The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

saturday
not my best ever day i never had
all day long the thought of being on tee vee
how would i look
podgy
old
wrinkly
stupid
freckly
ignorant
irrelevant
or tick all of the above
anyway
it was rainy
i was trying to get off pot
the kids were a screamin’ n a fightin’
the woofle la stupenda
screaming and bellowing at the top of her not inconsiderable lungs
the doodles annoying her
withholding stuff (look at that a double “h”)
i got angrier n angrier
finally nk mercifully takes em out
i feel guilty that i couldnt handle their onslaught today
alone i succumb and smoke a few tokes on a very small joynt
i’m sorry that i let ya down
but i had no hope of going cold turkey
but i finished the day only smoking a quarter of usual
which is progress….right
dont give up on me yet
i’ll get it done
the wheels are in (slo)motion
after ‘aving smoked it
i finished off a commissioned portrait of dawn
i hope they like it
i worked n worked
it doesnt look exactly like dawn n co
but its kinda groovy
but depends if they wanted authenticity or grooviness
or something in between probably
anyhow anyway
i finished it
and stuck it on my wall till i send it
the doodles n woofle n nk come home
aurora has an abscess on a back tooth
so we go up to see the quack
i’m dreading a long satday avo queue
but we get in quick
she gets some anti-biotics
but shes gotta see the dentist next week
bondi junction n bondi are pretty empty for a saturday
nk makes reddi-burgers for dinner
mmm nice vegan patty with avo n letters n tomato n bread roll
la woofle eats like a pig
and we keep clashing over her (complete lack of) manners
aunty lou would have kittens if she saw’ er in action
licking avocado of a piece of limp toast
la scarlet woofle is defiant
a true joker in the pack
a real oscar wilde card
with her beethoven hair and show pan and bark
la woofle …what a little malarker
she keeps lickin’
i keep yellin’
the others keep sighin’
i cant keep my eyes of woofles silly face
covered in mashed up avo
oooh its disgustin’
i send her off from the table
but she goes a little way off
stark naked she is too
and starts striking vaguely obscene poses
and sobbing in the most maudlin melodramatic way
you little rascal
shes such a rapscallion
i just want some bloody PEACE
the doodles then demand a quiz
which we often have at dinner
the loser is deemed “dummy of the universe”
and the doodles answer questions as diverse as
whats the capital of wales
or who played drums in the beatles
or who was the greek god of avocado
etc
due to a general breakdown of quiz
and me declaring both doodles n woofle all dummies
the doodles begin their floorshow
in which they dance around n mime
to songs from the eighties which seemed to have started life
as some of nks guilty pleasures
but now without a trace of irony
the doodles hoof around to
“putting on the ritz” (a dreadful electro version)
and “somebodies watching me”
eve is all teeth n flounce n wobble
aurora is like the straight man
but they have some nifty routines worked out
tho i symp for the people downstairs
la woofle clumps about like a fantasia hippo
wow i got it all going on here
the doodles threaten me with “safety dance”
nope…thats enuff for one night
we go in n watch an episode of the mighty boosh
which along
worst week of my life
n the office
n darkside
is one of our favourite shows here chez kill-bee
this episode “the crimp” is hill-arious
eventually the kev carmody spesh comes on
have any of ya ever been on telly
have ya?
its a nerves generating thing
i feel all butterflies like before a giggo
we’re all sitting there waiting for me to come on
oh no
woofle has hit cloudland n now stretched out racking up “z”s
aurora the human bunny is looking mighty comfy
wake me up when it gets to your bit ,dad
and shes asleep before we even see kev carmody
WARNING: THIS PROGRAM CONTAINS OCCASIONAL OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE
oh dear i hope that isnt you …my family all laugh
cos my mums watching
she was real proud of me on rockwiz
can i repeat the trick again
mum dont like
swearing especially
“why swear when you have a good vocabulary” says joycie
(but when i was lost for words describing a certain recent audience to her
joycie volunteers the word i was searching for
mum, they were such, such, such….
“wankers ?” she asks)
but look me mums just come out of hossy
and i dont wanna put any strain on her
(at least for a while)
so i hope i dont say nothing controversial
the concert unravels
ooh some camera angles making some people look dodgy
ooh i hope they dont see my acne scars or my fleshy ear lobes
heres paul kelly looking like the official on a bowling green
missy higgy doing her one foot up n down jive
( i have to admit our missy does have presence tho)
kev himself…wow what a geezer…the real deal
then the drones
holy hell
white hot maniac intensity
what an extraordinary performance
blah blah blah
finally
its kilbey
theyre interviewing him
he says
something like
“the english went round the world and FUCKED it up”
oh no
i’m slagging off the pommies and swearing
i do my show
i’m pretty animated
i got my hands swirling around
as i sneer out kevs brilliant images of london
“nursing corgis that keep crapping in yer lap”
i sing
(how pithy)
and i hold my head in my hands in horror
i look kinda old but kinda cool if i do say so myself
and i do
i dont look too bad
i sing pretty good
and im suitably whatever
im pretty pleased with myself
nk’s giving me that special look of love
last seen after painkiller gig
n before that the triffids
eve kilbey
who has miraculously stayed awake
has the last word
“its ok dad…you didnt swear that much!”

ps
pic of church today in sunday telegraph
look at me with that dopey expression n cocktale

its been disgusting weather in sydney
yesterday summer hi jacked spring
the sky was dark “full of fumes n liquors”
the weather was 36 celsius or nearly 90 f
and my house was hot
to open the window was to let in a hot angry breeze
that contained no comfort whatsoever
just the arid threat that this weather is getting worse n worse
this is surely not spring
last night
the weather broke and today its rainy
which is a relief
although i left my one n only pair of boots in the rain
sigh

in other breaking ttb news
my mother is out of hospital for her knee op
and says shes feeling much better
joycies 80 this month
which aint a bad innings
but it’ll be great to see her charging around
the way she used to
(she also mildly reprimanded me for not calling her in hospital)

tibor my ford falcon has picked this hot time
to decide the air con aint working anymore
blowing out a hot hellish gust instead of cooling zephyrs
thanks tibor…..nice timing

our feng shui good luck sign fell down and the glass broke
(i got some in my foot!…how lucky is that?)

yesterday i visited a warehouse in st peters
where some friends of mine are (trying to ) making a movie
yes i have a part as a zen surfer keith part of “old bondi”
i’m also doing the music
they put me on the spot yesterday to put some words to music
the main protagonist has a list of things hes selling at a garage sale
and i set it to a little guitar progression and sang it for em
lucien who is the writer
started to cry and he ran off all emotional
and i knew i’d hit the spot
it was a real list of all the things he’d had to sell
when he moved out of bondi in the nineties
and to hear his quite pathetic list sung out was too much
i quickly discovered the pathos and milked it with my voice
and lu was weeping and all strange
“thats the magic” he was saying
“ive been waiting so long to hear that…”
lu is a director who directs plays here n there
the guy gives everything for theatre
and has absolutely no money whatsoever
he totally lives his dream of theatre
and puts everything he has into it
regardless of income or outcome
a true artist suffering and sacrificing for what he does
he never asks for anything
and usually is crashing in someones living room
i really really hope
lu can cash in a bit if this flick goes ahead
cos the guy doesnt have anything …at all
and he deserves something

my poor old bonsai is struggling n struggling
oh oh oh how i love my little port jackson fig
i gave it a big session yesterday
i spoke with it
“oh you gorgeous beautiful tree!”
and i touched it stroked it
and gave it some crystal healing
lo n behold
my darling little tree
has unfurled a new leaf
its first new leaf for ages n ages
it has stubbornly held onto life
i’m doing something wrong
but now maybe the tables have turned
i really feel as if i reached the tree yesterday
giving it all the strength i could give
you should see it…..its looking so much better..

tonite i’m on telly again
capping a media filled couple of weeks
where i seemed to be everywhere
tonite theyre showing the kev carmody special
including rehearsals n interviews
we gonna do the whole thing up in qld next year
and melbournians n perthians be watching out for
a triffid attack early next year
(hope i wasnt spilling any secret beans there)

next week i do word in hand at glebe
a spoken word gig..tho i will have my trusty 12 along as well
not sure exactly what i will do
but please come along and support my malarkey
i really love to see di n therese at all my gigs
ladies it makes me feel braver to see yer familiar faces
may vishnu bless you…..

i’m trying to cut down on pot smoking
ive handed my stash over to the missus
and im trying to just cut down
then give up entirely
i have a shocking cough
and my body must be so sick of thc by now
i mean
i dont even get stoned anymore
i roll up a spliff
share it with people
theyre all hallucinating n drifting about
but i have too high a tolerance for anything to happen
so i’m trying to stop gradually
but i’m an addict and have been for so damn long
its not like getting off the gear
but its still hard
and already its starting to call out to me
steven
steven….
here i am
come on
have a smoke
but my throat n lungs are adamant
we need a rest
maybe…
maybe i’ll make some cookies

ok
thats it
its saturday
its raining
what am i gonna do with all these kids?
uh i dunno

a while ago
one of my readers
who i am probably yet to thank
sent me a book
“operating manual for spaceship earth”
which i sat down n read in almost one go
just over last couple of days
written by r buckminster fuller
a name i was predisposed towards liking
after seeing it so much in robert anton wilsons work
wilson of course wrote those great books
eye in the pyramid
leviathan
golden apple
universe next door
schrodingers cat etc
(which perhaps are the subject of another blog)
i was marvelling at this book written in 1969
how incredibly perceptive and erudite it was
with revolutionary ideas (you just gotta read it!)
until the man completely blows his cred
(after all his exhortations to think outside the box)
and completely gets it wrong
with his arch-ignorant summation of hindu philosophy
which he tries to posit in simplistic and erroneous terms
and suddenly
i felt like his whole book was worth nothing
ie
“…it is their religious belief that life on earth is meant to be
exclusively a hellish trial and that the worse the conditions
encountered by the individual the quicker his entry into heaven.
all this because they had no other way to explain lifes hopelessness”
or
“it is paradoxical that indias population should starve
as one beef cattle for every 3 people wander through indias streets,
blocking traffic as sacred symbols of nonsense. probably some
earlier conquerors intent to reserve the animals for their exclusive
consumption.”
here we go
fuller with all his insistence on the physical AND metaphysical
reduces indias sublime and subtle philosophy to this
and in doing so
appears as ignorant as any olde man on the street
and that will be the wests great undoing
to underestimate the incredible mind of india
and to deem its superb complicated thoughts superstitions
and this leads me on to the beautiful practice of yoga
which means union or yoke
(see how close the sanskrit is to english here)
yoga yoke
yoke yerself to the universe is what it means
and it accounts for my renewal
after i was ready to pass into nothingness
as you were reading the other day
i’m doing it twice a day now
in an attempt to double speed the process up
because i want more of the gifts yoga bestows
whatever they may be
you be the judge
a man immersed in total yoga
would seem as a magician or superman
this system and philosophy
this series of poses
this way of devotion (bhakti)
this way of knowledge
of kings
of warriors
is all you will need
if you want to be the best
and fuck it all
i do
i wanna be the best in the world at what i do
because
(heres a little paradox for ya)
we all could be the best
there are all these disciplines out there…
yeah you should really try one
yoga is lovely stuff indeed
you gotta percy vere a little
you maynt love it the first time
(a bit like anything really…)
india gave us this yoga
and i humbly take my hat off to her…

getting very bored with our wag again
i cant believe my comments get hi jacked
for this puerile unfunny aggressive rudeness
against other commentors
i dont care new or old
you are no longer a wag
you are now merely a bore and a boor
you dont piss anyone off like, say,
a tornado or a rattlesnake or a goblin would
no sir
you piss us off
the way halitosis or a flat tyre or a maggot would
see the difference
not OH NO!!!
but errrr no
you are a complete failure
not funny
not controversial
not pithy
not facetious
just rude
like a common or garden yobbo on the street
a sydney street
a sheffield street
a san francisco street
a yob is a yob is a yob
yawn
ok im gonna turn the anons off again
for a while
i love peoples comments
and it saddens me to do so
but….
is this what the boor wants
to shut down his host mechanism..?
like a kind of cancer
he uses up the very thing he preys off
how interesting…..not

some of you miss the point with mal n me
of course i dont think i could do his job
or even would want to
the man is a fuckin rhodes scholar and has a fistfull of degrees
hes smug cos hes brilliant
i write about destiny n fate not my wanting to be him
(i wouldnt mind some of ‘is filthy lucre, obviously)
but i just think its a great story
the 2 teenage boys who meet up oh so long ago
we hated each other
like a panther and a baboon would
and now look at us
cos folks thats where ultra-“straight” can get ya
and where
ultra” bohemian” can get you
ie
a palace by the water with butlers n yachts
2 little lapdogs and a nice suit
or
a rental duplex in bloody bondi beach
with 3 genius daughters
a lovely wife
no money
and a pair of shorts

which do you prefer?
muse; if only you could mix n match….

also
bear in mind this is my diary
its for me as much as you
i work stuff out on here for myself
i talk my self thru it in words
you will see me contradict myself
up one day
down the next
say one thing
do another
i do whatever the fuck i like
you cant hold me accountable
emptor cave!
i am an ancient hippy rocker
i have no allegiance to any but lord vishnu
who is definitely a male
and from whom all blessings flow
on off
hot cold
yin yan
male female
i dunno
i didnt plan it that way
but thats how it surely is

hare krishna
io ao io zeus ammon
jesus loves me!
a big hello to allah
hey hey jehovah
yeah yeah lord shiva
go buddha go
ARE YOU ALL THE SAME GUY??

feeling inexplicably melancholy
not gettin’ any younger neither
mal-come tern-balls is everywhere now
i see destiny is really fixed
my mother could see it in 1972
my mother said steve, that boy will be p.m.
such was his sense of will and purpose
you think my mother ever said that about any one else?
no
but
yes, mum
it was obvious
and i knew it in my heart of hearts
just like i knew in my heart of hearts
the road that i would go down
now mals everything to everyone
alluding to his possible jewish roots
in the heavily jewish eastern suburbs of syd
which is his electorate
(puh-lease!)
so…hes jewish and catholic….ok?
telling people bout his poverty-stricken past
(bullshit mal….you had a posh dressing gown in 72, remember?)
(hell…i gave up my room for the night for him)
admitting to smoking dope
(a dangerous drug!)
but now he laughs it off…a ha ha ha
i remember sitting in some hippy shack
with mark s in 1980
we were smokin’ mother (fuckin’) nature
and moaning about pots absurd illegality
i said the politicians of the future
the ones who are our age now
will legalize it because theyve done it…
and mark shook his head and said no
they’ll be the same as the ones now…
and he was right
the paradigm is created
everyone adheres to their role
and me……
i dont know if i want old tern-balls as p.m.
sometimes i think i do
sometimes i think fate can not be resisted
i admire the way hes played the game
he’s been repressing an awful lot of blind ambition for a while
can you imagine wanting to be a prime minister?
the ego
the gall
the discipline
the fanaticism
and yes
unlike our current vacuous twit
(i told ya so)
who lucked into the job
mal has had this coming down the tube his whole life
what amazes me is the certainty of it
his certainty
and the others who saw it too
tern-balls will destroy rudd
and go on to an illustrious career
only death will defeat him once he is in
or his own willingness to go
such is the hand he is holding!
mark my words
sorry to bore my non aust readers
but this is an exercise in addressing fate and manifest destiny
me….?
i’m still fiddling about with music
imagine if in 1981
someone showed me a crstal ball
and i saw myself standing there playing unguarded moment…still
oh please
unlike tern-balls
i have no real will
i cannot persevere
my fate is all clouded
i’m playing the olde stuff still
i can write songs but i cant get my life together
my weaknesses attract bad luck and mediocre results
i’m doing my best stuff
but i keep getting dragged back to that old place
aint it incredible
i make painkiller
and people wanna hear unguarded moment?
it de-motivates me
someone give me a fucking grant
im a fucking genius and i need to work
apart from the grunt and hustle of dirty money
give me my stipend and my house
and i’ll knock out music and poetry as good as it gets
and i’ll work harder on my paintings to bring em up to speed
i dont know what to do with myself other than that
i feel like i betray myself constantly revisiting this olde tripe
the muse dont like it and neither do i
its a waste of my ability
i should be working on my first total exhibition
you walk in a room a gallery an installation
and it really is kilbeyworld
which is where you wanna be
aint it?
the sights
the sounds
the words
i can do it all
but i neeed time and fucking money
and i cant ever get myself gigs
people have to come to me
i can’t sell myself
thats just the way it works
dont ask me why
i loved brian altres review of painkiller
thank you
it re-motivates me
i love to have it explained to me
what i have done
and brian n stefans reviews were both enlightening
painkiller is a fucking beautiful brutal record
it should sell millions
and i could do the things i want
but
but but
hey
thats who i am
all those buts n howevers n if only he hadnt…
hey hey
i’d rather be playing music than working in a factory
so am i lucky
or unlucky?
if you have a car accident but survive
are you unlucky coz you had the accident
or lucky cos you survived?
the truth is
that inside me is a very talented geezer
and also a complete fucknuckle
who blows opportunities
and fritters away his time
i cannot manage myself or steer myself
i have never rung around and booked myself gigs
ever
i cant
its not modesty
its just ….
anyway 3 gigs fell outta the sky
oct 7 in glebe at word in hand
then 14th at the annandale
then the 18th at manly boatshed
i dunno how these will go
i cant see a lot of people attending any
and i will be de-motivated again
i’m doing em cos my fambley needs the money they may make
but not necessarily cos i wanted to…
me with a guitar isnt me in my best form
i need to have a bit of a production and smoke machines
or whatever
i dunno
what the hell am i raving about today
and the stock markets crashed
which puts the fear of god into all fambley men, dont it?
i’m on telly sat night 10 pm
kev carmody special
see stevie jive

why?
we needed the money
for start up costs for next u.s. tour
why us?
the ceo of promotions loves us
implications?
none
have we sold out?
yes and available for more

well i kinda hadda good time
the band played tight n hard
it wasnt my fave selection but….
we had certain obligations
we played
reptile
metropolis
almost
hotelwomb
unguarded
block
milky
as we finished the first song
i thought we sounded real good
but the audience hardly clapped at all
and didnt for rest of the night
we were broadcasting unto the void
of course the odd bloke or sheila here or there enjoyed it
but most of em ignored it or whatever….
kept on schmoozin’ n boozin’
(ooh they had some nice cocktails there ! )
yeah there were those searchlights
and coppers divertin’ the traffic
i ate hummous n avocado n pitta bread
i drank water n jaeger n red bull n cocktails
i hadda spliff behind a faux petrol tanker
look we were really good but the crowd were not an audience
we didnt have the necessary mojo to transform em
we were just a noisy bloody rock group
megan gale said she liked us when briefly introduced
she is beautiful i guess and seemed lovably dopey
me n nk were snapped by a photographer…will we be in goss section?
the event was drowning in alcohol
and groaning under hors d’oeuvres
nothing spectacular happened
we were very good
the crowd were not there to listen to us
thats for sure
the people who hired us were well satisfied
i pissed off with nk as soon as gig over
they had hired us a hotel room with all thrown in
up in kings cross
with a lovely courtyard off the room
overlooking eastern subs
we had a lovely night
today say goodbye to church
a little sad
but i’ll manage
kids on school holidays wanna be taken out
and i
with hardly any sleep or food for a while
feeling like a hollow man
wow
and charlie turned up!
it was loverly weather
our room was so nice
all the people were tres pleasant
im not complaining
neither should you….

easy to get lost
harder to get found
today is tomorrows yesterday
time is a trick
nobody knows what they or anybody else is thinking
illusory
delusory
an allegory
stuff just happens sometimes
one mans meaning is another mans nonsense
look out for the worms
time, deal me a day
gimme another
lend me a minute then
hey you know me
i’ll fucking pay ya back
(how embarrassing….!)
me…?
no credit…?
but…..
i dont ……
but this three score n ten business….
no margin in it for me
no temperate corridor
no way out
many ways in
a one way night
time wont return my calls
time treats me like fool
time got some much younger friends now
time is so generous to them
and they are so generous with their time
i remember a minute took a week
and youd get a leap year laid on ya
just like that
go in the clock shop
he says no time left here
my stop watch wont stop
my timer is gone all rapido
no no no
this cant be happening
a film of dust
a film of tears
a film of sand n snow
a circus of mad clowns
a baying mob
a glitch in continuity
a gap in the clouds
a monstrous insult
a harrowing hell hound
i look at my face
that cant be me
spring curdles in the air
seven times nine
is it worth your while
it’ll take about halfen hour
meet me by the station
i’ll have plenty on me
you’ll know me by my halo
the weeds are blooming
why are they prettier than the flowers?
i miss italy
i miss carthage
i miss the moon
i’m just some jim-jim
i’m just some surveyor
i’m just about done here
its over
enter return

choices are illusory
our destinies are fixed to stars
all our lines dictated to us at birth
deep horrors inculcated over 50 lives
strange predilections that run deeper than the blood
luck has many faces…one is opportunity
and when your story seems to have run its course
time will provide the addenda
in the beginning there were feelings
feelings of joy
feelings of doubt
feelings of oh why isnt it me?
the start was lying crying in a room helpless
the end will be lying helpless in a room crying
and during…….?
what pleasures among them all will you remember…?
walking on moss in strange forests
the transparent domes of the vanir
your mothers gentle hand
the hot male rut
the hammer and the storm
the bite of life but not its kiss
the warmest evenings by the grey sea
the fire and camaraderie
yes and the warmest dreams of love
and washed out memories of some childhood
a little garden of verses
riding a donkey on the sand
hiding and shivering
brothers
sisters
companions
enemies
here on the page we can say anything
where we merge for a moment
when we should be outside doing something
outside where i ask
outside yourself
outside all this
outside in the cold
outside time
beyond the setting sun
and over all rainbows….
really used to believe in that pot of gold
gold and silver and genies from lamps
why not? i can still see it in my head
relinquishing my post
wandering off into the desert
where i have my visions
damn ask us!
christ
odin
old meph
keep breathing into it
options all open
awareness upshot
buckle in time
the collapse of the sequence of events
mischief
why?
who can say?
no one
no thing
fickle luck
limpid whim
voice from a shell that whispers the seas name
the sacred ash tree
the desire for cold clean water
divest yourself of all things
prepare yourself now….why wait
the familiar will one day be strange
and the light will be as darkness
and you will be unable to accept the charge
and you must rinse all ideas from your mind
when you come to the end of a perfect day
and summer sets on sundays skin
and night comes softly and unannounced
you feel the cool air go past
like you could go anywhere
although now you can
and new is so new
like you crash back through the beginning again
just like before but more after
as you were
when it all began
in such a long long time

spent yessaday involved in a secret malarkey
i have signed confidentiality deal
so sorry cannot spill the beans
even to you lot
but read tomorrows syd daily telegraph or is it the sun?
the crunch are up to their eyeballs in some strange caper
that cant tell ya about just yet
i will when its over
this one came outta left field recently
but onlookers say
they saw a gang of olde reprobate rockers
posing round kings cross in their sharp new clothes
ha ha ha ha ha
you better be watchin’ out for this one
and gee i make myself laff
yesterday my wardrobe guys were saying
steve , do you want some accessories?
no thanks(i hilariously quipped)
at my age i’m more interested in a burial scheme
than having accessories
(accessories!!?) (me!!?)
my fucken accessory is my 4 string fender lovecaster
and my golden halo
the saint who is no saint
and theres my ricky in the paper again yessaday
i got one
my picture of ricki
that only just ever survived at all
there it is in the fucking sydney morning herald
thats a good newspaper friends
and wow
there it/he is
on the whats on guide
pretty as you please
im gonna stick it on my fridge!
sunday finds the c rehearsing for mystery gig
(boring!)
must avoid all and any argy bargy
but sigh
after painkiller i am reluctant to return to
more trodden pastures
i’m being told something by my heart
that my brain hasnt wanted to hear
only my heart can steer my way
and my brain can just work out the logistics
i really believe all directions i pursue may come to fruition
i believe i can be all things to all men
i believe painkiller to be a lovely record
one of the best i or any one ever did
whats the message?
beware…there is magic afoot….
things aint hardly what they seem
what is n whats s’posed to be…thats the question
i am a throwback to men of other times
i am a vanguard of things to come
when men will love language again
and the modern myths will be measured alongside the ancient
and reconciled
and all art and music and literature is ours to plunder
ao io io ao i have no allegiance to no one

bye

post script
i hear natalie say omigod
and comes in with the sunday telegraph
complete with (awful) picture of band
and article with so many errors thats its a jokey joke
and you can find out what we’re doing
read it n weep

i sold the painting of ricki (ricky) (rikki)
uh huh
last night
i’m standin’ there
and i see em put a red sticker on mah ricki
(couldnt a wag have a lotta fun at a gallery and
some of them red stickers)
theres some old aussie hippie n ‘is missus
they bought ricki right from under my eyes
do you like the bjm sir i asked
never ‘erd of em says the bloke
do you know who ricki is ?
i ask
no i just walked in n i knew i had to buy that painting..
the blokes wife says
funny what a few bourbons n coke will do…
i choose to ignore this remark
and i tell him the story of the painting
how i sketched ricki in charcoal one night
while he was eating something at my place
i was sketching a lot of people
with my skinny charcoal that my dear friend amy s had given me
to tell you the truth
i didnt think it was that great
nor did el maymi as i remember
he looked at it n shrugged
uh huh steve….hey i’m gonna give you some new bill nelson
i put it away
later we had some dmt
which was actually the bark n leafy substances
off a perfectly legal wattle tree…not a drug as such
and then my ambitions kinda exploded for painting
and i wanted to get that aureole thing
(“its the aureole flying n fleeing”)
and rickis sketch was one of the first i mucked about with
i had a whole load of paintings
including great ones of eve and brother john
and i fixed em all one day in me shed
(ie i sprayed this poisonous blechh that stops the pastel falling off)
and i sent em all off to america
but fed ex lost em
and i thought ricki had gone down with the lot
last seen : gnome alaska
(after all this time i sent fed ex an angry email last week
still not compensated for my lost paintings after what? 8 months
and having holly show em the paperwork …
yes yes..these paintings were worth about 3 grand
thats what i woulda got for em all if they sold
and one was a commish that had already been paid for
they had let me hang on with no word whatsoever
i wrote em last week n said
dont bullshit me about investigating my case…
what …are there divers off the coast of alaska
sifting thru post it tubes and examining the dna..?
then they wrote back in their laughably bad english….
like ok if you gonna get “offshore” people
to process yer complaints at least make em learn the lingo
after having had my paintings lost
after having no compensation or word for six months
they communicate in some version of pidgin english
that would make mowgli the wolf boy blush
anyhow
theyre paying me a hundred bucks
but not anytime too soon
“this processes may takes up to for weaks before we payee money
and tick box if you wanna sees a picture of my seester with your post it tube”
shhheeeeessh!)
anyway
one day one of my little dorters came running up the stairs
look daddy you still got ricki
(seems he’d been left behind after all)
(scarlet: i like yer ricki i like yer ricki)
so ricki became part of my ohio exhibition
tho he actually predated most of it
then art groupie in australia ear marked it for their exhi
and holly said it coulda sold a few times between now n then
then the smh had it in there
and
there was something about it that people liked
regardless of me or maymi
it was like a hit single of a painting
and the art groupies liked it too
everyone did
oh well now its gone to a good home
but you can still get a print of it
i colourised it later
i put a stupid snakeskin jacket on him too
that he never wore at all
but it was his hair that did it
in the swirling whirls and whorls of his hair
i put all the colours in the book
and people liked that technicolour hair look
anyway again
i watched some more of “get stoned n paint” last nite
my my its coming along a treat
a serious must for artlovers of all ages and sizes
nelg has done a great painstaking job
i believe the total package featuring new music
will be a riccapoodley and a fangdoodly
of course last night n night before been singing with martin kenny d.
i love those songs we wrote n i love singing em
nk and some other friends were impressed
i had major argy bargy and mucho malarkey with taxis getting there
i turned up almost n hour late
the gallery was packed to the rafters
there was free booze
and the fuckin’ place was jumpin’
there were crowds milling round on the street
it was hot n bursting and humid as all hell
on an empty stomach i had 2 wines n a beer n bingo i was pissed
i was all hugs n smiles afterwards
as i wandered round dazed and sweaty
i enjoyed both nights
martin is one of natures real gentleman
and a unique writer n arranger
polinski has already started mixing our record
its like painkillers opposite
its a very interior album
its very warm n soft n intimate n friendly
it doesnt challenge you with spacey bombast
its just very compact pithy poignant songs
i believe we captured something here
more gigs with martin in dec with painkiller
so that was that
nelg survived babysitting the doodles plus woofle plus coco n lola
he lived to tell the tale
c and a-m had a good time (they said)
the kids were all ‘appy
i sold a painting
the gigs were good
and….
well
thats another blogge….!

steve kilbey woke up angry
his house was invaded by waterfowl and small dik-dik
he rose from his bed and personally wrung the neck
of every one of them creatures
before he turned on his kids
in a stoned stupour
thrashing them with copies of his solo albums
he’d found in the cut out bins
and hurling vile insults at them
in a pre-phoenician sea cant he was experimenting with
he looked at his self in the mirror
you know that predictable mirror
with the nightfriends(?!) on the other side
fuck
what a disgrace
fuckin malcolm turnballs got thicker pingis than me
he moaned in his ‘orrible discordant voice
jesus kilbey called out to his childe-bride duckling puig
i know guys of eighty in better shape than me
but his wife had the headphones on
ignoring ‘im n listening to some decent music
get ready for school you little ninny
kilbey roared
grabbing his youngest kid by the neck
but daddy….i’m only a lickle tiny baby said violet kilbey
i dont go to school yet….
well you will today
muttered kilbey
driving his tribe before him like a d-ranged white hippy moses
fucking turnballs got a bigger tribe than me he cursed
as he forced old ladies to cross the road
and put kittens up in trees
the street on the way to school
in fact
any street on any way to any school in sydney
was punctuated with small mountains
of dog poop
all in various stages of ….err…evolution..
most the other citizens didnt seem to mind tho
hey its just a little barkers egg…right?
on a cold morning when ya step in it
and ya have to have the heater on in yer car
stuff like that
or getting it walked into yer house
or vice versa
when people hit it with lawnmowers
or at night
when you cant see a thing
or when babies walk into it
or people slip over on it
or….
no no
it did seem that most people were happy
to hop skip n jump n avoid
the merry reminders from mans best friend
(but er..my best friends have always been er…men)
only crusty grumpy stoopid olde killa
would be angry about a small thing like
the kilos of dog poop strewn across the landscape
and have the gall
to sound off about it on his own blog…
kilbey often carried an axe
with which he beheaded dogs
dolphins
and baby orang-u-tangs
with the cry of
rocknroll!
or in the midnight hour
when he screamed
more more more
he was bitter cos mark see-more got his wag
kilbey was so washed up
that upon applying for a job as a dishwasher
he was refused on the grounds of nepotism
he gotta job distributing pamflits for turnball
but he couldnt get it right
no steve
you put the pamflit in this way!
getting home from his morning paddle in the lagoon
he unleashed his vile bile on his hapless readers
(not a fucking hap amongst ’em!)
oooh so n so was walking out
ooooh so n so dont like me anymore
ooooh so n so thought i was a hippo-critto-potto-mus
ooooh woooh…i’m telling on you
ooooh i know what you did last summer
oooohhh kilbey ate a beer chocolate n tortured a beeline
hey kilbeys head was exploding with all the upson downs
the best song ever anywhere anytime by anyone…
but mal turnballs had stacked the song preselection
by buying the Daily Bilge newspaper
and making sure his own song
“sod democracy i was born to rule”
was the most revered
bugger it!
kilbey thought as he jagged for dugongs
and netted hummingbirds
and pounded out vitriolic tripe
on his cockie-ridden lapptopp
(made from real lapps!)
he dribbled and ranted and became disenchanted
he was losing his precious readers at a terrible rate of attrition
they was walking out left right ad nauseum
some were leaving in retrospect
taking all their old comments out
from years back
please dont go
baby please dont go
kilbey implored ’em
please please me kilbey sang the leavers
leaving by the droves
abandoning ship as it were
kilbey jumped in a life raft
he noticed the other occupants were the wiggles
fuck it he said
as he dived into the sea
the sea of possi-billy-teas
the sea of uncert-aint-‘e
the c below the middle c
and c c ryder
and ride captain ride upon your mystery ship
and the white stripes blue movie
and black francis xavier and francis a sissy
and turnballs richard butler
(he has a butler for every body part!)
and kilbeys chipped teeth
(see ebay for the bit that fell out)
and matty davydsson with his fuckin karate piledriver
and ricki maymi whose painting was printed in the sydney morning herald
while he was up jamming with clark kent
in stu sutcliffes hotel room
and he was only having the primo
but he jumped up n said
“whats happenin’?”
and the rocknroll scientist in his lab coat
he was torturing me with elton john records
and creed
and the the wit-limbs
and the monicas
and malcolms john butler
and i am i am i am
but not you am i
and i was on the tv
and my mums getting her knee done on monday
please send the flowers to narnia
i am experiencing a temporary epiphany
norbal service will be rezoomed
is he having a laugh?
the anons have won a great victory over east asia
oceania is now our friend
bring the wag on
there ought to be clowns…
let the muse speak
muse: i…..
thats enough
a storm in a tiny tea cup
a kerfuffle
a scuffle in a toy shop
do what you want
go where you will
you are free
all of you
any of you
all absolved
ia ao ao
i bless thee
i bless thee
i …. i’ll see you later..
i bless thee
ok
now for something completely different

ah thats better

!