The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

scarlet will

animal spirit bristles in the spiky night

i see it all in my mind now

right here now in 1910 in the modern age

as i write here in godthaab round the swimming pool

type type type on my new mu data-machine

in my surrey with the fringe on top

clearly beyond my own time

but in which direction do those children travel

north to the blazing pole star that illuminate the evil in man eye

east to the red cliffs where the sea waits ready to engulf

south to the cities in the polynesia

where soulscrapers rip apart the atmospheres physique

or west to the far flung crags and castles

where the famous doctor cuspinian dwells

and  the burnings have nearly stopped

and in the pale pink mist of dawn…..*

* i was sitting in my room writing this when one of the kids kicked out the

lead to the internet doodah

and nothing got automatically saved n i lost a good hours worth of work

suffice to say providence has intervened and erased 3 quarters of what i wrote

as i didnt notice the autosave wasnt working

now demoralised by my writing going into the void

unretractable it would seem

so fuck it all i just gonna slink off now

and see how i feel 2morro n if i can remember what i wrote today

love

me

grim ferry tail

yeah hansel n gretel lived with their olde man

in a deep forest  in the cartoon woods

in the dark canopied jungle in europa

twins they were of course

hansel 2 minutes older than gretel

oh their poor mother expired in the moment of their birth

no medieval quackery could revive the poor tired thing

what year was this, kilbey?

oh i dont fucking know, kilbey…once upon a long long time ago

it was like didnt i say medieval…..?

yeah and their father he eventually got married again to this women

a real bloody bitch a right nasty piece of work

i dont like your kids she said the 1st time she met them

get rid of em….!

the father was a kinda weak character

we dunno much about this geezer

he was a wood cutter

i mean that wasnt easy work

dont spose he earnt that much dough either

i guess he cut up wood for other peoples fires

thats tiring thats a real slog

i guess hes raised these kids on his own

he met this woman n he thought things’d get easier

and its the middle ages for heavens sake

times were harder days were shorter life was cruel

so one day father leads hansel n gretel into the most lonely place

the black forests heart of darkness

did they even ask any questions as they entered the gloom of afternoon

beneath a cathedral of oaks and pine the sun blotted out far above

and curious eyes stare out from between the trees

did gretel say father where are we going ?

did the boy reach out to calm his twin by taking her hand

did the father look back in sorrow at the children in shadow

as the summer turned cold on their skin

as the inevitable black birds caw unseen

and the red spotted toadstools grow in little patches at the feet of the trees

father say stop here for a while i’ll be back soon

and the children sit there listening to his footsteps die away

the evil wife sits at home with her glittering black eyes

an awful smirk on her face as she looks in her mirror

and she places the girls little wooden doll on the fire

and the boys rough wooden sword goes up in smoke

and finally the father returns

shes naked waiting for him

but he turns away in disgust on the bed and cannot touch her

and that cottage is horribly silent there in that time n place

while the children out there with the wolves and the weasels

the poisonous plants the snakes and the vines

i mean theyre tough kids

they just never been in this part of the forest before

the paths interleaved between the trunks like a maze

returning nowhere fast just leading you on n on

into the interior of more n more trees

the boy  does what he can for his sister

remains calm n strong for her

even though he wants to give in to despair himself i guess

even tho the falling night

even tho the sounds he doesnt recognise

even tho nothing to eat or drink

even tho he knows father not coming back now

he puts his arm round her in the gathering dark

and sings softly some little song into her ear

hey you look so pale

acceptance/speech

everyone arguing over deckchairs on the titanic

mineral vegetal beast man devil god

this wild world whirling outside my sad room

inner world of memory

outer world of perception

in here out there

cant fight inevitability anymore

yeah someone says let it all go

oh what a beautiful feeling yes to let it all go

all of it the whole fucking she-bang

money drugs women music flesh n blood

success n failure land n sea

good n evil even

friend n foe let em go

furniture cars clothes machines schedules position

what will it avail thee?

the void you cant avoid

go to it empty handed

this anger that pervades my life..where does it live…?

in my head, in my heart, between my bones and skin…

i feed it n water it everytime i react

it grows round my soul strangulatin’ it

like a wheel clamp like handcuffs like the paddywagon

anyone can turn on ya

anyone can turn ya on

this is a bizarre world/life/ time

anything can happen as we approach year dot

no role is fixed

villains we finally see as heroes

heroes who fucked us over but good

kilbey youre obsessed by these paradoxes

intentions were good but results were bad

a selfish thing accidentally helps many

that fine line between X n Y

what am i saying? i dunno

just raving on a bit

trying to talk it all through

today i feel resilient n resolved

if i dont know right from wrong by now i never will

if i do the right thing n still get wrong results then i wont be the first

or the last

all those horses i led to water n none of em are fucking drinking

i tried to make em and i got angry they wouldnt touch a drop

the angrier i got the thirstier the horse

the thirstier the horse the angrier i got

it was a vicious little circle like a whirlwind sucking me in

boy tho its hard to let things go

easy to say hard to do

let it all go

the years the good n lean years all the inbetween years

still let it all go

release : open your hands n heart and let it all fall out

loneliness scares the hell out me…..why…?

let loneliness go

let happiness go

let youth and pleasure go

let age and pain go

if you let everything go then what is left?

ah well thats the one thing they cant take away from you, isnt it?

whatever remains after all the extras are deducted

your personality your psyche your ego n your id

your dreams and your schemes, yeah especially let em go

who is this advice for…..? just me

when i’m panicking when i’m hurting again

i gotta remember to let it go

when i’m celebrating when i’m soaring up high

baby still even more so in spades n then some

dont hold on to nothing no more

not time not space not men not women

let it flow through us

allow it to pass

transcend n mend n bend in that wind

think of jesus n krsna n johnny lennon

think of england if you like

think of whatll happen if you dont let go

and thats about it

i guess

same place as dreams i guess

same place love goes when it leaves us

same place as everything

into the churning turning void

the void which swallows up even time

a horrifying nothingness

a lovely extinguishment

ego rails against it

weary sinner longs for it

all roads are leading to it

suddenly its all over

soul and spirit separate

one last look back maybe if youre lucky

relive your life in some brief flash

compressed into a moment of everything

nights days words people places

glorious triumphs bitter defeats

good deeds bad deeds

is anybody out there keeping score….?

slowly all traces disappear from this earth

your clothes get given away eventually

no one remembers yer name

no one recognises yer photo

youre  just a grey blur in the background

youre  just a plaque on a wall no one reads

youre  just a number in a great catalogue thats meaningless

all those grand plans

all that thrashing about

all that stuff you learnt n forgot about

all the folks who loved n hated ya

all the money you earned n blew

left handed right handed handsome or ugly

yeah the void is there waiting impatiently

quiet huge inexorable

everything disappearing into its great maw

until its all gone gone gone

so far gone

n away

caption insensible

being in a play can be hard work

things are moving forward with our musical now

we are moving off scripts n into memory

ive learnt about 2 thirds of it now

but sometimes i reach for a line n come up empty handed

its quite a complicated play as far as things are all happ’nin’ at once

everybody on stage at once all doing different things

you gotta remember yer lines

walk along with another actor talking

without him obscuring you or you obscuring him

you gotta arrive in the right time at the right place

co ordinate yer motions so on a certain word a certain something occurs

theres people popping up all over the place a lot of the time

the directors got it all “blocked”

that means everyone has to know where to be n when

its not like being in a rocknroll band

then ya can just do whatever ya like at any old time

wanna do the splits or a mick jagger waddle?

wanna stand still wanna jump up n down?

sure…go for it…no ones gonna mind

but in a musical play you gotta remember a lot of stuff

you gotta know other peoples lines too because theyre cues

dont get in peoples way

dont turn yer back on the audience

be authentic be funny be sad be crazy be in tune

wow its a multi-disciplined doo dah and it takes a lotta concentration

you cant drift off for a minute or you could wreak havoc on yer play

drying up on a line is my greatest fear

an actor gives ya yer cue and you go to say yer line n its gone from yer mind

you might have rehearsed it a 100 times but it still is liable to get forgotten

you gotta hammer the lines into yer head

you feel terrible letting the side down

its like a footy team you all gotta be on the ball all the time

one false move n the whole thing can go outta control

well i’m not really an experienced actor so  this is all still somewhat new for me

next time you go see a play n the actors are all moving round seemingly at random

watch closely…its probably all tightly choreographed

its all been rehearsed n rehearsed until its tight

still the cast is excellent

john paul young is brilliant as the brutal drunkard akbar

cora IS gypsy fire with all her sorrow n joy

luke is the normal son in a van park full of weirdos, a deceptively simple gig

for someone only seventeen hes playing his part perfectly

catriona is the snobby english tourist the object of curlys desire

shes acting up a storm too

king curly is our band of musicians and theyre just right

the music is very catchy n the lyrics are pithy

great songs some of which could almost be hits

the plot n dialogue are engaging n our director john is resourceful n encouraging

i guess that leaves me n i’m doing my best as the pompous old hippy nebauchenezzar

hes a bit cosmic hes a bit wordy hes a bit of a heroic goose

sound familiar

i mean this part was made for me

now i gotta do it justice

yikes i should be learning my lines instead of typing this

nevermind i will do that right now

hope you can come to see this one in sept at the seymour centre

i sing i dance and i make some grandiose pronouncements

whatmore do ya want?

huh?

thunder pants

the clouds turn into tortured beasts writhing in some roman game

out of a blue sky suddenly pours rain

like a grey cloak trailing behind it

lightning cracks like whipping the storm before it

frazzled droplets of rain suspended in the dizzying air

flash thru the sunlight a shoal of points of light

the barbarous beasts in the sky mutate above you

a 2 headed bear snorts in chained pained silence

the clouds twist into improbable shapes

its an improbable uni-verse

the sky is advertising the future now

the weather reforms itself into scalded luxury as in salmon pink

my stomach sinks to behold this wonder

but i cannot tell you why

sometimes the magnitude of these things

maybe its just nothing

nothing and everything seem so close these days

that is a temporary perspective

all i got some clever words i found outside

i’d present them as my own some other time

i guess the storm blew them in

i guess its easier that way

brick layer

saturday night by the sea

the specific ocean

the briny depths

people roll in in waves

coming in for the night life

the night clubs (in spades)

the cafes n eateries

cashed up revved up

saturday night by the sea

families from the west lie about on the lawns

whales appear out near the horizon

cars cruise up n down neptune blvde

my falcon snorts and dives into the valley

the apartments blur by with names like seabreezes

and thetis court

and new hastings house

and the pubs open up the booze and verily it doth flow, my man

ten thousand pissed yobbos heads full of victoria bitter

and girlfriends sipping wight whine

and the high heels clacking down the footpath

waiters scurrying around with menus and wo-menus

and kids suck down vanilla milkshakes n bottles of coke

and the sea gulls come in for a showdown with the mynah birds

and the pigeons go round n round in the teaming air

and the cops jump in n out of their cars outside the station

could be a big night , constable griffiths

could be a long one, constable jones

iffy guys in tracksuits on their mobiles arranging pickup n delivery

i told ya no more credit…!  one em hisses into his phone

bouncers roll up their sleeves

tattoos abound

cigarettes and aftershave

complaining kids

dudes on their skateboards charging thru the crowds

a thousand ipods a’blasting

a thousand fingers a’texting

a thousand ring tones filling the air

surfers run along in their rubbery wetsuits

hoons in their lowered nissan skylines flood into the intersections

parties kick into life hesitantly at first

the crescent moon hangs there in the sky

sunset turns to a dirty polluted orange

people buy chocolate n energy drinks from the convenience stores

money changes hands

people kiss

people curse

people all alone

crazy lost souls stumble loose out amongst it all

a tentative spring seems to be arriving but its still a little chilly

my kids are s’posed to be cleaning up their room

nothing much happ’ning tho

they do anything to avoid picking their stuff up

my kitchen table is covered in plastic giraffes and books n hairbrushes

cameras fruit headphones dental floss

salt n pepper

pencils n pens n computer paraphenalia

the dishes have been done

the light begins to fade

i gotta learn my lines for the play

i feel kinda cold but then i always do

i feel a bit melancholy but then i always do

i feel a bit alone/aloof/ out of all the loops

i feel like i am not the only one

who feels like the only one

the sky turns pale violet

a plane comes in right over our roof

the birds still calling

as night is falling

its twenty to six

the kids make so much fucking noise i move into my bedroom to finish off my blogge

i keep saying ssshhhh! but they aint taking any notice

in my room its messy as per usual

clothes n books n stuff strewn about

i gotta learn my lines

i gotta know em off by heart

i gotta do some work but i feel disturbed but i always do

wish i felt safe

wish i felt warm

wish i could stop wishing for things

ooh sorry i ruffled all those feathers before

cant stand it when everyone gets angry with me

somedays ya cant pull a trick

shoulda been a monk somewhere tending to my roses

shoulda been a lighthouse keeper alone in the darkness of some bleak coast

shoulda been a long distance runner pumped up on endorphins

shoulda been a popstar surrounded by adoration ha ha

anyway i guess this is enough

my widget word counter says i typed over 600 words so there you go

its sat’day nite by the sea

its bloody bondi beach, aint it…?

yeah sure

yeah thar she blows

yeah cool

yeah ok

nighty night

piano forte ad astra nauseam

rainy rainy day here

wherever here is

its all an illusion

we are all interconnected

we perceive all this difference

maybe thats all bullshit

why listen to me

i got my ulterior motives i got my agenda

i got my whispering voices

i got my fears my prejudices my unreason

i got my nescience

i travel through time

i travel through space to my celestial sanctum

its a beautiful cathedral

no its a moonlit night in the arcadian forest

see the satyrs dancing on cloven hooves

see the dryads boogaloo as they leave their trees……

no, my sanctum  is a hindu temple carved in sanskrit aphorisms

i worship the great god vishnu lord of this universe…..

no it is a gentle garden where i walk with christ

oh what a profoundly beautiful evening

oh my jesus what a lovely cat….

the 21st century intrudes

i am a white bearded poet tapping on a computer keyboard

life slips away in drips n drabs

credits n debits appear on my screen

yama somewhere making his calculation

st peter at the pearly gates snorts in derision

kilbey ….? you gotta be joking….

hades doesnt even look up as i arrive…

he stamps my passport and looks at my visa under his ultra violet doo dah

out in the street a car beep beep beeps

a kid yells out in the house next door

my script lies open at page 47 which is still unsigned

in my bedroom with my clothes lying all around

my black jeans my black shirt my black undies

frankincense burns warding off them old evil spirits

everything happ’ning on these levels :

physical

mental

etheric

chemical

electrical

spiritual

and a load of others i cant even imagine right now

all energy comes from the sun

i before e except after c

verbs are conjugated

nouns form declensions

an oblong n a rectangle are the same thing

there are 7 types of ambiguity

a bass guitar is tuned E A D G

gouache is a kinda opaque watercolour

pat benatar said love is a battlefield

george harrison said i’d have you anytime

lou reed said heroin…its my life n its my wife

mel gibson said @#%$$$#$**&^%% n who can blame him…?

my mother once said  serves you right you bloody pig (after i ate too many cherries)

the clock said tick tock tick but never tock

the rain keeps a’fallin’

my play remains unlearnt

i cant concentrate with all these thoughts fallin’ like rain

with all this rain fallin’ like thoughts

glad i gotta roof over my head

glad i gotta head over my brain

glad i gotta brain in which to house my rolls royce mind

glad my rolls royce mind can dream up all this but wont/cant remember a few simple lines

glad i got kip n johnny c on my side in texas

fuck it i remember the alamo

n i remember thermopylae as well

i remember carthage too like i was there only yesterday

i had a carthaginian wife and those roman bastards killed all of us

i remember rome too we played there in 1986 didnt we

we drank red wine n ate prima vera con funghi n ploogy made everyone laugh

i met an italian girl n it was like she was out of the decameron or something

but the air assaulted me with its memories and i remembered other voices

cars slosh thru the rainy streets

the kids are watching tv

a toilet flushes

a light comes on

a fridge switches off

a plane flies overhead

my digestive juices do their gig semi autonomously

2 absolute fuckwits are vying for the job of aussie prime minister

one is an ugly awkward woman with a stupid accent

she dont believe in nothing except getting re-elected

shes got as much charisma as an used band aid

the other one is a silly little git whose a bit of a religious ratbag

hes a cocky little sod n heaven help us if he gets in

i cant stand either one n i wish theyd give me the fuckin’ job

at least i can play bass guitar and know what an oblong is

i’m prettier than her too with my lovely jawline

and i can speak english much better than both of em

he’s pretty fit for a politician but he didnt write utmw did he?

sure i had my chequered past but now i am re-formed, aint i?

still the rain falls n falls

i just ate some banana bread

i got a bit of a sniffle

i got a bit of a headache too from squinting at this friggin’ computah

you got your  troubles i got mine

i had some sour cream in my chili tonite so i’m a useless vegan

i’m going in for my second bout with the vine on thursday night

yeah thats ayahuasca to you smart ass…google it if you dunno what it is

i got some energetic block n i cant move forward

a good friend suggested i get back in the ring with the vine thing

i know i gotta vomit all night

i know i gotta shake n sweat n shudder n moan

i gotta get this all out in the open

the vine aint no drug it aint no kick it aint no re-creational malarkey

the vine is the power n the glory n i know its gonna set me straight

its like goin’ to the dentist

my fucking psyche needs a route canal, pal

i gotta swallow that suite medicine , man

i gotta get rid of all this bile, childe

but tonite its rain rain rain

the arse end of winter

cold in the pool

hot in the sauna

no billy today or his streetwise sagacious advice

for breakfast poached pear n rhubarb n muesli n soy hot chocky

coated my dry skin in shea butter …go on google that too

its from afrika you know

it 7 now n its dark n rainy

should get back to trying to force that play into my head

2morro i got rehearse n dont wanna let the side down

i bet everyone else knows their part by heart

ok i better stop now

get it together despite this inclement weather

aloha then

thats it……..

palmistry

different worlds different times

i take off all my close

just need one small in

just a title perhaps (mr)

just a hint (youre getting warmer)

other lives other voices

some invisible hand restrains me

some quiescent voice in my white hart deer

my crimson blood looks blue thru my veins

my tape recorder revolving round n round

its 5 to 11

i get nothing done

online beckons

feint preys  retreat almost exstinct

the first night without you watching over me

crackle of energy

discharged into the outerworld

back beaten track

black sheet of crack

taken aback

the wee small ours

i play every part

upload/ insert

draft edit remove

this cannot be undone

weariness

ugliness

seeing things again

tiny glitches in continuity  of yer reality

i tried to publish this a hundred times

but my keyboards just typing out weird bullshit from magnetic bedlam

i’m trying to learn my play but the words wont stick in my head

if you wonder what all those slashes are its my computers stuff

which once written it refuses to delete

oh well this is a far cry from saturdays blogge

take the ruff with the smooth you readers

once

i get this problem

fixed itll bee full stream ahead

stream of  (un)consciousness that is

much love

premium kilbey coming soon

hi kip n john

sk   y///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

me me me me me me me

ok

the poetry flows thru my mind to my fingers

a solid stream of words carried by electrical energy

created in some invisible place between my mind and my flesh

a mysterious process no one can understand

a tap is turned on and the nouns n verbs come

adjectives rush in to fill the gaps

all my memories n impressions go round in a vortex

random generator plugging spaces in various sentence structures

a meta console a furious storm a snapshot of someones face

being born moving towards the light

i dream i see a great deluge fall upon this world

i dream i see zebra patterns of sand streaked across my vision

i dream i see summer dressed in aquamarine materialize from the churning sea

poseidon rises from the green depths with a great roar of triumph

ilium in flames

lightning shoots through cretaceous  skies

we are bits of star

death renders us dumb

music plays under the waves

the blue wales a swansea morning

under milkwood under burnt oak

under myrtle sacred to aphrodite

god comes down to fuck mortal women

he doth find the daughters of men comely

mermen on the rocks plucking fender strats

shattering the balmy palatial antarctican spring

everything anything manything

the next line pops up

i already forgotten my life in nineveh

i had a house with a pool and a little garden

i walked to school in the tender sunlight

rose incense lit by nepalese fingers

in the pale days before ashtaroth deserted her temple

i dream i see me as i really am

forever both male and female

walking with jesus on route 66

walking with jesus to see the stones at the mammoth garden

jesus and krsna strumming E 9

jesus with such a great haircut

krsna jamming with his breathy flute

deep in the indian night

the lovely birds coo and warble in the aromatic arabian  dusk

open sesame for the alley barber doing shag cuts for demi gods

two little zip bags expensive white crystals

crystalline rush of my love holds sway

shiva with the ganges in his hair

adam n eve kilbey by the euphrates river

a fox appears by the edges of a field of visions

i dream i swim in cold clear salt water in which i breathe

gills and fins spring from my torque

i am a fish i am a car  i am a metallic bird

i am falcon i am panther i am w.h. moses

i dart thru dreamskies defying zero gravity

i strap on my bass as big as ceylon

the first note is earth

the second note is ether

the third note is sea

the fourth note is silent

my bass is my staff which is charged with cosmic mojo

my bass is creating universes which flow away in radiant concentrics

my bass summons baal n zeus n some distracted lucifer

lucifer plunges burning n screaming thru the blue morning air

its saturday

the shops are all open in the underworld

i buy some powdered nepenthe from ms gypsy fire

i buy sister/lovers on 8 track cartiledge

i swarm down from valhalla with my unicorn and lion

i tread lightly on cloud and tumble through the mirror

i welcome the age of aquarius from my yacht on sydney harbour

fireworks burst apart new years eve as we love on the balcony

i’m in a film about a film about a film about that actor playing me

i forget my lines and everybody laughs in the orient

zsa zsa gabor takes off her bra and suckles eastern europe

her milk white ass wobbles under a quicksilver tracksuit

quickly quickly the fire ripples upstream

i score a litre of liquid light from the man inner moon

i grunt as i enter elysium and fall headlong onto my feat

i feel around in the opaline darkness of pompeiian evening

jericho gazes at my big trombone

i frisk the cops that flee the implications of entropy

i invite some broad to my narrow digs

my trident logo slowly appears on the black screen

hesius dome downloaded from nep-tunes store

the dolphins swim before our beaked ships heading for ithacan hotspots

siegfried covered in dragons blood invulnerable except for his sacro-iliac

the african woman foams in her trance

everything is naked in its illusion

babylon where the sands drift and mirages graze

robert louis stevenson in samoa walking on a bridge with tim

marlo brandon in tahiti listening to untitled#24

aurora clooney her eyes swimming in her head

scarlet in the riviera grown up and ravishing

elli n minna identical but with differences

i am reduced to riches

the king of wands

the night of swords

the ace of daggers

the prints are ready

the queen of mercury

the jack of hammers

the knave of oblongs

les kilbey smoking a rothmans on d day n playin’ the piano

my mother as a little girl her house all bombed n ruined

london as i wanted it to be in 1967 welcomes me with open arms

in a little courtyard i drink tea with steve peregrine took

back in canberra i relive my choicest memories

my first kiss in my new mansuit i stick my tongue in the nights mouth

i walk down the hall in my old house and lay down on my sea bed

its always the holidays on the otherside

everyone loves me and the women are all beautiful

i pass my exams and i graduate as some famous doctor/lawyer/scientist

i can surf and i’m an olympian athlete with a land speed record

i can fly and swim and move underground and pass thru solid walls

i read your mind and i sift thru yer thoughts

i miraculously cure this world of its troubles

i prove one n one equals aura

wow! zeus digs me and i get initiated into the mysteries at delphi

uh oh it couldnt last …i am hounded from the jungle by lingerie clad nymphos

daybreaks into shards on the way to damascus

is that enough for now i wonder?

how do you know when a poem is over ? i ask andre breton

oh you’ll know…he says and hits spacebar

oh my laptop burns my thighs

i’d better stop now

while i’m still a head