The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

the west and the east merge
the setting sun
the rising sun
the way is a long way away
god reach down to me
in the void of hedonism
in the absence of intoxicants
a grey day dawns
without energy
without qi
without oomph!
i am i am
being me of course
being the being you like me to be
hurtling over hurdles that curdled in my mind
a jumped up jumper of low highs
me and her and little her
drive around in dappled sunlight
we buy food
and watch the monsters of fashion and music go by…
what is the being in me that feeds my thoughts?
some one or two
where mathematics merges into music
where science merges into mysticism
yeah yeah
or where old merges into vintage
all those leap years i looked before i leapt
the lean years where i put on weight
the salad days i ate chocolate
the days of wine n roses were
the days of poppies n poppies
what is that poppy spirit
that it craves to dominate us
out thinking us at every turn ?
like a cold that lasted for ten years….
everything dancing with everything else
or jostling up alongside
the poppy the human
the human says
oh sweet plant
oh you take away my pain!
and the plant says
yes i do
but you dont know the price yet
but the human doesnt hear that
or doesnt want to hear that
and the poppy spirit
enters the human
and its very hard to get it out
and it will pull every trick in the book
to remain
you see the grape on the vine
spirit of dionysus
says drink me down
and laugh and be merry
the coca leaf says
i will make you superhuman
the pot plant just smiles and
its resin catches the sunlight
the ergot on the rye brings visions
of heavy hell n hello heaven
the peyote explodes inside you
and you see for the first time
these things are not remnants of the sixties
these are eternal spirits in eternal contact with mankind
i have known and wrestled with them
i see them now for what they are
neither good nor bad
they are
and they show neither favour or mercy
they contain the best and the worst
they are agents of maya befuddling us
they are in symbiotic relationships with us
just like a fever
they need you as a host
to perpetuate them
to take up residence
where youll never find them
silently asking for more of themselves
fighting back hard when you fight them
showing you great beauty and harsher truths
mans need to change his consciousness
you cant sneer at that
you cant deny it
you shouldnt outlaw it
it is a need
like food or land
but it is a journey
and journeys must needs have pitfalls and setbacks
and there is always some kinda price
you mightnt realise it at the time
some journeys cost more than others
some are very dangerous
and most travellers perish who go that way
i love intoxication
i always have
i always will
im prepared to pay the various prices
but im weary of it at the same time
realising it ultimately is a dead end
what a shame our natural condition was not serene or exstatic
a shame that truth is found in wine
cos so are hangovers
any way
im gonna do some yoga
itself a consciousness changing thing
except when its all over
you feel good
not hollow
like me
today

sweet sweet love
it will last
it will last
love that produces these lovely daughters
outta nowhere
daughters with wild hair like little dryads n naiads
or lovely blonde straight hair and dusky skin
gentle kind creatures who bring more love
music
intoxication
the 4/4 beat of love
goldfrapp
spacemen 3
massive attack
spain
chapterhouse
trex
air
blank n jones
music condusive to love
im not a fighter im a lover
but i will fight for love
music n love so intertwined
music from love
love of music
i am a music lover, lover
make music make love music
i will provide the bass
i will provide the never ending pulse
the deep low end
you know i’ll be there
underneath it all
and my timing is true
i never falter
as i nail the beat
back with 4 beats
4/4 childe
bang bang bang bang!
harmony
weave in and out
rubbing against the melody
unbearably pleasant friction
azimuthal spirit bearing down
spirit come and take me now
spirit come and fill me now
drunken lovely feeling
the low grind of the cello
the flute and the oboe fingered
the drum pounds
the piano tickled
the viola moans
the violin screams extasy
the electric guitar brutalizes
the organ grinds
creamy and overpowering
the electric bass
sits on the bed
way down there
and it nails the beat
it encourages
it hestitates
it pushes
it draws back
it speeds up ever so slightly
and grows larger inside the music
deep into the music where it has lodged itself
pushing into the very heart of the music
insistently exploring
the real power
the power to create
to bring to life
to call down souls to take on flesh again
little love children
summoned hither
our love must needs be personified
these children are the personification
they are music made solid
delightful children with kind eyes
with perfect proportions
with hazel eyes
with brown eyes
with sky blue eyes
children who could have come from anywhere
children who love each other
children who love music
tiny baby with her beethoven hair
child star
bells and tinkling pianos
imagination
this is life
the beat of life of music
musician of lifes lovely beat
coax and feel and command the beat
where it all joins up
where it comes into contact with itself
when the spirit finds you awake or dreaming
and the lion indeed lies down with the lamb
on broadway or sweet eden
eden filled with honey days and forgetful nights
and music all around
songs about the distance and the time
songs no one has ever written
songs that need to be written
else they remain forever inchoate
the souls waiting to be freed
by a musician
to join up the musics inevitable form
and the singer of love songs
that wailing crooning shouting whispering voice
those words of love
the promises of love
the agony of separation
the pleas and entreaties
those descriptions of love
those coded secrets alluding to loves embraces
love embraces music and they produce song
song sings love
song is sung for love by love itself
the instruments tune up
tautening
relaxing
testing
measuring
calibrating
the musicians stroke and feel and fondle the music
the music is personified by the instruments
the instruments made of earth itself
yet earth now penetrates air and ether
with its music
love of fire for water
love of earth for sky
love of ocean for shore
(for sure)
love of child for father
love of mother for son
love of music
love of songs
songs of love
there is no end to this
over and around
in and out
all about
interpenetration now of all spheres
the triple world
past present future
music constant
atlantis sinks to its anthem
which david bowie found
after umpteen thousand years
and he played it on a mellotron
on “crystal japan”
songs come from the future and past
from other universes
from other minds
from the dead
and the yet to be born
songs are spells
hurl them against mountainsides and lo! they open
the pied piper was laying down a groove in olde hamlin town
he begins a lowdown sleazy dirty tune on his flute
and them rats prick up their fucking ears
oh ratty says his song to their greyfurred ears
oh little delicious rat come with me
you gonna get down down in the nicest sewer
darkness and warmth and food and ratty love
disgusting sordid rodent music
oh but look at ratty go
go go go little ratty
all you little rats go go
over the hills and faraway
into the river
drown in this music little rat
and big rat
all drown together in the river of music
in the musical river
where down sitting on the bed is the bass
and the pied piper says
ok cats i did my gig
wheres my bread?
and the burgermeister n his cronies say
too bad, druid
that gig was for fucking charity
and the pied piper
he says
oh izzatso?
and the burgermeister and his crooked pals
who hate music and love
they say
be off with you vagabond musician
we care nothing for your slurs n slides
for your semi-quavers or your trills
and the pied piper
picks up his flute
it was his axe you see
he picks up his magic flute
under the enchantment of music and love
the flute resonated deeply
its own wooden nature
imbued with sunlight and earth and rain
stuffed full of the pipers intent
it was his familiar spirit that lived in flute
in the music lay the coiled spirit
and the spirit was a tiny version of a great spirit
the spirit of love which motivates everything
even
as you have seen
rats
and the piper breathed life into his flute
and the swedish word for breath and spirit is the same
and the piper filled with music
breathed into the flute
and such was his skill
such was his divine knowledge of spirit
and his knowledge of love
the upsndowns of elusive love
and this cat now laid down a melody of such beauty
a melody so fucking unbelievably lovely
oh i cant even begin to describe it
i have only words
but the music had magic
and the old people in the town heard it
and they said
oh whats that strange sad music
but the lovely children heard the music
and they said
oh thats so awesome
and they drifted out of their houses
they left the playground and the nursery
the schools emptied out
and the piper kept on improvising round that melody
in the narrow streets of hamelin
with natural reverb n echo
the magic flute swirled round that town
and the piper breathed a song into it
a song which had sprung from his mind complete
and the song said
childe
listen to me
come with me
wherever i lead
and the piper breathed into his flute
and the children spellbound
were bound to follow
in the jingle jangle morning
they went following him
and he lead them out of the town
into the mountains
and he stood before the mountainside
and he played a stoned groove
a rocky heavy metal mountainside rag
a song the mountain could dig
and the piper breathed the words
open yourself
and the mountain
who was female
an earth mother type
that beautiful mountain
opened herself for love
opened herself for music
opened herself for the musician
who breathed songs into this world
and the piper sang to the children
go in go in go in
and he sang to the mountain stay open stay open
stay open
and all but one child entered
into the mountains cleft
into the arms of the earth
and the piper himself entered too
and the mountain graciously received them
took them into herself
and she closed
and the music suddenly ceased
and the hills were silent
all birdsong stopped
and that one child
that sweet lame child
who had not been able to keep up
he sat and he wept
and i said describe to me childe
tell me about the pipers song
and he said
it was
the sweetest thing
youll ever learn
is to love
and be loved
in return

sorry no blogge yessaday
been “working” on new killer album
doing a song called wolfe
*
wolfe is mad
he cant run with the pack
things went bad
out the back
wolfe is sad
aw i dunno
crash his pad
out in the snow
its like a thousand little angels
on the point of a pin
theres no sense in describing
the place that hes in
its like a filigree diamond filched from a ring
just keep still and stop
howling
wolfe feels good
ah im not sure
if he could
anymore
wolfe cant see
ah thats no good
cant see the tree
for the wood
*
(lyrics reprinted by kind permission of sir dennis hog-wink
monopoly music 2006)
been working with electric guitars n mellotron
a mellotron is an instrument invented in the 60s
it plays back small loops of tape
its like a primitive sampler
jesus its all over every record from about 66 on
specially moody blues
genesis
the beatles n the stones
it has a keyboard like a piano
when you depress , say, a c key
a small loop of tape
of the selected instrument
will play a c note for 7 seconds
then it must needs rewind
and it cuts off
you get a certain technique working around that
it has strings
flutes
voices
trumpets etc
davy bowie went in for mellotron bigtime on diamond dogs
they have a very characteristic sound
and it adds instant “authenticity” to any olde song
like wolfe
theres 12 string guitar capoed at the 5th fret
in stereo strumming ferociously throughout
its a punky-glam kinda song
the bass pumps
the drums crash n wallop
then some television-y clean constant guitar figures
then some shoe gazery floating guitars
then some single notes that bend up n back a semitone
tim called that wolfcub howl
towards the end they come in in stereo
then some strings
some high strings
some low strings
then we find this string patch
that plays this weird little melodic loop
you depress the c note
and itd play this little melody
but the melody was made up of a number of strings
kinda harmonizing in some old1940s movie grab
a dah dah dah da da da daaah
it was real slow
i say to timbo
i bet this works
the song starts up
one two three four
bang!
i hit the c
the punk-glam song starts up
underneath it plays this unrelated string loop
et voila
my instinkt never fails me
it fits like some beatle string arranger on acid did it
all night long tim n i marvel at the trusting of the process
i just pick up the guitar n almost the 1st thing i play is perfect
trust the process
the ether is pouring this stuff down on us
dont resist it
oh its so easy
anyhow
then comes the vocal
i wanted a gruff in yer face vocal
so i go in there
with a special mike that can handle “shouting singing”
get right up close on it timbo says…like a live mike
he goes back in a fiddles around
when i start singing
my voice is whipped around in some kinda echoey thing
purrfect
the song sounds fucking amazing in the headphones
i belt out 3 or 4 versions
i do some doubles
where i try to sing along with the other voice totally wordperfect
it gives a thickness and a kind of chorusing effect
chorus effect is when two very alike things rub against each other nicely
and produce a silvery kinda sound
then i do a soft and melodic vocal
to throw in with the others
then timbo n i bang tambourines at the same time
tims got a little tambo with a “skin”
which he gets quite a complicated rhythm from
ive got an olde plastic tambo n most of the little bells’ve fallen off
im a great tambo player n i bang along enthusiastically
afterwards when we listen to it
tim turns them off
i’ll get some good ones outta here and stick em back in he says
he means he’ll sample a couple of in-time bits
and put it all thru the song
its a common process
you gain things
you lose things
by using it
but its much quicker than getting it right organically
muse : heaven forbid!
after that tim gets some harmony ideas
do whatcha like i say
im outta here
and i leave ‘im sitting there
figuring out some melodies with a guitar
my cd player is busted
so i begin the long silent drive back home
through the city n redlight areas
its raining a little
and i see the peoples faces out there hurrying about
today is nks n my wedding x
we are stretching the celebrations over 2 nights
last night was night one
nk gives me a little card with something v. nice in it
i havent got anything yet
but im up early today aint i?
see you gooseballs in the ethersoon
ttb

you know who i am
and you know what i do
i am this!
i am that!
you tune in to hear me loop around myself
you witness a man going mad
yet you do nothing
you see
you are included in my poetry here
not i wondered lonely like a crowd of clouds
but you did this
you did that
you taking re sponsa biliti
oh im over a barrel here
i dont wanna be all egotistical n write
being being being
i want to inclued you
exclusively
you as the star of my rants
you as the leading light of a new movement
a revolution of the heart
love in action
you will bathe in the glow of warm applause
you sit in the audience
you stand up and take a bow
no no
the audients arent happy with that
its…a standing fucking ovation !
the crowd are chanting for you
you you you
they want you to grace that stage
the great floodlit podium
you stumble towards the end of your aisle
treading on peoples feet
ooh sorry sir
(are you imagining this ?)
you you you
they cry out for you
you check your pocket for your speech
a sudden panic
wheres your speech
what will you say…?
can you make it all up on the spot?
in fronna all theez peeple…?
a few phrases run through your mind
“uh…unaccustomed as i am to public speaking….”
no no thats no good
“it gives me great pleasure…” well thats ok
nah someone’ll mention mr humphries…
meanwhile youve reached the end of your row
and youre walking towards the stage
clapped on by the adoring mob who cannae get enough
the howling cheering audience
you hop up on the stage easily
only assisted by some stage assistants
when they see you up there
they erupt
you take the microphone
ahem! you clear your throat n test the mic
the crowds cheers persist
with a simple hand gesture you wave them down
reluctantly now at last
they sit and the auditorium is quiet
waiting for your words
but
what will you say?
yes, what will you say?
perhaps a long pause at first
while you look around the room
at your peers
your admirers
your fans
your friends n family
your father and your sisters
your legion of well wishers
and all the faceless blurry faces
towards the back
theyre all here
theyre all waiting
waiting waiting waiting
what will you say to them?
how will you bridge this gap?
how will you
hold all of them?
go on then say it
say whatevers in your mind
go on!
quickly now
before the curtain falls
before they get up and leave
before they close the doors
and turn off all the lights
before afterwards
inevitable afterwards
afterwards waiting too
in amongst the audiences
now speak up
now heat up
now rise up
rise up like a bird….

good evening thrillseekers
its yer being back
and these fucking words are just dripping from my fingers
my lovely tapered magicians fingers
well here we are wednesday
the all-fathers day
odin who gave one of his eyes for knowledge
those crazy scandanavian gods
i tell you they knew how to live it up
of course i identified with loki more than the others
but now im ready to play him in a serious film about asgard
which in english means
the garden of the dead
or simply
boneyard
oh i would be the most wonderful loki
look if you are casting this movie
please stop here
your search is over
i am the perfect man for this part
casting odin could be tricky however
perhaps the chap who did gandalf…….
mmm…odin
he is old but strong
wise beyond belief
still sexy tho
muse : uh oh i see where this is going…..
well muse you know it really isnt that clever
the way you read my mind
but now youve spoilt the joke
muse : trust me yebby, they saw it coming a mile off
ok
i could play loki or odin i guess
muse : why not both….?
yeah…youre right..i could be both
muse : what happened with playing king whatsy in prince casp?
they never did the movie…did they
muse : you were a shoe-in, as we said in ancient greece
so you are greek, muse….?
is that why you whisper to me to move to melbourne?
ed : melbourne contains second largest greek pop in world
whos ed?
muse : i thought he was with you
ed : no i am a semi-autonomous function
back to narnia though
does anyone out there know if theyre gonna do anymore narnia films?
goddammit im gonna have to write my own set of brilliant childrens books
so i can play the choice characters when they movie-ise it
someone mentioned king lear
yes thats me too
or zeus
muse :need a bit of makeup n wigs n personal trainers for that gig
thanks a lot
muse : ive met the real zeus, yeblik…..
oh right
god im embarrassed now…is he anything like me?
muse : not really…except the white beard
anyone from those days i resemble?
muse : well….now dont get all big headed now but…
poseidon?
muse : dont make me laugh….
is it a mortal?
muse : yep
the big o?
muse: odysseus? get outta here!
was it either of the ajaxes?
muse: nope
king priam of troy?
muse : ah getting closer
oh at least he was a king then…
muse : he sure was….
not
muse : uh huh ..
you dont mean
muse : i met him ….youre a dead ringer
king midas?
muse : bingo
the king with asses ears
muse : better than an ear on your ass!

i dunno
here we are…..
i see ive slipped into the 100s when i was offline
from the 60s into the hundreds
on the blogge charte i mean
like rip van winkle of the blogge world
no
you little prick whos about to ask
why do you even care?
no i do not care
i will not be rewarded by going up or down
i know i give good blogge!
christ…youre getting
biography
poetry
humour
muse : me
rants
raves
rambles
off the cuff displays of spectacular weilding of the eng. lang
cmon
im erudite
im hip
im working class anti-hero
never worked a day in my life
im like those rappers who jus’ rap bout themselves
im this!
im that!
i remember my friend marc bolan said to me
im the groover n i move right in
when im on the floor the kids yell for more more more..
the trend of the artist to talk about himself
as a primary device in his art
oh i love to talk about myself baybee
im jimmy braggart
im pat ingmyself-ontheback
i can really dig me deeply childe
but its all a laff
yes andy millman im having a laff
do the ladies find my braggadocio attractive as somebody wrote?
nope
im just a stupid manne blurting it all out
oh i dont mind myself tho…….
muse: youre not paranoid youre schizo
and you makes 3 little muse
are you following me?
yes?
bullshit!
this is nonsense
you coulda been reading something really good instead
all the things you coulda read
and you read this
i competed for your attention
and ive got it
so ….
muse : say whatever it is you want to say !
gee….
i dunno
is this writers block?
muse : thats when you cant write nothing
but admittedly this is pretty darn close
oho
minna has arrived
i will ask her some questions
s. why are you here?
m. because …is that the question?…i was bored
s. i hate that word bored….
m.ok i was feeling unsatisfied with what i was doing
so i decided to do something else
s. who is alltime favourite singer?
m.god thats hard….mmmm…david bowie
s. oh thats strange….
m. he always makes things interesting
s. alltime most hated singer
m. christina aguilera
s. yes shes definitely up there….
ok what is your favourite film?
m.the roman holiday..do you know which one it is
s. no i dont….
m. it’s a great story about a princess (audrey hepburn)
on holiday who falls in love with a journalist
writing a story about her.
s. one word please on the following people
1marc bolan
2uma thurman
3john f kennedy
4jesus christ
5 me
m.
1. rock
2. myself?
3. vietnam
4. did he exist?
5. squirrel
s. thank you
the doodles call me the devil squirrel
ok
more questions
s.why is it this way?
m. because God wanted it this way.
s.do you like eggplant?
m. i sure do!
s. isnt it great being my daughter?
m. since this is a steven kilbey blog
and most of the readers worship s.k i’ll have to say :
it’s really great, wouldn’t want any other man to take his place.
s. you have 4 sisters…which is most like you?
m. aurora, she’s as sensetive as me.
s. whats in and whats out?
m. in: openmindedness, sophistication and high waists
out: selfpity, people who take themselves too seriously
and…big boobs
s.why do you like gossip mags
m.you ask me this question too often… i find them interesting in some strange way…
s. did you inherit my good looks
m. of course i did: freckles, bad teeth and thin lips
s. what are you gonna be?
m. don’t have a clue…i’ll see where life takes me,
s. what do you expect from life?
m. knowledge, death and love
s. 3 good qualities you expect in a male?
m. respecful, mysterious and cultivated (HANDSOME)
s. 3 bad qualities?
m. disrespectful, ignorant and selfobsessed
s. that should do
ive got all those qualities..
one last question…
do you remember that nasty naughty little game
we used to play on/with elli
where you and i would suddenly run away
and try n hide…
1did you enjoy it?
2do you think she enjoyed it?
3and how bad am i , daddy, for enjoying it?
m. 1 i really loved that game….i felt like i had all the power…
and it was my revenge for all the times she hurt me
2. non monsieur….the tears weren’t really a sign of fun now ,were they?
3. yes you’re a bad daddy for enjoying making your children cry!
ha ha ha!!!
anyway
thank you minna
special guest *
4 2 day
mmm thats it i guess
oh i think i’ll go n look at my teeth n lips for a while
(sigh)
bye

how hilarious to see myself on youtube
in all my arrogant glory
opining a loada bull
acting like im a marquis or something
success is fun
but failya shapes ya
thats for sure
i dont know how i feel to see myself
its not a problem most people have
or imagine they would have
watching yerself on the telly
rambling on with a penchant for bullshit
lord kill-bee of rozelle
supercilious surly broody moody mean
but not magnificent
people didnae dig my uppity attitude
my sneering and my nasty little smile
admittedly i cut a dashing figure back then
whenever it fucking is im talking about
but my know-it-all-ness ruins my good looks
i come across as an uptight fop
no man of the people
no regular joe
but some clever-dick prick
with a line in big words
la muse: things havent changed much….
anyway
(who let her outta her box ?)
im attracted and repulsed by these visions of myself
is this interesting to you….?
i always wondered how it would feel…..
seeing yer face in mags on tv etc
its just……..
nothing
believe me
youll get no succour from it
if you do ….youre already lost
being on some silly show
acting like a jerk and a right berk
it just didnae suit me
i didnt have the showbiz personality
i could have now…if i needed to
but then
it didnt dawn on me
to play along
but i dont come across as a rebel
more of a prat
its a hard thing to pull off
that thing popular people do
getting the mixture right
mystery
humanity
looks
originality
universality
marketability
i had some in spades
others i had a void suit
now im so tired of all this
to an olde man it seems like trifles
im asking myself what is the purpose of my life
not
where am i in the charts
but the answer to both those questions is silence
i like the new me better by the way
but i wanna relive my life as the new me
the new me i never knew
i wanna go back and have another shot
knowing what i know now
muse: which is?
umm….let me see
gee its hard to put into words
muse: its a feeling, isnt it…?
look the reason i write this blogge
is because ive led an unusual life
which is simultaneously a cliche life too
a modern sob story
on a modest scale of course
thrills n spills
i been hi
i been lo
i seen it up close
the best n worse
i lived my life fully
i did it m-y wa-ay
anxiety still haunts me as ever
famous or infamous
there was no getting away from me
no person
no drug
no fortune
no humiliation
no song
nothing
could get the me outta me
i was stuck with myself
hating and loving myself ridiculously
fucked up on a superioty/inferioty complex
mystery achievement…stop breathing down my neck
i wanted everything n i ended up with almost nothing
i wanted nothing and i got all this
at least i have my dear readers
to some how help me come to terms
with the idiot in the mirror
people to ponder my heartfelt words
and then write a comment
that has only the most tenuous connection
to what im talking about
my brilliance and stupidity encircle you here
i will continue to dazzle n disappoint ya
that is my nature and that is my fate
heyday was yesterday
and that was such an easy game to play
now i place a need to confide away
scarlets got a fever
and my veggie hotdog is ready
tonite more kilbey/kennedy
its getting near finished
see ya 2morroe
keep the comments relevant
ok?
ttb

you say you love me
but you dont know me
very well
and most the stuff i say ive done….well i never did
and all that stuff i denied……
and all the stuff i took
all the money just wasted
all the time being safely reckless
in my bed asleep dreaming it all up
there were no guitars or cars or chicks or dope
there were no nights or days and roads that led on n on
there was only lies
lies that enfold and entwine
where do the lies end and where does the truth begin? you ask
ah yes the lies plural….the truth singular
so many lies but only one truth…is that the truth?
or is it just another lie
gossip gossip laugh laugh
prod prod
moralise
demoralise
you really think i aint across it all and then some
horny dilemmas
sweet paradox
impossible things
thats why you read my words
you must be reading my words
giving me some sort of life
im tired of running through your mind
but watch me
i keep going
oh yes
long may i run
52 but i aint thru
nimble n naive
the knave of blogges
the stealer of time
eloquent tongue tied
elegant scruffy
elephantine tiny
you got no fix on me
elusive
but you always know where to find me
my energy crackles
my words are winged
my hand is so steady
as i complete all the details
those tiny details that make you love me
all those tiny lies
painted on the one great truth
what does this shadow here mean? you ask
nothing
what does this hole here mean?
nothing
what about this gap and this null n void?
nothing nothing nothing
you think you think
i know i know
now i been working at this for five years
five long years
almost everyday ive done something
put my mind into neutral
and ive sussed it all out
and im beginning to see the light
a very distant light to be sure
but there it is
so why why why
waste my time, being
as you can plainly see
time is not a commodity i have in surplus
im coming round the last corner
its all unknown to me from hereon
cant you see im just guessing myself?
who can or will gimme advice out there?
not the troubled brothers
not the dutiful daughters
not the freeked out fiendss
not the manly men or lovely ladies
not the bouncing babies
not the carping critics
not the dead dads
nor the mommy mums
nor the yawning abyss
what do you think i should do?
dont answer that
your evidence is inadmissable
whats in it for me?
and i used to answer myself
time
time is in it for you
now my gauges are saying
youre running out of time
and time to run
and you came out of time
and into time you shall return
but that time will be without me
just like you
you have your relationship with time
i have mine
i have spent my time thinking about time
is that time spent foolishly?
all thought of time is foolish
to possess time ignore time
i am the time being
hell thats just a stupid name i made up
time is oozing out
try and plug that hole
try to find the puncture
ssssssss
its escaping
there goes a whole 2 minutes of your time
as in
your time
the time apportioned to you
by the cosmic all
a slippery being
both of us
time
and
me

lost in the wilderness
the being
your being
your very own being
oh so lost
such a shame
interrupted
the story thus far
and you realise
then and there
there is no other being
only being now
the present
the present you should unwrap
with or without the internet
just for the time being
and with this hiatus
with this rupture….
i feel strange
like ive changed
in these times
these peculiar times
no certainty attached
indeed
saturday night has arrived
somewhere wild parties
drunken groping on the verandah
beers knocked over
ashing on the carpet
music blares and blasts
people smoke dope
and discuss the world as they know it
cars pull up
cars leave
doors open n close
people get dressed
then undressed
then dressed again
a quick shower
hot water against yer hangover
find the keys
grab a guitar
pluck a string
sing some words
meet some people
say some things about yourself
im a virgo horse with no remorse
ive got a bad cough n i like to get off
the world occaisionally
hello hello yes yes
you are in the car travelling
the others around you in the dark interior
and you drive drive drive
thru the starry night
thru the cities and graveyards
the football fields and strawberry stalls
the others are laughing
ha ha they say
but then they seem so far away
remember all the drinking and drugging
and you slouch down low in your seat
and the music is playing
the inevitable music
the soundtrack to your life
except your life isnt a film
it isnt a story
or a biography
or a song
or even a blog
its
its…..
well
its something else
traffic lights change
a siren screams in the night out there
this amazing black night
this foreign night
this sentient night
this eternal afterwards
in the void left by applause
in the emptiness
and you drive drive drive
caravans and wire fences
used cars and little fluttering flags
the others are silent now
maybe asleep
their heads folded at crooked angles
the music plays on
the buldings go past
where am i
i say
where are we going
but no one answers
as they all dream in the car
as they twitch and move with the motion
feeling of imminent disconnection
feeling of discontinuity and dislocation
saturday night oozing away into sunday morning
that most sobering of times
when you wish youd been good
when you wish you were somewhere else
when you wish you knew what to wish for
drive on
down the road
it doesnt matter
someone else takes over inside
and you are not you
some part of you is gone
another part has gone
gone where i groan
grown up and all
everything is easier now
so much easier
so much lighter to glide
thru the heavy air
bang!
you crashed
now its my turn

i get up at about 8
everyones asleep
so i go swimming
walking to the pool
i listen to my new record
actually i got 2 new records
very close to fruition
and true to form
im not just foisting any olde tripe on you
theres some pretty perceptive types
who read my blogge ya know
like percy-phone and fanged-rulin’
milky-aidies and la bon
so im assuring them
you will like my new records
measured chaps like the dean and damien
they will like my new records
my very devoted devotees
(you know who you are)
you will love my new records
those among us here more detached from this mundane reality
say jonnie hollywood and bri bri com
you will like my new record
those inscrutable types like theolonius
you will like my new records
new zealenders
you will like my new records
in other words
mutually inclusive
2 opposites
the wild erratic electronic whirlpool of one
or the measured elegant songs of the other
all of them primo being
i mean
youve read the blogges
now hear the music
its all there
youll recognize yourself in it
youll know what im saying…youll see
itll all make sense
twin records a million miles apart
one has music supplied by me n tim n william spacemaster
the other has music by martin kennedy
i sing on both records of course
and that is the intersection
other than that they are completely different
the k/k record is contained exact sparing precise
the killer record is abandon dissolute fruity travelling
youll like em both
or pay me more to make a better one
anyway
i walk to the pool
have a sauna first
get some heat up for that cool pool
the water is cold and turgid
it takes me half a lap to catch my breath
then its swim swim swim
breastroke up one way
freestyle back
i think about my swimming
concentrating on what all my limbs are doing
actually having to be in the moment
to check how its all going
observing myself
i realise the cold water is numbing me
producing a pleasant mildly “burning” sensation
its nice to be immersed in this thick cold green water
the water goes in my mouth and up my nose
and i become part of it
as i do my laps
i think about the night i met my first girlfriend ever
i was at the dickson library
talking to a boy call macleod
but it was pronounced mc cloud
which i thought was a good name
i was just 16
macleod was studying the bones in porpoises flippers
it was a warm night
we were sitting upstairs
when the girl came in……
i imagine or recall the details
ok
a few laps go by without me noticing
i concentrate on my swimming strokes again
a well known bondi iron man called spot
jumps into the lane next to me and ploughs through the water
like a torpedo in a hurry
how can people swim so fast?
anyway i only do 18
instead of 20
due to sheer lazy gutlessness
and thats typical steve kilbey right there
go to all that trouble
and then not complete the 20
the one kilometre hes sposed to do
leave it undone
walking home from the pool
listening to pod
i was tapped on the shoulder
by an extremely attractive young woman
who was ….elli
eating breakfast at a cafe
i sat n talked to her for a while
whatta lovely daughter
(when shes in a good mood)
the cafe owner hassling me to stay and eat something
i gotta go home i say
why are you too famous to eat here he says
hes ribbing me
but now everyone in cafe is peering at me
trying to figure out who i am
i catch myself in the mirror
i look like captain nemo or something
howcomes yer face is all sunburnt yells out comical cafe owner
i just got out of a sauna i yell back across the cafe
looks like yer sunburnt !yells cco
theres no sun out there sunshine ..says ttb
why you gotta go home says impudent cco
gotta do interviews with new zealand says ttb
oooh lifestyles of rich n famous he squeals
something youll never be burdened with says the ttb
ha ha ha
everyone hassa good laugh
including cco and his staff
for the benefit of those in the dark
cco drops the chirch word
aha i can see they know who im “sposed” to be now
gee whizz folks
uhuh its me
anyway the nz intaviews go off all right
interview number one inciting a vegan rant of biblical proportions
# 2 was kinda dreamy and about art and music
i dunno
then we went shopping
aurora n me split from nk eve n scarlet
we go to giant auto cheap barn
where i buy rustspray a chamois(synthetic)
contact n trim adhesive
dont you love shops like this i say to aurora
she looks around and says no
whatta bout that smell in here?
(a sorta hardware rubbery metallicy tooly smell)
aurora sniffs the air
nope she says
i stand looking at sandpaper
aurora stands there quietly bored off her skull
we go over to the music store
i need some work done on my 12 string
before nz
we go upstairs to look at some guitars
auroras restless n bored
shes keeps interrupting the guitar guy
with random
dad? dad?
but doesnt really know what she wants
anyway
i end up spending a loada dough i shouldnt spend
to get my guild 12 up n running by nz time
we go in a book store
i peruse various books that are on display
including how to make your own blue movies
which is hilariously stupid
i look at a book of optical effects
to see if i could nick anything
but i couldnt..
we meet up with others exactly as theyre coming out of the shop
bumper sitting on top of a shopping cart
we come home
i check n find internet
but now its gone
will post this when it comes back
(if?)