The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

imagine all space is within your head
imagine you contain me
imagine that my memories are yours
its easy if you try

one winter in early eighties
during a break in incessant touring
i wake up in rozelle
i guess russell is still asleep in his room
i have a pile….,
nay
a mountain of shirts
that sits in the middle of my room
this mountain is the fruit of my travels
round the obscure n remote op shops
of olde australia
the chchru drivin up n down the east coast
these bouys never bypass an odd town
nope, the make a (kil)beeline for it
raid the op shops
the st vinnie de pauls
the salvation army
the catholic ladies guild of kempsey shop
wherever a great shirt might lurk
there we were
often actually fighting each other
running in shops to be the first
to get the shirt
so there was at least 100 shirts
velvet
corduroy
paisley
floral
polka dotted
tab collared
button down
so i choose a shirt from the pile
a pink n purple floral number
pull on me everpresent black cord jeans (elephant)
pull on mah black suede boots
its kinda cold
i pull on my cord jacket as well
stumble down my stairs
last weeks gig at the tivoli still ringin’ in my ears
russell n friends last nite mix still in bowl
i donna minda if i do
(sound of a hippy wally smokin’ several bongs)
yeah thats better
(jesus, is it sposed to burn ya throat like that)
have my brekky
muesli n a hundred vitamin pills
and a cuppa tea
bongs kick in
mmm maybe another bowl of muesli or 2
need to hear my track of the moment
i always had a track i would play over n over
at full vol day n nite
they had been variously
my flamingo by nick kent and subterraneans
doot doot by freur
i am the cosmos by chris bell
back of my car by big star
this charming man by the smiths
ceremony n in a lonely place by new order
atmosphere by joy division
any way
todays track is hope by the mighty wah!
it goes on full volly
“you lied to me-ee i wish youd believe me”
the song does its trick
and i feel happy n sad all at once
russell staggers down stairs woken up by the racket
morning steven
he manages and disappears
into the shower
an ominous knock at the door
a dark shape i see outside
who could it be at this hour
i open my door
its markus
dressed in his customary black
tall gaunt n pale
like a cross between dirty harry n neil young n a ringwraith
with long black hair
and big yellow car his mother had dubbed
the marijuanamobile
he only spoke it cryptic whispers
almost inaudible for my ringin ears
wanna come up the coast steven
why not…
five minutes later im heading out of town
up to my friends hideout up in the hinterland
we drive thru early eighties sydney
the beautiful leafy suburbs on yer way north
markus is quite a character
totally anti-establishment
hes just waiting for some apocalypse
just round the corner
you better learn to use a shotgun n ride a horse
when all this is gone
he tells me
and we talk about all the guys who are
doing time for possession of one seed
or something preposterous
and he gets me all anxious
so we stop n refresh ourselves a little
we discuss conspiracy plots
the illuminati
jimi hendrix
finally we arrive at his little shack
hidden within a clump of trees
a little run down house
markus housemate is bill
a chinese guy with long black hair
who dont say nuthin
he makes markus seem boisterous
i get the grand tour
there are no, ahem, amenities
there is a trench
and near the trench in all their magnificent natural glory
half a dozen dope plants nod in the icy wind
and beyond that trip wires
which are connected to spear guns that fire a piece
of dowling on any who would trespass
the afternoon changes into a freezing cold night
it dont get this cold down in sydney
we all huddle round an open fire
markus stokes it n prods it
chucks on a few big logs
and soon we’re snugger than buggers in a rug
someone does a food run
mmm vegemite n toast n cups of tea
bill silently takes up his solemn job as bongmaster
and he jus’ keeps on handing it to me
and i just keep on smokin’
afraid i might appear rude if i decline
the wind n rain batter at the roof n windows
markus bill n i
silent in this fire illuminated room
only the crackle n grind of the wood
and the softly billowing smoke
i enter some eternity
this night is stretched out forever n ever
i am still there
somehow

love
sk

sitting here in a new caf
right across from the pacific ocean
a not so balmy afternoon
here on the eastern coast of australia
winter winter winter
oh youve been a servant of the evil one
i hate autumn n winter
maybe thats cos im in the winter n autumn
of my life
the cold cuts thru to mah bone
the wind rips me open
and my songs escape
the sea is dark blue
about as inviting as funeral parlour
whitecapped and turbulent
it hurls sandfilled waves
at the shore
the sky is filled with racing clouds
every now n then
the sun breaks thru
it still burns
and itll still burn ya
no matter how cold it gets
the place is quite deserted
the tourists musta fled
real fairweather friends i guess
marty arrives
i guess hes gonna do the books
or something
he berates me for my one finger typing
he says hes got something to run by me
i gotta finish typing this tho
i dunno where i was going now
the cold wind keeps blowing
id guess youd call this cafe the opposite of stuffy
kinda like onetime
when i checked into my hotelroom
in nowheresville usa
i walked into my room
hmmm
something different here
tho not immediately apparent
its very cold n fresh in here tho
must turn off ac
gee the windows are clean tho…
the windows….
hey hang on
(approaches windows and feels that there aint no windows)
exclaims
there aint no fucking windows in my room
ah…
but the air was fresh
and it was very quiet
sooner or later
if you stay around longa nuff
everything will happen to ya
even getting a hotel room
with no windows
it aint all glammer my fiendss
it aint all dancing on clouds
nevermind all that
a new season has come to bondi
summer is over
thanks for your lovely love
sk

good morning yall
ive already run outta time today
n its only 10 30
ha
i need to go to bed later
get up earlier
and werk way harder
so many things passing across my desk
(as if i have a desk….)
collaborations
films
plays
soundtracks
thisnthat
i cant keep up
my email folder is a mass of unread n unanswered emails
for that i apollo jise
im neglectin’ everythin’
im gettin everyone angry w/ me

yesterday i got the very sad n alarming news
that one of my elder daughters
has been diagnosed with a rare condition
and must have a nasty operation
next wednesday
this is of course very fathers worst nitemare
come true
but im a lot more scared than she is
and after talking at length with her last nite
i am so proud of her courage
in the face of adversity
and by her cheerfulness n optimism
i dunno if i coulda accepted this
when i was 15
elekra im so proud of ya
and i love ya so much
sorry to get all misty on ya mah fiendss
this is a huge thing for me
i hope i can face it with the grace n courage
that elektra is showing
watch out peple
nothing is permanent here
not yer health
not yer family
nor youth, money, power
its all precarious n fragile
n ya GOTTA appreciate it
while it lasts
everything else seems a little frivolous now
i guess
i’ll bee back tomorrow
love
steve

still v. warm here in bondi
back in mah cafe
the strains of
“i wanna dance with somebody who loves me”
drift on the sullen sultry salty air
i must say at this moment
i consider the abovementioned song
to be the most pathetic dreg of pop ever made
hollow empty egotistic struggles
of a thankfully bygone age
everything about it cheap tawdry meaningless
is this why we had the sixties?
it dont matter how you weed the garden
they always come back
we struck a blow against this sort of tripe
in the frontline at bully high
in red velvet shirts n floursinourhare
i thought we nailed that meaningless saccharine tripes ass
but it just reappears
in a slightly different form
thats all
some peanut in the 1950s woulda been proud
of a title like that
in all its self obsessed vacuousness
i immediately feel total antipathy
and wish i could end their dancing days forever

been playing my copy of mimesis
that i got off s.pol
down in melby
actually if you were at the gigg
you maya heard it playin before we went on
it aint everyones cuppa mescaline
but if it is..
oh boy youre gonna really like it
cmon polinski
i aint callin’ ya a geenius anymore
its gone to yer head
and it aint a pretty sight
but by god, man
you can twiddle the twiddlers
make the woofers tweat
you are the man
that kisses n cuddles music
good on ya
it can sure use it
mimesis will be out soon
id be surprised if ya didnt think it was
the best record ever made
and
the best record that ever will be made
ever by anybody
at least you should think that
ha ha fiend
you thinka im joking..
then just ask the little lord of misrule
who drifted of to some esoteric haven
entranced by the universe
that mimesis ripped in her living room
a portal opened
she stepped thru
and polinski n cohorts
guided her down this black street
to an olde warm familiar place
that can never be described
but once you been there
you forever wanna get back
which explains all that misrule
better to be a twig in heaven
that a king in hell
goodbye ll
and try to behave…

i dunno
what else
so much happening
yet
nothing changing
years flash by
moments that last forever
who knows anything?
not me
see ya 2morro
sk

thats it then
the tour is over
its early wed morning
im in a big swanky cafe
unfortunately theyre pumpin’ out doof doof doof
so i wont be able to stay with ya here
too long
its too early for this kinda punishment
hope ya enjoyed last nite
if ya were there
i’ll be back to “normal” soon
love
sk

im sitting in a swanky part of mell-bin
in a real hip ultra cool e lounge
the cream of mell-bins goffs
and intelligencia
sit around drinkin’coffee
smokin putrid cigs
and passing their time
in sophistry n idle banter
im in a dark little non smokin’section
and its really got underground feele

yeah thats rite
back here to launch whatsitsname
with my groop the thingos
playin at el swanko niteclubb (sold out)
down in the posh toffee nosed part o town
what do all these boheemian layabouts do for a living?
they dont seem short of caffeine or expensive close
hmmmm…
theyd all bee better off in the army
make men outta em

well how wassit last nite if ya was there?
i had a strangely lethargic nite
….sorry
and it was being filmed n all
in all our raw glory

still what can i say?
i dunno if it was goode or badde
and ya shouldnt n wouldnt trust my o’pinion
tonite we dissolve the continuum
take ya where ya wanna go for an hour or so
we got the stuff that it takes
we’re ready
we’re waiting
tonite
you
us
+
a whole lotta rocknroll
oooohhhh lawdy mama
a wop lopped a bigblock
a whopper banged bloom
im a howlin’wolf
i go o oo oo ee oo
ok
bye bye
sk

mornin’ fiendss
today will be shorter than usual
i gotta million things to do
as ya mite imagine
gotta have mah beardy permed
gotta dye my crows feet
have a bass lesson
get mah charisma injection
have mah teeth whitened
have mah white teethed
read the gossip rags
(justin timberflakeslostsockhell!)
gotta tune up my voice
meee meeee meee
la la la la
ahem
learn my scales
remember the words
forget myself
polish my boots
and all the other things
us olde rockahs do
to get helen ready for a gig
oh yeah pam came round last nite
so im sorted for splivves and etc
so ya see i cannae tarry
even tho you need yer fix
i know
go back n read some olde bloggs
if yer really jonesin’ for jazz
an olde bloggy ll “hold” ya
fer 24 hours at least
till i get back to normal
2morro nite is mellbin again
getting mixed by s. pollydogdoodle
(the iconoclast)
its gotta bee goode
its all goode
i feel pretty
i feel pretty
n
witty n
gay
actually strike that last thought
(its from west side story, you clowns)
ok thats yer nothings werth fer today
i love ya
see ya at the gig
i’ll be the one in the middle
holding the long guitar
bye now
kill bee

gloria i sabbatica con vanilla
genius ad blogga imperialis
phaedra et aurora in semper vita
who knows?
not me

thinking of george harrison
what a beautiful cat
a devoteee of krishna
heres a man whos seen everything there is
on offer
in this world
he singlehandedly introduces indian music
in to popnrock
(so that for legions of westerners
a sitar or tablas meant that
something “pschedelic” was about to happen
he does the best beatle solo album
all things must pass baby
actually his last record brainwashed
not too badde especially considering he was starting to die
look i never met him
but incredible cool aura plus
unbelievable humility
a man who never forgot who he was really
at the core
i remember 1st time i heard all things
round a kid from schools house
playing stratego
and his elder brother comes in
with a TRIPLE album
and the apple label
music comes on
id have you anytime
what a lovely title….mmmm
music comes out like honey
kinda slow rich deep
really unusual descending ch. prog
that keeps going when ya think itd stop
he wrote this with bob dylan…!!??
sk instantly in love with this record for all time
35 years later even
thats a good shelf life for a buncha tunes
my sweet lord
im sorry
but i still get thrilled
when the hallelujahs change to hare krishnas
you see west turns into east seamlessly
i really wanna see you
but it takes so long my lord
a prayer in the language
of us common men
only with phil spector producing
an’ 1000 accoustic guitars a’strummin’
at the end
hes runnin’ thru a few
of vishnus one thousand names
jesus
or krishna
it doesnt matter
theyre both pretty sweet
if ya can ever slow down enuff
still the incessant murmur in yer heart
and
taste the nectar of their beautiful selves
someone said this stuff
it didnt come outta nowhere
so george is no fool
he grokks the sublime message
that takes a lifetime to unravel
george was no naive wide eyed knucklehead
by age 21 hed had more fame n etcs
than a 1000 justin timberflakes
god almost every track on all things
is a 25 carat pure gold star mastahpeece
do the goode always die young?
jeff buckley?

i had the misfortune of watchin’
video channel th’other day
reelin’ in incredulity
especially from the rapp vids
which is always a buncha black dudes
waving moneyngunsnbooty
no fuckin tune
no nothin
just a monotonous drum machine
pop it while its hot
yeah……er…ok
(did he get this off a snack packet or what?)
sorry
am i allowed to say this
i hate fuckin rap
it is sks anathema
tuneless aggressive stylized
misogynistic tripe
fuck it
i dont pay that stuff no homage
i will say however
that unlike a lotta other tripe
it owes nothin to what came before it
but i loathe it at a cellular level
cmon tell the truth
dont you?
another fuckin thing i detest
is the angry gurlie song
esp. as done by idol winners
which consist of angry ugly bint
destroying boyfriends apt
cos he had the nerve to dump
her sorry bottom
same goes for nicklefuckin’back
a big bad ugly manne
singin big badde angry songs
in a big badde angry voice
about how
a little itty bitty gurlie
broke his big badde angry heart
and
dumped his sorry arse
too
so they should take up with each other
and the rappers
and take their tiresome anger
outta my ears
its makin’ me angry
and
i
wanna
bee
calm
aaaahhhhh…
thats better..

what else
i saw a real estate poster of this house
and underneath the proud beaming salesmen
w/suity n gel
and
as i had a great wadd
of pinkish bubblegum in my olde gob
i stop and molded mr real e state
a lovely new 3D nose
and i stood and admired my handiwork
thinkin’ how i would share this modest victory
with you sniggerin boheemian donkeys out there
when i visualised some one reaching for the
GROW UP YOU OLDE WANKER ETC button
because i overestimate some readers
ability to have a laff
friendss n fiendss
i ask you not to defend my honour
in the comments sexion
its ok
i will suffer the slingsnetcs of o. 4tune
remember
someone
getting on someone elses blogge
day after day
unleashing caustic bile n vitiol
why doesnt he just piss off?
or she?
i aint gonna stop bloggin
mah fannes n fiends aint gonna stop readin
but ya see fiendss
they get a little attention
cos
(I guess)
no one is readin their blog
n theyre lashing out in fury
at the perceived enemy
theyre saying
NO NO LOVE ME INSTEAD
but they aint made the 50 records
or done the ten thousand concerts
or the years in recording studes
nor the drugsnragstorichestorags story
they just want the instant adulation
they dont even have my cheekbones
and they wanna have yer warship
so do me a favour
dont argue with em
and i reckon theyll eventually go away
(like an annoying headache)
and i tell ya sumpthin’ else fiendss
i never fuckin write comments to myself
cmon
get serious
ya think i wanna fool ya?
then try nabakov

ha ha
i still love you all
im gonna bee a rockin for you
and yer freedom and liberty
2morro nite sydnee town
all souled out
but maybe still some chance
demand entrance
we’re the best band inna world
cmon
storm the place if necessary
cos this is crucial stuff
itll sustain ya thru
the electromagneticngossipnpollutindeathmachine
falloutozonelessoilslicknatmosphericwipeout
i guarantee it
or give me more money back
kilbey

hello you blogge craving monsters
even though im very bizzy
here i am
writing to/for ya
fer free!!??
no strings attached
oh im so impressed by my own largesse

today mwp and i are playing live
on the richard glover show
abc radio
we’ll be on around 3 ish
but dont ask me what we’re playin’
i dunno
(but deffo not under the etc etc etc!!)

yeah
i been thinkin about things
painting a bit
trying to paint with a baby on yer lap should be
an olympic event
specially as lil baby bouncer
is now grabbing everything in sight
so i gotta keep her away from everything
and still reach the painting myself
shes real quick too
and she loves the tubes of paint
so its quite a performance getting it done
boy, the bouncer sure likes music tho
we listen to exile on main st
we listen to a beard of stars
we listen to tin mine
this confuses the bouncer
she can hear my voice coming from all over the place
she chirrups and bounces around
sometimes she complains when shes hadda nuff
long trebly ululations of discontent
i dunno how i gotta long without her
it seems like weve known each other for eternity
(im sure we have…)
vishnu told me she was gonna be a good one
and she is
funny how she implies so much without saying even a word
shakespeares later plays all had babies in em
it really gives a promise of the continuity of life

so monday n tuesday nite loomin’ large
cant wait to strap on me blunt instrument
and bludgeon the audience to life
something really nice going on for the chchru
a period of detente
accord
perestroika, maybe
i dunno
i just love playin w/ these olde druids
we move in
cover each other
lay out
lay in
its called gestalt baybee
its harde to get
it takes a lotta years to find
thats why we cant brake up
coz its taken too long to
become this goode
we are actually the real deal
we aint contextual
we can really play
youre gonna love it
youre gonna name yer 1st born after me
we gonna take ya up there
where the air is rare
if you dont dig this mess
you got the wrong address
im sorry it aint electric gittars
but we still gonna fuckin rock for ya baby
electric or no
it doesnt matter
cmon
it will be the best thing you ever heard
or you can give me the money back
jus’ turn off yer moby…ah thats right
put down the gossip rag
(parisnbrads lovechild dietfaceliftrehabanorexiahell!)
turn off yer telly
call pam n perry
roll up a spliffy or 2
put yer paisley knickers on
dig out yer olde sing songs t shirt
and yer tight black genes
yer beatle boots
and peace medallion
and get down that gig
prepared to be blown away
my charisma can induce orgasms from 20 paces
and bring yer credit cards
so you can buy plenty of loverly chchru mchre
thats it
3 or 4 days to go
can ya wait?
i cant…
stevie kay

whats occurring there?
how are you feeling about everything?
what are you doing here now?
what can you find that would bind you to me?
today its raining at the coast
reminding me of a hundred times
down the sea with mumndadnrussell
backseat of the car
wed driven down for a swim
now its raining
dads got his window open
smoking
when he smokes he doesnt hold it
between his two fingers
he holds it covered by his palm n backwards
boy my dad sure likes smoking
i try to sometimes suck in the smoke
to tasteit
to see what its all about
but its secrets elude me
dad smokes like this coz of the war i suppose
mum doesnt smoke
she says shes never even tried it
and i believe her
we’re eating some vinegary chips
and dads getting angry
cos me and russell are feeding the gulls
and theyre landing on the cars bonnett
russells a lot younger than me
hes a nice brother
tho im not very nice to him
dad puts the radio on
a lovers concerto by the toys comes on
i read somewhere that it was based on some music by modzart
or beathoven or some oldtime composer
“how gentle is the rain
that falls softly on the meadow…”
oh yeah sitting in this car
i can really dig that
the song sounds like its being sung by a lil choir
of black motor city angels
“and if your love is true
i will give to you
every part of me”
well these lines really got me thinkin’
about all that adulthood
spreadin’ out before me
like a snake in the sun
i will give to you
every part of me
i decide this is the most singularly erotic
lyric ever from a pop song
yet very romantic too
the way i could still remember things were
back in the ionian days
when “i”d been someone else
in fact i was an expert in greek mythology
at age 10
the teachers in my school would ask my opinion
i aint kiddin’
i devoured this stuff
i felt these were my real people
i looked out the window thru the silver streaks
of australian rain
were parked by a little beach
on an estuary down the south coast
you can rent little paddleboats
and archaic surfboards
the greene grass grows all the way down to the sand
there is no car park
there are no other cars
the pressure of this aloneness
comes down on me
why am we here on this rainy afternoon
4 strangers now family
some strange trick has isolated me here
in the 1960s
on this strange continent
as a childe…
i flick in n out of this state
flipflopping between a precoshus kidd
and some other bunch of things
i can never understand
the rain stops a bit
and a pale sun struggles thru
me n russell climb out of the car
running around with our boxer dog
and our model aeroplanes
russell runs into the water
and goes straight in
i linger around up to my knees
i seem more delicate n wimpy than him
days like this seem to stretch on forever
then suddenly recede into a distant past
miles ago
when everything was different
maybe more friendly
then i look up
its 2006
here i am at a computer
od ing on MEMORY
i guess
see ya round the traps
sk