The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

the panther in winter (figurative and literal)

oh lioness do not forget your pride

he whispered the words to a song he knew into the vast grey sky

the day was leaden

the sun a dim white blur off somewhere

all his thoughts were brilliant but fleeting

bewilderness years indeed

an inbuilt sense of morality had failed

time was constantly running out as it had in its timeless way

a wise man in love is a fool down inside

his mind presented him vague axioms

a way to live his life

by the time he would discover the golden rule

the game would be in time-on then

the things he excelled at became better n better

the flaws n faults got worse and worse

the way the years had altered him surprised him

the good things held him together

the bad things pulled him apart

as they were in equal measure he remained therein

in the cancelling out of each other he had achieved a lift off

he perceived the paradox in everything

he lecherously coveted chastity

he did not hesitate to dither

an anxiety-less state made him really worry

in the midst of his turmoil he was calm

he often hated love and loved to hate

he couldnt wait so he started waiting

the concrete facts of our normal world warped in his head

he could see the bizarre in everything normal

it seemed normal to him to be bizarre

he had eavesdropped on citizens who had been intriguing him

he had committed a crime to discover a worse one within

as he read and interpreted the information

never intended for him to see

shocked by what he had uncovered

guilty as an interloper

he was fascinated and repulsed at the data encoded here

the 2 most deadly sins anger and lust

metamorphed in angry lust and lustful anger

marvel of treachery and bravado and stupidity

oh here was something important to solving the equation

how little he had known of these citizens of his

how surprising people can really be in their predictable fashion

man into pig woman into turkey

people getting their fucking lines from le jerry springer show

people getting their numbers from a puddle

people getting their nightmares tattooed in black n white

people plotting an attack on themselves

ha the enemy was always the same looming omnipresent threat

the threat of more threats…was that a paradox or just dopiness…?

some of it made no perfect sense

was that a mixed metaphor or some key unlocking satori…?

he tried to digest what he was seeing

his eyes were like a stomach then

and his brain seethed in its own bile and spleen

the nazarene the grooviest of all had opined

evil thought was much worse than poisonous food

now his head was filled with these others not even his

the lurid banality of every fucking thing

the sheer drop into a bitter negation of  soul

the fury invoked at elemental levels

the brutes and tramps that live within us half-bidden

the traitor in the skin of a friend

idiot within genius within idiot ad nausea infinitum

the fascination of deep repulsion was a truth to conquer

the magnetism of disgust

the way the wrong thing inexorably always goes the wrong way

the citizens were selling each other and themselves down a black river

it was so obvious that nothing good comes from anything bad

that no one not he could  see it

this most confidential information my friends thus rendered useless

obtained by deceit to expose deceit

trespass upon traitor to intrude upon a wide open door

inside you find what you wished to have known

but once you will know you will wish to forget

but forgetting is not the easiest thing

and everybody has their own price

and whether you pay in flesh or in gold

and whether you play by any rules at all

i mean why not just do anything…?

when your inner sense of good and evil

is not directed by the satellite of love and mercy

every where the plotters are adoring you

and their ceilings are flooring you

when you understand only half of the story

every now and then the protagonists and antagonists

falling out of character they reveal dismal disappointing emptiness

and your ardent enjoyment suddenly withers as you read the pages

the clarity

it has brought more murkiness …yes it has!

the insight leaves you blind

the sudden gush of discovery gives way to the long labour of regret

the sky becoming darker darker

the sound of the oceans white thunder fades

and its time for you to again enter the next stage

a high and lonely destiny

the dull ache of music the throb of desire

i stand by myself in the dark and conspire

i stand with my trespass and the Hesperus is in

but nobody knows just where to begin

but  talking snake who was living in eden

his envy was black his jealousy bleedin’

his malice towards the innocent eve

has gotten us here if thats what you believe

i myself once saw a nymph in a glade

she begged me come hither and started to fade

interpret this thing uh how you see fit

hammer on then after hit after hit

hammer off youre caught in a swamp

at the sky box office  without any comp

have a word to your friends up uh at the top

just ask them where they think it will all stop

prince william-frogge from alsace -lorraine

conquered the heart of a girl from far maine

and five asian boys who carried his spear

and a sad swedish lad  that bring up the rear

i memorised the clouds from 2 skies before

i recorded the sound of the shadows on the floor

i bolted my mouth and smiled with my door

it was then that i realised where we’d met before

on some sunny riverbank drowsing at noon

i was dressed all in houndstooth and phrygian moon

you… wore your  favourite of all womansuit

made from fine weather and the leather of newt

i divine the fine line between the mine and the thine

on sunset and vine in edenic  sunshine

on the corner of queen street i was just one more jack

with my angles gone wrong n there not coming back

with my forget me not who and my blind envelope

dismissive despair cos i cant bear no hope

the conditions i appear upon i fear not complied

i take my guitar and sulk round outside

and the abbot of funkytown was le cardinale hippe

his drum of a brain with the stick on the lip

i uh never could see his trip with jehovah

but when kingdom dot com he’ll be rolling in clover

yeah my heart is a temple with its moneychangers

and my mind is a maze full of lost strangers

and my face carved by ancient and my beard chinese white

and my wonder whatever i did with the night

i just wanted to say well thats all about it

i come to the end uh n i better uh quit

i wish you good luck in all you entail

be careful i hear  they put the moon up for sale…..

inflammation of spirit

greetings from nowhere my cadillacs gone

the moon is a slut and she fucks with the sun

hey can you see me with my dessert boots on

hey can you hear me with my  polaroid song

i spent all my money on dawn and on candy

i went into sea and i came out all sandy

i went into city n i saw you with randy

hes a good little boy and his stuff comes in handy

hey can you read me i’m off of the track

i love it when you run your land down my back

my fucking dagger that just stands there in black

or my nepalese kiss that commands every  stack

oh the holiest snatch of profane waning song

oh the feeling of catch when the trap is set wrong

its not a patch on the macho along

its gotta hatch before your billabong

oh you went to a restaurant with your newly friend

i dont doubt you’ll come to a real sticky end

love make believe if you have to pretend

pretend that your bending your borrow to lend

the soup was a green clammy chowder with fizz

the salad undressing you with its dead kiss

the main course and the sauce tasted like piss

a lovely drink after (the laughter was his)

the night was a zoo the house was a cage

oh honey youve entered but on the wrong stage

oh baby so vacant so strongly engaged

oh child this consensual world is your age

oh idiot mind oh simian fix

oh horrible name oh animal licks

oh brute full of skull oh toms harrys dicks

oh hideous house full of pricks in the styx

the winter was cold the snow lay around

youre getting warmer and warmer virginia found

back in the ring for just one more round

back in the middle for just one more pound

a nasty dumb note then arrived in my box

pig latin with the charisma of socks

a boring boar roared at the fox

a gorilla no killer no thriller an ox

did you really then brag about this disgrace

and butt your head on the awfullest place

and swing your thing and erasing your face

you readied n steadied into inhuman race

well the morning was puke and the scenery was ill

and i wake up asleep and i dream of it still

jack and jill went up the last hill

jack broke his knacks n jill broke her thrill

sudden revelation of elevation

anger is fire

anger all consuming rising up in the gorge

anger screaming demanding burning

anger pierces me in the side

anger dressed in flames races through me leaves me ash

see me go up like a forest in summer

fight anger with anger

pour on more anger

fight fire with fire

the indignant the proud the cruel the furious fury

revenge and hatred and  ire and loathing

yes let them be unleashed

pull down violence and pain

anger must be appeased

it is too big to be extinguished

too in to be put out

anger is red anger is male anger is singular

anger is not an energy it is an explosion of energy

anger oh you know you will regret it but who can resist?

not me

i aint no gentleman jim

i aint no saint

i aint no turn the other fucking cheek

anger is within me waiting its turn opportunistically

volcano of white hot lava see me blow my top

a certain pathetic ratbag

who infested my house uninvited gets mentioned

and baby i am at fever fucking pitch before the second syllable …

that the universe could produce these individuals

so devoid of any moral compass

capable of any treachery or perjury or trespass

hyaenas would shake their heads

jackals would cross the street to avoid them

tyrants would suck in their breath

any image of ratbag

any mention of ratbag

any attempt at any amelioration of ratbag

fucking incenses one  to some high blood pressure hell

this anathema to decency

this collision with uselessness

this constant forced exposure to sheer misery personified

oh steven i stand back and fear for your health when i see you like this

i know my muse but the elemental is feeding off this

it wont let  me alone

and i cant let it go

whenever of think of this wretch

the elemental in waiting appears in my brain

before i know it i am a crazy man

riding a crazy horse

and i cant get off until the ride is all over

my mouth fills with the vilest words

and my heart pumps with boiling blood

my spleen and bile

the great winter of my discontent

the discordant notes in my music

the throb of pain in my head

the elemental is fed

the anger subsides

it leaves me empty handed gasping for breath

my mind is a scorched earth

my heart is cold and turgid

my perspective gone

my day shattered

my composure decomposed

my stitch unravelling

my valves bouncing

my engine warped

my train of thought derailed

and the elemental sleeps and waits

until there is something again for it to eat

insouciance and latitude in spades

well i dont know how many were sent to this world

a hundred  a thousand maybe ten maybe less

sometimes i wonder where are those i arrived with

because creatures like us seem too few to begin

these words flying in and then out of my head

these numbers for me that cant mean anything

this avarice jungle  this gossiping swamplife

with its idiot sport and its pampered great sons

with its heros recast as handsome police man

with its heroines only as good and bad wives

with its insatiable hunger  its dying for diets

with its hideous thirst for the first hardest drink

with its stupidest rascals all chatting you up

with its most brutish bullies all holding you down

with its war and its whore and its bore and its gore

o my muse we need none of these things

i wonder at moments if their  hearts ever ache

for the cynosure of all eyes within

in interior chambers we whisper a secret

and it reverberates out to anterior space

o muse tell me why some prayers are unanswered

maybe they are but you just never see

people like you my friend always asking for miracles

when the immanent god has blessed you in spades…

its then that i realise i’m talking to no one

an eerie silence in an empty white skull

maybe one day my muse will desert me

maybe one day the axe will just fall

maybe i wander all severed asunder

jumping at thunder and deflecting the light

battling ogres who live in the zeitgeist

and the pyrrhic victory will be all mine

as he grasp at the offcuts of philistine fancy

a slave to new money and the old la-de-da

same swings n roundabouts but children are changed

same old rat race but its gotten past faster

when someone decided it was good to be bad

my distant reward points to a heavenly home

my ghost souvenirs from the turbulent nights

in arabicia on isle d’ capri

in solomons mines in mountain kings hall

in a discotheque called the black shangri-la

maybe i’m rambling  i should just let it all go

the kitten is purring but the clocks seem to stopped

and the sunshine is like some drug in itself

an afternoon to be gone with the mind

i imagine you reading those words with your eyes

and then even that thought is slipping away

synaptic underload

my encyclopaedic mind has more than a few pages missing

my memory is faulty all mixed up with my imagination

embellishment and deterioration

incentive and motivation

i am not quite across everything

i dont understand most of this…do you?

i woke up this morning i was some old man

adrift in a future arriving too soon

the kids are bending my language out of shape

the subtlety and finesse withered in neglect

i access the mainframe via my i-head

i dont know how i lived  without it

funny isnt it

my thoughts exactly

i wonder if i shouldve waited though

things change pretty quickly now

cutting edge in jan

obsolete in jun

my conscience is clear

the guilt all deleted

i transferred some feelings into national credits

i feel i function more authentically without real feeling

i chased up an old flame from high school

only to realise it was i was having a virtual affair with her avatar

the woman had been dead quite some time

but the programme still running on her page

answering questions gossiping flirting pretending to be alive

her son called me and gave me the bad news

funnily enough we both live in the same gate-com

he asked me about the code for the new micro-dish

he said this is strictly offline my mother is dead

he said do you know the code for the new micro-dish?

over the frame he sounded just like anyone

some monitor altered  frequencies for  more pleasant experience

some filter extended a feeling of warmth

some satellite beamed it back from the star

we had harnessed the deep black propensity of space

out there my money my doctor my information

i felt like pornography and there on the screen

a naked woman with a trident has “captured” a man

i flick through her stats becoming aroused

the numbers appeal to a dark side of me

shes only lost twice

her execution is sublime

her breasts all scarred by uni-corn

her perfect black teeth like a smile of night

one might think death embarrasses her

she looks like an angel as she comes and they go

i guess thats the paradox pulling me in

i get myself off  with a guided vision sequence

e-cupid delivered assisted and primed

my mechanical copy will have to suffice

i cant afford the luxury of sex and violence

its one or the other…. my portal cant do both

that garden i ordered has used up the screen

the flowers hurt my eyes with their colour

and the smell is all wrong i thought i ordered salty….?

nobody mentioned the afterstain of floristshop when i got it

or all of the seeds youre sposed to upload

still its comforting to see the purple vines bloom

and the roses eat flies

because what is man without nature

yes

what indeed?

i remain totally fucking unrepentant

i was uh down in the city on a miracle street

got on a fuckin’ bus n i took a seat

i musta  uh been giving off some  spirit heat

the woman right beside me is uh curling her feet

and the avenues rush past like an aquarium

yeah the deluge has begun in the uh interim

and the drugs in my pockets start to burning them

and i think about uh jeffrey down in birmingham

and i think about a certain little enterprise

and i bet you all uh wanted it to be otherwise

and i’m seeing this mis-vision through other mans eyes

and in a mid-collision with my own pack of lies

and i’m lost in my own street in a womans size

and i’m juggling the aliens and the alibis

when the light turns black i’m down at the back

with my vanilla crackle n my honey smack

when the light turns white i stay up all night

thats when uh love is easy and uh time is tight

i’m a duplicator i’m a fabricator i’m a mangy panther

i’m a alligator

if you would just stay still

i will make you oh so beautiful

when the light turns grey its yet another day

my mansuit getting kinda come what may

and the illegal bets and the uh illegal pets

and all the stuff i’m getting off the internets

thank you serf for your perfect sets

thank you earth with uh certain regrets

thank you to my avatar for making me real

thank you to my fingers for making me feel

thank you to lord vishnu who dreamed up this game

there aint much praise theres a whole loada blame

why even a uh man- jaguar is easy to tame

its a shame if your name is your uh claim to fame

when the lights turn pink i follow the link

when the lights turn in

i put the whole thing

down to sin

i’m savant idiot i’m a stupid genius i’m a minor hit

i’m a candle lit

if you would just hold still i will make you oh so

beautiful

gonna fly fly fly somewhere

why do you come here looking for me

you should know by now that i’m gone

naive believer just follow that star

mars or andromeda its all the same

here is the mystery in black velvet boxes

and here is the trick all explained

and here is the afternoon just as i left it

five six seven eight

cloak yourself in sweet affirmations

guard your soul with a spell

our power is waning in this western world

is it my skull or a dry gulch?

beautiful women kissed my eyes cold

a blow to the head of a beast

all the mad children can never go home

oh mr erskine oh  fleur-de-lys

its quiet at home now the spirits’ve  left

its quiet right here in my head

all of the voices that goaded me on

the subtle one and the one with a hiss

theres a disaster in all our good fortune

theres a shark in every sea

theres a new frank sinatra born every minute

excuse me theres a knock at my door

mr s kilbey? can you please sign here

sorry sir wheres your I D ?

can you make out this one please to my wife ?

temperature drop in downtown winterland

love somewhere else written in cursive

love somewhere else in a cave

love somewhere else in a purview or perfume

love somewhere else love somewhere else

open myself to the rays of a dog star

open myself to their moon

open myself to the raising of dead man

yeah four five six seven

some grinding machine dares to pierce this great silence

but its just swallowed down by the rain

my heart loses time  and the clock is slow beating

(open myself open myself)

yeah i remember the memories forgotten

all those impossible things

it renders me dumb and my dumbness is numb

thats why i talk all the time

the slenderest thread is the vaguest idea

the  new path of  the least restraint

the accused the witness the judge and the crime

the jack and the knave are the same thing

love somewhere else in a fabulous past

love somewhere else i dont know

love somewhere else in a packet of drug

excuse me theres a knock at the door

are you mr kilbey we’ve had a complaint

your charisma is blocking your drive

and some dark  misfortune is long overdue

im sorry mate…. can you sign this CD?

mr kilbey  please empty your mind

constable read him his rites

mr kilbey    here is your fine fine

life somewhere else life somewhere else

aint life a bitch sir with its fishnet and holes

oh aint life a bitch with its kiss

oh aint life a bitch just all over the place

love bites from another world

considering everything  all the mistakes

the dead ends end living the life

always alive if you live in the future

love somewhere else love somewhere else

child come unto me  i am thy son

sister know i am thy man

the swans and the butterflies the idyl at noon

life somewhere else life somewhere else

the wind then disturbs our mutual reverie

the wind that comes under the door

the wind in the walls is laughing your name

five six seven eight

oh i miss everyday i no longer have

and i miss every night if i sleep

and i miss the messes  i made of this life

the recipes and the boulevards

love somewhere else where young summer is king

love somewhere else inner book

love somewhere else in a fictionist fragment

love in a doorway love on demand

i think of one thing and i burn in my anger

i think of one thing burn in lust

yet all of my thoughts are spectral illusions

think of one thing life somewhere else

it took me 2 hours to write this all down

i took me to roam and  to rue

it took me to realise that i didnt know

now six seven eight and nine

love somewhere else in a car or a barroom

love somewhere else in a shot

love somewhere else on a burnt DVD

love somewhere else love somewhere else

i must get ready to do something somewhere

i must get ready to leave

i must get ready counting my blessings

excuse me theres a knock at the door

oh hello my friend the lord sent me here

i speak yes from my highest hoarse

which messiah is in your complex

is it jesus or satan or ba’al or ducatti ?

the eden i offer is  discretely discreet

the tickets are so hard to find

now which is a god for the god of your head

is it set or jehovah or thoth or temptation

paradise lost still has vacant lots

i can open some heaven for you

life on this earth is threaded with dread

wouldnt you like life somewhere else?

open myself to the earth and cold ether

open myself to the rain

open myself to love somewhere else

now six seven eight nine

love somewhere else open myself

life somewhere else seven eight

open myself five six

life somewhere else love somewhere else

five six seven eight

st stevens temptation and redemption (modified to fit screen)

the revolution will be televised

it will have its own facebook page

it will have six hundred and sixty six friends

see ragnarok gives you a poke lol

i’m worried about my figure

i’m worried about my figures

i’m worried about all of the tentacles

pulling all of my triggers

born out of time i was hatched from an egg

i was found in a pit i was summoned from stone

i was drawn in my quarters and hanging about

i was concocted by chance in a primal whirlpool

sawn in half by magical love i climbed in the box

over and over

i filmed myself with these thoughts of rare sloth

i invented myself with glee and with rage

in a flash i was putting my mansuit on

i took a guitar down from the shelf

i strummed a chord and i bummed a smoke

i made a joke about the weather that seemed to go on forever

i stumbled upon a few good ideas

that were floating about in the ether above

a complex experiment unearthly desire

some fucking creature from an other dimension

had rewired my pineal and rejigged my thought

i suddenly became a vegetarian

i was programmed to do it

the creatures hate meat

they must be farming me for my sweet dna

i bet andromeda could use a few poets

i bet the galaxies beyond all our ken

gotta shortage of renaissance men

somebody else in an other room

asks tell me how did you write all this stuff?

even as i begin to answer my head is wired up that way

i am an antenna for all dead thoughts

i am an ariel picking up prospero

i am a throwback to another day

a day on the beach in soft soft sunlight

your mother and father kiss in the car

the photo has faded the morning has gone

the relic of yesterday the ruin of man

the sun begins sinking the sea starts to drown

a carpet of flowers leads to the night

you hire a machine that guides your disguises

i rent a module that modifies my masks

i enter my signature inside the box

but my name is forgotten on some misplaced list

its been left in a place that no one can get to

oh it hurts to have been treated like this

oh my poor head aches in the light of day

oh its easy to lie in the sun for a spell

forgiving myself for every last sin

i feel a bit dizzy i feel a bit sick

thats normal for me

so what else is new?

hazy merit

sing then o muse oh then sing me a river

sing me a mirror  and sing me a sky

sing me a garden with panther and peacock

sing me the echo at the end of my time

o mortal the rivers that rush from olympus

they carry sleek fish that all whisper the sea

but waiting downstream is the fox and the jackal

and the eagle above in the mirroring sky

this then is you as live within your time

the minutes imprison  yet the years set you free

the magnetic attraction of all your possessions

but everything slipping past right through your hands

the beast deep inside you demanding its dinner

the angel above if you only could see

the gold in the earth is reflecting the sun man

the silver beneath you reflecting the moon

and the stars in the heavens that swim through the darkness

the darkness itself penetrated by light

and time your conundrum your fate and your paradox

and life is your dream when you lie in the earth

the blood and the tears are the rubies and diamonds

and the emerald sea with its monsters and pearls

and just in one instant its all gone into nowhere

and just in one second its all null and void

the world that you knew is still turning without you

yet something is missing though something is new

the wolf with the lamb in its jaws is the future

the serpent in wait on a branch of  the  tree

the chasm is yawning the trap has been looming

the jungle is teeming with the bear and the boar

threshing the corn that conceals the cobra

the machinery teeth of the armies of war

the spear and the arrow the insult and arrogance

the ergot the cactus the poppy the grape

the women and men all grasp at each other

but no one can save you from oncoming death

is life so bleak then o muse can you answer

when  is the appointed hour of release

how will it feel when this play is all over

how many days am i certain to see

oh no man can know when his hour is coming

oh no man can bear this terrible grief

i couldnt tell you and you couldnt listen

and it wouldnt save you or give you back time

this is the night at the end of your day and

this is the rest at the end of your work

this is the way it always must be and

all must endure it whatever it holds

but already i had stopped hearing her

my mind was so restless my heart was so numb

my fear and my selfishness pulling the strings and

ignorance seemed like a warm place to be