The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

another day comes and fades into history
hit history kill
we dont want people to revisit it again
timetravellers arriving in 08
aliens among us
the old nepalese lady next door is maybe kali
lights incense to the elephant headed god
old jumbo himself
lord ganesha
god of thresholds
god of overcoming barriers
son of shiva
brahma vishnu shiva
the trinity
father son holy spirit
vishnu reincarnates as rama
then as krishna
then as buddha
god comes into the world to experience himself
isnt that all of us?
i ask why must i experience this pain and longing?
i ask why i must experience this agonizing separation?
i must have needed it
i must have needed to go through the humiliation of addiction
i must have needed to gain and lose
i must have needed to sing and play
my eternal soul needed to enact these things
my friend in hospital…why god why?
but frank says
we will all learn by his example
this is his gift
though the price is a terrible one for him….
everything i take for granted
even having a pee
or blowing my nose
is now denied him
hes just lying there waiting to pass away
but i see him
and i learn
the fragility of life
the omni-presence of death
the courage of humanity
the sacrifice of heroes
i learn
you can live your life like a man
take it on the chin
cop it sweet my fiendss
cop it sweet
life will break all our hearts before we go
this is not permanent
you may lose your teeth and hair and good looks
you may lose your friends n parents n (god forbid) children
you will be blamed for what ya never did
others may take the credit for your hard labours
you will be spurned when you most needed love
you will be swamped when you most needed solitude
good things will turn ugly
ugly things will become hideous
you will inevitably become olde
and the world will rush on by you
and you may feel used up and useless
others will surpass you
always someone richer younger smarter luckier
but always someone more down n out
comparisons have always fucked me up
youre jealous of some geezer
who suddenly croaks in a bad way
what do you do with yer jealousy then?
did you learn?
didja find another bloke who seems to be living it large
and envy him instead?
theres a reason that youre you
i never wanted to be me
anyone but me
someone with a better name
someone with no freckles and stronger arms
someone who sells a billion records and got no worries
at first someone older
then someone younger
someone american
someone indian
someone living in ancient greece
someone with a big house in vaucluse
someone here or there
someone with a yacht
someone who flies business class
someone somewhere warm n cosy
in with the in crowd
someone like picasso
someone like that guy over there
he looks like hes got it all together..
of course i look at all the others
the ones i dont want to be
oh im glad im not as old or sick or washed up as so n so
oh im glad im not an annoying fucking idiot like robbie willy-i-ams
oh im glad im not as stupid or damned like georgie bush
oh im glad im not in that plane crash or earthquake or war
glad im not a fundamentalist or christian ratbag
glad im not a soldier or a sanitation engineer
glad im not a doctor or nurse
glad i keep my hands clean and my conscience fooled
life is happening on a billion levels at least
there is no one answer
if anyone says
ITS LIKE THIS!
say
bullshit
especially if its some prick of a door to door
mormon or witness
some fresh scrubbed ninny
brandishing a bible
he aint even begun to grokk on its many levels
telling you youre immortal soul is doomed
if you dont immediately drop everything
and believe in his brand of hokum
if youre a christian you believe in love n compassion
end of story
thats christs message
not fucking armageddon
not youre in n youre out
trust me kids
it aint gonna be like that
i been around
i been watching
i seen the beggars n the cripples
i seen the hopeless n helpless
i seen the hippo-crits n pharisees too
i seen villains get rich n happy
i seen heroes dying almost alone
i seen money and rich guys
i seen junkies with nothing at all
nothing left except what theyre wearing
i seen healers and magic
i seen miracles and atrocities
i seen an idiot fix an election n no one could stop it
i seen slob-o-dan milosy-vitch
and general rat-ko and dr evil whatsis-vitch
i seen my kids being born
i seen mobs elevating people
i seen mobs turning nasty
i seen unexpected help and love from enemies
i seen friends turn their back
i found out people i thought i hated i really loved
and vice versa
i seen breast implants
i seen plastic surgery
i seen western imperialism
i seen the meat n arms industries
i seen drunk driving and its result
i seen trump and his ilk sell of the earth
i seen monarchies
i seen what we done to the animals n the natives
but still
i hate it when my records get bad reviews
i hate it when i get a parking ticket
i hate it when the publishers fuck me over
blather on olde time being
what you trying to say, boy?
i dunno
maybe this
watch out!
appearances are deceptive
beware of maya
beware of complacency
kiss yer friends
give yer enemies a fucking break
try harder in whatever you do
transcendence is to be found in that extra inch of effort
you maybe surprised at how much you can do
avoid eating dead things..its only obvious isnt it?
confront your darkness
it hates the light
be compassionate
be friendly
be understanding
exactly the way
you hope people will be to you
if its over its over
let it all go
breathe out and let it all go
exhale and set your miseries free
rejoice that you aint in jail or in a hospice waiting to die
be someone you can be proud of when its all over
you can change
look at me
lifes a dream
dream up dreamers
enjoy it while you can
it all could stop at anytime
bang!
just like that!
make the most of it
love
sk

things have changed
things remain the same
my friend in hospital slowly going under
we visit him n cry n cry
i play him some songs on my 12
afterwards an old sick geezer in the next room
sees me standing in the corridor tryin’ to stop my bawling
a real old aussie geezer on deaths doorstep
hey he says
was that you playin’ n singin’…?
yeah i say
there ya go he says to his daughter helping him along
she said it was the radio but i said no no
thats comin’ straight outta here..
he indicates his heart
that music was byootiful he said
and he shuffled off
his praise meant more than a wilderness of rock festivals
then a doctor an old serious doc comes up
hes frowning a little
im half expecting a
“please respect the patients quiet times!”
but no
thanks for the music he says
and a gentle sad smile
god he has seen so much suffering
well if you need to get things in perspective….
and i do
always
i gotta keep reminding myself we are on a round rock
orbitting a big fire
and no one really knows how or why
here in my spare room
on a rainy morning every thing seems so permanent
aurora gets up
a big sleepy kiss and a grin
my doodles with the delightful habit of kissing their daddy much
oh youre lovely kids i say
i bury my nose in their hair and breathe in their warm young aroma
i hold them in my arms..
goddamm it all seems solid enough….!
ah yesterday was hard going
nelg the camera elf was round to film some more of gets toned and pain(t)
but instead of my usual ebullient motor mouth self
there i sit holding an eraser staring dumbly at a commission portrait
doing n saying nothing
i struggle on for twenny minutes
but finally i tell nelg to wrap it up for the day
hey maybe its good to see me have a bad day i say
yeah…says nelg somewhat doubtfully
im listening to bits of new church album
some sad
some rockin’
some very pretty
some quite oblique
some absolute genius
some mistakes to fix up
“we’ll fix that” says my voice after some blue notes somewhere
it makes me smile to hear it
i say those same words in my mind in synch with recorded voice
always at the same time
so….
in front of you :
1 the wild sweet hit of painkiller
space rock pomp rock psychy-fuckin’-delic rock
they may wanna ban this record in malaysia
such is the contact high oozing out of its grooves
you like wolfe live?
wait till you hear it with drums n orch
you like delicate achey ballads…try crystalline rush
you like e-like feeling… try look homeward angel
you like pounding drums and radiotronics…its all over it
some of you will like painkiller more than anything you ever heard

2kilbey n kennedy presents….something as yet untitled
you know it
this is the beautiful stuff
the simple stuff
the universal stuff
the blips and talking trumpets…
the space around the notes….
the easy on the ears stuff
the melodic stuff
the real real songs stuff
the poignant stuff
the subtle n sexy stuff
the romantic stuff
this one you will play over n over
you’ll never get sick of it

3 shriek soundtrack
ooh strange stuff dark stuff
fevered music
whispery scrawly medieval bluesy
half songs
evil basslines
snakey guitars
tribesmen chanting
opera singers and mellotrons
too much in some places
a total aural trip
dig it or
you suck!
(just jokin’)

4. coffee hounds ep
wow
a cool thing it is
the coffee song submarine n floydy
hounds o love fast n furious
instrumental ….very stoned

5 the church album
hmmm
marty said its strange in a good way
so i’ll leave it at that

well its a rainy day n a bit cold
i got my synthetic ugg boots on
a nice day to be in the sauna anyway
and swimming in the rain too…
bye

oh sleep dont leave me again
oh sleep i cant make it without you
oh sleep i appreciate you now
oh sleep you are everything

down to the smallest detail
within the minute glades of the tiniest worlds
at the core of everything
traversing blackspace radiosonic hypertronic
the call of sleep
sleep you handsome man
sleep you beautiful lady
sleep you children
creamy dreamy sleep
sleep so luxurious as you take me down
sleep a divine condition
swallows my sorrows
window to my pane
sleep you whitedevil sleep
drown in rumbling slumber waves of sleep
tossed and turned on sleeps restless motion
breathe deep and sleep
sleepy music
warm blue sleep
sleep of the just
sleep of the just after
sleep off the drink
sleep well my dear
sleep is a person to me
sleep appears dressed in a yawnsuit
sleep is a boy with blond hair
sleep asleep himself in my old room
sleep keeps to himself
sleeps dormitory in hushed tones
sleep babylon and nineveh
sleep little egypt
people in lemuria getting sleepy
the mayans persisting through the jungle
crystal skulls are asleep
the dormant night
the creeping shadow of evening
the wedding bed
the softest sheets
youre becoming drowsier
youre feeling heavier
the thoughts all fall to the back of your head
sleep baby bunny sleep tiny star
sleep scarlet girl with your ringlets of gold
sleep like a stone
sleep like state
sleep in and under
sleep
during and because of
sleep
better than ever
sleep
to have and to hold in sleep
catching up on some
a sleep in a stream
a sleep at the wheelbarrow
a sleep and alert
sleep together:dream alone
your becoming sleep
youre becoming wrapped in sleep
drowsier and drowsier
and you are so becoming
sleep-happy sleep-drunk
sleep-addicted
sleep-cure
sleep-time
sleep-substitute
sleep-heart
sleep-industry
no sleep
no life
getting hard to fight sleep
sleep get behind me
sweet sleep oh sweet sleep
sleep lay down here
and
stay awhile

melbourne was good
not transcendent maybe
but good
martin kennedy played 6 songs
it was like the record live basically
it worked yes it worked
lovely songs lotsa space
we can/could do the whole album like this anywhere
travis came up and sang and played
travis from all those yearsago in perth
now got his own album out
called him unexpectedly to the stage
he rose to the challenge and almost stole the show
then michael the drummer from tarmac adam
who i just met
who played one song with me at s/check
he slotted in so perfectly
i instantly became addicted to all his percussive effects
and he had a load of em …bells n jinglies n glocks
man he was just right
so 3 heroes in my eyes
these 3 geezers
me myself i was ok
not as mouthy as sydney i guess
it was a special night
i guess we had about a hundred people
polinski mixed it
i trust he was doing some nice things
we sold some dvds
the good old melby gang were there
no complaints
what a nice way to earn yer living
obviously me n mr kennedy should do our whole album
live
when it comes out
and i’d like to play with michael again
it was good
im content

pessimystic cloak round my shoulders
dark days drugged stupor
sleep through meeting
ears ring on in an envelope of limitation
everything makes me angry
nothing gets done im just mucking around
fear fear fear
premonitions threaten out of earshot eyeshot
alienhand
car chugs down rainy lanes
people argue in the driveways
hopeless look in your eyes
becalmed in 2008
the earth and everything on it seems doomed
insects multiply everywhere
the stars shift
the moon comes closer
evil omen : black cat catches white dove
gifts are lost
wounds remembered
age of squabbles
age of small print disclaimers
time is revealed as a mirage
there never was any time
or time beings
time is gone
time is up
time is not on time
go ask alice
go ask kafka
go ask your mother
time
cant get around it or under it
it aint there
you cant stop it
hang on to it
appreciate it
whatever
it dont matter
time is not matter
in the time it takes
to read this blog
something significant probably happened
somewhere…..

guiding me
guarding me
slowly assuming a form
coincidences cluster around events
i pierce the veneer of everyday
its all they see
never now
never here
irritants become pearls
morning becomes tonight
who is merging into another morning
flowers open n close
cities wither or flourish
countries go up to the top of the heap
go egypt
go babylon
go persia
go greece
go rome
go england
go usa
go utopia
its never long enough
the contenders fall wearily away
the top dog gets sick of getting bitten
the puppies dont ever learn
the revolution is inside
determination
discipline
resilience
luck
cultivate satisfaction
rise early
sleep deep
move like a cat
eat like a bird
talk like a man
open like a child
find the in
be prepared for no results
dont even know what it is yet
hour after hour after hour
turn the corner
take the high road
journeying alone
chapel perilous etc
new improved you no one notices
matter falls away
spirit adheres
life into life
obvious and upfront
all around invisibly
music for example
why create it at all
if i had the answer
any answer
is a mistake to look for an answer
nature has no answer
the beasts come and go
do animals have souls
do souls go round and round
do hells exist in our heads
i keep fighting for the revolution in my heart
we gain an inch
we lose an inch
the old ways roots go deep
its a struggle like being born
every thing you got to fight for
movement speech individuality
each day a battle
grace or disgrace
mercy or scorn
good or evil
look up the game and players changed again
its seeming like a dream to me
whose dream though
who dreams of me and my life
god is this
god is that
god is great
but we hardly ever see him round here
philosophy science evolution
yeah yeah yeah
new haircuts long short medium
actors and actresses
children want their turn
whats for tea, darling
im off then
now

the city is a jungle
the couriers run like rats
cars steam and push against the lights
angry faces desperate faces cruel faces
train tracks and oily patches
meters tick away and lifts hiss
robots empty the trash
crushing the neo-soda cans
and Big-Chok wrappers
and used up reddy-fones
into a miasma of radioactive sludge
with a half-life of 1 million years
and a half-brother in strontio-cadmium ice
drones n clones sweep the streets like grey zombies
dressed in their uni-forms and hooked on Fog
the bridges sag under their burdens
as the dead river rises and rises up from its awful bed
the weather is gloomy amongst the scrapers and towered communities
winds whistle eerily through the cables and wires
machines chatter and boil in rusting rooms full of engine
childrens faces peer from windows and are whisked away
the throb of music or the hammer of industry…who can tell?
oh my head aches with each thought
oh my nose burns with each breath
old posters flap on the walls
the black ryder playing at the melan-colisseum
carol l haslem sold another tower in district 7
a talk on astral pollution at the erskine institute
the druglords new album ” leaf, bark or crystal”
recorded live in nicaragua
Happytime lite anti-deps and now in cherry flavor!
comedy nite at slaughters
grace bros tours of the necropolis
dudes of neptunes new mindload “blip”
there were also smaller pictures of naked girls
and messages like “spirit escorts…here or there….”
or
“Queenies Ghoulfriends New Full Ectoplasmic Slide”
i was wondering if Queenies was still open out there
and if you needed an appointment
when a door opened in a wall of apartments
and a geezer in a para-suit came out
brandishing the picture of a female woman
and an envelope containing one thousand new euro-dollars
“Are you from the Time Being private investigations” he asked
i nodded and pocketed the dough
i checked out the photo of the chick
hmmm…angelface implants
new teeth new nose new hair
modulating lenses on her eyes
just like every other woman
in BoomBoomtown
“yeah…i’ll find her .”.i said
muttering “somehow ” under my breath
“you better not balls this up” said the geezer
he grabbed my arm and squeezed hard
“ok ok ” i said pushing him away from me
” shes as good as found ”
i turned to leave
he tapped me lightly on the shoulder
i turned my head to look at him
“the boss said either way..you know…whatever it takes..”
yeah i know i thought
as i trudged back up to my office
in the olde theatre district
either way
you know
whatever it takes…..

the intensity of the undergrowth
in its mauves and purples
running through the sandbanks giggling
me and russell
smoking roaches from the “bag of butts”
my choicest collection of fine pot dog ends
rivers wind to the sea and salt flies in the breeze
i cant get a fix on this
are we olde guys or youngmen
are we kidsagain?
wheres john? russell bursts out laughing
wheres dad?
silence
a seagull in the mournful sky
its early morning
raining ever so slightly
i stifle a shudder
and i shiver
some reason we must be here
time follows its meandering course
mornings boil away
afternoons fade
nights lose their darkness
in this hinterland
a delta
forests threaten in the green distance
in the other direction the sea pounds the shore
remember those kids in lyneham? russell says
the ones with the rundown house and all the pets?
yeah….i say unenthusiastically
what about em?
he begins recounting a tale
there was gengey n bengey n simmo n the abbot twins
there was an air rifle n fireworks
there was bikes and chucking rocks
there was yabbies and someones dad
there was a copper and a broken window
there was catholic kids from st johns
there was those 2 sisters live opposite the school
there was a headmaster and a caning
“lift your hand up boy!”
swoosh
whack!
pain in your arm
down your spine
even
in your balls
pain travelling all over body
try not to cry russell
try not to cry steven
hours later your hand still glowing
the dogs were chasing us, sir
simmo chucked his ice cream at me, sir
i went home to get changed , sir
my mothers gonna wrote a note for me tomorrow, sir
outside the school the bullies are waiting
punch punch in face
fight back
god it tires you out so fast
run then
kids chasing me all the way home
baying for our blood russell
quickly in the door
the sounds of the other kids fade
mums cooking dinner
johns watching tv
what you boys up to? says mum
nothing mum we said
the tale ends
the overcast sky still looms large
the dunes
the vegetation
the undergrowths lovely colours
is this heaven ? i wonder
i turn around and russell is gone too
only me and some seagulls
eternal day
detached from my loneliness
wandering along alone

sky bleeds from its wound
night aches like a whore
me im hiding in my hide
me im just behind the door
the secret life of the time beings wife
in midnights forgiving arms
wednesday gropes for morning groggy and lightfingered
i plunge into it headlong unaided n unabetted
loverman loverboy loverlover loverlife
everybody gotta love everybody
now go go go
ah you never get it
its so easy
its so easy baby
like e=mc hammer squared
like hammer on n hammer off
slur and slide
drop tuning
ease it off
walking bassline
let your fingers do the walking
through pages of music
baby says she love music man
baby says oh how can i repay you for this music?
baby says oh i feel like i already know you
baby says oh i knew itd be like this
baby say no daddy yes daddy nice daddy
baby said daddy can you gimme a ride home
wednesday shes a coming
wednesday reaching up to swallow tuesday night
baby says oh the time doth verily fly
baby says daddy dont be bad
cos everything is in motion
cos the thing cannot be stopped
cos its a destroyer
not a cruiser
cos of his heart seeking missiles
cos of his angles
cos of his energy and ardour
and im flying forgetful
dont wanna know my name anymore
sometimes i blow a little cool
sometimes flames lick me
sometimes i lock on and i punish
sometimes i have to bail out
and i freefalling through enemysky
they capture me goddamm it
i am private john smith
they engulf me in subtle torture
i am subjected to feelings of unnaturalness
i tried to fight it sir
i tried to resist em sir…but dontcha see?
they were you
and i was just me
escaping was easy
i found a wormhole to 1975
there you were baby
waiting around for me
everywhere i went
the americans werent our allies then
i co operated in their rituals
i pretended to understand them
i was brainwashed sir
i was spinwashed and dried out like a prune
my childhood course in tv and playboys
had given me a smattering of american
but i was not fluent
president robert kennedy in 1969
asked me to sing a song at his coronation
but you were there
you said baby you will not find me in this future
baby you called daddy baby now
everyone all confused honey this honey that
learn to take it like a man
im sorry sir i cant remember what thats like
the americans got to me sir
im sorry sir
i am no longer private john smith
i am now the time being
being in love and space
being of spirit and matter
and mattering much
i solemnly bind australia england n america together
in bed together
trustworthy
keeping all that good love to themselves
never flagging never wimping
just hammering away
just hammering away