The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

hello there
wherever you are
in this large world of ours
im here
in stockholm, 6 30 in the morning
the sun beating in now for a while
quite strongly
maybe today will be warm
well i finally got my swim n sauna in yessaday
and it felt a whole lot better
down at the pool
scoring some endorphins
elli + minnas b/day went very well
very happy with ipods
the only church song on the playlist…?
yep, you guessed it
under the wilky may
no they dont listen to us
i asked why not
coz youre our dad….its too strange
and thats the end of that
fair enuff
i dont really expect em too
maybe one day they will
but right now it aint happening

yes peeple
i do like augie march
i have most of their records
and did ya know they did a version of reptile
on a b side
(that wasnt that goode actually, not really their style)
and i think theyre quite clever
i do like the bjm
especially satanics second request
and this is our music
where anton gives a nice but weird little mention
on the inside cover
i met him on the beach once
with my kids
my dear mate rikki a on n off member of bjm
brought him down to meet me
but i was in relaxed suntanned family mode
and anton was all nervy hungover
or whatever the fuck hes on
and he just harangued me
and never listened to anything i had to say
huh?
i thought i was one of his heroes…?
hate to see how he treats the guys he despises
anyway i think hes a bit of a genius
hes a bit of a fucking character, thats fer sure
and i love the film of him n the dandys
but i just wish he’d try a little harder in the studio
but i still do enjoy his records
a lot more than mosta the tripe out there
afterwards it took me a while to recover from meeting him
such was the clash of agendas that day
but peter k saw em that nite
and thought they were brilliant
(and hes a hard druid to please
AND
anton threw some vodka at him or something)
but anton definitely plugged into that same endless source of songs
(sauce of songs)
that i tap into
once you know how
you could just write stuff forever
(and i will)
(and its gonna get better n better)
i would humbly suggest mr newcombe gets off the fags n booze
sticks to pot
and figures out a way to drive his “car”
without having the handbrake on at the same time
but as i said before
i wouldnt mind meeting him again
and maybe this time the twain could meet

i met one of my all time heroes
tom verlaine (nee miller)
he came on tour with us in 1988
he was a strange dude
penny pinching hilarious sarcastic weird man
nothing like what i expected
he treated me like a pesky kid
and i still vividly remember one day in the dead of winter
somewhere in the north east
we pulled into this hotel at about 6 am
verlaine rings me up 1o minutes after we check in
hey kilbey….you wanna go for a uh walk
ok tom i’ll be right there
we walk to the top of this hill
where theres a kinda resovoir or something
and then we see a couple of cars of black guys
with some nasty looking deal going down
and we start running
theyre chasing us
so we run into these woods
and verlaine is sprinting down this snowy wooded hill
like a prize stallion
while i on my shorter legs struggled along behind
i thinkin how weird this is
escaping from these villains with a guy i used to idolize
(and fiends, marquee moon IS one of the best records ever)
later i meet his mom n dad
outside a gig in philly
and his mom says
you make sure tom writes to me

so ya see meeting yer heroes aint never what ya expect
i know ive disappointed lotsa people
by being rude
disinterested
vague
stoned
argumentative
aloof
take yer pick
all of the above
(insert yer own badde sk experience here)
you project what you know of em
onto the real person
sometimes it dont fit
i dont walk around spoutin’ poetry all day
and neither did verlaine
he was trying to dry his socks on our bus all the time
etc etc
so buyer beware
we are all actors
actin’ out our parts
and if ya come backstage
you may see something else again
you werent expecting

my friend markus s
here in stockholm saw the boss play a few weeks ago
he said hes very preacher like etc
until a guy whips out his mobile phone down the front
and starts filming/bootlegging
the boss drops the act
and says in a very nasty way
put that away or i’ll kill ya!

see
there are no saints in show biz
i bet young bono can be a real prick
in fact the last few times i caught him on the telly
he was a total turkey
and i fucking HATE it if i/we get compared to them
there aint no comparison
even
worse being australias answer to rem
puh leese!!
we aint australias answer to anything
we the orrible ‘urch from bondi beach
and we are totally different kettle of fish
to those most ordinary vapid boring rem
i hate em
nor do echo n the rabbitboys have much in the common
tho i like them a lot more than u2s pompous dribble
and rems tepid tripe

nobody really knows our influences
except us
but most people are way off the fucking mark
when they start citing any of those guys
sing like bono?
i’d rather rip my larynx out with my bare hands
peter n mart play like peter buck?
they were both better than him
25 years ago
i wish he had gone down for slinging the yoghourt round
on the fucking aeroplane
and it was only prince bonos testimony that saved his pudgy neck
geese of a feather flock together
c’mon bring on yer abuse
i can take it
anyway
what does it matter
theyre all billionaires
and im just sk, unemployed of north bondi
and i hate it when people think
i’m copping my schtick from turkeys
who i cant stand
now
if you said bill nelson
or steve harley
or richard strange
or john foxx
i will happily confess to absorbing their trips
but bono or stipe
gimme a brake!!!??

any way if i wanna get my numbers up
all i gotta do is mention iraq
and yessaday i scrolling thru some bloggs
and not too far away from my own mine of useless information
is a blogg terrorism news
all you pro war fuckwits should have a read
and see whats going on there
it dont seem the iraqis ARE too jazzed with democracy after all
and i still stick to my “guns”
that NO MATTER WHAT THE FUCK SADDAM WAS OR WASNT DOING
THAT CAN NEVER< WILL NEVER
JUSTIFY U.S. MARINES SHOOTING A BABY AS IT LAY IN ITS BED
any attempt to justify that with some half baked half assed statistics
(which my friend the ever youth ful merrick so sagely debunked, anyway)
is just sophistry
yeah, dude
and the vietnamese really appreciated what happened there too
if you like the war
if you like guns
fuck off from my blogg
you dont deserve an opinion here
cos most of us get our stomachs turned
when OUR side commits these kinda atrocities
and as some american general said
its the tip of the iceberg
so dont bother commenting
just piss of
or go to iraq yerself and gun down some babies for jesus and democracy
yeah
im sure iraq under saddam was hell
but it was their hell
not ours
now we given em our fucking hell
and they dinnae want it!!!
leave em alone
it aint our business

ranting n raving here
its easy to say stuff
WHEN IT AINT YOUR BABY GETTING HER HEAD BLOWN OFF
do ya think that mother(if she lived)
can appreciate democracy???
do ya go round yer neighbourhood
pacifying all the arguments ya hear behind closed doors?
so goodbye
piss off
to some other site
burn my cd s
whatever you like
just please dont tell me why us anglos
killing a kid could ever ever ever
be a good thing
maybe im ignorant
but im never gonna see it
and if i aint misjudged my readers
99 per cent of them aint seeing it either
and i hate having my blogg hi jacked for yer pro death bullshit

any way
thats off my chest
i guess i’ll leave ya all to yer lovely lives
im gonna lap up the swedish sun while it last
before the clouds come, uninvited
oh
whatta slick ending, sk
you olde cleverdick
much love
and
peace
me

god moron fiendar
hur mar ni?
its 6 43 in the morning
stockholm calling
elli n minnas 15 b/day
gotta sing the swedish birthday song
vi gratulerar….etc
johnny garratt says tell us some swedish swearwords
well
the swedes swear religiously
if you told someone in swedish to get fucked
theyd be puzzled….
isnt that a nice thing…?
in sweden the cursing is all about
devils, damnation, hell etc..
a little scatalogical stuff i guess
but it always seemed so mild to me
the other weird thing with that is that the swedes
are not particularly religious
unlike say the italians or spanish
so religous swearing is doubly strange
italians say “pig-god” is one of the worst things you can say
but in english it doesnae do the trick at all
so in swedish if you say someone is a damned devil from hell
thats something akin to being the oedipal conjunctive (mofo)
the swedes look like us anglos
but theyre a bit different
more reserved
a little more chilly maybe
(till they get a few voddies into em)
swedish is not a hard language for english people to learn
unlike, say, hungarian or chinese
a lot of its roots are the same
but swedes put many words together
instead of coming up with a completely new word
for example in english we say a vetenarian hospital
they say djursjukhus
(an animal sick house)
so english has many many more words than swedish
i always thought of it as being a bit like old english
more earthy or something
although my pronunciation aint TOO bad
i dont have the melody
and i cant roll my “r”s right either
tho i can roll my arse
(you should see me do yoga)
swedes got a little melody going when they speak
and without that
your swedish sounds abysmal
i gotta good vocab
and i can read newspapers n watch tv
without having to translate in my head
but im not really what youd call fluent
(e and m refuse to talk swedish with me…
but they also hate talking english with their mum)
the swedes are a good looking race
almost the “aryan” ideal
theres not a lotta obese people here
and they love sailing and the sea
they enjoy their culture n stuff
and not as philistine as the anglos
theyve produced some great music
great films n actors
and have made quite a mark on this world
for such a tiny little country
swedish words in english
include smorgasbord
(lit. sandwichtable)
and ombudsman
(someone who is at yer bidding)

altho the swedish women are beautiful
they are also quite “feministic”
for want of a better word
and woe betide any man who tries to treat em
like a “sex object”
theyre pretty affluent as well
and a lotta swedes gotta an apartment in the city
and a country house
and even a yacht or boat
they aint been involved in any wars for a long long time
(now if only everyone thought like that)
they like to travel abroad
but they nearly always eventually come home
they have loadsa traditions based on seasonal stuff
and pagan days
and the anglo life can seem a little bleak to homesick swedes
karin was always complaining about australias lack of seasons
i guess the summer/winter thing is crucial to swedes
which is why i feel so sorry for em
after having gone thru a long dark winter
and they get an overcast cold summer
the swedes LOVE the sun
you would too if you only got it a few months of the year
and its strange that i feel
a million more times at home here than in the u.s.
or england
its weird im an english /australian
with swedish and american kids
i got my head in 4 cultures at once
and can see the good and bad sides of em all
some people think im anti american
but obviousl my wife is american from west virginia
so i cant be that bad, can i
i just see it all from my vantage point
and some americans ive met have been the very nicest
most hospitable and kind people
i ever met in my travels
the americans seem more confused than anywhere else
and also the least likely to know much
about anywhere else
anyway
soon its time to wake the twillies
and”decorate their
day with flowers and leaves”
as the song goes
the twillies live on the 4th floor
of a big old swedish house
with big airy rooms
and a great view of sodermalm
or south stockholm
the sun was up early today
shining in the window at 3 in the morning
which adding to my not quite conquered jetlag
has me a little upside down
ellis best friend julia arrives
looking like a aussie adolescents wet dream
all yellow hair blue eyes and high cheekbones
yep shes a bloody stunner
and she thinks the twills dad is a little nutty but nice
if this girl had turned up at lyneham high during my day
it woulda been all over for everyone else
but beauties like this are pretty common in sweden
so no one pays much attention to em
elli and minna are planning to spend a year in high school
in sydney next year
and i can only imagine the scenes when they turn up for school on
the first day
anyway its time to open presents
i gottem two nano ipods
and all i can say is thank god i didnt have triplets
im gonna speak to ya all tomorrow
much love
stefan kilbeyssson

oh yeah
im back
its another day
the angry man has departed
that furious fool has left the building
its 17 n overcast
last nite i watch bruce springsteens doco
on making of born to run
plus live at hammersmith in 75
born to run , fiendss
whatta fabulous record
every song a classic
but i specially love backstreets
been listnin to this record for 32 years now
still in love with it
still marvel at its intricacy n depth
dont much care for a lotta stuff the boss did later
but on this one it all came into focus
the boss seems like a pretty nice kinda guy too
and whatta lotta werk went into these songs
if you aint heard it lately
check it out

and this leads to me a curious phenonomen
which i might have mentioned before
the generation gap in music…
yessaday ellis mobile rings
playing the arctic monkeys
elli: why dont you like it dad
me: its amateurish n awkward
elli: you dont understand

hmmm
but i do understand
it aint like my dad listnin to t rex
he really DIDNT understand
there had been a huge gulf between the stuff he dug
and what i dug
he couldnae abide the electric guitar for a start
and he didnae care for non-singer singers(dylan, reed or me)
he liked trumpets n pianos
and he wanted his singers to SING
but
with the arctic monkeys
theres been no great leap forward
if she’d been listnin to rap
she coulda said you dont understand
and she’d have been right
but whats to understand about the monkeys
its still the same old same old
spotty youths with guitars etc
nothin new except its truly fuckin mediocre
oh well
im crashing at me mates place
markus s
hes got all these music mags everywhere
n loads a cds
i read that arcade fire n bright eyes are the best records ever
i stick em on
sorry
i hate to say it
theyre ok, i guess
i fail to find the stuff that reviewrs are
hyperboling about
the guys who reckon the church are bland/tired/ old hat
i dunno
its hard to be objective
(actually its impossible)
whats all the fuss about
search me
it seems theres more heart wrenching action
in one of the bosses intros than in the arctic fire
or arcade monkeys or bright eyes
(bright eyes…what a flaccid name….!!?)
so i cant believe i dont understand the new rock
or post rock
or whatever
it just seems ordinary
nothing marvellous happning
nor any attempt to be marvellous
(now people gonna write in
listen to this
listen to that…
ok im open for suggestion i guess
but make sure its marvellous before ye recommend)
yesterday i meet the twillies best friends
i get the thumbs up which is nice
minna: my friends ask me what you look like
me: what do ya tell em
minna: i say you look like an olde rocker
then later
the twillies both seem happy that their friends reckon they have
my eyes n my nose n my shape face
i hated it when people said i looked like my parents
i wanted to spring into being fully formed…
but no
the twills take it as a compliment
its strange to be surrounded by gorgeous 15 year old swedish girls..
oh if only it was like this at lyneham high…
i say to elli
its weird to see you guys so grown up now
almost women, shapely n beautiful
i almost dont know how to act
elli laughs..
its so much different our relationship
than what i had with les n joyce when i was 15
we are much closer
no parental distance
i act the clown and we all laugh
i dont need to pretend to be a “father”
we giggle n carry on in an indian restaurant
oh my daughters
i aint been the most reliable dad for ya
but you guys are such fine fine young ladies
enuff of this sentimental schmaltz
sorry if its too sickly sweet for ya
but you should see em
theyre fucking identical knock outs
anyway todays swedens national day
everything kinda closed
dunno what we’ll do today
it aint like summer out there
thats for sure
whatta strange olde place sweden is
the headlines from the paper
swedes favourite beaches to “make love”
and cocaine is flooding the suburbs
(better than rain, i reckon)
the swedes hate drugs almost more than anyone
i was atta party once
where everyone was so pissed on vodka
i lit up a little spliff n people
were literally jumpin outta windows
to getta way
junkies cant get clean needles here
(fuck em let em get aids says the govt)
i saw a poster once of a girl before n after hash
before she made mary poppins look like linda lovelace
after just one puff atta party she made keef richards look healthy
how can ya trust proper gander like that?
prostitution is not illegal here
for the prostitute
but the clients get busted
alcohol is only sold in govt shops
you have to ask fer what ya want
and they go out back n get it
you cant pick it up yerself
which means there are always loadsa alkies out front of the shops
plus frustrated people waiting in the enormous queues
for a bottle of plonk
what a stupid system
what it means is people stock up
and stock up
and drink more instead of less
the system causing the opposite of what it
ostensibly intended
just like the liberty n freedom loving
coalition of the willing
gunning down iraqi babies n children in their beds
yeah
thatll make those crazy arabs love us

fiendss
as soon as one child is hurt
i reckon its not worth it
how many innocent iraqis have to fucking die
before we say enuff is enuff
god bless america?
i doubt it somehow
not after shit like that
its all going wrong fiendss
what can we do
bush is a murdering bastard
him n blair n howard should be tried for
cold blooded murder
they should get the fuck outta there
and we should get some pot smoking hippies in charge
like me n merrick n ra
people who love people
etc
when will we ever ever EVER
fucking learn
hate can only beget hate
war kills
guns kill
children will die
blood will flow
its so fucking obvious
i ‘d hate to see bushs next incarnation
a jackal?
a shark?
howard will definitely be a worm
hes almost turned into one now
blair is an opportunistic prick
hell probably be an arctic monkey
im outta here fiendss
gonna catch up with the twillies
love
roving reporter
sk

hiya fiendish ones
im having a badde day here in stock home
this is my 2nd attempt at writing to ya today
i wrote a long bloggy at ellis until suddenly
the computer over fucking heated
and hey presto my bloggy vanished into the ether
i swearing in swedish n english
elli running round half scared half laughing
i lie down on the floor groaning
daddy you should blah blah and attach and blah
and save and blah
i look up into her beautiful face
she massages my shoulders gently
do you want some calming tea daddy
calming tea?
CALMING TEA???
i fume n rant n rave
ok ok
i say
im gonna go swimming
good idea daddy
swim all that anger off

ok now im getting really worried
i DID just try n save this
and it told me
in swedish
that the page cannot be found
so now what?
anyway
the pools were all closed
cos tomorrows a holiday
(so howcome theyre closed today?????)
i walk to all the pools
fuming all the way
but theyre closed
now do any of ya know about the 3 doshas
the doshas in hindu/vedic medicine
are like the 3 types
everybodies a mixture of the 3 types
vata….wiry, mercurial
kapha calm, slow
pitta, hot, angry
fiendss
im pure pitta
i got the pitta hair type
i got the pitta face n teeth type
im at a pitta stage of my life
the upside of pitta is ambition, energy
the downside is anger
i get so angry
i get so fucking beside myself
i use up weeks of energy in one explosive blast
so the pools being closed gets me really going
you motherfuckers im yelling against a closed door
let me in
i need to swim
i gotta work this off in cold water
ah….for an hour at my beloved icebergs
then i walked all round stockholm looking for a plug
so i can use my computer, ipod speakers etc
nope
they look at me blankly like im a moron
australian to swedish…grins one shop asst
after another

now im getting
“can not connect to blogger.com…test connexion now”
great
just great
more anger
where is the calm sage of a few days ago
gone up in a cloud of anger n frustration
i can quote the gita till the sacred cows come home
but when i lose mah bloggy
when the pools are closed
i fucken do my block
some pathetic little prick gives us another mediocre review
more anger
yeahh yeah andrew mueller
or mule for short
yeah we were so ordinary at the borderline, werent we?
i bet the stuff you do at home on yer computer is so great
it shoulda been you up there, shouldnt it?
you know how to do it better than us dontcha
and the audience musta been idiots for liking it as well
yeah sure
people ll be reading yer reviews for years to come
and bon bon
you can write whatever you fucking well like me old fruit
it was a CARDBOARD BOX
im sure theres a million arty rationales why
it was a brilliant cardboard box
but to me
i say
the emperor has no clothes on
art is sposed to resonate somewhere in ya
theres good art
theres bad art
and theres BULLSHIT
the cardboard box was BULLSHIT olde son
either that
or every guy workin in the post office is picasso
i dunno
i dont care about the concept behind it
john cages 5 minutes of silence
is the same as any other 5 minutes of silence
and a box is a box is a box
thats how i see it
yer entitled to yer p o v
but i reckon yer deluding thy goode selfe
anyway
im calmed down a little
i am a pitta type
and im prone to rage
im sorry
you guys are my therapy
i wrote ya a real good bologg about sweden
but it all went to magnetic heaven
so maybe i’ll try again tomorrow
i love ya fiendss
but watch out when im thwarted
i become a madman
anyway
it was a relief to geddit all off my chest
its about 6 30 here in stocko
i gotta reconnect with my twillies
dont worry about elli
shes seen it all before
shes a brave and beautiful flicka
and i love her so much
her sis aint too badde either
musta got it off their mum
cos i cant stand myself whenever i get like this
is this my lesson to learn?
to be thwarted n remain calm…?
i let it all hang out for ya here
so i hope i havent ruined your day as well
behave yerselves
its only 15 here too , gareth
must say im a lil disappointed in the weather
ITS SPOSED TO BE FRIGGIN* SUMMER
FAAAN JAVLIGT VÄDER
anyway
i loves ya
i needs ya
will this missive even make it to the site
???
bye bye bye
s k

hello little fiendss
yep
i made it out alive
i arrived in sweden this arvo
not expecting to be met at the airport
but gotta lovely surprise
when 2 charming young ladies were waiting for me
olde daddy gets kinda misty
so nice to see them again
grown up even more
looking quite healthy
(cept for e’s nasty scar on back of neck
like a livid red train track disappearing
up into her head)
wow
its only 15 degrees here
and the place seems utterly deserted
like almost no one on the street
the twillies look at all the latest pix of baby bouncer
and the doodles
(on my ipod!!)
gee its good to be here again
despite chilly weather
i feel more at home here than anywhere in the world
except for bondi
the customs men ignore me
everything goes fine n smoooth
little tired still
but tomorrow i’ll hit the pool
and should be back to normal
blogging like a fucking daemon for ya

i’d like to say a big hello to eduardo and his lovely wife
who i met in bilbao
i hope your little one in heaven will watch over my children
it made me so sad when you told me youd lost your little son
aged only 2 years old
the kind of pain only another parent can understand
edu has 200 church records
and is a true fan
as well as a lovely man
the people in spain were just amazing to us
encouraging , warm, passionate
the crowd in madrid even stopped smoking cos i
was losing my velvety voice
which was nice of em
actually it was one lone australian
that insisted on smoking right in front of me
as well as a wally from brisbane who was yelling out
all thru the budapest gig
so watch out
dont be an ugly australian
(too late for me, fiendsss)
anyway look
i know there aint been much “meat” on my bloggs
for a cuppla daze
but all will be rectified soon
when i get back to my usual preoccupations
of dope
vishnu
narnia
t rex
yoga
the hcchur
etc etc etc
all the stuff you want n need n more
anyway
im one happy olde rocka tonite
gonna have a little walk now with twillies
they gotta go to school tomorrow
i can sleep in
take it easy
no more flying for two weeks
just flying on the ground
(whatever that means, neil….?!!)
so from the far north
yep
even further north than byron bay
its over n out
i love ya
will be back with proper
rant
diatribe
harangue
etc
tomorrow
sk

back in blighty fiendss
will fly to sweden tomorrow

i left ya yesterday at the pub nexta the gig in mad-rid
ok ok ok
well we did our gig
it was next ta sold out
they loved us
we were really goode
we were really together
they sang along to a lotta songs
probably our best show from some points of view
afterwards we get to hotel at 3 am
we get up at 6am
ride to airport
fly argentinian airways to gatwick
then a train
a taxi
tp gone to brighton to visit his sis
pk n i back at columbia hotel
i go off tomorrow morning to sweden
pete flies tomorrow nite to aust
the tour is over
hungary, london n madrid all big success
bilbao not too badde
dublin….well just say our oirish career
dont look too promising
cant see us ever playing there again
but who knows….
?
i’ll happily go there again
but i think we have almost no demand
lets see what ‘appens wiv it

myself
im gonna visit my daughters e and m
see whats going on there
visit my swedish friends
the krallmanne
and mr marcus s
hang out in stockholm
i’ll be down eriksdahlsbadet in my bondi swimmers
doing my laps
youll see me there if yer lucky
or walkin round sodermalm
with my identical twillies
back in oz
scarlet bouncer has the croup
and e and a have made cookies
the european tour
such as it was is over
thanks if you came along
thanks to all the usual suss pects for yer help
specially sir kevin n
sir juan
the white widow
belfy
welfy
ah you know who ya are
no more bathing in glory
thank you
for helping this olde rocka to rock hard
plenty o life in this olde beast yet
i love ya like brothers fiends
ya always there for me
we got each other at least
we been thru a bit
we carried a bit of weight
mucho love
mucho kisses
love is all around you
hey krishna
hey rama
hey vishnu
narayana

next:
the swedish series of bologgs
direct from sunny stockholm n more
swimming eating and shopping in skanda
twillies 15th birthday on 7th june
then a months rest back in oz
then…….
the u s tour
will they let me in this time…?
ok here we go again…..

i love ya
sk

bilbao
we do some interviews on spanish radio
sk despite all his sage advice on yon bologg
totally loses it when some git called armando
keeps screaming something in basque
in my headphones when we trying to record some songs
the second time he does it
i rip the phones from my ears n hurl em against the glass
separarating him from me
he runs off in a huff
he dont realise i got tinnitus
and that pain in my ears bypasses my rational mind
and sends me straight to angersville
fuck him
theres about 20 spaniards
all arguing with each other in the station
as they try to mike us and record us
spain is the land of argy bargy
at the restaurant we trying to determine
how vegetarian the food is
and eventually it seems we have the 2 waitresses
the chef
the owner
plus the dudes putting on the show
all yelling in spanish or basque or both
at each other
as angry as all get out
the argument dies down
but no body still is any the wiser
they all wade in again
people from other tables even joining in
i take a chance on a bowl of bean soup
and it IS vegetarian
phew
id have to say the spaniards and particularly here
in basque country
are the least likely people to be able to speak inglese
that you seem to come across in europa
(not that they should speak english, mind you..!)
i reckon youd even have more chance in hungary
of stopping some random geezer on the street
and find that he could speak english
than here
any waythe spaniards ask the same strange questions
they were asking when we first came here in 1982
whats the psychedelic scene in australia like(!!!???)
who are our influences(!!!???)
is it good to work with waddy wachtel…?
why have we come to spain
etc
then the quesstion about grant
did i know him etc
i suddenly get teary and very sad
ive become something of a walking eulogy for my olde mate
not that i mind, mind you
but just that it happens a lot
he was a beautiful cat i say
later back at the hotel
i chuck on a cd given to me by
sir lord count earl prince belfrank
of the frosties on kcrw in la
they just put us in a studio
and let us talk
and theres some classic steve n grant patter
that had me in stitches some 15 years later
i start playing streets of our town
grants going yes yes steven..we got that one covered
and just hearing his laugh when he asked me
who thought up the name jack frost
i say..well that was me( it was actually him)
grants chortle of outrage is classic
we do some great versions of some songs
grantley adlibbing stuff like
you should read my diary..
i dunno
the guy is never

far from my thoughts
so last night after dinner
(i had asparagus spears for dinner
it was the only vege thing i could find…)
timmy p comes up to mah roomy
we smoke some chocolate
(what the spanish call hashish)
we listen to exile on mainstreet
tim goes off to his room
i lie down n dream
im trapped in this terrible dream
it seems to go on all night
me n natalie living in brisbane
someone calls says grant is dead
i go round his place
hes there and moving around
but i can somehow see that he is dead
i implore him to stick around
god it looks so much like him in my dream
hes saying all the kinda things he would say
but steven, im dead now
no grant no
you dont have to go
im getting desperate
grant seems pretty calm
i go back home to natalie
in our shack one night in brisbane
i go back to grants
hes disappeared
but theres some strange guy there
taking grants stuff away
no no no im crying you cant do this
the guy ignores me
hes packing up grants guitars n stuff
i run off down a dreamstreet
grant dont ever leave me im saying like a mantra
promise you wont leave me here
eventually from outta heaven
or in my heart
i hear that soft melodious voice
no steven, i wont leave you
i feel reassured
its alright now
grants given me his promise
and
grant would never go back on his promise..
i wake up
a cold sweat
im in a spanish motel room
although the dream has tortured me for hours
i feel grantleys unmistakable presence
his calmness, his quiet quiet heart
wow
what a trip
i come down to breakfast
and write this blogg to you
lets speak tomorrow
sk

ps big hi to kitty kat up in darwin
she knows what a sad dream that was….

morning fiendss
yep
im in spain
im in bilbao
on the north atlantic coast
lovely little hotel
full of art for arts sake
great room
al mod cons
makes the columbia hotel in london
seem like a prison
this is my home for a few days
and im happy to be here
i feel moreorless neutral towards spain
it aint on my a list like switzerland, holland, hungary,italia
but it aint on my z list like you know where
(the states, france, blighty)
its on my neutral list,
along with germany and belgium and i dunno
as if these countries give a toss what ole sk thinks
so here we are
marty in his element speaking spanish
(i dont like that lisping much tho……)
hello to
manfred u
a lovely german hippy
hello to johnny garret
hello to denise
hello to jaime r
hello to d and t that i met in sydney at the winebank
amanda princess, my greek friend
in melby
hello to nicky s in dublin
to donald b in melby…hows my jack frost videos going
to my friend and brother the mud man
to the guys in colourado
to holly j, my arty mannyger
to gee none, my poetry coordinater
to all the rest
rikki m
belfy
nicky l in putney
(druid, that cd HIT THE FUCKING SPOT)
to boy d, i love ya
ya wifes lovely
and yer son is twice as handsome as you
to altres, my saviour
all the rest of ya
im so in love with you all

i pay my obeisances to vishnu
the most glorious gorgeous magnificent one
he who lets our eyes see
and our ears hear
who makes everything happen in its own goode time
someone wrote in yesterday
why vishnu
why krishna
cant my god be nameless…?
yes he can
god is so kind
he will come to you no matter
my wife n my mother n my brothers call me steven
my friends call me steve
the guys in the groop call me killer
my doodles call me daddy
sometimes the twillies call me papa
the guy in the bank calls me mr kilbey
a guy on a bus might call me sir or mate or hey you
i’ll fucking answer to any of those names
if you need me, if you wanna talk to me
but
like
people
i been searching since i was born
ive dabbled in the lot
drugs, magic, christianity
new age
nlp,alp
i read the koran
i read the bible
i read the pali sutras of buddha
but
for me
the sublime thinking mans way
is bhakti yoga
devotion to god
to krishna
to vishnu
if i was god
id sure appear to humanity as vishnu
but my wife is a devotee of ganesha
the elephant god
we got more statues of old jumbo in our house
than ya can shake a wand at
for her she speaks to lord ganesha
and he answers
the hindus say vishnu has one thousand names
such are his attributes
on the battlefield of the mahabharata
arjuna implores krishna to reveal himself
in his universal form
krishna obliges his friend and devotee
but the sight is more than he can stand
so terrible and inexorably beautiful it is
“i saw whole universes being swallowed up in your mouths”
he begs krishna to return back to his human form
it was all too much
we have personalities and form
god can be formless, huge
a raging electrical void
but its hard for us to have a relationship with that
god is our father
fathers have personalities
god takes on the personality his devotee wishes
god can be your friend
your parent
your child
your lover
dont put limitations on it
vishnu/krishna was the one who came to me
when i hit that bottom
i know
but then again thats how i approached him
if you call for jesus
or shiva
or some goddess
if you call sincerely and needfully
im sure they will appear in these forms
in fact
it occurred to me
when vishnu did come to me that time
that it was more like
that i removed the barrier keeping him out
like taking a seal off something
it was me keeping him out
he was all around
but i was shutting him out
he will flow if you remove the barrier
of course as they say in narnia
aslan aint a TAME lion
meaning god aint at yer beck n call
you gotta mean it
you gotta work at it
i been up for three hours
bathing, purifying my body
chi gong
yoga
meditation
practising this art of communing with god
you think i could play bass n write songs
without years of practice
everything needs practice
you gotta work long n hard
marty speaks fuckin fluent spanish
i dunno a word
but he put those long hours in years ago
i didnt
i cant complain if i didnt do any work
atheism is a bit like that
you dont get results outta nothing
you have to figure it all out
i told ya
after 26 years in this groop
im only just beginning to sing
thats a lotta practice
how much harder if ya wanna walk n talk with jesus
nothing here comes easy…just like that
so i say to ya
read the gita
do some yoga
still your mind
then
and only then
if ya get no results
write back and tell me im jiving ya
proofs in the pudding baybee
you gotta do the homework (unfortunately)
a sublime bit of hindu philosophy
a master and a pupil
“master where does god reside”
the master says
“go to that yonder fig tree and pluck its fruit”
the pupil does so
“now cut the fruit open..what do ya see”
“i see these tiny black seeds”
“now crack a seed open what do ya see now?”
“master, there is nothing there”
ah says the master
that
that nothing
is the power behind everything.
its huge
its infintessimally tiny
its everywhere
its nowhere
get yer head round the paradoxes
you have to
this western world says
things are a or b
eastern world says things are both a and b and yet neither
when i 1st wanted to play bass n sing
i had to learn to deal with that little tiny paradox
my brains going whoah boy
i cant do both these things
i can only do one or the other..
i had to learn a way to do both
now its so easy for me its hard to imagine
a time i couldnt do it
i had to straighten out my brain
who was the “i” straightening out my brain
ah
that was the self
the one self
the same self
in every one of us
in the rocks
in the trees
in the aquatics
i guess even in some motherfucking idiot like georgie bush
there is that one self
that simply knows
how to do everything
the trick
to shut up yer mind
that dont know hardly anythin’
so you can hear the subtle message of the self
so thats why
i work on myself 2 or 3 hours a day
so the self
the brahman
the vishnu in my heart
can be heard
can whisper its knowledge
to my lumpen brain n body
cos i wanna hear that voice
i dont fucking care bout the world cup
(the beautiful game…HA!!)
i dont care bout the pop charts
wall street index
the bad n mediocre reviews ultc is getting
by people who obviously didnae listen
i dont care about yer gossip rags
or bread pitts new diet
or prince harrys new abortion
or whatever
i just wanna hear that sweet voice
we all have inside us
if you were at the borderline
you witnessed the result of my hard work
at rehabilitating my lazy middleaged puffy slob
that i was
into what im trying to become
its a work in progress
for 52 years
i aint even half a % there yet
im still arrogant angry revengeful
lustful greedy etc etc
(insert yer own most loathesome sk quality here)
but im gonna keep on trying
one of the side effects of this process
will be my songs n singing getting better n better
the happiness of my band
the communication with y’all
i thought the cchhur was MY band
nope
its all our band now
im just in control
but im trying to take on all yer dearest expectations
n actualise em for ya
a huge gig, my fiendss
i wont let ya down
our next album will be better
the next after that better still
i will be getting older AND better
till i drop off my perch
i am committed to you
i am committed to creating beautiful pop music
(to answer fandorins question)
i only realised that in the last 4 years
the guy before that wasnt me
he was a half me
not trying
not caring
tossing off the goode with the badde
but no longer
im gonna give ya the best of my love
you will be able to depend on it
i have surrounded myselves with players n producers
the calibre of tp, mwp, pk
simon pollywaffle
jeffy caino
mr kennedy
g bennie
im gonna give ya some goode stuff before i go
and i aint planning on goin anywhere fer a while

anyway that leaves me here
in bilbao
in a little hotel by the river
mountains all around
spaniards in the works
gigs to do
interviews to bullshit my way thru
people to meet
skies to see
gods to adore
im so excited by it all
the wonder of it all, baybee
its great being sk
i used to hate it
i hadda spend 500 bucks a day on smack
to get away from myself
now it aint so badde
i put in the hard yards
i beginning to see a light at the end o the tunnel
yes i still get angry when i lose my bologg
after typing it to ya for 2 fucking hours
yes i still have a million faults
very few virtues
im a human being
but i got lord vishnu sitting in my heart of hearts
and he and i got a tiny dialogue going
i love you people
please dont give up on it all
there IS a whole lotta hurt before ya get to the bliss
but you CAN get thru
bye bye blackbird
steve(n)
xxxxxx

good on ya belfrank
ya talked me into buying some manuka honey
it saved mah voice
it coated me throat
it gave me the energy
yer olde mum was right
i owe ya another one
take another knighthood
take another childhood
whatever
you saved my voices ass
(!?)
yes yes yes
what can i say
the hchcur were brilliant
we rocked
we rolled
we shook our beatle booties
2 shows
4 hours playin n singin
with a fucked throat
can only thank this miracle manuka honey
got me thru
the london audience were the best
people i say i love you
i love you
i thank you for making it what it was
yes i am an extremely charismatic talented man
handsome debonair suave
possessed with talent in spades
yes thats all true
but what am i without a lovely audience
like you guys n gals
to worship n adore me
and buy my merch
it was nice to meet ya all
it was nice to shake the babies
and kiss yer hands
you were great
i dont know what to say to ya always
you said some kind things
“steve, i just wanna say youre my fave singer ever
and you got me thru divorce/disease/the death of my budgie
ad without yer music i’d be a goner”
me “oh, thanks”
i mean what do ya say when people say that stuff
sometimes i cant cope
and i say goofy stuff
try and joke it away
people we designed this music to move ya
just sometimes its hard to deal with it
when ya tell us…
but i appreciate it
i appreciate you
in swedish
jag uppskatter er
you all mean something to me
we are all in this together
im making the music that you wanted to make yerself
ya just didnt have the obsession that i did
to learn to put it together
but im just doing what we all wanna hear in fucking pop music
you know stuff like feeling and evocation
and ambiguity and invocation
and all those ingredients robbie willy-ams
and fleety streety dont put in their cake
i dont why
its free
anyway
the shows were great
it was all goode
no complaints
no rants
people were so nice
chris squire from yes was there
one of the guys from garbage

this smorning
greeted by the horrendous sight
of 4 yankeee waddlers
so fuckin unbelievably fat
2 couples
one black n one white
the chairs can hardly contain em
and theyre tucking into their eggies n bacon n sausages
and croissants n more sausages
fucking turned mah stomach to see these hopeless slobs
feeding themselves to death
no older than me
they then struggled out of their seats
and probably broke the lift
cos these babies werent using the stairs
these blobs need a month on manuka honey
20 laps in the pool
i dunno
cmon say im cruel
but no
i say these things outta concern
stop eating all that shit people
im fucking nearly fifty 2
i rocked for 4 hours last nite
and still had more energy to go
its cos im careful with what i eat
and im careful to keep on moving
i saw some pics of me lassa nite from 2002
what bloated blob i was
before i started my regime
you gotta cultivate vitality
you gotta breathe in the sweet prana that permeates the universe
you gotta walk in the park and talk to the wind
you gotta save a struggling insects life
bless the fledglings in the nests
look at the individual blades of grass
regard the sky with wonder
feel the rain on yer face
get out of yer fluoro lit office
run n skip n jump
me n my doodles e and a
we skip to school everymorning
people say
there goes that olde hippy skipping with yon twinnies
but skipping is hard when ya 52
but its so good for ya
do something people
take up some thing
meditate
contemplate
read the gospels
read the gita
implore lord vishnu to fill yer heart
he cannot resist yer sincere prayers
he WILL speak to ya if ya but ask
f’rinstance
if im sitting home and a or e
half heartedly says “hey dad”
chances are i could ignore em
but if theyre screaming n crying for me
if i think they need me
i’ll be there inna flash
the heavenly mother/father is the same
all you have to do is ask
if yer asking in a cynical kinda show me what ya can do way
he aint gonna come
hes busy preserving protecting creating destroying
universes galaxies cosmos
he aint gonna answer yer phone call for some half assed thing
pray with every fibre of yer being
its hard
its hard to achieve that onepointed concentration
i was in rehab getting off the worst junk habit ever
i been shooting black tar heroin
i was so fucked up after 3 days in rehab
i didnt know what the fuck to do
i got down on my hands n knees
i got no pride left
look what i fucken done to myself
im spewing up green bile that burns my throat
im shaking sweating sneezing shivering
i m anxious like all harry
im insomniac
(the quack says mr kilbey
i just gave you enuff sleeping pills to knock out
a fucking horse, dude, i cant give ya anything more)
i cannot take it anymore
every junk starved cell in my body
is screaming in agony
i go down flat on my belly
to symbolise my total surrender
i pray
i say dearest lord vishnu
dearest krishna
sweet govinda
i am yer child
i cant take this
they say that youll never dish out more than we can take
and now i cant take any more
i put it in your hands
if you out there god
if you listning to your sad n fucked up childe
please now is the time…
im concentrating on this prayer 100 %
its my only hope
this is all true
then the lord
by his extraordinary mercy n grace
he came down into my head
filled my heart n body
soothing warm loving unspeakably beautiful presence
my dear child he says to me in a whisper in my heart
lie back down now and sleep
i lay on my bed
the pain HAS ALL SUBSIDED
i immediately fall into a lovely lucid dream
me n krishna walking the vrindavan, krishna loka
(his own place)
we talk of this n that
i wake up
ive slept for one hour
im refreshed
they fucken bloodtest n piss test me
in the rehab joint
cos they reckon im back on the gear
such was my rapid recovery
of course as my ego kicked back in..
(ego: well of course god would dig ME)
i got sick again
but my sweet lord saved my ass
i dont care if you dont believe this
i know what happened
i dont need to impress ya with some fony baloney
i have never achieved that level of contact since
but i know hes out there
listening to our prayers
consolation available
this is all a test
youre here to learn
god dont intervene
we have free will
he dont strike down the hitlers
or stop the tidal waves
he cant make 2 and 2 equal 5 either
but hes out there loving you thru all yer lives
i had to become a smack addict
i needed some humilty n compassion
i needed to see how the other half was “living”
i had only been a winner
i needed to lose
that was my lesson
i thank the lord for it
i dinnae care bout the houses and studios n cars
n rare fender guitars i put up my arm
fuck that
its just stuff
but it was worth it all
so i got in such a badde way
that i had nothing left
but god
and he was there for me
he’ll be there for you too
and one day
maybe in a million years time
we will see why all the pain was necessary
for our growth
its hard to understand it now
lord why did my daughters have to get cysts in their brains
lord why did ya take grantley from us
why auntie weenie
why god why
its like yer kids asking you why they cant have ten icecreams fer breakfast
guys, you wont understand yet
its for yer own good
i could buy ya ten icecreams
but you wont thank me for it eventually
thats how it is with god
you cant understand her
you cant blame god for the evil men do
thats what this earth is for
to work it all out
its a heartbreaker
believe me, i know
but there IS a reason
dont fall into despair
dont let some idiot in a lab coat tell ya
god is a stimulated cortex in yer brain n nothing more
dont blame lord vishnu for the inquisition
or the holocaust
or yer kitten dying
it doesnt work like that
im not trying to fool you
god is here
in you n me
in everything
we are all part of the one big thing
separation is an illusion
love people n theyll love you
everybody, even hitler, even genghis fucking khan
they all need want love
its an obstacle course
get with it
try yoga
yoke your heart to gods
see where it can take ya
im living proof
i turned it around
anyone can
it aint easy
but its the very very best
the sweetest nectar
the most divine ambrosia
when ya know
it AINT all for nothing
you can write in and quote niels bohr
or kierkagard or nitszcheor whoever the fuck
satre or any other aetheistic “facts” you like
the rishis knew it all ten thousand years ago
the stuff our “scientists” are only beginning to suss
this is all vibration
nothing is really real
we can change things with our thoughts
we can change n improve n become more
than we ever thought
its up to you
its up to me
im heading off to spain now baybee
madrid is calling me
some latin passion
some spanish wine
i love you fiendss
speak to ya tomorrow
stevie k

allo mary poppinss
good morning fiendss
wherever you may roam
here i am in my hotel foyer in london
blogging for thee instead of seeing buckingham palace
or madam twoswords
or whatever all those tourists flock here for…
nope
im here
writing this missive to ya
in bayswater, opposite hyde park
and sydney fiendss
londons hyde park is a lot lot bigger n better than
its antipodean namesake
when i finish here
im gonna have a strolly wolly in the parky warky
ive been up early doing extra extra chi gong n yoga
to try n get my velvet sonorous voice back
and trade in this wheezey olde croak
i been listening to dasi by karnamrita “prayers by women to krishna”
its a kind of western take on some beautiful hindu sanskrit prayers
sri krsna hari murari
hey nath narayana vasudeva
syllables charged with deep magic before the dawn of time
(hey jaime r will understand)
guitars sitars flutes tablas
oh yes, very inspirational

oh yeah
they say im a nice bunch of guys
and maybe theres some truth in it
i never know who im gonna be when i wake up
i know i said some rude things about the motherland yesterday
im sorry i was a little despondant
i aint ever levelling these rants against the amazing buncha
churchites that have been loyal since the word go
i hope you n they realise that
i just wanted it to be as good as it has been lately
didnae wanna fly all the way
just to play a crummy gig
cos i wanna give ya the best

marty just told me chris squire from yes may be coming tonite
unbelievable
one of THE greatest bass players ever
i still listen to the stuff he did 30 years ago
and my jaw drops
man…i wanna meet that druid

dunno how my voice is gonna hold up tonite
2 shows is gonna be pushing it
fiendss youll be proud of me when i tell ya
that i refrained from smoking anything yessaday
at all
trying to save mah larynx
wanna hit the notes etc etc

i cant even remember the last time we played 2 shows on one night..
can we even do it?
fuck, i hope so
or we’re gonna look bloody silly

anyway
here i am in england
talking with my australian accent
except when i meet an australian
then i talk with my english accent

i dont know who i am
i dont know what im sposed to be
a sinner and a would be saint
i just wanna heal everybody
with my music
but im still olde ugly and grumpy
im sorry if you find it frustrating
i do too
i thought i mighta known who im sposed to be by now
im just an actor
everything is a performance
music
sex
life
death
playing our parts
coming in
and dropping out
creating n destroying
today i feel so close to my god
the beautiful lord vishnu
i guess cozza all that yoga i just did
but i still could meet ya tonite
and youll walk away and say
whatta cunt that kilbee izz
remember if you catch me before i play
im too distracted to talk
if ya catch me after
im too exhausted
music is my anaesthetic
its my spell
its my coma
when i play i go somewhere else
and its hard to come back down to earth
and chat about whats been happning in yer life
i cant just switch this on or off anymore
this things coming thru us
and it fucking knackers mee out
so watch out if i dont make with the small talk
im not a good party animal fiendss
im not a good mixer
im not a social type
if ya wanna talk to me
talk to me about narnia or troy
or the mahabharata
or marc bolan
or vegan food
otherwise im not much chop
i know a lot about a few things
and almost nothing about anything else
my poor olde dad despaired about my mechanical abilities(non existent)
so idunno
apologising in advance for my inadequate conversation
if i meet ya tonite
anyway
its all me, me , me
on here, isnt it?
im a self obsessed egotistical narcissistic prick
but i can rock a little too
is it love
is it love
is it love
that makes us rock?

ok fiendss
im gonna leave ya here
think of me
sitting here in the columbia hotel
opposite hyde park
watching the green leaves move in the cold breeze
its a bank holiday
its very quiet
london aint so badde, guv’nor
i take it all back
im ready to be inglish again
my mum n dad are fucking cockneys fer god sake
im english thru n thru
im just a little confused
thats all
i need a little lie down and a rest
i need a months holiday in budapest
i need to see my lovely wife n my kiddiwinks
i need love
see ya tonite
hope the voicebox holds out
i love ya
sk