The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

meanwhile
in a reality not far from here
our humble hero sk
and his boyish sidekick, jc
are planning their next attack upon showbiz
and its cast of imbeciles and pigs
jc is a small elfin man with dark hair and a sly grin
sk is tanned with a white beardy
jc (in heavy transatlantic accent)
so, olde wrocker, time to launch our next sonic assault
sk(an awful cross between aussie bricklayer and pommie twit)
not so fast olde pal….so many cretins left unmoved
despite our knockout manifesto and our gangbustin’ reviews
jc
here are 2 new cds full of esoteric guitars
full of obscure basses
full of distant plaintiff pianos
full of drum loops that will blow down the kingdom of the “straights”
sk
eh, whats that about fuckin dire straits?
jc
tis true, the sonic wars have taken a toll on thy hearing

meanwhile
some where in an office
in hollywood
in paris
in london
in sydney
the “straights” are getting worried
fat evil record exec w/beeer gut + w/gold chain (hes a cancer):
sbeen a long time since izzydore launch that last sonic assault, henchmen
i dont know if i can handle another cd of ambiguous lyrics and nonobvious music
i can feel it comin in the air, if not tonite, then soon
(small nasty a+r man in suity and gelled hare):
but, god lord, you dont mean……
exec:
yes boys, i dunno if the remaining big 3 can take another shocke like that…
those songs….they were so goddamn mellifluous
they were nauseatingly vague
they were stultifyingly amorphous
goddamm it!!
i want those 2
DEAD OR ALIVE
LATER ACROSS TOWN
SCENE INSIDE DUNGEON
sk and jc are being mercilessly subjected to
abbyssmal tripe via hard wired into brain speakers
theyre blasting fuckin’ (insert name of band here)
direct into sks frontal cortexian lobes
jc
jesus, sk cannae take that music in such doses, you’ll frie
his freakin brains!!
fat evil smalmy record exec w/key to vip bathroom + special parking spot:
ha ha this is the end of this dynamic duo…
izzydoor will not be back to plague the mightee konglomerats
nor will their winsome fair set people free from the shackles of the gossip rags
from enthrallment with empty celebrity
ignoring the great achievements of man
we will focus the proletariat
on meateating
on hounding their celebrities
on sports
on cigarettes
on booze
on preskription fuckin drugs baybee
here take yer bleatin’ valium, ya little sucker…
and then the big 3 ‘ll become the big 2
and then….
guess what…..?
yes, thats right, people
the bigge 1
THE BIG ONE
READ AS
THE ONLY ONE
and then we’ll eliminate all that messy variety y’all
got now
and you’ll have to listen to (insert name of pea brains here)
and (insert name of schmaltzy gurly here)
and(insert name of boozy gruff old shouter here)
and (insert name of pale pommy indy fops here)
and…..
oh mi god
sk and jc have escaped during mah mono log
jesus
perhaps the world aint seen the last of izzydaur aftah all…
SCENE KH LUXURY MOBILE REC UNIT
SOMEWHERE IN BAHAMAS)
sk
pass me another pina colada jc
and fire that sucker up
i feel an iconoclastic monster abrewin’ in my head….

(HUSKY VOICEOVER MANNE)
yes, thats right, folks
wherever ever
you find true rock
and true roll
and the need for
a coupla dudes with neat riffs
and ye olde koole lyrics
there yondah shall ye find
IZZYDOOR # 2
coming soon
and this time
its personal!!!

wow
a beautiful day here
in ye olde bondi beach
oh the soft and warm water in the sea pool
oh the light and caressing zephyrs
which did play round your humble heros face
as he was lost in a trance
sucking up the chi
taking a million giga bytes of prana on board
with every breath i took
with every move i made
oh the surfers weaving dissolving patterns in the waves, baybee
pretty gurls and their dads
everything summer
the last day o school
evie and aurora got six weeks off
time to chill down by the sea
(cmon sk, we know youre just setting us up with all this pretty talk,
just to say sumpthin’ snide and cynical, you know,
the way ya juxtapose those 2 opposites,
its yer freakin trademark)
no fiendss
no nasstyness today
well maybe a little
just a little gentle nasssstyness….
i see in my comments section
a very considerate note from
someone
saying dear steve you know i love you
(well really, i mean, like, who doesnt?)
but please drop the “sk” thang
but wait a while to do it or i’ll feeel self conscious…

thanks for yer concern
thanks for yer sweet love
thanks for tryin to put me straight
but sk is my registered copyrighted altar ego
hes me as manifested on yer screen, me little darlin’
itd be like asking micky jagger to lose the lips logo
itd be like asking texas to lose its lone star
itd be like asking (insert yer own example here)
so sorry
but that will knot become part of this bloggys forthcoming
policy

well sk
you handled that quite diplomatically, i thought
(but then, i would, wouldnt i?)
others say oh sk
doo thisss
do thatttt
beee like thissss for mee…..
careful what ya wish for,small ones
cos imagine if ole sks blogg looked like this.

Good morning, my readers
another spiffing day in bondi, and as its nearing
that time of the year, let me take this opportunity
to wish all my friends, all over the world
a lovely christmas
and a very happy new year
full of good things
for you and for yours
from my desk
your friend
steven
xxxxx

no hobbits
you cant change sk
im too olde and ugly to change my ways
im gonna keep on the way i am
im gonna go on being a fuckin genius
COZ SOMEONE HAS TO !!
im gonna go on
with mah little jokes
with mah little literay devices
with mah little groop
and im gonna be on the side of
greek mythology
hindu gods of love
mariju etc wahna
yoga
meddi tashun
swimmy swimmy in the olde ocean
paintin
poetry
actin’
bringin’ uppe mah kidss to bee goode bohemian gurls
speakin’ sk speak
revilin’ the weak the lame and the grotesque
imbeciles that showbiz thrusts down yer throatie
i defend the right of all men and wimmen
to smoke ganja, listen to space rock
and commune with mother nature
to buy products from high times magazines
(speshally the electronic kaleidoscope goggle things)
to wear paisley shirts
to show yer solidarity wiv the sixties
and the hippies
to not read the fuckin’ gossip rags
people, theyre fuckin killing ya!

any how
thatss mee
don try an change me, sister
don try an make mee like you , brother
for i am sk
and no other
thatss why you love me
isnt it
?

greetings
ladies and gentlemen
have you been reading the stats
have ya heard the calls of the blog-advertisers
as they hound me day and knight
temptin’ me with loookrahtive offahs, my tiny birdies
oh please sk, with you pie sliced thus
and your daily blah blahs now reaching a mean average rainfall…
puh lease
i must admit
when i started yon bloggy
i was, let us say, perhaps just a little
tempted by the prospect
of having a diary to sell
but
and any fool can see
even you
that seeing yonder goode blogge is free
gratis
complimentary
that no fool on erf
no
not even you
would pay good munny
for a previously free
and downloadable item
anyway where was i
interesting visit from other members of guilty trippe
saying they had had just a quarter
and demanding my ye olde basse
which ole sk not so keene to part with it
oh sk
yer grammars all shot
you tried to go all populist and hippo
but yer grammar and yer spellin are suffring, olde human bean
how is this slangslingin hipster commensurate
with yer image
as the re-nay-sonce manne, you olde crim
how do we fuckin well reconcile this tanned olde beachcomber
droppin’ his gees all over the plaice
with the pale consumptive
of yore
who always dotted his peas
and minded his queues
oh sk
yer mixin fuckin metaphores
you olde linguistic freake
you playful preposition dropper
you melder of the queens inglish into sk speak
and i see in my comments section
that yall adoptin sk speak
so kay
my tiny fishes
so kay
oh come let uss redraw him
its perfectly natural to use sk speak
espesh among the “straights”
you know the upptite cats
the ones with jobs workin for the manne
keepin your humble hero wrapped up in red tape
and waterbills
blaming me for the weather
holdin me accountable for mah wilde ways
for makin mariju fuckin wahna illegal
when it should be the boooze which is illegal, BAYBEE
if it has to either of em
theyre fuckin happy to send ya to war
but will nae let ya smoke mother nature
in case (STILL NO EVIDENCE BAYBEE)
in case
its bad for ya
well mr sk, we KNOW wars badde for ya
so kiss yer ass goodbye
HOWEVER
we aint sure (SURE!!)
that the ole potski is or aint
SO
we prohibiting it for yer own fuckin goode, boyo
but what about the receptors in mah brain
the one that will never switch on without ye olde THC
forget it sk
yer not allowed to smoke ye olde weedie
and paint yer songs
and choreograph yer poems
and sculpt yer abs
and penetrate the mysteries
of art
life
death
and
all
the
other
bullshit
you carry on with
so there you go
i am the monster you have created
i am sk
i am a blogger
i am a bohemian loyalist
and i have the earrings and drugs to prove it
i am a member of the choich
who have given up much rock
so you cood all bee free
dont try and holde me down
you eville govamence
i will not succumb
you will know me by the tail of the duds
i am sk
i have no capitals
i am unborn
yet manifest
i am….
uh oh
i gotta doo my xmas shopping
BAH HUMBUG BAYBEE!!!!

ALRIGHT!
theres a bitto capitilised excitement
as a opening shot across your cyber bow
so wake yaselves uppe
ok
whats yer name?
whats yer number?
how do you fit in as a cog in this nasssty little mechanism?
are ya fightin’ for the goode guise
or are ya on the side of vevil
are ya strikin’ a blow for the empire of the bohemians
or a ya one of those nassssty “straights”
cos if ya answer yes to any of those questions
then consult ya family g fuckin p
and tell him that sk referred ya

talking of olde sk
(and who, really, isnt, darlingss?)
aint it time that the killah chose his goode
and badde awards for 2005?
and yes, come to think of it
which i do
i mean
good lord , sk, ya not gonna stoop to such a populist device
as a freakin’ awards list?
nope, my friends
but just maybe a casual mention here and there
of those deserving of my humble admiration
and those whom have earned my bitterest scorn loathing diatribe harangue
and not just the ob-vee-us ones, baybee
but those behind the scenes heroes and heroines
who make this olde rockers existence more sublime
for example to mention 2
miss a p from melbourne
a choich fan for 22 years
thick black hair
i gotta touch it, i cant believe it aint a wiggy!
she pops up all over the wurld to see us rock our stuff
and a very nice human bein’ as well
she gives me a cd
which is a track i did with mr gb
who is a musical ledge in my mind
1st time i hear track
very very tasty
nice one gb
i really do love yr werk
you are quite unique in aussie rock swamp
and the badde people, sk?
the ones who really got yer goat, you ascerbic olde cynick
the ones who chatted thru yer gigs like pigs?
the rude baggage handlers who hurt yer basse case?
the mechanoid drongoes in offices everywhere who never heard of ya band?
the people who dont buy yer records?
the parking inspectors who towed yer rolls royce
and clamped yer ferrari?
the guy at the post office who was busy with another customer
and made ya wait?
that guy on hotelwombat.com
who said he liked tha olde stuff much bettah?
that guy who trod on yer toes at the rydalmere family inn in 1981?
the guy who punched you in front of some girls at a bus stop in civic
in 19 fuckin’72?
are we getting close sk?
who deserves ole sks roth more than any of these blackguards?
well i gottan answer for ya, my little starrlings
yes indeed
and the worst ratbag of all has been….
YOU GUESSED IT !!!!
yes
it was me

hell
whats thissss my fiendssss?
poh lice men all over bondi
checkin for weapons
marchin up and down the boardwalk
and theres a heavy metal band in the pavillion
and theres hardly anyone but locals on the beachie
and its a loverly day, my little angels
albeit a little windy
big daddy ignores the warnings
takes the swedish pair
and
the american pair for a swim
up the northern end
thankfully without any incidents
brothers sisters
peace love
why are we fighting?
its human nature, thats why
never thought itd hit me and david lanes own private beachy
house sitting for some friends
got me own little data machine
no nassssty b packers
so sk
we wanna see what ya got to say fer yer self now
now the tourie hass been n gone
now the noise has died down
and
the applause has faded in yer ringin’ ears
now the whites have hit the white king
now yer basse in back in ye olde pawn shoppe (thats a little joke, kidsss)
now yer talent and charisma have been folded into their roadcases
and put on ice
ready for usa 2006
now that your callouses are softening
and yer throat is less husky
now what…..?

well, my people
thats a good question
and i thank that kind and perceptive fellow who asked it
was mah bloggy a tour only phenonomon?
now the fat lady has sung
now the partys over
is more bloggy finished too?
or does it have a life of its own
?????????????????????????????????
i dont wanna bore ya if ya dont wannit
give me that much credit

lets see
lets see
i aint to proud to beg
id go down on my (cyber)knees, but its no good to try
sitting up here in c and a-ms plaice
huh
they shouldda been chords
thats another wee joke , you hyaenas
so laugh it up a little
jesus
i am a little directionless today
off to a little dinner tonite in the bondi area
oh sk, god rest ye merrye olde gentleman
let nothing you dismay

as i said i dont believe in darwinism
i havent for a long time
and everyone said i was mad
they looked at me as if i had said the sky didnae exist
or that i thought the sun went round the erf
or whatever
(insert yer own incredulous comparison here)
and now at least theres a bit of a debate
yer allowed to at least say…..hang on a minute!
any way whatever yer beliefs
(and ya know what, it doesnt have to be the two ridiculous extremes offered to us now)
its worth thinking about
where the fuck did we come from?
does this feel like an accident to you?
can you believe all this stuff got here and keeps doin’ its thing by chance?
any way
i gotta go off and get some christmas spirit
an then have it exorcised
and i gotta find some vegan sausages
and some non alcoholic whisky
and some organic speed
and….
(NARRATORS VOICE)
TUNE IN TOMORROW KIDS
TO FIND OUT ABOUT OLE SKS BIG “AND”
ah, thats all…..

hi people
how are we today
not feeling too badde myself
a little blurry
a little sad its all over
a little burnt
a little fried
a little embroiled
spiegeltent was goode
the daylight put me off a little
hard to rock in daylight, didnt ya know?
hard to whip up some atmosphere
hard to make it happen
dont like nasssty daylight for rocknroll, brethren
need the night
need the dark
thats the way god made it
dont ask me why
nice warm rainy morning here
internet cafe almost empty
feel a bit lost for a while when tour ends
i guess im gonna lose a lotta customers here
now i cant give you up to the minuet details on the preceding nites fiasco
guess you gonna jump ship
take the pests with ya
ya know who i mean
those humourless ninnies
those “straights”
go on
off ya go
see ya later
dont darken mah blogstep again
bye

anyway
whats left
one final plane trip
one final beagle avoiding dash
sad to leave ole melbourne
whatta nice plaice
whatta pretty city
what lovely human beans

now i can concentrate on xmas
get fitted for my red suit
practice my chimney crawling
brush up on my reindeeer obedience classes
get my gnomes off ice
etc
etc
etc
back to bondi
back to the fambley
back to back
back to front
ok
well
you can imagine i do feel a little lost today
without mah groop
without a good rockin to look forward to
but i’ll get by
live to rock another day
thats right
im saying goodbye for today
i love you all
except for (insert yer name here
if yer an unimaginative wally,
yeah you
thats right
YOU there)
but otherwise
tomorrow
I’LL BEE BACK!!!!
ess kay

hello readers
a somewhat bleary and slightly sobered sk
here in acland st
st kilda
early morning
hangovered
a little down
a little sad
can i bee vulnerable for ya?
ole sk not feeling too cheerful, this morning
howcome you olde rocker? whats yer complaint today?
i dunno.
sometimes it takes its toll
everything adds up
left mah suitcase at the gig
no clothes
no toothbrush
no nothing
just last nites stuff all damp n sweaty
ears ringin
eyes blurrin
head aching
throat sore and tired
inspiration….i have none
bad news business wise
always a catch
always a loophole
always somethin upsetting the applecart
ah what about the gig sk…didja rock?
yeah bub, we rocked
what about the talkers sk?
fuck em. the rude sods
how was the poetry reading?
ok except i got there and i couldnt read the fine print
i had to have a glasses audition
i tried on various glasses of the audiences
until i could see mah own wordies on the page
but when i was finished i could nae see straight or crooked
ah drinkin mah soy hot chokky
feelin a little better
oh sk, you knew you were riding too high
you knew you had to crash rainy friday morning in melbourne
youre all alone
so lonely and sad
ahhhh nevermind, olde bouy
just keep blogging till ya feel a little better
but
but
but
i gotta do a photo session for the AGE
no clothes
no shampoo to wask mah greasy wispy hair
no razor to shave my beardy into shape
no charisma left
not even any pot
nada
nicht
ingenting
cmon cheer up you maudlin fool
spiegeltent tonite
yeah and thats the end of mah tour
that makes me sad too
oh well
thats life at the top of the charts
in the fast lane
in the light of reflection
in the spotty light
in the early morning rain
just another washed up olde rocker
typing at his blogg
just another superstah
goin thru harde thymes
another fly on the windshield
another time
another plaice
people im sadde
im badde
but im gladde
that your there
glad i have ya to talk to
gladde that ya understand mah moods
mah everchangin moods
no one ever said it would be easy, sk…
thats for sure
olde son
thats for fuckin sure

hi ya mah peeps
hi ya ya awful blog addled fooles
its gonna bee quick
its gonna be hard
its gonna bee fast
we did real well in addledlaid
yeah we slew em
laid em in the aisles
what would ya expect from the best band still extant on this plane?
yeah we were pretty good
maybe….
maybe
just maybe ole sk had one two many glasses o bubbly
oh sk you olde devil
you wilde man of rock
so thats it
i came
i saw
i conked out
what more is there
an amazing gig
the earth moves
people keep sinning
the world keeps spinning
all the rest is just bullshit
oh sk
you little fucking trooper
treadin the boards till late
then up at the crack of dawn
feeling rosie all over
writing yer blog for those fiends that ya know
are hanging out in cyberspace
jonesing for jesus juice
the ones who need their fixx of sk
FUCKIN DAILY!!
ok i know nothing gonna take away them symptoms
but the real thing
here it is my kilblings
no placebos
this be straight from the hoarses mouth
this be the pure gospel
the goode oil,
mah crew
olde sk up so early
to bring you this
ok i guess you got that
now ………
airports
nasssty sniffy fuckin beagle fuckin hounds
nasssty air turbulence
nasssty middle seats next to some “straight”
who cant dig sks bohemian fuckin ways
then a nasssssty boring interview in melb
then soundcheck
then poetry reeding
then gig
then sks total noivous brakedown
between these momentous events
sk must
contact melbournian bohemian buddies
(read lazy good for nothin drug fiends and layabouts)
must have his vegan nibblies
must do his yoga
must do his rebirthing
must do his pilates, pontious
must do his stretching
must do his cardio vascular whatsis with added thingos
must do my nlp
must do my gentle 20 mile jog
must have a shower
(phew, sk, at last….!)
must trim mah little beardy
must have mah botox shots
must have mah lippo suktion
must have mah charisma irrigation
and all the other ways and means
i sustain this illusion of being perpetually 18
whilst actually aged
123
but no matter
i guess thats it
thatll be about it
for this self obsessed ole s o b
for this load of olde twaddle
ok
bye
will fill ya in
on all the thrills and spills
in melby
mah fave aussie city
in the hole of victoria
i love you fools
sk

made it my people
made it to adelaide
pass the nasssssty sniffy dogs
trying to sniff mah stash
trying to bust mah ass
trying to bring me down low
lock me up
so i cant spread mah peace and light
hasslin me
who am the only one
but im a here now
my little frolickers
my rude little pests
my adored creatures
my little fishes
oh yeah
they cannae keep this ole bouy outta s.a.
hows it gonna be tonite sk?
fuckin amazing
are you gonna be goode?
of fuckin course
how goode are ya gonna be you olde geeenius ?
the fuckin best!
as always!
ok runnin slightly behind time
so mustnt be on here too long
gotta soundcheck
gotta get mah vegan food
gotta get mah yoga in
(big fat lady next to me on a porno pickup site!!!verrrry distracting)
gotta meditate
gotta solve the problems of the world
gotta transcend
gotta walk thru walls
gotta tie it all together for ya
the whole kit and kaboodle in one easy song
gotta nail down the whole freakin universe for ya in one poem
gotta paint yer life in one tiny picture
gotta sing ya to sleep then back again
what is this horse im riding here
whoah! its outta control
cant stop writing, painting, composing, singing, laughing
sk….what the fuck are you on , man
are you on some weird new mood enhancer?
are you back on le badde stuff?
or is just some powerful new strain of the white widow
that ya have got yer greedy little mitts on?
no my hearts
ole sk is stone cole sober
nada
nicht
ingenting
nothing, my loves
sk is high on life
sk is vibrating with prana
sk is spitting chi
sk is swimming in a sea of energy
(jesus, the lady is looking at pix of guys with their weddding tackle out)
(jesus, her pen name is the naughty nurse!!!)
ok
must stay focussed
oh adelaide !
you gonna wrock tonite, sister
you frumpy olde dump
you little city in the middle o’ nowhere
the choich bouys are back
and this time its personal
too much energy
im feeling too good
up and down
thats olde sk
the best and the worst
you have never met a more saintly man
or a more rotten evil swine
a genius
an idiot
an intellectual
a yobbo
an aussie
an englishman
you name em
(insert your own contradiction here)
but i tell ya one thing my olde fruits
i love this blogging thang
its having mah own say
its my rejoinder
its my riposte
its my forum
its my own fault
so it be 2 33 now
must be back at hotel at 3
25 minutes to type
to walk
to navigate these mean adeladian streets
to get ready to rock
and dont forget roll
cos rock without roll
is yer jet
is yer acca dacca
is yer van halen
is yer fritz ferdinande
is yer sabbaff
is yer purple
no mah friends
rocknroll is like yingnyang
no goode rockin
if ya cant roll
that just is the way god planned it
i cant help it
baby
baby
baby
i was born to boogie
hey kids
summertime blues
jump upndown in mah blue suede shoes
hey kids boogie too
didja?
is it love
is it love
is it love
that makes us rock?
sk says yes
sk says choose life
sk says no war
sk says send a thousand bucks to the sk home for olde wrockers
sk says excuse me, can you pass the salt
thats it you addicted blogg fiends
its terminus interruptus im afraid
im pullin the plug
im takin this bloggy off the life support
im annexing yer soul
im appropriating yer heart
but remember
i love ya
and id do anything
anything at all
if it would make ya happy
just for one moment
ok
done
over
and
out
!