The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

demons dust and dark ages
gnawing boring squirming worming
charming alarming harming harming harming
oh im so tired and damp and tired of being damp
and i should be dressed in silks and satins and elegant shoes
reclined in a gentle warm light
an obedient servant perhaps
a childe to do my bidding
a nice jug of rich red wine
but the fields are my home
i shiver under hollow logs
i chase away the weasels
oh wretched me!
my poor old bones
my freckled skin
my wispy hair
my pointy nose
my white white beard
my sore sore feet
my fiery heart
my blue black crow
my jet black wand
i broke the rules
my evil eye
gold to lead
living to dead
white to red
cut to bled
a new newt in a new town
suck leech suck
bite ant bite
slither snake slither
hither and thither
i curse and it gets worse
devil you jesus lord of the flies
am i really mad i wonder
but the moon says oh no no no
am i so ugly i ask crow
oh no no no
my crow she doesnt think so
we come to a lake
a lakey lake silvered and smooth
i dont like it crow i says to the bird
crows caw caw caw
this is unholy water i says to her
crow shakes her shapely head
nasty little lake here hindering us
cant swim it ugh shudder
i heard of things living in these waters
take you down into horrible cold wet jaws
slimy scaly big and coily
a waterworm with teeth like razors
black lake
unhallowed stagnant mire
mournful water
dead trees
lake you were not here before
how did you lake spring forth?
where do you go when you go away?
what are your big black fish?
how many fathoms deep to the drowned village?
how cold is your slippery murk?
oh evil lake
oh ugly body
come crow
i would be gone
woe begone
but the land around you sucks
and the marshes emit a chilling mist
fly crow away
crow flies up away from this sickening thickening fog
she finds the clean air up above us
but oh i am alone
my wand will not ignite
to cast its magical light
i am trickless
crow has flown away but where…?
alone on the ground
the mist carries no sound
enveloping me hiding me from my moon
i cannot remember my spells
my words have no authority
my mind has no belief
old and alone with my jet black stick
waving around in the soundless misty mist
tripping and ripping my cloak
soak me rain
chill me night
take my sight
thin my skin
old and cold
muck and mould
oh poor me
a magician you see
a powerful man
a dragon killer a mighty sorcerer
reduced to this
seduced by time
ravaged and ruined and coming undone
bleached and faded and abraded and frozen
unchosen unblessed uncaressed
bugger this lake!
black filthy pond
black useless wand
black absent crow
black burning heart
bad bad world
full of spiders and slugs and thugs and riders
wet leaves thieves blood and mud
tree trunks and foxholes and lost souls
thorns and horns and hedges and teeth
rotten life you black maw
horrible sky starts to rain and pour
poor me
where is crow?

damned witch !
damned bird !
damned magic !
damned rain !
damned villagers !
mutter mutter curse and splutter
come here then girl ….
stop making all that damned noise !
crow flies to my shoulder
she sits pecking the nits out of my hair and beard
ah thats good make yourself useful
NO!
dont peck so hard you stupid thing…
oh i am sorry crow my beautiful girl
oh yes
soon my girl
something nice for us to eat
and a warm dry place
soon
oh we are so old so old drenched and cold
by my magical art i start a small fire
crow flies away into the nighty night
shes going hunting
her huge wings blot out the stars
many lives ago maybe crow was human woman
many lives ago maybe i was hawk or falcon
i sit and poke my flaming little fire
burn burn die and return
crackle branches crackle leaves
spark and dark spark and dark
oh i will love to see the faces in the villages
when i raise the sun in the middle of the night
when i call it back from yesterday
and crops fail
and children sicken
hopping toads
crawling snake
choking smoke
dying ache
beelzebub and arioch
mandenezzar and horribus
wicked worms undoing us
oh i need a spell
oh i need to gather myself
oh i need some things
crow where are you ?
where do you fly?
thunder rumbles
bats against the purple sky
my crow amongst the bats
the sky filled with dark things
witches
flying goblins
i spit
crow crow
i cannot read your thoughts tonight
my fire dies
my hope is gone
then crow appears
bedraggled and small
i take her in under my robe
move out of forest then
find witchy witch
steal her magic
eat her hare
over hill and dale
over field and road
tramping trudging so begrudging
blackbird against my chest softly pecks
my wand of jet
the blackest stick
my black magic stick
i have charged thee
spit and spunk and poison and blood
fire and earth and water have cleansed thee
unburnt you emerge from hells flames
full of satans revengeful scorn
black wand
black bird
black heart
black sky
i will drown the world in black
black angel inside my crow
black trees and black death
my wand glows ever so faintly
pale blue in the darkness
it twitches and jumps
eager eager nasty stick
do your dirty wishes
you spiteful rod
evil jet
left handed magic
the wrong path
oh i’ll show ’em
master of birds
a murder of crows
roasted witch
crooked cooked bitch
burny itch
deep ditch
stumble fumble trip and bumble
evil upheaval biting little weevils
oh we’ll make ’em sweat mrs crow
oh we’ll blast ’em dead mr wand
ah the moony moon comes sailing up
away clouds!
let her shine
let wand drink deep of moons power
let the night fill him with malice
let everything good be cancelled out!

deep in forest
now i am i am so deep
damp and dank and weasels and woe
magician in exile
no tricks now i promise
oh crow who flies above
oh worm beneath the ground
red flugsvamp
black eyes of my bird
she flies up through the trees
she croaks out to me in her broken voice
she lets me know where she goes
by my art
by my learning
by my natural propensities
by my aged bones
by my white beard
crow flies out of forest
my grey eyes see as well
my grey eyes superimposed on her black eyes
oh i laugh hysterically as crow spirals up and up
oh my lovely spirit
oh the realms of sky
her strong wings beat and squeeze the air through them
i feel her find the thermals and suddenly we plummet upwards
we rise and we rise crow and i in the thinnest thinny thin air
oh and crows eyes can see and see and see
mountains in the distance
a tower a precipice
armies moving in distant snows
a tiny moth moves through the air
nearly half a mile below
and crow falls like a stone
snatching the juicy thing from the night
up crow up i think
and i hardly even know my old body and bones
fallen into swoon under the pines
as crow bears both our souls into the viscous sky
and then we both see it
a fire
someone cooking something up
someone doing something magical
crow swallows the last bits of moth with a gulp
down we glide to take a closer look
a witch a witch a witch
oh a pretty pickle
witchy little familiar
i feel crow react
the witches familiar is a hare
she sits stroking a large grey hare before her fire
impossible to see her face under her wide brimmed hat
she chants and cackles in the firelight
crow circles and caws
keep quiet crow i think
the hare startles in her lap
she looks up into the sky
she puts the hare down
she begins to take off her robe
she is old to be sure
but her white flesh is still firm
i become confused inside the birds head
the crow shudders in midflight
my thoughts are overpowering him
the witch looks up at us and laughs
ah she had done this deliberately
her nakedness undoes my concentration
the bird screams
and i fall back down into my body with a sickening jump
i awake in the darkness
my head pounding
all aroused and erect
the bird calls in the trees
bah! the witch has undone me with her simple trick
but there is tomorrow
and then another
tomorrow

with no small trepidation
i set out on my journey
my self imposed exile
my feet heavy with doubt
my hair blasted back by the wind and rain
my white knuckles gripping my wand of jet
my crow my familiar above
crying mournfully against the sky
a black crow with blue beak
blacker than black
a beast of a bird to be sure
but now we belonged together
we were watching out for each other in symbiosis
the crow and i we learned to think alike
the crow would soar in the skies
i would look through its eyes
i feed it sweetmeats and teach it to talk
a beautiful bird it is oh it is
and wonderful things that it has found for me
found before they were ever lost mind you
golden rings and things
tears of hanged men and more again
the bird in forest like a dark blur
turns its eye to gaze at you
a message passes between you
how i do not know
it occurs to us at the same time
the rain is like needles
the pines drip drip drippety drip
the moon is full behind the storm
and the moon the crow and i in cahoots
the moon and the crow in the sky
i on the ground below
as agents for each other within alien elements
the moon can intercede with the atmosphereans
those beings who live in the ether
yes no part of creation is empty
why would it be?
why why had they drummed the old mad magician out out out
the moon looked across the see and saw
the crow croaked in the branches of ash
the lovely moon who whispered low to me
the crow with feathers black as coal
both female the bird and satellite
both orbit me so dutifully
am i really mad i wonder
and the moon croaks and the crow whispers
am i really mad i wonder
and the earth just twists it around on me
its all in the past now
where else could it be?
me
the crow
the moon
three associates in town
fast and easy

music uncrush me
with a song in my heart
i awaken with a tingling
i brush my eyes
i part my seas
i memorize the position of the still extant stars
i am exchangeable
i am fortunate
i am bits n pieces of other people
i am angry i am sad
i am the residue from DMT
i am the result of modulation
i am fast still fast faster than your eye
i am with some difficulty
i am wade down in time
i am speaking english now
i am a man a man a man
people write a bout me
me me me me me me me me me me
there i said it and i said it
i know a world
i have seen differences
i have been amongst you unbeknownst
i travel in cog neat oh
i unravel in full sight of you all
did you want to continue
observe the know smoking sign
thank you for shifting the contents during the flyte
thank you for chewsing kilbey prod-ducts
thank you for your dough-nation
i am be-will-dud
i am i am i am
i is is is
i are i are
i am in a star trek book ha ha ha
yes its so true
get it
read about me
3rd prize!
ha!
i am eskey inglesias in booko
in the few-cha baybee
tim is groping an alien
ho ho ho
what on earth?!!!!
check it out check it out
mu mu
a tu-tu for to-to at 2 to 2 too
ok thats it
sshhhhh!

if you dont like drugs or transcendental experiences
dont bother reading this blog
if you like the version of reality they fed ya
dont bother commenting
with your “drugs is boring” cliches
for anyone else whos interested
about 2 hours ago i smoked DMT for the first time
the businessmans trip it only last 6-10 minutes
ive had it in my drawer for over a year
a gift from our own capt mission
smoked it in a little glass pipe that was hard to come by
the stuff is acrid
an instantly familiar taste
it hits straight away
from zero to a thousand in no seconds flat
the speed of thought
a buddha hanging on the wall changed
its aspects constantly in flux
my wife sitting opposite me trailing energy fields
her face like a south american mask
struck by her classic timeless features
ricki sitting up close
his face is quite flushed
geometric flashes
kaleidoscopic symmetrical tiny stars
we look at vishnu in bondi my painting
behind the glass vishnus face modulates
his eyes bulge and swim
he smiles and winks
the gems on his helmet become real
he is lit from within by luminous blue light
nk is gazing at a ganesha wall hanging
the elephant gods beautiful eyes seem to brim with
compassionate tears
his pink skin is smooth and radiant
he becomes 3D like you could walk on in there to him
a painting of natalie and aurora moves of its own accord
they are in rippling motion behind the glass
the movement is like underwater
i have several more hits of the stuff
it only lasts a short time
no deep deep thoughts
kind of cartoony
very relaxing
very entertaining
proving there is more out there
than you can believe
if you just took your blinkers off
now i feel pleasantly drowsy
mmm nice
can i have some more?????

a night of stormy passion
children go gently into good night
black rain falls outside
sydney hot and steamy
my wife and i indulge
in everything
yes
lose myself within my flesh
naked or in my pinstripe suit
i am slave and master
i am brutal and soft
in the darkness my huge pupils see everything
she is so gorgeous
i am such a monster
sweating and bucking and slipping
hours glide by
1 2 3 am
my baby and i love to love
rock around the clock
dont write about that she says
but gee youre good she adds
the rain bangs on
the music plays softly in our room
the fan whirrs
the blinds clang n bang in the breezes
taboo you
we seek oblivion
i am a man
cant you see what i am
spirit mind body
not surviving on head alone
lost in the mysterious temple
four bidden
touching touching
my face says it all
my little wife pulling the strings
sometimes so gentle
sometimes so violent
hurting loving loving hurting
hurt me cupid
hurt me aphrodite
shoot me down
sweet toxic love all over the place
the children dream on
we ride on into the morning
almost no sleep
the ruins of love
the day intrudes
in the cold light she is still beautiful
dishevelled young slim feminine
suddenly the kids are all up
oh no
oh no not ready for that
we retreat into safety
the rain just falls n falls
desire seemingly inexhaustible
why is that?
her smell
her voice
her way of loving
her fragrant breath
her girlish ways
we do not long for the bars n parties
we do not long for the outside
here
a sanctuary
wedded bliss!
ahhhhh….

yeah
heres all my secrets
all my a’comings n a’goings
all my reasons alibis n excuses
where do we start
the pears are cooking
the baby on my lap
theres a sunshower
the gloom returns
a low grey sky
the barometer shudders
the baby is hot and damp
she sits and her chubby little fingers stroke my arm
my arm is fried golden by the sun
the small hairs on my arm are golden too
bleached by sun and sea
the baby seems hypnotized as she watches me type
we listen to joanna newsomes ys
or is the baby going to sleep
she murmurs slightly and climbs off my lap
minna is snoozing in the doodles room
eve is shopping with nk
aurora is off with suzanna b over at karins
i sit here in my messy room
weighed down by books n cds n paints n leads
n postcards and discarded wrappers n empty grape juice bottles
empty tins of berry v guarana drinks
i suck on a cola nut chunk
it is slightly numbing
it provides calm energy
it taste nothing like coca cola
or any other cola drink
just like berry v dont taste like berry
and artificial cherry and grape flavours disgust me
i listen to joanna newsomes winding rolling music
part showtune part medieval
a bit like me
what happened to me?
expansion or collapse
i get up to check on the pears
theyve gone nice n brown as the dates have dissolved
suzanne comes back
and the baby screams go away go away at her
nk and evie come home from shopping
minna still snoozing on the bed
surrounded by women at every turn
joanna still singing in here
strange stuff strange stuff indeed
strange days now
the weather is extraordinary
i move away from science and towards magic
i move away from this world n towards some other
i am happy to be me
i am happy to be 53
i am happy in my messy room
i am happy with the church record so far
i am happy to be happy
i have love
i have romance with my darling one
i have comrades and associates
i have friends in high places
i have friends in low places
i have everything i could need
thank you lord ganesha
thank you kindly jesus
thanks also lord vishnu
and his incarnations krishna n buddha
thank you allah n jehovah
apollo lord of music and healing
aphrodite the cytherean
lady of love
hosanna hosanna
hallelujah
iao iao ao ao
do what thou will shall be the whole of the law
adams apple
eves dropping
eden n merimbula
the west pole
identikle twins
elektra june arrives there is love
in the background constantly
all my girls
under one roof
i can do good daughters if nothing elsie
love
steve

miranda
and her father
walking through the dawn rain
walking through the soft soft rain
grey day by the mighty ocean
yellow sand
green trees and black rocks
the ocean roils and foams
the clouds discharge distant sheets of lightning
thunder crackles and booms
the rain is warm for it is in the summertime
in the dreamy summertime the man and his daughter
in the early morning by the darkening waves
the wine dark sea indeed
he can see it now
and miranda….
a young lady
with her strangely accented speech
with her tanned skin
her sardonic smile
willowy and graceful
a childe-woman
a babe a girl a siren
she looks like the queen of diamonds
her father
the exile
the elder brother
fallen from grace
cast into the sea of nescience
adrift these ten long years
come to this island now his home
fallen on hard times
he still pursues his arts
he is neither tall nor small
a medium man in most regards
a white beard
suntanned like the girl
lines around his eyes
as he squints into the dazzling gloom
the man and the girl walk on beside the sea
on and on at dawn
beside that vast ocean that encircled the world
debris washed up on the shore
gulls cry above up in the light
and the man talks to his daughter
though he thinks she seldom listens
miranda he says through the softest rain
and she turns her head slowly
a look of perpetual surprise
a diguise flees across her face
yes what is it she says
did you hear what i said he says
yes i did she says
tell me then tell me what i said
but no no she shakes her head
on this island of spirits and monsters
with its voices
with its indications
miranda the graceful one
nervous like a young doe
troubled like a poetess
preoccupied with nothing in particular
oh i want to be a childe again she says
you are still a childe says her father
enjoy it while it lasts
no not this she says
let me be a real childe or let me be a woman
not this in between…
they walked on in silence until they came to a hill
as they climbed the winding path
the nimbus clouds quaked and spewed lightning
the gulls and gannets dived in the silver waves for fish
the wind carried seaspray
the world began to white out
the man and his daughter swam in the water
in a pool they dipped under the surface
saw the rain strike the seas ceiling from above
and under in the warm water
small particles drifted flashing gold
when they climbed out
the drizzle had cleared
a milky sun caressed the clouds
a ship on the horizon ?
no
no ship
the father smiled
the daughter frowned
magic!
thought the father
magic everywhere….
everything bathed in soft warm light
very nice