new dawn
the world awakes
another blank page
today will be….
snatched away like all the rest
why rail against time?
you liked time when it was on yourside
you liked time when it ran away with your “best” years
you liked time when it stretched out for you after opium
and now
now is now
then is gone
this time theme recurs always
time and time again
sweet fiendss in time
do you realise how many men n women have been seduced
by their times?
i finished my mothers book yesterday
times gone
times up
just like the flapping calendar pages in old films
tyrone power had a heart attack on the set
gable n flynn n steve mcqueen
they musta thought they owned the world
but time was beavering away
and their mansions were ripped from them
and the beautiful fast women and the fast beautiful cars
their youth n their fame
oh fleeting things!
the temptation is to think that…..
we all have our own temptations
for some its booze
for some its flesh
for some its danger
for some its anger
for some its the sea
for others its…..me
for some its smack
for others its tea
but whichever
all are subject to time
time waits for no one and he wont wait for me
sang jagger when he was 31 but did he believe it?
you dont see old people with skulls n crossbones on their tshirts
is death a person like the white faced hooded man in the 7th seal?
cutting us down with his scythe of pestilence n war
a white lady who appears at the end
jesus waiting at the end of a tunnel of light
your ancestors patiently waiting
the lions and the lambs
the pools n flowers of krsnas jungle
bringing the cattle home on an eternal summer evening
the sound of the flute
the lord of the universe is a slender youth
the colour of a cloud
everythings ok
back there in that dream i was having…..
i cant even remember now
i was struggling n arguing
where almost everything hurt
and things were so sad
but this
this is indescribable
everydays
new dawnthe world awakesanother blank pagetoday will be….snatched away like all the restwhy rail against time?you liked time when it was on yoursideyou liked time when it ran away with your “best” yearsyou liked time when it stretched out for you after opiumand nownow is nowthen is gonethis time theme recurs alwaystime and time againsweet fiendss in timedo you realise how many men n women have been seduced by their times?i finished my mothers book yesterdaytimes gonetimes upjust like the flapping calendar pages in old filmstyrone power had a heart attack on the setgable n flynn n steve mcqueenthey musta thought they owned the worldbut time was beavering awayand their mansions were ripped from themand the beautiful fast women and the fast beautiful carstheir youth n their fameoh fleeting things!the temptation is to think that…..we all have our own temptationsfor some its boozefor some its fleshfor some its dangerfor some its angerfor some its the seafor others its…..mefor some its smackfor others its teabut whicheverall are subject to timetime waits for no one and he wont wait for mesang jagger when he was 31 but did he believe it?you dont see old people with skulls n crossbones on their tshirtsis death a person like the white faced hooded man in the 7th seal?cutting us down with his scythe of pestilence n war a white lady who appears at the endjesus waiting at the end of a tunnel of lightyour ancestors patiently waitingthe lions and the lambsthe pools n flowers of krsnas junglebringing the cattle home on an eternal summer eveningthe sound of the flutethe lord of the universe is a slender youth the colour of a cloudeverythings okback there in that dream i was having…..i cant even remember nowi was struggling n arguingwhere almost everything hurtand things were so sadbut […]
tricks
speed wobblepickup momentumvelocity oh loved n usedwhat i’m saying is :approaching earthstrangers reunitedstarflesh you are indeedthings go roundno beginningno endman didnt get hereman dont come from amoebaman always hereman is manwe regardwe destroywe buildwe examine the skieswe predictbut we never knowbut we always feelwe feel….emptywe feel….disconnectedwe feel satisfied….temporarily…we feel this n thatwe alone of all creaturescan ignore the obviousthis place we find ourselves in…..i mean can a system just…system within systems….mechanism within finely tuned machine..all these ratios…all these tiny chances…all these if we were one inch to the leftor one degree starboard…..or what were the chances really…cmon, use your eyesa man of learning in a pompous n assured tone proclaims“I have discovered that x = y”and hes swiftly ensconced in the ivied towers of knowledgeand he says let me fill up these rooms with x=y menand soon if you want to study the great machine at allyouve got to be an x=y manof course it doesnt matter that its obvious that x actually = xin fact not only doesnt it not matterbut it becomes anathema the x=y men like their positions n privelegesx=x are ridiculed even persecutedx=x saylook at skylook at the childrenlook at the riverslook at ourselvesthe x=y men say“we have found this piece of bone….”the x=x saydo you suppose….?and the x=y men say“no”the x=x saycould we…?the x=y men say“thats impossible.we have calculated and simulated and projectedand despite the wonders you believe you perceivein actuality we have disproven absolutely for all timethat x may ever = x!”after a few more years nobody could even remember that x=xeven tho they could see it right in front of themyou mean im supposed to believe this?occaisionally some poet or mountain climber would screamchildren would rub their eyes and say daddy i dont think x=yand the parents are shush shush go quickly back […]
speed wobble
pickup momentum
velocity
oh loved n used
what i’m saying is :
approaching earth
strangers reunited
starflesh you are indeed
things go round
no beginning
no end
man didnt get here
man dont come from amoeba
man always here
man is man
we regard
we destroy
we build
we examine the skies
we predict
but we never know
but we always feel
we feel….empty
we feel….disconnected
we feel satisfied….temporarily…
we feel this n that
we alone of all creatures
can ignore the obvious
this place we find ourselves in…..
i mean can a system just…
system within systems….
mechanism within finely tuned machine..
all these ratios…
all these tiny chances…
all these if we were one inch to the left
or one degree starboard…..
or what were the chances really…
cmon, use your eyes
a man of learning in a pompous n assured tone proclaims
“I have discovered that x = y”
and hes swiftly ensconced in the ivied towers of knowledge
and he says let me fill up these rooms with x=y men
and soon if you want to study the great machine at all
youve got to be an x=y man
of course it doesnt matter that its obvious that x actually = x
in fact not only doesnt it not matter
but it becomes anathema
the x=y men like their positions n priveleges
x=x are ridiculed even persecuted
x=x say
look at sky
look at the children
look at the rivers
look at ourselves
the x=y men say
“we have found this piece of bone….”
the x=x say
do you suppose….?
and the x=y men say
“no”
the x=x say
could we…?
the x=y men say
“thats impossible.
we have calculated and simulated and projected
and despite the wonders you believe you perceive
in actuality we have disproven absolutely for all time
that x may ever = x!”
after a few more years
nobody could even remember that x=x
even tho they could see it right in front of them
you mean im supposed to believe this?
occaisionally some poet or mountain climber would scream
children would rub their eyes and say
daddy i dont think x=y
and the parents are shush shush go quickly back to bed
“we have found even more new evidence”
proclaimed sir denniss hoggjoy
proudly displaying a piece of rock
of course i couldnt understand why the rock was important
but then im too stupid to understand, arent i?
a special scientist came to our school
and he had a picture of the rock
and some of the children actually got to hold the picture
and everything
and the scientist said
isnt marvellous that x=y?
and edna currie
whose slightly mad said
i think x=x sir
and everyone had a really good laugh
and the scientist lit his pipe and smiled
killer on the road
im listening to solaris soundtrackits 7 am as usualeternalyessaday took aurora to otho-dontistbad news:he puts a piece of ice on tooth but no feelygood news: xray reveals no “absorbtion”(i dunno what absorbtion is but she aint got it n thats good)eve n a very well behaved at orthostheyre charming kids actuallyopen n outgoingwhy was i such a sullen turkey?aurora really reminding me of a giant rabbit more n moreboth the doodles have huge white front teethmaking em look like chip n dalewhy do americans usually have perfect teeth?my teeth are mediocre british standard issueprone to decay n yellowingnk does not have one fillingneither doodles eitherdespite fair amount of various chockyswhen i was 7 i had a head full of quicksilveron warm overcast days by the seai could tune into a poetic dimensionwith one of my fillingsand baudelaire n lautremont would fill myinfant brain with phrasesstraight from the othersidethrough the mercuryand into my sinusesup my noseinto my tiny mindi also had a piece of woodwhich had once been in a fieldoutside vinnny van go!s studioand it knew all his tricksbut my paintings n my stickwere destroyed in the floods of 62am i digressing?frankie x k from the emmy-railed aisleI-land,came over for dinnerand i drank one coronathe yobbos downstairs had another barbyand i fuckin marched downstairsand the conversation went something like this…..9 pm chez kilbfrankie xk n killer the thriller plus ms nk n bumperare sitting in the kitchenlistening to the killer drone onwith another boring anecdotehowever the warm night airand the mexican beerhave caused a gentle drowsiness to descendthe killer: blah blah me i i blah myself blah me blahthe others : z…z….mmm…? zzzz…….suddenly the unmistakable odour of lighter fluid n smoke wafts inthe killer jumps up outta his chair“whats this….?”“smoke??!!”before anyone can stop himwith a head full of steamthe killer […]
im listening to solaris soundtrack
its 7 am as usual
eternal
yessaday took aurora to otho-dontist
bad news:
he puts a piece of ice on tooth but no feely
good news: xray reveals no “absorbtion”
(i dunno what absorbtion is but she aint got it n thats good)
eve n a very well behaved at orthos
theyre charming kids actually
open n outgoing
why was i such a sullen turkey?
aurora really reminding me of a giant rabbit more n more
both the doodles have huge white front teeth
making em look like chip n dale
why do americans usually have perfect teeth?
my teeth are mediocre british standard issue
prone to decay n yellowing
nk does not have one filling
neither doodles either
despite fair amount of various chockys
when i was 7 i had a head full of quicksilver
on warm overcast days by the sea
i could tune into a poetic dimension
with one of my fillings
and baudelaire n lautremont would fill my
infant brain with phrases
straight from the otherside
through the mercury
and into my sinuses
up my nose
into my tiny mind
i also had a piece of wood
which had once been in a field
outside vinnny van go!s studio
and it knew all his tricks
but my paintings n my stick
were destroyed in the floods of 62
am i digressing?
frankie x k from the emmy-railed aisle
I-land,
came over for dinner
and i drank one corona
the yobbos downstairs had another barby
and i fuckin marched downstairs
and the conversation went something like this…..
9 pm chez kilb
frankie xk n killer the thriller plus ms nk n bumper
are sitting in the kitchen
listening to the killer drone on
with another boring anecdote
however the warm night air
and the mexican beer
have caused a gentle drowsiness to descend
the killer: blah blah me i i blah myself blah me blah
the others : z…z….mmm…? zzzz…….
suddenly the unmistakable odour of lighter fluid n smoke wafts in
the killer jumps up outta his chair
“whats this….?”
“smoke??!!”
before anyone can stop him
with a head full of steam
the killer is down the stairs
yep theres a yob
in fact theres a load of yobs n yobettes
and one yob has got this small flamethrower
and hes trying to coax the chemical briquettes into flame
by blasting them with his nauseating little napalm gun
the yobs all gasp
and the head yob with the fire thrower turns to face me
hes about 23…24 and like all the others
of some dusky ethnicity that makes em pronounce
the word nice as noice
and talk very loudly n have barbies
anyhow
i see his eyes in the moonlight and their full of…..
um
concern……
um
thoughtfulness
in my best peter from zoo story voice
i start up and all my reason has gone out the window
“now look here, you simply cant have this..er, er, ..this barbeque here!
its right under my window and our place is full of fumes…and the baby…
and …”
yob: “wouldjya like us ta moove it?”
me” well of course i want you to move it…that is if…”
yob” i dont want youse goiys bein’ unhappy!”
me(now im really taken aback n flustered) : “oh…!”
yob: “should we put it over there” (indicates as far from house as poss)
me:”oh ok” (but its dawnin’ on me its gonna be even worse)
yob:” gee we hope this ll be ok for youse goiys”
and all the yobs n yobettes join in
and move all their plates of meat n bottles of grog n cigarettes
very politely..and without any rancour..over to the said spot
five minutes later we got all doors n windows shut
but my house smells like mongolian barbeque pit
on lard lovers night
i dont think the yobs are just doing steak..
i can smell the even more ‘orrible stink of sausages (mystery bags)
and now to top it all off the yobs are noice
as i glare down from my window
practically sobbing n choking from the stench in the wake of their din-dins
…and remember folks
one mans meat IS another mans fucking poison
and theyre smiling up at me
happy in the knowledge that their nice little barby
is no longer upsetting that strange old fella up stairs
the one with all those kids and the greyblue falcon
after all, they are now where he asked em to be….
farankie xk has enuff off my dismayed grizzling
and asks to be taken home
when i get back
nk is lying in livingroom watching a doco
we both feel dejected about the yobs
but now its even worse
cos theyre compliant!
no suggestions please!
and bon bon
its 12 the noise has to stop
not 10, i asked the cops
…!
anyway
today im going onna bushwalk
with russell k
jlk
michael h
frankie xk
talking of russell hes been talking about a visual blogge
for me soon
also have recorded the wrong road by grant mc
will come out on trib record in aug
ok
over
n
out
undine
lovely spiritnow i ask youhow long?sea shell eyesand pearly hairyour lagoonfills with the incessant tidea child went missing long agowhere is she?“she lies at the bottom of my poolbut she is not deadshe dreams of whales and great leathery green turtlesand sea serpents coil about herin the cold dark depths”lovely spiritgive this child up to the open skyspiritshow us mortals your mercy“but never i say!the child is at lovely peaceand she wanders a greater worldeels light her wayand flying fish and salmon eyes”we who keep the vigil on these forsaken shoreswe who toil on the mountainous oceanand dredge its depthswe who sing the elegywe ask you one more timegive us back the child” no no nooh you should see herher sandy hair waving in the waterher hands weave to and froher little toes are nibbled by tiny fishesand her coronet is of coralas the light makes its long way downwhere shipwrecks snoreand the sharks impatiently swimwhere un-named things aresilent green cold thingsmouth that drinks rivers dryblack eyes shining in the blacknessa thing that feeds on giant squid and killer whalesdown therewhere you never thoughtand now the childkeeps the monster pleasant companywhose heartyour mournful songcan never reach”
lovely spirit
now i ask you
how long?
sea shell eyes
and pearly hair
your lagoon
fills with the incessant tide
a child went missing long ago
where is she?
“she lies at the bottom of my pool
but she is not dead
she dreams of whales and
great leathery green turtles
and sea serpents coil about her
in the cold dark depths”
lovely spirit
give this child up to the open sky
spirit
show us mortals your mercy
“but never i say!
the child is at lovely peace
and she wanders a greater world
eels light her way
and flying fish and salmon eyes”
we who keep the vigil on these forsaken shores
we who toil on the mountainous ocean
and dredge its depths
we who sing the elegy
we ask you one more time
give us back the child
” no no no
oh you should see her
her sandy hair waving in the water
her hands weave to and fro
her little toes are nibbled by tiny fishes
and her coronet is of coral
as the light makes its long way down
where shipwrecks snore
and the sharks impatiently swim
where un-named things are
silent green cold things
mouth that drinks rivers dry
black eyes shining in the blackness
a thing that feeds on giant squid and killer whales
down there
where you never thought
and now the child
keeps the monster pleasant company
whose heart
your mournful song
can never reach”
hard n fast
‘ere i am, thenwaiting for my old age wisdommunday morning 7 amaurora gets out of bedstill half asleepshe looks like a giant rabbitshe tries to sit on my lapsorry, girlbut im writing my bloggshe shrugs n goes back to bedoutside the omni-present mynah birds click n whistlei imagine theyre organizing their days(in an avian new jersey accent)ok we got a get a few birds down to the front gardenand sort out them pigeon mofos..frankie..you and beakytake care of itand…what the fuck lenny…? those freakin’ seagulls…i mean im sittin’ home in the nest last niteeatin some worms, takin it easyand my brother-in-law, peckah, comes overand he tells me that some sea gulls justgot the last of that pizza we found….!!!?? anyway enuff of thatyesterday was argy bargy dayit wears me outwaste of timei have been the most argumentative bastard everbut nowi avoid em like the plaguelike cigarettes or drunksya see when i was youngerso much younger than todayi thought that seeingas i had a fast mind n i knew lotsa wordswhat better use to put it to than to argueargue argueargue-ments which usually became personalbut my nasty self loved to be let out of ‘is cageand once he was running amokit was hard to get him back under controlno i abhor argumentsi detest emi loathe emi try to walk awayi try to….but i get reeled ini get caught up in my own self righteous blathermy sly back-stabbing adjectival clausesyou wanna be taken apart n feel worthless…?oh fly those winged words , never to be forgottenthose words you gonna live to regret(kilbey pauses, eats a bunch of grapesand ponders the pointless damage inflicted by wagging tongues…his own, naturallyat the front of his many confused thoughts)ive said so many stupid things..so’s everybodyi guessi wish i could hold my tonguei wish i could speak […]
‘ere i am, then
waiting for my old age wisdom
munday morning 7 am
aurora gets out of bed
still half asleep
she looks like a giant rabbit
she tries to sit on my lap
sorry, girl
but im writing my blogg
she shrugs n goes back to bed
outside the omni-present mynah birds click n whistle
i imagine theyre organizing their days
(in an avian new jersey accent)
ok
we got a get a few birds down to the front garden
and sort out them pigeon mofos..frankie..you and beaky
take care of it
and…
what the fuck lenny…? those freakin’ seagulls…
i mean im sittin’ home in the nest last nite
eatin some worms, takin it easy
and my brother-in-law, peckah, comes over
and he tells me that some sea gulls just
got the last of that pizza we found….!!!??
anyway enuff of that
yesterday was argy bargy day
it wears me out
waste of time
i have been the most argumentative bastard ever
but now
i avoid em like the plague
like cigarettes or drunks
ya see when i was younger
so much younger than today
i thought that seeing
as i had a fast mind n i knew lotsa words
what better use to put it to than to argue
argue argue
argue-ments which usually became personal
but my nasty self loved to be let out of ‘is cage
and once he was running amok
it was hard to get him back under control
no i abhor arguments
i detest em
i loathe em
i try to walk away
i try to….
but i get reeled in
i get caught up in my own self righteous blather
my sly back-stabbing adjectival clauses
you wanna be taken apart n feel worthless…?
oh fly those winged words , never to be forgotten
those words you gonna live to regret
(kilbey pauses, eats a bunch of grapes
and ponders the pointless damage inflicted by
wagging tongues…his own, naturally
at the front of his many confused thoughts)
ive said so many stupid things..
so’s everybody
i guess
i wish i could hold my tongue
i wish i could speak always in constant measured quiet tones
i wish i could refrain from quick n nasty rejoinders
i wish i could ignore all the little implied insults
i wish i could heal rifts
i wish i could always think of sumfing fucking nice to say
or hold my bloody tongue if i cant
but yesterdays argy neither about or caused by me
i’s just one of the civilian casualties
caught in the fallout of an explosion of frustration
and a fallout of unresolved old malarkey
boo hoo
poor olde killer
hes too olde n tired for arguing anymore
and he wants out
but you dont walk away from king bicker like that…
so today
maybe
ah
its beyond my control
i’ll be contemplating the blue of infinity
behind my grey eyes
and thinkin’ of better times
people been writing that they enjoy being here
on my bloggepage and reading each others comments
i feel guilty cos that was never an intention
it accidentally happened..
while i was just mucking about with an online diary
probably aimed more at self aggrandizing than anything else
such is life
good things can come of bad things
as well as vice versa
if i write a song to make my self feel clever
or to make money
or just as an exercise in songwriting
and someone genuinely loves it..
what does that mean?
i used to say i took no responsibility for my songs
and i think thats still the case
what is a blogge
if not a long song
with no sound
and the words dont rhyme
and…
ok
i guess theyre completely different
i am thanking my subscribers
who put their money where their mouths were
and paid their olde pal
your contributions are appreciated
and i will keep trying to
keep you
satisfied
who knows
i may even do omething good…?
no sail
what if everything……?i mean…..i been wrong so many timesabout so many things…in fact, i aint hardly ever been right….and nownow its sunday againthe twillies gone 5 days nowyesterday the rest of us go to balmoral beach againi swim my laps between the jetty wallsevie swears shes sees a sting-ray(but ya never know with evie)baby bumper not so keen on the slightly cold waterwe have lunch on the grassnk has schnapper n chipsi have veggy bugger n chipsdoodles have chips n muffin (how nutritious!)bumper has a bit of everythingits a warm overcast daysks flavourite kinda daya storm threatens but never arrivesa dark day that holds you like a loverwe have peaceful relaxing timetheres a cricket match going in the distancei ask the doodles if they wanna know the rulesthey watch the tedious carryon for a moment n say in unisonno thanks, dadscarlet keeps runnin’ towards the match n i have ‘orrible visions of her being brained by a cricket ball(which are effing hard!)so the doodles keep rushing off and tackling the babywhen she wanders too far(evie a little too enthusiastically)we have a nice ride backover the bridge to bondiwe get homedo a bit of yogaread mums book(very entertaining)we’re about to emmy-grate to OZ (as she puts it)pretty brave leaving blighty for the unknown quantity of austand if theyd stayed in england……?but they didntand here i am in the middle of a strangely cool summer(delicious tho!)lassanite last nite of play for a whileoh i’ll miss that crazy bunch of thesps n bohosalso must mention the bricklane workshop in bondiat last some culcha in bondia real place where it feels like somethings happeningoh i hope they can keep it open(zoning restrictions?)andrew h is a true bohemian artistliving it painting ittrying to make it groovy for yalucien savron is my bohemian idola man who […]
what if everything……?
i mean…..
i been wrong so many times
about so many things…
in fact, i aint hardly ever been right….
and now
now its sunday again
the twillies gone 5 days now
yesterday the rest of us go to balmoral beach again
i swim my laps between the jetty walls
evie swears shes sees a sting-ray
(but ya never know with evie)
baby bumper not so keen on the slightly cold water
we have lunch on the grass
nk has schnapper n chips
i have veggy bugger n chips
doodles have chips n muffin (how nutritious!)
bumper has a bit of everything
its a warm overcast day
sks flavourite kinda day
a storm threatens but never arrives
a dark day that holds you like a lover
we have peaceful relaxing time
theres a cricket match going in the distance
i ask the doodles if they wanna know the rules
they watch the tedious carryon for a moment n say in unison
no thanks, dad
scarlet keeps runnin’ towards the match
n i have ‘orrible visions of her being brained by a cricket ball
(which are effing hard!)
so the doodles keep rushing off and tackling the baby
when she wanders too far
(evie a little too enthusiastically)
we have a nice ride back
over the bridge to bondi
we get home
do a bit of yoga
read mums book
(very entertaining)
we’re about to emmy-grate to OZ (as she puts it)
pretty brave leaving blighty for the unknown quantity of aust
and if theyd stayed in england……?
but they didnt
and here i am in the middle of a strangely cool summer
(delicious tho!)
lassanite last nite of play for a while
oh i’ll miss that crazy bunch of thesps n bohos
also must mention the bricklane workshop in bondi
at last some culcha in bondi
a real place where it feels like somethings happening
oh i hope they can keep it open
(zoning restrictions?)
andrew h is a true bohemian artist
living it painting it
trying to make it groovy for ya
lucien savron is my bohemian idol
a man who does it coz he loves it
and the money is the last thing on his mind
and his jobs never done
even in the audience i hear him laughing the loudest
sucking in his breath and clapping madly
all at stuff hes seen a million times
hes like a very proud father when the shows a success
(and on its own terms the thing is a mega success!)
theres a review promised in the smh even (wow)
oh and thanks to bonsa for their review
we may do the play some more
we may move around
i also must thank seb goldspink
for being a brilliant actor
and another guy whos main motivation
as far as i can tell
is the love of it
jerry i read yer blog and its hard to comment
i tried but i went into some weird limbo
but ah…you gotta be a bit more eloquent than that
and the tech crew matt n richard
and the musos gav n svet who maybe deported back to bulgaria(?)
bulgaria? he says…theres nothing there…
well maybe the zoo story will ride again
its another ticket in the lottery for me
along with everything else i do
i mean
i just need some bigshot to discover me
take me onboard
remunerate me handsomely with an annual package + bonuses
i can still be bohemian n rich
believe me
i know i can do it
i dont mind being poor on my own
but when you gotta big fambley its very frustrating
i mean me in a caravan by the sea on my own….
well i could enjoy that
but me n doodles n twillies n bumper in caravan
would be rather…er…arduous, i’d imagine…
oh god sometimes im so sick of myself
being locked in this skull with all my familiar tricks
anyway
i maybe rehursing with the cretch today…or not
some new argy bargy looms…so im uncertain
i gotta finish my book n its cover v.soon
essays on rock….mmm brilliant title, olde noggin
theres so much bullshit n yibber yabber in the book
that i thought the title could at least be simple n “straight”forward
ok {{“.”]} …you better let me know some name i can put ya under
for the pretenders in melb. ok……?
doesnt haf to be yer real name or nuthing….
still
everything remains up in the air
a feeling of incompletion
a worry i cant focus on
something in the periphery
trying to hurt me
trying to get at me
never just easy
always something
something missing
something you want
where does it end
what can i do
is it up to me
this is all illusion
remember that n beware
if you take it for the real thing
(and i do constantly)
youll get burned
you get addicted
youll get dependent n co-dependent
youll try to get things you shouldnt have
and theres a good reason that you shouldnt
(kilbey takes a gulp of ricemilk
who is this sermon aimed at? one wonders)
i just thought by the time i got to fifty fuckin’ 2
i’d be a bit more….uh…together
still the stupid me i always seem to be
despite everything
all the accolades or whatever
why aint i comfortable in this skin?
on a role
the theatre n its bubbleok….here i am presented with a strange task…to review myself….i meanhow do ya review yourself…?i guess i was alrighti ever so slightly muffed a cuppla linesnothnig major…i just didnt quite get em rightactor schmactori been acting all my lifeplaying a childah….that was a tedious partto be the co-star in my own life to a buncha adultsand i, a mere kidsmarter than all of em too…frustrated by their shenanigansnow im a daddy-ohmy kids all think theyre smarter than meand im frustrated with their shenanigans…and im actingactingactingwhen i do an interviewwho will i be today…a modest if eccentric olde aussiea bitter cynical olde pseuda wide eyed idiot savantmr normalmick jaggeror a million variations i got up my sleeve…didja ever meet me?nice, isnt it?do ya think ya got the real me?fuck, i cant get the real me….ive players acting the playersmy life is an elaborate out of control playi have concocted out of scrapsand i need yer applauseto fill in the gapsi need yer attendance to hold it togetheri need my audience to bewould i write of this for no one?you you youi congratulate you for choosing mein this mundane problematic worldwe have each otherclose the doorand lets saywhat the helll is going on out thereand fiendsswhen somebody bigg discovers meand i finally cash inwhen im playing golf with my “attorney”and bickering wth my “p.a.”when ive interpenetrated some org.when im on the inside..im gonna still be yer guerilla on the frontlineshocking peopleBY GIVING EM SOMETHING GOOD!yepim the one of the guys whos putting love n intelligenceinto his creations…and they can dress me in my grad gownas i accept my honarary phds n nobel prizesbut ya know im still that scruffy spacerockerthat you admire n warshipand those ceos n kings n queens n prezziesbetter not xpect me to stop smoking […]
the theatre n its bubble
ok….
here i am presented with a strange task…
to review myself….
i mean
how do ya review yourself…?
i guess i was alright
i ever so slightly muffed a cuppla lines
nothnig major…
i just didnt quite get em right
actor schmactor
i been acting all my life
playing a child
ah….
that was a tedious part
to be the co-star in my own life
to a buncha adults
and i, a mere kid
smarter than all of em too…
frustrated by their shenanigans
now im a daddy-oh
my kids all think theyre smarter than me
and im frustrated with their shenanigans…
and im acting
acting
acting
when i do an interview
who will i be today…
a modest if eccentric olde aussie
a bitter cynical olde pseud
a wide eyed idiot savant
mr normal
mick jagger
or a million variations i got up my sleeve…
didja ever meet me?
nice, isnt it?
do ya think ya got the real me?
fuck, i cant get the real me….
ive players acting the players
my life is an elaborate out of control play
i have concocted out of scraps
and i need yer applause
to fill in the gaps
i need yer attendance to hold it together
i need my audience to be
would i write of this for no one?
you you you
i congratulate you for choosing me
in this mundane problematic world
we have each other
close the door
and lets say
what the helll is going on out there
and fiendss
when somebody bigg discovers me
and i finally cash in
when im playing golf with my “attorney”
and bickering wth my “p.a.”
when ive interpenetrated some org.
when im on the inside..
im gonna still be yer guerilla on the frontline
shocking people
BY GIVING EM SOMETHING GOOD!
yep
im the one of the guys whos putting love n intelligence
into his creations…
and they can dress me in my grad gown
as i accept my honarary phds n nobel prizes
but ya know im still that scruffy spacerocker
that you admire n warship
and those ceos n kings n queens n prezzies
better not xpect me to stop smoking n carrying on
and dont try to…
whoah olde being..
you runnin’ away with yourself a little olde druid
yes yes but we hadda full house plus..!?
it was a little workshop/gallery in friggin’ bondi!
but they loved me….?
they loved the other guy, killer…you just sit there mostly
well i sit there with….panache n aplomb
even if you do say so yerself…….
well who else will?
exactly!
ok enough of me n back to …ah…
me
here i am
being here
here is the being
you love to hate to love
oh my dear {{(-+-)]}
(now you look like a koala!)
your story grieves me
could i put you plus one on a guest list
in melbjorn perhaps…
for pretenders or march acc show?
would bee my pleasure
and no trouble or cost either
imagine when you show up at ye olde boxx office
you: killer in the supprt band as put mee on the daw
impertinent whippersnapper: woshyorenaymthen?
you:its ms {[(-+-)]} + 1
i.w. : i cant see none of them…you aint ({[}]) are ya?
you : look here i demand to see the mannyja
chrissy b.hyndes(whos just walking past) : let that woman in!
i.w.: but but but
c.b.h(wjwp): did you dare to say butt butt to chrissy b. hyndes?
you(miserably): oh let me in…i can hear the cherch has started..
i.w.: no thats the cleaners hoovering the floor
you: oh…it sounds like space rock from here…
i.w. will i do hear they suck…but this is ridiculous
c.b.h.: i say…whats the killer like..could you introduce us…
i.w. : hes a grumpy olde bastard..
you: no he’s…oooh i dunno…he’s …just…indescribable
c.b.h: oooh…
i.w.: bullshit…!
oh killer
you should be a playwrite
god…is there any artistic endeavour you could not conker?
note to myself
i must seriously take on sculptcha n bal-ay
i must write a novel
i must pen a symphony
i must dream up an opera
i must paint with oils
n design a car
n invent a cure for dismay
n go back in time
n help all the underdogs
and answer all my emails, marty
and learn on my stops n starts, tim
n ring back all those answering machine calls
n thank my subscribers
and dangle my daughter on my knee
and trim my beard
n make my bed
and kiss my wife
n drive my car
n move into deep time
plucking notes
choosing colours
doing the breaststroke
plunging into the cold green brine
sittin in ye olde sauna
chat chat chat
hi steve..
hi steve…
hi steve…
i belong
at last
no i dont
im inside looking outside in
im outside your house right now
and im watching you
im already dead
or yet to be born
are they the same?
i wouldnt say so…
its all mixed up
sings poor dead ben orr
n his voice goes on n on non non
oh yes my play
can i act?
i been acting that im a musician for 30 years
i walk onstage n i act that im important
and that there is “significance” in what i do
and compared to fucking jet or brittnee or pat boone
or enid blyton or the oc or a footy game..
well i guess there is…
i act pleased to be there
and i act aloof
i or i act like im “sent”
or im sent like i act
or i dunno
i act like the real thing
so when did i become the real thing
whats real?
whats a thing?
whats what?
i peel off these layers
but theres always another veneer
just underneath
like this universe
like love itself
thanks to my lovely sister in lore amy s
for watching the doodles+bumpa
n letting nk see what i been doing with my time
me :do you think i can act?
nk :uh-huh…
well
the curtain comes down
the crowds disperse
the ushers change
the money gets counted
a smoke n a drink
goodbye
goodbye
into the warm wet night
laughing n joking
all the way
home
railing
catapultedinsurrectionblood and sanddriven far and deepscraps for the birdsmeltpointarduous trekthe generals approachhazarding a guessspearhead grazes fleshthe fountain spurtsan agony of daysa wild woodno mans landno men landthe creeping sicknessa pounding head heartdeterring invasioncompletely hiddencloaked by fognotch by notchhemmed inheld downthe men they…..crimson eyedmuch vaunted strengthhurtstaggeringnailedinterpenetratedno chanceamong usall aroundthey strikeflamesgasanythingladders fallcrumpling messcollapsing structurenarrowing of pathclosing of the doorsexit vanishair bright fearhack hackshoot hit hithitim hitmissingim missing im firingim waitingblip blipsign signwhite hot coldthe mudthe hospitalsthe sleepingwindow snow graveflowers tearsmore snowthornsstarving birdsrusty iron thingsunspotroll back furtherno, even furtherno air herewho?who…..no
catapulted
insurrection
blood and sand
driven far and deep
scraps for the birds
meltpoint
arduous trek
the generals approach
hazarding a guess
spearhead grazes flesh
the fountain spurts
an agony of days
a wild wood
no mans land
no men land
the creeping sickness
a pounding head heart
deterring invasion
completely hidden
cloaked by fog
notch by notch
hemmed in
held down
the men they…..
crimson eyed
much vaunted strength
hurt
staggering
nailed
interpenetrated
no chance
among us
all around
they strike
flames
gas
anything
ladders fall
crumpling mess
collapsing structure
narrowing of path
closing of the doors
exit vanish
air bright fear
hack hack
shoot
hit hit
hit
im hit
missing
im missing
im firing
im waiting
blip blip
sign sign
white hot cold
the mud
the hospitals
the sleeping
window snow grave
flowers tears
more snow
thorns
starving birds
rusty iron thing
sunspot
roll back further
no, even further
no air here
who?
who…..
no
i dont know …just where im going….
good morning fiendssanother lovely day here in nth bondiim feeling a little uncertainabout everythingthe solid facts of my lifeare temporary thingssnatched away so easily by timehealthpossessionsfamilyfriendseven time togetherall taken by timeam i really the time being?what does he mean by that?time crashes all over mei am ultrasensitive to timeon my wrist the tatoo “no time”in case of emergencyno timein truth in good timeas i once wroteand againonly time separates us from the graveas soon as time runs outi saygimme more timeanother dayone more day of sweet lifeone more day in my lovers bedone more day in the sunlightmore time in the limelightmore time for laughingmore time for beingandmore of the time for the beingyoga buys me timeqi gong buys me timemeditation buys me timeswimming takes time but still buys timelove buys me timethe following deplete timedrugs, booze, argy-bargygossip, telly, anxietyat the end of my lifei will ask for another dayjust one more sweet dayoh the people are all beautiful n interestinghow i envy them alloutside this infirmaryall the people with timeplaying round within timenow im almost outside timewhat would you give me….?time for thistime for thattime to do thisto time to try thatdays acceleratenights shrinki clutch at the fabric of my daysi panic as it rips as a day i graspunravels the seams of timethe seems of timethe fates hold up our slender threadsnip snip snippeople falling to the left n rightwhy do you go on…? someone askshow do you stop? i replywhat do you want? they ask againtime? can i have time?money over time? they saytime is money i replywhen will it be moneytime though?never ever again?orsoon, son, soonbills accumulatethe rent is duethe seasons changethe dreaded phone callsthe knocks at the dooran idiot rings me up and sayskiller why dontcha just chillcant he see im freezing here…?months elongate unexpectedlythe […]
good morning fiendss
another lovely day here in nth bondi
im feeling a little uncertain
about everything
the solid facts of my life
are temporary things
snatched away so easily by time
health
possessions
family
friends
even time together
all taken by time
am i really the time being?
what does he mean by that?
time crashes all over me
i am ultrasensitive to time
on my wrist the tatoo “no time”
in case of emergency
no time
in truth
in good time
as i once wrote
and again
only time separates us from the grave
as soon as time runs out
i say
gimme more time
another day
one more day of sweet life
one more day in my lovers bed
one more day in the sunlight
more time in the limelight
more time for laughing
more time for being
and
more of the time for the being
yoga buys me time
qi gong buys me time
meditation buys me time
swimming takes time but still buys time
love buys me time
the following deplete time
drugs, booze, argy-bargy
gossip, telly, anxiety
at the end of my life
i will ask for another day
just one more sweet day
oh the people are all beautiful n interesting
how i envy them all
outside this infirmary
all the people with time
playing round within time
now im almost outside time
what would you give me….?
time for this
time for that
time to do this
to time to try that
days accelerate
nights shrink
i clutch at the fabric of my days
i panic as it rips
as a day i grasp
unravels the seams of time
the seems of time
the fates hold up our slender thread
snip snip snip
people falling to the left n right
why do you go on…? someone asks
how do you stop? i reply
what do you want? they ask again
time? can i have time?
money over time? they say
time is money i reply
when will it be moneytime though?
never ever again?
or
soon, son, soon
bills accumulate
the rent is due
the seasons change
the dreaded phone calls
the knocks at the door
an idiot rings me up and says
killer why dontcha just chill
cant he see im freezing here…?
months elongate unexpectedly
the new moon
womens courses flow
babies are born
people are married
grandparents pass away
everything in its place
for everything
term turn term
the term of his natural life
where is the natural in my life
lookin’ sharp in my flats but no naturals
fate turns it all on right at the end
tick tick but never tock
goes my olde kitchen clock
my ears ringing more than this time last year
and that was a scream
2007…im hanging on to ya
i might let a little bit of january go by…
to give me something to hold on to…
but im gonna dig in the brakes
around feb
the brakes n the breaks
scarlet kilbey waddles in the room
and when she leaves shes in high heels
the twillies are women n mothers
the doodles become teenagers
they blossom and move out n away
i clutch again at short straws
my breathing becomes laboured
feels like i can never get enough air
the words on pages blur
the names in my mind fade
never to be spoken again
my voice dry
and then….
and then
i ask myself
what did it all mean
my life as sk
was a day
in the life
of all my lives
all the events n places n people
just trivial unremembered playground incidents
the breakthrus n failures
so what
and johnny o boogie was right
there IS nothing to get hung about
resistance is futile
but futility is futile too, baybee
jesus says we could move mountains with faith
if we but knew how
buddha says chill killer n take the middle path
krishna says nothing that lives will ever truly die
bobby dylan says
when i am in the darkness why do you intrude?
davy blowie says
we dont dance much, we just ball n play
then we move around like tigers on vaseline
jimbo says
lost in a roman wilderness of pain
n all the children are insane
cs lewis says
in the last days of narnia….
you dont wanna read that yer favourite place was in its last days..
i mean i dont mind the decline of the roman empire but..
everybody says nostradamus this…..
end of days we living in now
no more popes
(good fucking riddance)
no more wars for a while
a golden age of peace
or
collision with wormwood
the pit opens
666 on yer forehead baybee or no service
whose side are ya on?
good or evil?
aslan or tash?
if you worship aslan but call him tash, what then?
why does aslan permit tash to exist?
and time
time
time……
machine guns dripping with years
ya come
ya go
ya arrive
ya leave
steven, yer leavin’ say the doodles
n everyone laughs
n then
everyones gone
and the credits roll
i cant believe that was the last episode
i say to nk
as i turn off the screen with the clicker
and her chair is empty
theres no furniture
theres no walls
only
light
exeunt twillies
wellim sitting herehaving the cryi been needing to havein 45 minutesi gotta take the twills to aero-puerteand i dont wanna say goodbyeafter a million goodbyesand i suddenly regretall the little times during this visitthat i felt miffed or inconvienced by emlast night we have a lovely dinneruncle johnzmatty c (now wonderfully given all-clear by his doc)glenny glen-glen who cut my hair real short for playand us lotwe played dictionary gameand minna won!it was a lovely eveningand i wassa so proude of all my various daughtershaits so strange…the 2 lotsa twins came to see a rehearsalim looking straight at em whenjerry asks me about my childrenall girls i sayjerry: but you wanted a sonpeter: well naturally everyman wants a son but…(i do believe the little twins thought i meant it)anyway i gotta get the twillies up n at emah ellielli stop yawningclear blue morningbut im in mourning againthere is talk that twills are gonna live in aust for one yearthis year 07please godmake that happen for mebless all you fiendsa special special thanks to my subscriberssk
well
im sitting here
having the cry
i been needing to have
in 45 minutes
i gotta take the twills to aero-puerte
and i dont wanna say goodbye
after a million goodbyes
and i suddenly regret
all the little times during this visit
that i felt miffed or inconvienced by em
last night we have a lovely dinner
uncle john
z
matty c (now wonderfully given all-clear by his doc)
glenny glen-glen who cut my hair real short for play
and us lot
we played dictionary game
and minna won!
it was a lovely evening
and i wassa so proude of all my various daughters
ha
its so strange…
the 2 lotsa twins came to see a rehearsal
im looking straight at em when
jerry asks me about my children
all girls i say
jerry: but you wanted a son
peter: well naturally everyman wants a son but…
(i do believe the little twins thought i meant it)
anyway i gotta get the twillies up n at em
ah elli
elli stop yawning
clear blue morning
but im in mourning again
there is talk that twills are gonna live in aust for one year
this year 07
please god
make that happen for me
bless all you fiends
a special special thanks to my subscribers
sk