
like a baby hippo
and shes bawling along with aurora
nk is sitting there on sofa
shrugging with her hands iin the air
the kids see me come up behind aurora
whos doing just what i been begging her to stop doing
so….
i kick her in the arse
not too hard of course
but its a kick
the rest of the kids break into applause
aurora turns round with her famous “why i oughtta …” frown
the bumper pauses to say dad dad dad
and im back at my painting for half a second
before it starts up again
did fuckin da vinci work under these conditions
i ask you
anyway
today
finishing
with a
poem
for you

the mirror smashes
one hundred fragments
of me and you
1 the this n that
2 overcast silver
3 golden blaze
4 pointillistic leaves
5 still life in motion
6 early days yet
7 caravan down coast
8 in the car
9 during the trip
10 something you saw
11 turn off long ago
12 further afield
13 the flowers in the shadow
14 river bed
15 rockpools surface ripples lucidly
16 afternoons all swallowed
17 afternoon becomes morning again
18 morning becomes another afternoon
19 days fly by, moments pass like eons
20 dont stop there
21 middle way to heaven
22 remember yourself too
23 buckled knees and trembling hands
24 more where that came from
25 yes but can we drink it?
26 over a quarter the way there
27 seems like yessaday
28 reminds me of..
29 somepeople you wish you could forget!
30 go
31 stop
32 are these really the fragments or just numbers?
33 jesus age
34 the little thorns on the gooseberries
35 tangled roots that seem to come up outta the earth
36 the conch the mace the disc n the lotus
37 watch it!
38 foam
39 the restless wind
40 the downy mildew
41 the rabbit like children
42 multiples
43 rare quality at the price
44 unit in unanderra
45 the blackberry fields long gone
46 days from another time
47 churning the sea
48 turning the tide
49 deciding…
50 made it
51 secretly
52 no going back now
53 all the way home
54 my backs hurting
55 anxiety
56 sonic anathema
57 more later
58 lonely planet
59 sordid isnt it?
60 tell me this isnt too late
61 unreadable
62 closer n closer
63 straight is not “straight”
64 for all the folks at home
65 for grace
66 for amelioration
67 blast
68 running out of steam now
69 lust…of course
70 wisdom is just around the corner
71 relax its just static electricity
72 deep in the shallows
73 but no minnow
74 turn of the light
75 putting up with putdowns
76 that weird feeling in my stomach
77 stumped!
78 speed wobble
79 black cat crossed my path
80 significant…but why
81 it begins
82 kuala lumpur ambassador hotel
83 will not be missed
84 magicians mysterious sleeves
85 still alive
86 large door (say it in french!)
87 jet a door (ditto)
88 mango n womango
89 are you still there?
90 change the ribbon
91 water meters and the fire escapes
92 blackwater
93 things get murky from here on in
94 the kraken awakes
95 the great god pan is dead
96 a room with a fan
97 the engine boils
98 sturm und drang
99 a split second and…
100

name:kilbey steven john
born :13 9 54 , welwyn garden city , england
religion : church of england
sex : male
occupation : musician
country of citizenship : england
country of residency : australia
married : yes
children : 5
current abode : nth bondi, nsw 2026
aka : the killer, the time being, nevets yeblik, slim
height : just under 6 feet
weight : 13 stone/ 82 k
blood type : O
previous occupations : n/a
mobile ph : n/a
type of food preferred : gourmet vegan
type of food not prefferred : anything dead, eggplant, cucumber
capsicum
favourite drink : jaeger n red bull
favourite smoke : neils purple heads
favourite music : spacerock, ambient, trex, bowie, dylan, beatles, stones
be bop deluxe, television, jeff buckley, la dusseldorf, harmonia
big star, krautrock, progrock, shoegazers, glamrock, go-bes, triffids
indian, sheila chandra, harold budd, john foxx,
least favourite music : rap, boy bands, girl bands, grunge, heavy, country
opera, trad-jazz, disco, dance, doof-doof,retro, fifties, schmaltz
type of female you like : no makeup, no perfume , must like music, non carnivorous
type of female you dont like : bitchy madeup gossipy drunken smoking bints
type of male you like : straight but not “straight” , no make up no perfume, non carn
type of male you dislike : macho or effeminate, threatening or simpering
stupidest thing you ever did : telling meat eaters to piss off
best thing you ever did : telling meat eaters to piss off
hopes for future : would like world peace, the complete defeat of meat
and a small villa in vaucluse
fears for future : more war, more meat and stuck here above noisy bunch
proud of : biting the hand that feeds
regrets : not biting hard enough while i had better teeth
advice to bon bon : i wouldnt pay 500 hundred bucks for a kramer
in fact, believe it or not, they gave me a kramer acc bass
(back in the ye olde day)
and i gave it back to em cos i couldnt endorse it
i reckon theyre heavy useless things
buy a fender…the rolls royce of basses
advice to peter podcaste : brother, dont undermine me then
whats coming up : more blogges
the play is coming back for 9 shows in march
the chirch tour europe april 07
stories n pictures of aurora kilbey
who is reading this over my shoulder right now
now shes sitting on my lap
telling me about proper nouns
q: aurora what kind of world do you want for the future?
a : i dont really know what ya mean…
q: aurora , wh….
a : uh i gotta go to the bathroom…write something for me, dad..
q : would you like to eat some lamb?
a : no
q : why not?
a : everybody knows im a vegetarian
weve been joined by eve
eve is wrapped in a doona
unseasonably cool here
eve looks like a wood spirit
with her corkscrew n tangly chestnut hair n hazel eyes
aurora looks like a palomino with her blonde straight hair n brown eyes
they both have very nice white teeth
how long is this thing going to be sighs aurora
eve stares off into space
is this yer blogg? says aurora
aw i wish i could write a blogge!
whats it like being a twin?
aurora : very hard i tell you that
eve : hard
what kind of boys do you like?
aurora : im sorry im not gonna answer that
eve : none (a lie)
whats your favourite film?
aurora : looney tunes
eve : i dont know, im really tired
are you?
eve : yeah, i dunno im just really tired
and i dont wanna even go to school
aurora : maybe yer sick
eve : im not sick im just tired
me : what are you doing today
aurora : we dont know
me : if i gave you 10 bucks what wouldya buy?
aurora : maybe some art supplies
eve : a little pet
aurora : youd like a horse wouldnt you
me : what do you guys think about your fathers music?
aurora ; excellent-ay
eve : best music in the world
me : best thing about your dad?
aurora : dad theres so many good things about you
i dont know which one to pick…
me : have a go..
aurora : i cant…hmmm he takes us to the beach a lot
me : worse thing about me?
aurora : sometimes you make us leave straightaway after school
eve : thats mine too
can you quote any lyrics by me?
aurora : i was a down in the city onna mirakel street
eve : i wish i knew what you were looking for
best thing about the bumper?
aurora : she gives kisses
eve : shes really funny
worst thing?
aurora : she throws things at ya
eve : shes a bit of a pain
best thing about life?
aurora : um…long pause …having friends n growing up
eve : i dunno im too tired
me : go back to bed then…
she does
aurora calls after her
why didnt ya answer some more off daddys questions huh?…
i been answering em before you even got up…
thats it

bonjour tristesse
oh i feel suddenly lighter….
like ive lost a heavy burden
that did press upon me sorely
i am unconcerned
i am detached
today i will swim n do xi gong n yoga
i will work on my painting of grant l
i will play around with my kids
i will make love with my wife
i will have my friends over
i will eat healthy food
that was not created from sadness n death
(for what else could it produce but that?)
i will raise my beautiful dutiful daughters
to be vegetarians
oh i wish you could see
eve n aurora
theyre both strapping girls
why they came 1st in 2nd in the marathon
and not one bit of meats ever passed their lips
and i will raise them to recycle
and to question authority
especially if its telling you to do something you know is stupid
and i will raise them to respect old people and to listen to them
and i will do my best to keep the tvs n computers turned off
and the artpaper n markers flowing
try n let them swim in the sea everyday
the ocean washes us so clean
and not just our flesh
im gonna try to inculcate in them
a knowledge of this earth
and what its worth
and what women are worth
and what men are worth
and the lives of ALL creatures
and i WILL teach them to detest war n the meat/death industry
because these are my heartfelt convictions
and because hideous meat kills hideously
i will endeavour to help them suffer the slings n arrows
of outrageous fortune
(you should hear the insults n malarkey ive had for being veg
since 1972)
i hope i can do something to offset the constant pressure on females
to be” sexy”
us men dont want it
we like you as you are
why why why dont you understand
throw away perfume n all that make up
no no no
elli n minna dont cover your youthful cheeks in powder blechh
oh be natural
daughters remember how i love you
and what i do for you
and dont allow any less from any man
and its dark n raining here today
a wondrous energy filled morning
sent by beautiful god
ha ha
i dont care if people know i believe in god
i dont care if people know i cry
i dont care if people know that sometimes im envious of other bands
i dont care if people stop reading my blog
or stop listnin to my records
cos i dont think they will…not all of em
cos who else does what i do?
none of em…right? not like me
and i never fuckin sold you out
i might have insulted you
but i never insulted your intelligence
and quite frankly
where are you gonna find another
modern renaissance man at this time of night?
you see
and i know you do
that ive been giving you everything here
to the very best of my ability
whether or not you subscribed
whether or not you agreed with me
hey aint i the first one to say that i say stupid things
have i ever told ya that i was infallible?
im just yer regular 52 year old ex-junky bohemian poet
slinging his jazzbass round this world
hooked up to a bunch of fiendss
in some kinda thing
i dont wanna define it..
look have they all gone now…?
can i really be judgemental now with my intimate coterie
my inner sanctum of like-minded n sympathetic friends
can i?
uh oh
i can feel the presence of some of em
still out there
saying they was pissing off
but uh oh
they snuck back in
maybe just to see if olde kilbeings gonna take a last potshot
at their lardy arses
(i guess that was it!)
go on then
git out of it!
you see they
despite everything
they do love me
attracted to me
cos only i got this thing
there are millions of others out there with there things too
why you got kevin shields
you got bono
or jonny greenwood
you andrew eldritch
and you got alex grey
and you got angela carter
and you got that italo calvino
and you got dante
of whom i am a partial reincarnation (ha ha)
you got your artauds
and yer mems
yer dudes from neptunes
yer sunnyboys
n yer ed kueppers
you got yer robert forsters n bernie fannings
you got yer angus n julia stone n yer arcade fires
you got yer proust n yer devoto
you got yer beck n yer becket
you got yer wolfmother n yer johnny foxx
but
none of em got my spin
which you just happen to like
unless you judged yourself judged
n pissed off
in which case youre not reading these words
anyway today
im gonna think about god
and im gonna think about how god would like me to live my life
and im gonna ask him for the power to make everything i do
more radiant more loving
and ask him to tone down my penchant
for getting all high n mighty
(esp when it comes to meat n “evolution” n war n etc)
and im gonna ask god to help me thru my art
to make this statement over n over
this is a wonderful universe we live in…now dont ruin it!
i think if people see the 1st part the 2nd part follows
now when i meet another man of my age
who can do what i do
with my newfound enthusiasm for life
can run around a stage for 2 hours
can keep producing the goods over n over
i mean i aint ever gonna dry up
im plugged in
i am a fucking electric prophet baby
telling ya one day no more meaty…uh ah no no
i tell you there will be revolt back into style
and people will expect all lyricists to churn out stuff as good as mine
ha ha
im on a real fucking ego trip here n it feels great..ha ha
im totally fucking mad baby
but so so so so
coldly sane
this analytical virgoan mind
this incredible library in my head of arcane tidbits n groovy tales
children you have but begun to glimpse inside my head
i demand a lot but i give a lot
i am the human you never met
i make so many mistakes
i heavy handed where i should be light
im docile when i should attack
but my aspirations…
they are sky fucking high
im that eccentric old uncle you never had
im a mythquoting pastel weilding velvet voiced idiot
and baby i fucking rock
so i know you forgive me for being steve sometimes
cos i could really be so much more than that
so i say let em go….
if theyre gone…
maybe we needed some changes here
i love you guys
i loved them as well
but if you cant agree on basic things
like everythings right to not be brutalized unnecessarily
and im sorry
but i just gotta laugh when people say
i dont respect their beliefs about eating meat
oh…its beliefs now is it…?
but silly me
i mean im preaching to the converted now
will be interesting to see my bloggecharte position plummet
but theres nothing as liberating as plummetting out of a chart
ask me im an expert
and oh dear im ranting again
the reason i want to stop the meat n the reason i avoid meat
is not for the wee animals
its for ourselves
so we can respect ourselves
so we can remain younger n healthier longer
so we can vibrate at this higher rate
because i was saying
give peace a chance
try it the easy way
im sorry if i judged em
but although harsh words are never nice
if i did convert one person
and ya know there were 3 or 4
who said yes sk
im back on the path
and if the demand for that little piglets flesh
and the sweet darling lambs
(how could those sadists eat a lamb???)
and the calves with their huge trusting eyes
and the chickens n geese n all feathered friends
if that demand slackens off by just 3 or 4 people
then surely it was worth it to send those others
off in their pseudo-huffs
theyll be back…
and you know
how gentle is your language sposed to be
when yer describing carnage
they eat the results of unspeakable horror
but wish not be admonished in violent terms
if you eat meat n read my blogge
i hope you are thinking about this whole thing
and if you like what i do
it is all informed by vegetarianism
i could have never written any of my things with meat in my system
and its getting urgent
read that list that guy posted yessaday
101 reasons
if none of them dont move ya
see ya at the barbeque during armageddon
so whaddya know
i started off peaceful
i got boastful in the middle
n ended up ranting n raving
just like the being you love
just like it always was
and will be
on n on
being in love

ooh
you so right
those carrots screaming
oh i’ll never eat another carrot
and all this negativity after a tour
my oh my
gee why cant i write about happy things
what about that story about heyday….?
ok ok
everyday just around the corner in fact
right now
some baby animals are having their teethies ripped out
so they can stand in a pen
and be fattened up with chemicals n filth
and then executed
dismembered
frozen
stamped
burnt
and served to you
you oik
who is becoming sicker n addicted
squealing in anger n irritation
that someone threatens your little meat thing you got
so why dont you turn off
why are you still here?
i dont wanna share my fucking heyday stories with you
i dont trust you
i dont care about the ratings
i dont care about the money
im not gonna have this principle of mine
being treated as an irritant
if you still around tomorrow saying anything
even a goodbye
or anything
then youre most unwelcome
i dont fucking care if every person who eats meat switches off
go on
just go silently
dont hang about darkening my doorstep
this is my home
and when i say i think the horror of this
so called meat industry is an abomination
it is comparable to slavery in its unacceptability
its comparable to the holocaust
in its calculated n mechanized horror
we dip chickens in vats of electrified water
and then saw their heads off
all with a machine
we hang cattle upside down n slash their throats
n let the weight of their own heads make the blood spurt
we dream up reasons to hunt whales
n we fuckin’ harpoon em!
can you fucking dig that…?
we still harpoon whales!
oh yeah kilbey but thats just japan n norway ya know
it is now!
50 years ago
everybody did it
but it took some people
a vanguard of people
to say
hang on a minute!
we cant have this!
you see
things take time
i had already sussed the true true horror of meat
when i was 17
i mean, it aint that hard to figure out
and since then in 1972
with a few unforgivable lapses early on
i been a veggie
n now an almost vegan
i am human
i slip up
sometimes i do have honey
sometimes i cant resist chocolate
are you gonna seriously justify your own barbaric behaviour
because i have honey in my tea?
please…with the screaming carrots
no i aint heard a screaming carrot
um…
you see carrots dont have mouths
or brains
or teeth
nor was the carrot “raised”
in systematic routine degradation
its whole “life”
nor does the carrot have fucking parents
but yes
perhaps the carrot dont wanna be eaten
in its own carrotish way
thats too bad
its a fucking vegetable
you gotta draw the line somewhere
thats my line
this is my blog
yeah yeah
im adolf hitler
yeah im george bush
yeah im a narcissistic washed up petty tyrant
look im saying it all for ya so you dont have
to bother commenting again
in fact why are you reading this at all
so look
youre for me
or against me
if youre for me
stay here n maybe tomorrow its the heyday story
if you think the animal cruelty is ok
i dont see why youd wanna hear the fucking heyday story anyway
cos every note every lyric every string arrangement on that record
is to do with humanity
and animals being “treated unethically”
(a lovely euphemism)
is not humanity
not how we would want to be treated ourselves
imagine if one day we flew to a planet
and we met these cultured intelligent creatures there
but the longer we hang around on that planet we realise that
the intelligent creatures
have this huge operation going on
whereby they systematically degrade n murder
just about all the other beautiful things on the planet
how would we feel?
im not actually going as far as saying
all carnivores out of the pool here
many of my friends
and very sadly
and you can see it
my relatives eat meat
but not in my fucking house they dont
its like smoking in my house
or spouting inflammatory bullshit
i aint gonna allow it
just like you dictate whats going on in your house
right?
so i cant say to people
oh if you eat meat you cant come in
but i can ask them not to espouse pro-death industry improperganda
or i’ll fuckin ask em TO leave
and thats how it is now
if you seriously think i was outta line by mentioning the piggies yessaday
if you are impatient with this veggie burger bullshit
if you are some little argumentative prick
quoting all the same old carrot-hitler cliches….
baby this meat thing is evil
i will never ever believe it isnt
i know
that one day
in a not too distant future
not as far off as you think
meat eating will gradually go off the menu
meat eating will disappear
just like fox hunts
torture
slavery
capital punishment
war
circumcision of anybody
all these evil things will slowly fade
if we can keep going
just like the atrocities of the past gradually have faded
yeah like the witchtrials (dont be so negative stevo!)
yeah just like the inquisition(cmon sk, what about heyday?)
yeah just like the crusades(gee this is boring..chill out)
yeah just like the indians
and the other indians
and the aborigines
and then in dickens time
the fucking children
children were in coalmines etc etc etc
some people at the time turned a blind eye
cmon dont be so negative…
what about heyday
hey what about martys ricken backer?
yeah yeah
you see i reckon meats time is up
did you read yessaday article that says
that global warming more affected by meat ind than car ind
if everyone became veg = more time for planet
and quite frankly
on a personal level
the meat you eat
unless youre catching yer own fish
or slaughtering your own “organic” little lambie chop
(“organic” meat..? yeah thats like “lo cal” coke, right?)
or unless you hunting n killing your own food
well that meat is very very nasty
its full of SHIT!
and quite frankly baby it shows
i can tell em
the meat eaters
and i feel sad
that i am incapable
of expressing to you
with all my wordplay
with all my music
with all my pseudo spiritual bullshit
with all my bitter heartfelt honesty n scorn
with all my self examinations
with all my vanity n envy gladly exposed
who else was giving you that
bringing you in my house n meeting my kids
my hopes
my fears
my dreads
i was laying it out here for everyone to see
people say im a hypocrite
ok i am
i guess if you say so
look i didnt want ya to agree with everything i said
i really didnt
and fawning sychophants are as bad
as harping detractors
but this exile im asking you to undertake
is because
well verdelay actually summed this all up in that comment yessaday
this veg thing is not an affectation to me
this is a cornerstone of my life
like my maleness
like my age
like my heterosexuality
like my vegetarianism
its who i am
and from time to time
i will use my blogge
to proselytize to ya
because vegetarianism
is what made me what i am
and im trying to share it with you
just like the heyday story
if you dont like that
then go
subject closed for now
seriously rude comments will be deleted
yes baby
im the stalin of vegetarianism
goodbye

meat?
dont make me sick….
oh god do we still have deluded corpse eaters here
or are they just baiting their betters
yeah yeah
eating meats great
go ahead
if you feel like it
if that fucking dead thing turns you on
if swallowing bits of a cadaver turns you on baby
but remember its dead
and remember dont trust me
cos i shot smack
that means i couldnt havent any possible idea of ethics or morals
cos i shot smack
and im the pseudo-spiritual pied piper of oz
or the wizard of hamelin with an aphorism for every occaision
but still i must have something you thought you wanted
cos youre reading my blogge
and i aint reading yours, meaty men n women
im sorry
but this is my blogge
and this is my conviction
eating meat is perhaps the most obscene thing an enlightened human can do
in my opinion that is
and puh-leese
as someone pointed out
hitler was NOT a vegetarian
but george bernard shaw was
and he said that
humanity will never, can never
have compassion for itself
while it eats animals
and cmon folks
we aint talking a deer in a forest n a bow n arrow
we aint talking a hunter who understands n respects his quarry
we’re talking about the systematic horrific mutilation of a million beasts every day
now if you read all that stuff about the pigs having their teeth tusks hooves
just yanked off with no anaesthetic…
if yer down with the cages in the constant light
no room whatsoever
knee deep in their own excrement
they are packed in so deep that sometimes when one dies
it takes a while for anyone to notice
these creatures
these intelligent creatures
are given a concentration camp life
and the pain fear n anxiety are the only facts of their lives
if you read that
if you understand it
n imagine it a little
go on
the hideous crowd pressed against you
never seen the sky
never moved
force fed chemicals
the pain of those clippers going in your mouth
why youre only a baby after all
what you really hoped for from this world was
the warmth of your mother n your siblings
the right of all creartures
the sky the sun the moon
the warmth of summer
the coldness of winter
to forage in the grass
or roll in the mud
but no no
a human has hold of you
and you squeal to let him know
that youre scared
and you squeal out to your mother
and she hears you but she cant move
and shes so beaten n broken n SAD
this is just one more fucking horror
in the nightmare of her life
so you squeal but the human holds you down
and he reaches into your mouth with something
and he rips tooth by tooth by tooth
including your gums n bits of your tongue
i mean he aint being too careful with this little piggy
this innocent sentient little piggy
and let me tell ya
ive had one rotten tooth pulled out
and i was on intravenous valium
and heroin n pot
and i had a local anaesthetic
and i had a top notch jewish dentist
doing it as fucking carefully as he could
and let me tell ya
IT STILL WAS FUCKING EXCRUCIATING!
but back to our little piggy
who by the way
can hear all his little piggy bros n sisters being de teethed at the same time
and that human he just wrestles little piggy down
and youre screaming and your mouth is full of blood
and your ears are full of screaming and machinery
and 2 smells
the smell of the pigs fear
and the smell of the humans who go about their work
and when you think about it
nature prepares us for all kinds of pain
but i doubt that nature ever thought that
one of her creatures would pull another ones teeth all out
and the pain is quite unimaginable
yes it is
and then they take the hooves too
and sometimes the ears n tails
i imagine having your tail cut off is quite unendurable as well
now when you out there
you who im writing this for
is imagining this
putting a little bit of commitment into picturing
or even feeling this horror
and
then
if after all that
you still think
yeah
bring on my pork
well…
why dontcha go away
if you subscribed
please write a comment
finishing with
“… and thats why i think
eating meat is groovy and
fuck little piggies pain!”
and i’ll make sure i use yer subscription
to buy a nut-cutlet
so look
just go away
go on
i dont like you

gee whiz
theres some nice people on here
theres some real idjits as well
i guess it takes all types
do you really have to write the things you write
you nassty types…?
yeah you know who im talking to…
do i have to explain myself….
i would,
but i am reluctant to insult the intelligence
of MOST of my readers
our thing is based on mutual respect…
i present you with the workings of my mind…
im giving you honesty (honestly, i am)
you want some shrink wrapped version that my publicist
has gone thru n eliminated anything that
“might send the wrong message” ?
i cant believe that you take stuff so literally
and uh
that brings me on to 6 friends of mine as yet unintroduced
you met one of yessaday
im talking bout
anger
lust
gluttony
avarice
sloth
n
vanity
you think ive got envy badde, my flock?
oh you should see those others in action
who among us is not smitten?
oh those liars there…
of course i guess theres people with no anger or lust…
i dont really know em tho…
we are human
the greater the sinner the greater the saint
yes i am a bad man
yes i am a good man
let it all go…..
anger is a bastard
im an angry bastard too
i can be placid for hours n i then i explode
or im a niggling whinging wally
sowing discontent n anger in little seeds
im angry about everything sometimes
the baby crying
the dogs barking
the buses groaning
the downstairs mob:
a sample conversation overheard lastnite
the scene: under sks balc where hes doing some yoga
2 young men with strong aussie accents
” how come when you rolled about 8 doubles inna row
i never cracked a shit?”
“bullfuckingshit, i just fuckin’ rolled 2 double 8s and you said
that i was a fuckincheater”
“yeah cos you was fuckin’ cheatin'”
“fuckinbullshit!”
“”bullshit”
“fuck this then”
“no mate its my fuckin turn”
“no fuckin way”
“bullshit”
etc
other things that produce anger are
snobs
slobs
yobs
mobs
(gee im on a roll here)
s.o.b.s
and then theres
duh..injustice, bush, war etc etc
of course theres righteous anger
and theres selfish horrible anger
and anger is not an energy
it uses up your energy
and in the state of anger
we are distancing our self from god
and therin lies the sinful part
and that deserves some examination too
what is a sin
some rules n regulations some daft olde testyment god invented
just because He said so…?
or is sin
the absence of god
an act that actually excludes god from your heart
yep anger will do that
when olde sk is eavesdropping on downstairs conversation
and getting all angry about it
you can bet that god was the furthest thing from my mind
could i hear god whispering
“so what? leave them be “
or was i off on my own puffed up self-righteous anger trip?
and boy lust
well lust and god aint gonna sit too well in yer heart together
i aint even gonna discuss that
but you know its true
gluttony
now someone wrote the other day
that i dont have any eating disorders
are you fucking kidding me?
my chocky piggery is legendary…
i am an infamous chocolate glutton
ok i dont stuff my face all day with doughnuts
or worse still i dont lust after meat….a double sin i guess
people who pig out on pig…man you can see it
all you wasted flesheating useless blobs
olde sk can kick yer fuckin butt n im probably 15 years older than ya
not cos im superman baby but because im vegetarian
you know its the truth
find some wineswilling pork-swallowing executive
and give him a heavy fender bass
and tell him to pluck it rapidly
run around doing stupid poses
bawl his voice out nonstop remembering all da words
for 2 hours
in the 43 degree heat
in the fuckin freezing cold
under hotlights that frying your brainbox
no no no
you gotta be a vegetarian if you wanna do that stuff at 52 (but who would?)
gluttony is one of the physically most repulsive sins
and often goes hand in hand with sloth
no sloth n i dont have much fuckin’ truck together actually
i dont dig sloth much at all
(tho i love sloths)
but if youd seen me during the “gear” days
i was often snoozing on a couch in a studio somewhere
while the session fell apart around me
this was drug induced sloth
i guess gluttony induces sloth
n here we see that many of the sins are interconnected
you cant eradicate one without the other
if you eat do-nuts or lard chips dipped in liverpate
and sit there all day watching the telly
and then ya look in the mirror
and ya think
theres no way outta this…there is!
dont eat the meat
and exercise!
look those next five years are gonna pass
whether youre lying beached on a sofa
or whether youre doing yer laps or jogging yer ass
so why not finish up trim n healthy
and yes
a gluttonous pig eating quail meat n veal horror
aint gonna be thinkin of god
as he lays on his sofa trying to digest the muck
in his guts
and snoring and …..
well you get the picture
people we need to move
people we need to eat sweet clean things
and oh boy
the next deadly sin is a doozy
avarice
the lust for money
have you ever seen a loada money
like the takings from a big gig
hundreds n thousands of euros or bucks
i did a gig once
and i got paid in cash
and i had thousands of bucks in this pillowcase
and it made me feel….funny
cmon we all gotta bitta avarice baybee
you know how badly the t. being wants to escape
the self inflicted poverty he finds himself in
i mean i dont want much
just a cupple of mill
thatll do
just a nice house n a pool
n some other stuff
a studio
a flat in sweden again maybe
somewhere in the states too for nk
yes give me that money
and christ i look at the tossers with the dough
and i judge myself better in every way
so fuck it all where is the money i deserve
i mean
theres millions of them
and only one me….
and is god in my heart when i think about all that money….
nope
and ya know when i think of all the ways
in which i am better than those rich swine
i encounter a terrible sk deadly sin
which is vanity
oh my oh my oh my
a vain man
a vain olde man which is even worse
a) not so much to be vain about anymore
b) its disappointing that you aint learnt yet
sk you vain old posturing pretentious wanker
you big headed olde genius
you stupid narcissistic turkey
you are so fucking full of yourself olde son
what gives?
muse: he’ll say his insecurity but he really is just plain vain!
well i got a lot to be vain about…(cringe)
i mean….
gee i m a good blogger
and i sell my “colourful” paintings to somebody
and i only started painting last week
actually its not painting
its these chalky things called pastels
and i rub it in with my fingers
and a street artist said
oooh you shouldnt get em into yer skin or youll die
and now im worried
cos i dont wanna die
now that im looking so damn good again
with my golden yet freckly suntan
and my thinning but not grey hair
and my bulging calves n triceps that need more work
with my american earthmother considerably (ha!) younger wife
(oh no that brings me back to lust….)
and my perfect daughters
if you dont count the syringomyelia n asthma
and i dont know if i like being me
or i hate being me
but we all agree on my vanity
i hear no one protesting
so you see heres my rating for each of the sins
as far as i am infected with them
envy ****
anger*****
lust*****
gluttony**
sloth*
avarice*** n a half
vanity *****
i would like each commenter to be as honest as i am
and post a comment rating themselves thusly
can you do it?
we’re all waiting
sk
oh and heres todays mention
of rikki n the bjm

rikki tikki tavi
comes over
you know
aint you envious that i know a famous guy like that?
god im almost jealous myself…
and guess what
rikkis got the newest you-beaut black 80 gig i pod
and its groaning under the weight of its exclusive
ultra-hard-to-find records
for example
im listening to la dusseldorfs viva right now
its pretty hard to find
i mean
dont you envy me
i wish you did
i dont know why
but i wish you did
i mean it wouldnt do me any good
if you did envy me, i mean
i s’pose i couldnt even feel it
but my whole life
i been envying…
envying him
envying her
i even envied people who suddenly died
and i still didnt learn
i coveted my neighbours ass
and i felt like a donkey cos of it
i wanted composite bits of people
oh if only i had nicks nose
and micks hair
and ricks jaw
and dicks dick
and hicks kicks
and bicks (from levitation) licks
you getting the picture
i wasnt ever happy with one thing
i read this hilarious n incredibly troof-full book called powder
its about this rock group called the grams
and everytime the grams have something good happen to em
this other band who the singer in the grams considers inferior
AND
derivative of the grams
yet when the grams pull into l.a.
this other band are staying at a better hotel
playing a bigger gig
and their album is higher up the billboard charts than the grams
ha ha ha
been there done that
you see im envious of all of em
i want what everybosdy else has got
look at the bjm fir example
so fucking cool
so fucking bohemian
so the disorganised dishevelled spirit of rock
so young n beautiful
(well some of em)
and they know court-knee tailor
and they know …..
god…everybody
and they did that film
the one where ya see the dandies ridin’ in their limo
and theyre discussing kierkagaard or whatever
very dispassionate rich cats obviously
n then
for contrast
we zoom in on bjm world
where a bunch of scruffs are fighting with a drongo
with huge sideboards n the most outta fucking time tambourine
since “jesus” spooked the chirch at the venue london 1982
(aint you envious you werent there)
and you go
this is the spirit of rock, verily
this is why god gave us rock n roll
not so a bunch of rich n coiffed young hipsters
can cruise languidly around in their limo
lazily, sleepily chatting about vague things
but so true rockers can have a punch up in a dive somewhere
why
oh why
oh why
didnt i think of that…?
and i mean
rikkis an asset to hang with
i introduce him to the loopy druid who runs my fave cafe
the druid is eating a steady stream of pot cookies
(gee, i envy him)
and he comes out of his kitchen
like hes flailing like a swimmer thru the summer heat
my mates a fuckin rockstar i offer the loopy druid
oh yeah….he throws his head back disdainfully
thinkin’ im putting him on
have ya heard of the bjm i ask
whats that?
he says
suddenly interested
boy that makes me envious
he didnt bring out his special musicians biscuits tho
despite copious hinting from the olde t being
and he could guess that rikki is from san fran
cos where else could an uber-hipster guitar slinging
snake-hipped YOUNG rock god come from
if not THE most bohemian place in the world
except for nimbin…
and im envious
and i think how fuckin famous n hip i coulda been
if my parents had migrated to san fran
instead of….dapto,nsw…..uh?
imagine
i woulda been 13 when flowerpower hit
i probably would have been a roadie for the dead
or played bass in blue cheer
but whatever
they woulda dug me more than them idiots in dapto
rikki had an uncle in the tubes fer fucks sake
i had an uncle in the plumbing game
i mean ive struggled against all odds
to be as bohemian as i am
n then ya meet someone
whos got all the credentials
and it makes me
well
envious
and so do all those nice houses in vaucluse
those lovely leafy palaces n villas
perched on the side of the harbour
what did those guys do to deserve these joints
i mean
i could really appreciate something nice like that
and of course all the jags n beemers parked in the
quadruple garage
and their kids going to luxury school
while i went to proletariat high
and i envy all those rich academics
dreaming in the spires of learning
while i heft a box of tshirts at hobart airport
envy envy envy
i envied the guys at school older than me
cos they had started shaving..
i envied the intelligent guys
i envied the dumb muscular brutes
i envied the people who were too stupid or smart to envy anybody else
i envied the people who knew what they were gonna do
i envied the people who didnt care
i envied the kids who went to uni
i envied the kids who became labourers
i envied my dad when he dropped me off at school
how i wished i hadda job n not this horrible bully school
i envied my brother russell
cos people liked him
and he had blonde hair and an unfreckly suntan
and he seemed to fit in better than me
and everywhere i went i encountered more things to envy
i envied jeff fishpool n gary bill
cos they talked to all the girls at recess n lunchtime
i envied the kids who played drums in the school band
i envied the kids who entered the school swimming carnival
at school dances i envied the kids who could dance
and the kids who were dressed in the latest fashion
and the kids who didnt have to be home at 10 oclock
and the kids who were already smokin n drinkin
and when i left school n was in my pathetic cabaret band
we all envied other cabaret bands who played at such n suchs wedding
n got paid such n such an amount n
then i got my job in the public service
and we read thru the gazette
seeing who had been moving up the ranks
and we were envious
how did roger kaputnick get a fuckin class 5
he hasnt even got a proper degree….blah blah blah
and i envied the guys who drove big expensive cars
and who seemed to not only understand
but were committed to their pointless tedious jobs
and i was envious of the idiots who got pissed every friday lunchtime
cos at least they had some kinda boozy brotherhood
and i was envious of the people who didnt have to turn up
at this ridiculous carryon everymorning at 8 51
yes folks
we started at 8 51
or was it that we ended at 4 51 ?
and my job was to put all these farmers on a mailing list
for govt periodicals
and i read the names of their farms
and i wished i was a farmer
in some green meadow
surrounded by the silent maize
n not here
in canberra act 1970s
surrounded by the straightest most unimaginitive dorks
you can ever imagine
i mean
id like to see little rikki
back in my olde job
with that olde bunch of slobs, drunks,pricks n wankers
see how fuckin bohemian he’d feel then…ha ha
gee they loved cricket tho
and footy
and beer
and they liked women
but not their wives…very much
and eventually
i was smokin dope in my car in carpark
n it was lucky i was leaving
cos they were gonna sack me
and ha ha
a cuppla years later
one sunday night
i woulda appeared on their coloured tv screens
fresh from the chrysalis
in my new incarnation
as joe rockstar
ex humble clerk in the dept of primary industry, bureau of ag. economics
now gloriously transformed with mascara n everything
oh what revenge
i mean
i bet they were envious
tho i cant really be sure
thats the problem
unless someone tells ya
you never really sure
so c’mon
is there any one out there envying me?
please say why
you envy the time being
in no more than 25 words
starting with
i envy the time being because..
and ending with
so thats why i think the time being is scrumptious
n talented n young looking n more relevant
than the bjm
and
you could be in the draw
for a no-prize
or a cd that never arrives
remember
every child player must win a prize
so eyes down n looking
thats it for today
sk