The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

autumn pinches my hands n feet n nose
joyce knitted me a nose warmer once
its a nice nose but it gets cold easy
my feet are like blocks of ice n it aint even cold yet really
ive had acupuncture n massage
ive done ryans shoulder movements
i do yoga everyday of course
but my arms n shoulder hate to type
my desk is in a mess
a veritable explosion of receipts n cds n dvds
books on art
pastel applicators
tins of v
bottles of fiji
ah
you’ll see it when you buy my dvd
“get stoned and paint”
subtitled
gouache n pastel painting for kil-beginners
aka
the killer gets out his eisel
or
my 3 year old kid could do better than that
or
you call that art….?
or
stick to music please, steve…
anyway
my friend nelg
has been coming round
filming me in action
why he even captured the lost family portrait
that took me so long
that disappeared in fed exs clumsy mitts
youll see my messy room where i blogge n paint
i rented a little garage out the back here
to be my “studio”
but its cold and it leaks
its dirty n dusty n damp
its dark n dank
and now its filled up with bags of clothes
and bags of cds
bicycles and suitcases etc
youd only wanna be out there on the warmest summer night
n then the mozzies ‘d getcha or the ants…
in sydney theres always something biting at ya
some little ant or mite bit my big toe th’other nite
while i was painting
it itched n itched
i couldnt even figure out where the itch was coming from…
i coulda ripped my toe off it was so insistent…
yeah
so get stoned n paint
its hopefully coming soon
nelg is doing a good job
and some nice stills
and
there will be some impressive extra features
did you guys know im having an exhibition in ohio in june
why ohio ?
well we added up the place with my most fans
and we got johnny groucho garratt
we got nick “science” fiction
and we got eekie beekie kiabgoa
(who doesnt really count seeing shes organizing it)
so ok 3 fans…its a headstart
i mean nick n johnny gonna buy a few big pieces aint they
nick n johnny gonna load up on prints cards n dvds etc
hey you texans…jump in the car n get yerselves there
hey you l.a. types…ohio is beautiful in summer
(it is too….strangely old and sad though)
anyway i went out to tims yesterday
and worked on new church record
picked up my copy of shriek
its really good…..
tonight im playing the vanguard
and i hope you come on down if you live in syd
and i hope the spirit possesses me a bit at least
my march royalties came in and theyre very disappointing
getting hard to see how ends will meet
if things go on like this
i owe a bit of tax and theyre gonna put the squeeze on soon
everything is delayed or running slow
the record biz is collapsing
and hippy renaissance men arent in such big demand
im doing some more private functions
and im doing some other things too
but……
i keep thinking about an article my olde friend brian smith sent
about how you need one thousand true fans
you get your 1000 true fans (or fiendss….)
you get em to pay ya 100 bucks a year
and you
relieved of financial burden
can concentrate on yer art
of course the 100 k aint all gravy
you gotta pay recording costs n equipment costs
you gotta manufacture n send out the stuff you do
(let me say right here n now in case some of you groaning
that those among you who made those large donations
are already included if this was to be…so relax!)
you would be patrons and you would get exclusivity
we would be in bizness together
we would finalize our arrangement
and i would guarantee a certain number of things each year
eg say…3 cds and 2 dvds and a book…im just guessing here
and however else the arrangement develops
it would be a mutual growing thing…i would hope
anyway
its weird to be even thinking about it
but apparently its becoming a new way of doing things
this is only in daydream stage at the moment
but
i gotta figure out a better way to exploit myself
in the wings i have waiting the compleat kilbey lyric book
the jack frost u.s. tour dvd
and a few other goodies
painkiller n kilbey/kennedy
(martin kennedy appearing with me in melbo!)
artistically things look good
but
financially theyre bleak
unless just-in timbre-ache records utmw
or somethin’……

we just kept on getting it wrong
didnt we
underestimating this
overestimating that
the obvious stuff
everything was everything
but all we saw was the difference
it was encoded in us to always fumble n fudge it
coming up with something brilliant
we slid down the ladders n climbed up the snakes
it was so easy to just kill
opposable thumbs
we can do lots of things
defenceless offenders
we had goldrushes
we had coppertone tans
we had free witch trial offers
we burned em and called them the monsters
we cured this thing
but it caused that thing
we killed that
and it grew more and more heads
we swallowed elephants to catch flies
and the flies swallowed
and the swallows flew
they went north n south
but we were always there first
finest vases and coloseums
laying mosaics or laying waste
christian lion slave
hippos and horses
snow or sand
we called them explorers
but they were bulls in china shops
destroying and ruining
send out the missionaries
its time some of these people
found out the bad news:
what?
some woman ate an apple
and now we all gonna suffer?
but it must be right
or we wouldnt win all those wars
the hundred years war
wow !
the great grandfathers started it
and some geezer in the distant future will end it
who cares why?
just dont get caught
and if you do
get a rationale
say you were just following orders
you didnt know they would all die
did you
forget all that
weve got pictures of actors
look this ones fat
look this ones thin
look this ones hot
look this ones not
he got her heart
but these two break apart
have a drink and watch the game
the rules have changed but the objects the same
regulations and paragraphs
parking inspectors outside a graveyard booking a hearse
knock down the forest to make a book about forests
maintain popularity no matter what
never say youre sorry even if you actually are:
untrustworthy my manners are impeccable
more tea vicar? pew its a scorcher….
my ipod has sat nav
my sat nav has an A I persona
the A I persona has a glitch
the glitch is built-in
a necessary hiccup
a human error
is that possible?
take it back
theyre churning these things out
millions n millions n millions
for kids in the third n fourth worlds
for us in the first world too
and the second world and minute world
and jimmy and erises world of laughs
hey
that eye in the pyramid…
whos it watching?
me?
naw
what did i ever do?
my shrink says
hey you…youre fucking nuts
then he charged me
and now im really mad
and im confused
im gonna look at some pictures of actors
ooh look this ones fat
and
this ones thin….
golly!
this is …….alright

post 911
no
i aint gonna go there
and i was in de. the day it happened
an hour or so down the road…..
many confused thoughts today
i see no clear train of thought emerging
the incredible beautiful things my commenters write..
the stupid wilfully ignorant things….
a bit like me
as above so below
i tell you what
i will try (TRY!)
to refrain from my aggressive rhetoric
if we can have no more disharmony
on the comments
ie
i dont wanna read you slagging each other off
cmon
its beneath our dignity now people
i was the worst …i admit it
and yeah i told a lotta people (to fuck)off
no more quoth the raven
this blogge……
out of control
swallowing up my time n my back n shoulders n arm
addicted to it i am
seduced by its immediacy
this is my autoblography
this is real deal
if you know me here
you know me better
tuesday morning, garbo day in n.bondi
my friend in hosp. sleeping more n more
they read him a poem i wrote for ‘im
when he woke up the other day
when he woke up for 10 minutes
you see the thing is pushing on him
making him sleepier n sleepier
but he wakes up n asks em to read him my poem
and he liked it
and the people present liked it
and he squeezed my brothers hand as he read it
and believe me it contained the word “fucking” a few times
as i railed against the injustice
and praised my friend to the high skies
and my brother said
maybe that poem could be a blogge
and if my friend checks out of this vale of tears (if?!)
then maybe i will…
this week i play the vanguard in newt-town
featuring some other players with me too
i think its gonna be cool
and
i think i sense
the very tiniest revival in sks fortunes
thats because im so much better now
the spirit took me in gosford
its gonna take me in newt-town
what is this spirit?
this spirit is the spirit of music who takes human beings
or sends them as my dad used to say
baby these days im getting sent
me
the whitest of whiteys got some soul?
believe it , childe
king rude daddy starting to loosen up
but you were always so unhappy before
now you smiling all night….says a. gosford-punter
my mother so sagely put it to me
when i asked her about the gig
“it took you a long time to learn, son!”
yes yes joycie thats it thats it!
everything takes me so long to learn
but
i do learn in the end
i always had good songs
always
but the way i delivered em
the way i handled my self
(ooooh mr davem!!)
i wasnt cool i was frigid
i wasnt broody i was rude
i wasnt enigmatic i was bloody ignorant
i wasnt superior i was supercilious
trying to be a composite of other geezers
instead of letting les kilbeys boy out
the ‘alf cockney ‘alf aussie bloke
who could dabble in music
dabble in painting
and make people fucking well laugh
just like me dad could n did
i aint no david blowie
i aint no bobby zimmerlan
i aint no johnny o boogie ono lenin
my mother also said to me
im proud of you son
i said whys that mum?
she said
you were being nice to people…..
how did that take so long to learn?
the most basic things
the doodles already know that…
when they come back from anywhere
people say
oh theyre so nice…
the twillies too
a certain judge here in sydney
my daughters friends with his daughter
he takes me aside and tells me
that they are so polite well mannered n considerate
with all the gravity a judge can muster…
all my daughters (cept the woofle)
so so nice n friendly
thats sk for ya tho
i had the minutiae covered
i knew the names of all the gods n goddesses in about 10 pantheons
our headmaster mr slade would defer to me in mythological questions
but
could i be nice?
could i hell?
what was this glaring hole in me?
why did i go round this world pissing people off?
nice work kilbeing!
you could write poems
but you could never manage a smile…
ha
just like a human
just like humanity
our heads up our own wazoos
all we needed to be was nice
and to let it all go
just
let it go
fiendss
i love you all
sk

yes
this is post 910
the church played last night at lizottes
a small restaurant theatre on nsws central coast
the gig was accoustic
we played pretty damn fine
my mother was there
the audience was great
the food before was excellent
i had a polenta stack
i didnt make too many mistakes
the dressing room was really nice
looking out on a garden and then green rolling fields
almost was like sweden in summertime
i was driving so i didnt drink
it was raining and misty as we drove home
petes daughter O slept in the back
shed been doing guitar teching
peter had been talking to my mother
and we talked about my parents as i drove carefully home
about my dads angina
and his business and stuff
we felt satisfied with the gig
despite any odds we accounted of ourselves well
the olde sk could have never done it
but he buggered off
and left me standing here
with the necessity of doing it
he had his fun
he had his moment
then he sucked off into his mind
i was the result of his abdication
we are partially connected still in some way
he assists in an advisory capacity now
but i dont miss him that much
enjoy yer last day of easter!
kil b

ooops!
sorry bout those sugary kids songs folks
i guess you gotta hear em….
and the lyrics are a bit lame …
i guess you know i can sling around a bit of language
and so i think
well they know i can write ironic bitter and grandiose things
so im just experimenting
maybe
i can let them right into my life
heres the personal stuff
kids songs included
anyway if ya wanted to stab me
you picked a goodtime
cos im not feeling so big right now
look im gonna tell ya something about music n art too
the intention of the artist
and your interpretation will never be the same
so let your vision remain intact;
after these things are created
the artist has no more insight
than anyone else
just like i dont n cant control or understand elli n minna
a further comment on the wiggles comparison
they dont hate me
but they would if i was on their tv sets singing
the woofle song every morning
anyway
let me assure you
my kids songs have much better melodies than theirs
because my songwriting is still right on
even if its a jingle or kidssong
and i gotta say it
the woofle song is damned catchy
especially as i can hear this great phil spector arrangement
in my head
i guess its hard to always get it right on here
i dont understand it myself
i dont understand myself either
maybe im not the guy who wrote gaf
maybe i have no right to comment on those olde days
maybe that guy disappeared with all his attributes
into the yawning mouth of time
i aint no hip gunslinger no more
i could be i guess
but it is a wearisome mantle
i seen such stuff
you have no idea
im just hoping goodness n mercy now
im just hoping to be a man
i have lapsed in taste many times on this blogge
in the name of the pursuit of honesty
in the pursuit of getting close to whatever i am
yesterday
i was just that soft olde fool
today
im a sadder wiser softer fool
but you know
by monday
i could be the nasty little bugger
that pops up here
now n then
ok
to everyone else
thank you for the things you have written
thank you for your thoughts prayers n reflections
let us have no disharmony
have a happy wiggly easter
stevie
xxxxxx

strange gloomy weather falls down on sydney
me n my little woofle go out early
for walky talky
i dress the woofle in the doodles clothes
and she looks pretty good considering shes 2
and theyre 8
we go outside she says cold
she says wind
little consolation of my olde age :
darling little woofle
wont you take a walk with me
(little woofle take a walk with me)
cmon woofle think how happy baby
we could be
(little woofle if you walked with me)….
this family has a lot of songs we sing
about doing everyday things
(usually written by moi…of course)
we have
tell me who
(who who who)
who is yer favourite doodle
(who who who who)
who is yer favourite doodle
(who who who who)
who is yer doodle now
wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wah
oh do you like that little starr?
(i love to drive her in my car)
oh do you like that biggle childe?
(well her charms just drive me wild)
please tell me who….

both the woofle song n the fave doodle song
set to bona fide great 50s chord progressions
and catchy melodies that stick in your head
the family all joins in (including twillies if theyre here)
singing backing vox, taking turns with lead vox
of course then theres
the gotta have doodles song
which is a frank sinatra-y affair
you gotta have….doodles
you gotta have….doodles
cos doodles
are oodles
of fun
(fingersnap, fingersnap)
yeah!
(the yeah! whispered by the woofle like a real jazz cat)
anyway
we’re walking down street singing the woofle song
woofle n i grokking north bond-eyes incredible profusion of flowers
i need look no further than this
for evidence of god
(evidence of god…the idea is ludicrous)
here are pure white frangis
here are some with lovely lemon yellow tinges
here are some practically the most delicate pink you ever saw
here are hibiscus flowers with various subtle n gaudy hues
cactii with bulging pink n purple flowers
passionfruit tree flowers
the weeds all flower too
and the elephant ears ferns n boston ferns n money trees
i think of going n visiting michael h
who is as lovely a bloke as you could meet
but it is good friday before 11
then there he is walking down the street
larger than life
he must be a nice guy cos the woofle
leans outta my arms
to plant a big wet woofley kiss
on his stubbly face
im driving over to teepees
to work on new chrch album
on the way there
i visit my friend
who doesnt seem to wake up
as i sit holding his hand
oh he was in a deep restful place
and of course
i did not resent him his near absence
he was in a much nicer room today
some scented candles were burning
and brian enos music for airports tinkled almost silently
i talk to him about eno
about dylan n harrison
who my friend reminds me of
i talk to him about what i believe
sometimes he gently squeezes my hand n moves
ever so slightly
when i leave
and the next of his many friends n family come in
he opens his eye a little
gives me a sleepy grin for a miilisecond
i cant stop thinking about him
i meet his mum n dad who are the loveliest people
i go out into the rain n wind
i walk across a park in darlinghurst
im crying my heart out
and i need to have a piss
i just walk up to tree
and stand there
in the middle of sydney
peeing and weeping
no one around at all
so no indecent exposure charges yet
on the otherhand it hasnt made my career take off
a la bill wyman n stones…
also
was supposed to be in paper yesterday in fridays metro section
as it was good friday
there was no metro n next friday is too late for my gig
gulp! have i fallen through the cracks again????
have a safe drive to tims
through kings cross william st
into sydney
out the otherside
over anzac bridge
(we used to call it madonnas bra)
up past rozelle
balmain
drummoyne
over gladesville bridge
into ryde
east ryde
putney
i listen to brainwashed by george harrison
his last album
its a beauty too
a beautiful reading from “how to know god”
by the indian sage patanjali
segues into the last song
the soul doesnt love
the soul is love
the soul doesnt exist
it is existence, itself
then at the end of the song
george chants and the lovely indian-ish music returns
suddenly a great comfort fills me
i think of all the good people waiting on “the otherside”
grant n george
my dad
jeff buckley
maybe soon my friend
oh if only these guys will appear to show me the ropes
when i turn up in that peaceful place
anyway down i go tims drive
hes pottering round in his studio
soldering leads or whatever it is
we listen to the 4 songs so far completed with vox
the 1st is a stately piano driven progression
we have put almost choral-like voices on
frankie from dublin is guest playing guitar
and his languid flourishes stretch across the music nicely
the next track is the dumb rocker called i cant let it go
written pre-ayahuasca but eerily presentiment
oh my little saviour
on her good behaviour
all he things she gave ya
now you cant let it go
i wanna get up
i wanna get off
i wanna get out
but i cant let it go…
next up is
anchorage
a dark twisted song full of winter n turmoil
weird lyrics ive written too:
the bars are all closed today lady
its a long way down to the middle of town
i’d hate to see you break your crown…
and then later im shouting
i’ll slap it out of you
i’ll slap it out of you
peter plays 2 bass guitars
im playing neil youngy stuff n piano
tims added some mellotron
its roiling n boiling stuff
the 4th track
is a sad and pretty song
tim says this is my fave but i like em all
and have listened to them with almost fresh ears
we have dinner then
which consists of four pieces of toast
2 vegemite
2 peanut butter
its all i ate all day ‘cept for a packet of crisps
then in 2 hours we do a song called pangaea
it was really cool
and im rather happy with it
but it needs loadsa work
needs mwp n pk to play on it some more
still aint heard shriek soundtrack
but tp assures me its something special
long drive home
listen to george again
home to bed
everyone sleepy
early night
today=chrch rehearsal
oh dear
i hate fucking rehearsing!

” like a new cybernetic code
hacking the logic of a closed system,
christs parables break open ordinary sense
to introduce paradoxes that subvert syntactical logic ‘
and
” unfortunately he did not save our souls through the crucifixion.
instead, he showed us the path –
a template for selfless action that can be internalised and followed
if we make the free choice to evolve”
both quotes from 2012 by daniel pinchbeck

jesus
its good friday
the day a bunch of ignorant villains
nailed up a guy to a wooden cross
and left him to die in agony

how many good men have come n gone
their words of emancipation and connection
disregarded, misinterpreted?
the meek aint inherited the earth…yet
its still being run by loads of proud idiots
using her up
killing us off
most so called christians who never read
the fucking new testament with both their ears open
or even read it at all
the heroes among us
they show us the way
(my brave friend in hospital)
humanity
yeah be proud of yerself
dreaming up your rationalisations
you have butchered tortured and ruined
because of them
we told ourselves lies
and we found em easy to believe
and we brutalised n behaved inhumanely
inhumane n inhuman
jesus
i dont need to catalogue it all again
have a look at hiroshima n nagasaki
have a look at belsen
have a look at whaling
have a look at inquisitions
have a look at crusades
have a look at vlad the impaler
n nero n caligula
the israelites n babylonians
jesus
are we capable of cruelty and unimaginable horror
on gigantic scales or what?
jesus, did we listen?
jesus, does an idiot like georgie bush
really think he is somehow born again in your name?
how can one violent thing be done in your name
and the irony of it not blast em sprawling?
how is there so much wilful ignorance
concocted and laid at your feet?
the catholic church with their dark secrets
their midnight mass and the countless
bent priests playing with boys
their ritual n palaver n self aggrandizement
the very opposite of christs simplicity n humility
he would despise it
he would despise bush
he would despise the southern fundamentalist tv evangelists
in some sick nightmare of a world
the sages n seers words n prophecies
are twisted into self serving bullshit sermons
exhorting all the most superstitious claptrap
christ would hate assault weapons
christ would weep at biological warfare
christ would sob at guantanomo fucking bay(or whatever is called)
christ would rail against deforestation n renditioning
and persecutions n executions
and our unbelievably INHUMAN treatment of the beasts
christ would not believe that we rip their claws n horns n teeth
n tails n feathers n fins off in a bloodthirsty dimmed haze..
could christ believe that weve even finally buggered up the weather
(boys n girls the fun is just starting)
i urge you
today
to read the four gospels
read them with an open heart
dont fucking quibble with this or that
or even me
let that message sink in
dont look for the contradictions
dont mis quote or partially quote
a phrase or 2 which is seemingly at odds
why?
you aint gonna change my mind
was he the son of god?
aint we all?
was he the son of man?
yes
he was a hero
he did things like a real man
he preached love n got himself crucified
well aint that just like this earth…?
what gives, fiendss?
hey
i aint no christian preacher
hey you sophisticated smartass
sitting at yer computer
saying oh no killer
dont try n sell me jesus again
hey you dull n unimaginative knuckleheads
cant see the woods for the trees
hey gunslinger
hey war presidents
hey fascists
hey popes
hey bishops n field marshalls
hey adolf n cheney n queen victoria
hey tobacco n oil companies
hey mcdonalds n the fuckin” colonel
hey ku klux klan (oooh your costumes are so “bad”)
hey taliban n al-queda
hey idi amin hey slobbydan milosovich
you guys had yer chance
look where we are
weve almost fucked up our own dear planet
the amazon almost gone
for what
big macs?
american n australian native peoples…almost gone
theres like 50 snow leopards left
the islands in the pacific going under
in 10 years.. (10 years…!!!!)
no more fish in sea
no more ozone
no compassion
no love
no respect
cmon
people now
smile on your brother
everybody get together
try to love one another right now…
todd said
i’d rather die by a dream
than live by a lie…
lets be courageous
lets change ourselves
look at me
it can be done
evolve
evolve now
into what we all could have been
start today
start here
lets change this world
for the better
whatever that means
stop thinking
just
do it!

listening to woven hand n ultima vez
(thanks markus)
always knew the banjo could be utilised usefully
outside its bluegrass thing…
yesterday
visited a friend in hospital
if youre not in hospital
thank your lucky starrs
my friend continuing to show incredible grace
in the face of adversity
and im not ashamed to say i love him
and my heart was at once battered to see him as he was
and filled with incredible pride to know this geezer at all
absolutely one in a million
and i want to scream out to god
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY!
everything else seems trivial in the face of that
however i will persist
though all my usual petty ambitions seem pathetic just now
also another dear friend shows up at hospital yesterday
coming in from a long way to see our mate
sad to see him under these conditions
im all confused about everything fiendss
this has shaken me to the very core
and of course
an incessant voice inside me
saying
kilbey you could do something
if you could only muster up whatever it will take..
but my doubt and sorrow prevents me from ever
knowing what this could be
if it even exists at all…
my dad had a kind of calming effect on people
which i wish i could say i have too
but i dont…unless its scarlet
..and not even always then…
my way with words often deserts me
just when you think i’d be needing it the most
and i often say the wrong things despite everything
tomorrow im in the smh metro questionaire
its amazing how i/the church still get serious coverage
in the big papers
ive just done similar one for melbs the age
different questions of course
one question said who do you admire most in this world
i actually wanted to say my friend whos ill
but they probably cut the answers that dont have pizazz
plus you got the anonymity factor as well
but still its nice to get in the real papers now n then
our media “clout” (ha ha more like a limp slap)
has always been disproportianately bigger
than our actual status would seem to warrant
ie it seems people want me in their papers
on their radio
(y’all musta missed that one on abc 2 weeks back!)
and on their tv
cos i been asked onto a certain show
n this time i said yes ok i will
the rent got put up yesterday
so i figger i could use some more x-pose-yah
and its pop-you-lah show
so
there ya go
other than that
i always seem to be in some vague conflict with someone
and its no different now
something in me brings out the worst in most people
which only martin krall in stockholm
and ricki ticki
and usually timmy p
can resist
everybody else is a bit upset with me over something
even if its the guy sitting next to me on a bus
i seem to imply a lot of things i dont mean to
old without much wisdom
thats a curse isnt it?
today im having acupuncture for my bad back
and still waiting for my bi annual royalties to arrive
the mofos hang onto it for as long as they can
no wonder they are loathed n the business is imploding
i also note with some weary inevitability
that when i write something i think is really good
i get hardly any comments
but if i wrote about this record or that record
everyones suddenly interested
of course thats only natural
but still……
it hurts to think
most of ya
are sitting round patiently
hoping im gonna get onto
the good bits soon….

now i checked new orders “best of” out hard
yesterday
after all these were they guys that gave us atmosphere…
we used to (i used to)
play atmosphere over n over n over
during early mansfield st days
wow what a song
everything about it blew my tiny mind
the belltrees in sibilant echo
the fucking bass line
the tom tom drumming
who else was playing drums like that?
the guitar n keys…perfect
so
i knew i needed to check new order out more carefully
i have all their albums on cd here
power corruption n lies is pretty good
but i love get ready
jesus when the guitar kicks in in the beginning of crystal….
a lot of tracks musically on here have joy div spirit
and
you gotta admire the way n.o. were ready to go for new sounds
creating their own trademark thing
totally diff to jd n everyone else
i love blue monday
i love the song where he says
why dont you piss off?
however
listening to “best of”
i detected some real shockers
ie shell shock
thieves like us
vanishing point
run 2
oh god
a whole load of em
insipid awful tripe
man you gotta slap yerself round the face n say
these are the guys who did in a lonely place?
and its all about intent n trying
they are the qualities that count (to me)
what is the intent behind the thing?
what were new order thinking
when they did some of this?
hooky is reduced to pretty little melodies
over the most embarrassing little songs
and the most awful lyrics often about “love”
squeaking out cliche platitudes
these songs have no “love” in them however
they werent trying
and the intent was like a can of soups intent
contrast this to the good stuff
where you can feel the creative convulsion
that spewed forth most of j.d. n the good n o
thats why i talk about gaf as a gaffe
whats its intent…?
i dunno
its pretty much a church can of soup
contrasted to the power of most of starfish
and the opiated grandeur of p=a
its a lull
the band becalmed in a miasma of indecision
n
“i dont cares”
i’m glad if you like it…i really am
i dont decry you or your taste or loyalty
or expertise
music is a personal matter
i love some strange records
i just do
even if youre not supposed to
i still do
so im using gaf as a kinda litmus test
of intent n trying
you see on the church records
for trying you had to give me 8 or 9 outta 10
i was trying
boy was i trying
on heyday i was trying so hard
the paisley all fell off my shirt
starfish i was trying
no knucklehead, the producers didnt create utmw
and no ploog didnt play on it
but utmw had intent n trying on it
it was done with love, my friends
but gaf…
suddenly
who cares
i put all my trying n intent into remindlessness
yeah
i hate drum machines mostly
it was all i had in my bedroom studio…
dont stop me enjoying sisters of mercy or cocteau twins
so shut up about drum machines
it was that or nothin’
but all my best was going into remindlessness
thats a record with some love in it
all i had left for gaf
was kilbey running on autopilot
knocking out metropolises
which is a good exercise in songwriting
it has all the elements
but
what were trying to do…?
have a hit
what was its intent?
make money n keep arista happy
did it have love?
not really…it had skill n craft..but no real love
(peter k may deny this…maybe he put some love in…)
it was devoid of whatever starfish was brimming in
just when we needed to make a record with love
we burped out gaf
yeah ploogy didnt play on most of it
but he had no love for it either
at least we kept a modicum of interest in it
he found the church n our music had left him non-plussed
peter says i was too hard on him all the time
yeah thats true i guess
specially when he deliberately wasnt trying
which was most of the time towards the end
but also my ascerbic tongue wore him down
we had an argument (over all things) divvying up some pot
he said something like (paraphrasing here, folks)
i wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
you know what a drag it is to see you
i thought
ok my mate
your performance dont justify this fuckin’ cheek
you see if marty or peter said that
i’d have to go
jesus thats harsh
but youre kinda indispensible
so i guess being good gives ya more leeway to be rude
that was how i saw it then
which is why i was so rude i guess
good= ruder i shoulda called it
but ploog by this stage had no interest whatsoever
in playing drums in the church
or even playing drums full stop
which is very sad
cos he had just gotten better n better
since he joined
and we HAD had some good times together
but lotsa things came between us
however he didnt even bother turning up
even when renivited to come down n give it a try
he still remained in la getting paid n a car
and apt in hollyfuckingwood
waddy wachtel did most of it on a drum machine
he actually tried to use richards parts from the demos
which are much better than album
i did all bass bits to drum machine
while waddy watched n listened like a hawk
the record is “perfect” from the ground up
but it sucks
yeah grind coulda been a good song
yeah pharaoh or pharoah is ok
at least ploogys on that one
but
its my own contribution
my own lack of caring n trying
even on autopilot im never rubbish
my skill n craft dont desert cos theres no love…
so yeah
there you have it
people who know what to do
doing it but without the love of previous or next record
at every stage of the process…it was loveless
like playing chess with someone whos letting you win
or someones empty flattery
or telephone sex with robot
or those corn chips with no calories
or sugar free gum
or entertainment channel
or smoking tea leaves
or whatever
no love
no trying
intent to sell but remain innocuous
dont push boundaries
dont rock the boat
dont allow extreme beauty or ugliness
dont tell the truth
not dedicated to the glory of god
not containing flashes of pure brilliance
no experimentation
as i said the churchs worst
still better than mosts best
i mean gaf aint a real stinker alongside
(insert yer most abhorred rubbish here)
just like new order still better than heart or britney
or boybands or whatever
but
we
demand more
we should
i wont ever letcha down that bad again
remember that!
i’m always trying
my intent is to fucking blow you away
its always got lotsa love
i may fail
i may fail often
but im trying
i wasnt with gaf
i know it
you know it
we all knew it then
even if we only felt it
thats why we lost momentum
stalled
and
dived
no love
no love
no love

quite a terrible day
someone i know very very ill
but no longer a blogging matter….
then last night watch “control”
the film about ian curtis
strange
sam riley looks like curtis
only better looking i guess
he wouldnae have even been born when ian hung himself
back in 1980
anton corbijns black n white is just like his photos
moody stark etc
manchester seems bleak…..(seems?)
the other guys are cartoony versions of themselves
hooky is aggressive
barney is a bit wimpy
stephen is silent for the most part
rob gretton is foul mouthed manager
tony wilson is suave n slightly posh
etc
but…..
um
it doesnt ever amount to anything
yeah ian had epilepsy
yeah ian had a wife n a girlfriend
but….
i dunno
maybe ians narrow shoulders werent big enough
to hang a 2 hour movie off of
sam riley does a great ian when hes singing n performing
those strange movements when things really got going
but
in the end
ian hangs himself
(you keep hoping he wont…
that the film will re-write history
but it cant….n it doesnt..!)
it seems like youve just been through
a load of black n white nothing
it was all there
but for me
it failed to coalesce into a decent film
yes
i love joy division
its impossible to overestimate their importance
the words n singing
the drumming
the bass playing
the guitar
the production n aesthetic
all were breathtakingly original in their day
curtis was a rivetting performer
he was truly unlike anybody else
ok
heres a little quibble for trainspotters
in the beginning of the film
curtis is shown listening to drive in saturday from aladin sane
by david bowie
but the needle is on the second last track of the record
whereas i remember d.i.s. being 1st or 2nd on the vinyl…
gotcha!
by the way
i think interpol are rubbish (yer gotta be kidding me)
and some of new orders stuff has been brilliant
(get ready for example)
but some of the stuff from the eighties
with syn-drums was pure schlock
and barneys lyrics and singing
often leave a LOT to be desired
he is no ian curtis thats fer sure
sometimes he gets away with it
sometimes
(nk just bought the best of new order)
its amateur hour n laughably outta tune
hooky remains one of the greatest bass players of all time
and unknown pleasures n closer are masterpieces forever
meanwhile….
the church play a place on nsws central coast on sunday
that they wont be making a doco about
and highly unlikely to reach legendary status
such is life n death
is it better to burn out than to rust?
anyway
in 1990
the church were touring europe
promoting the abysmal gold afternoon fix record
losing 200 grande but still getting commissioned by
our loathesome greasy manager
who happened to fix us up
with his latest brainchild
to open up for us
a cuban rock band called nuclear valdez
who were remarkably unremarkable
one of their roadies
claimed to have worked for joy div
when he found out i was a huge fan he cornered me
at a bar in munich
and said in an orrible bleeding whining voice
that sounded like someone from coronation street
on ritalin
“i’ll tell you the fuckin’ joy division story, kilbey
once there was 4 twats who liked to drink a lotta lager
n get pissed
then one of em necked hisself
and then there were 3 twats
who liked to drink a lot of lager n get pissed..
end of fookin’ story…!”
anton corbijn shoulda been there
the guy could helped him make ‘is fookin’ film

kilbey…over n out