The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

eden amiss

nature redoubled

lost its head

it crushes the landscape

the succulents writhe and gambol

vegetal sisters i implore thee

your magic is too much tone it down

listen now before this island drowned

our distant anthem lingers on the waves again

when the lord strode from the waves with his trident and disc

with his flame drops and watery beard and his conch and mace

the god walked out of and over the water

he walked beyond all our skies and farther above

out of our memory into star desert

there he battles Set whom he never can vanquish

who unleashes this torment that rains on mankind

poseidon the ocean poseidon the sea

a monster reaches towards us under the waves

but i am delirious and a stranger at that

neither a beggar man nor king nor no captain

i sing songs of the heroes who live on in our hearts

the handsome adonis who slew many maidens

crafty odysseus escaping some doom

stupid narcissus his mind was a mirror

hermaphroditus neither here nor there

forgive me sweet lady i find myself rambling

some spirit possesses my tongue and it wags

some voodoo skull has blinded my ear

some sacrifice made has blunted my eye

some hag or a witch concocting a spell

i upset too many people you know

i hide in the forests where no body goes

i am loose in this city of flowers and cats

i am a patient of this hospitale de  les invalides

i am a bandaged man from flanders field

oh lovely lady i am fading from this world

you hear my fevered rantings

no no i must be mistaken i mean have we even met before this..?

i am sorry i thought you were talking to me

perhaps this seat is already taken

i was just remarking at the wonderful image

you see before you on the screen

some man before a mass of saturated photosynthetic pulsating plant life

it seems perhaps there could be a story attached

but i was mistaken i see

thats alright

don’t get up

i wouldn’t hear (any) of it

i ‘ll find my own way out

i will find me own way out

whirled pool

oh i am the eternal wanderer

through jungles through seashores

i never leave the safety of my library

may i say maybe from another age

punished for my arrogance and being sent here

yes yes

my world of holy art and music

but i argued against some of em like i always do

and justifiably angry with me arranged for me to be sent here

oh god people are still having wars and eating animals!

oh god they are arresting people for using medicinal herbs!

oh god the poor still have to fend for themselves!

oh god a small group of evil rascals  is ruining it for everybody!

oh god the people still falling for the most primitive propaganda!

barbarian days heathen cities godless times

wake up you sleepers

(then suddenly weary) or dream on …..

what difference does it make now?

i am humanity in a microcosm being the smartest and the stupidest

all this intelligence oh baby where did it get us?

live from your spirit not from your head

i am eternal spirit i do not perish

i have pulled on my mansuit to learn sorrow and strife

i am here in these abrasive days to sand back my prickly pride

this is the world where they crucify their messiahs

and burn their joans of arc

this is the world where some people do what they like

and other people will always get shafted

unfortunately the ratio is about 1 to 99 (if that much)

this is the world that gave you its first great war not so long ago

millions dead oh well…..give em a holiday

thats alright

i am odysseus in the land of the lotus eaters

standing at the shore

wondering which gods are aligned for and against me

and wondering

when shall i ever get home?

careful!

all gold i touch turns to me

technique is nothing

magic is everything

the weather speaks to my bones

plummeting free and quite the slipper

sun shines from holes in the volcanic black rock

what could he grasp at now, old faust ?

from undersea springs a devil

ugly and stinking of brimstone

what have you got left to sell?

i have only my life left to sell

i’ll take it! i’ll take it…!

the penguins dive deep under the floes

smooth rubbery killer whales in red water

the endless sea snake wrapped the ship in darkness

i panic in a cabin somewhere

i have speared something too big to pull in

leviathan writhes on my fucking hook in the blackness man

i have reached into void and i have found something elusive there

something unexpected like the rain

an idea is fixed in head

a dream solidified in dripping fresh matter

this is then your life 

pale fresh bled dawn

feel sick in the crashing light

the ocean swirls around thick black green

dolphinfish appear bearing mer-people

the beaked ships cut through the seas

and a new crete is on the horizon again

a garden enclosed by tiny rivulets

an archetype as we all are

tragic burdened hero crashes on isle of whispers

wise proud ageing impulsive

determined to listen to those screaming sirens

lying with sorceresses  in nymphaea

wandering the hostile shores of basalt islands

taking birth again and again in some ionian loop

sunblasted and subtly broken

a female goddess i imagine somehow protects me

i am found by the winkled pool gazing out to sea

i am found washed up in illyria and in xanadu

i am found in the bed of sea grass matting

where heavenly hands mend my seething scars

the images of dead companions adorn dreams

they call out to me

beware…!

the shades of great men

ghosts of trojans and women

achilles among dead healers

all fading fading

their minds already gone

at dawn i awake

light and sleep have no truck on the living island

flowers to be adored

my little familiar spirit the child face accompanies me

she evaporates with the morning mist as sun comes down

crabs scurry in the sea spray

the sky has become cerulean blue at midday

i forget myself sometimes

dazzled in phoebus’ rays ‘pon cracked rock

searching in the brine for an unknown thing

at night nepenthe freely swilled

we celebrate the full moon with masque and gamble

we sacrifice kids on wisdoms altar …athene so stern and unwavering

her brown eyes glare at me in visions that burn my eye

you must be a fool

the african slave drove artemis’ impala over the cliff

i hold a torch to another city but i bring heat not light

i have nothing else to compare my life to

only the seven mile  beach

only the seven year night

only the seven heavens above or below

zeus the thunderer the jealous god the playboy bastard

not even he is free from crushing anxiety

his codependency on his fretful grievous wife

he is in chains he is checked and contained

but still finding time appearing in disguise…

ah he cares nothing for me

i dont even know how free i want to be

but who will save me save me from myself

where does it go wrong so long into a song?

he came to a fertile cave

i am a beggar on a forlorn shore

wine women and song no longer my companions

an old king deposed fallen on hard times

betrayed by my sons betrayed by my sisters

my stupid old head full of the spring

cast adrift in this cosmos

i clamber up yonder distant hills

i rove the rocky beaches in thrall to their ocean

i am a fool i am a rogue

i squandered a fortune that was never mine

i conquered a deep land inside and that was enough

yes my evil twin within but tell me who really won….?

i am a monarch of starfish and briar

i am inspecting the cliffs and the weeds and the tiny spiders

an endless afternoon across the water where lies antarctic wastes

my cities have disappeared

my yoke has been cast off

tired hungry lonely loveless wanderer

i drink brackish water from shoal havens and black creek

i eat wild berries so sweet who stain lips scarlet purples

leaden footed without grace i go

trampling adders and such into the dirt and glass

someone beckons me but it is all illusion

i can almost see the truth now

but have lost the energy to fight off maya

i affirm the earth

i change into my sackcloth shirt

my crown long since melted down

i suffer insults from the wind and the stars

i talk to myself although i never listen anymore

that voice droning on in the silence of midnight

a hand on my shoulder that takes me aside

reflections mirror the face of nature

the sun the sand the clouds the waves are in my eyes

the gulls and the surf are my ears

clamour of battle faded

messenger brings defeat after defeat

herald whose shrill trumpet sped through the din

vanguard amongst the missing somewhere faraway

forgiveness is yours to grant if you should so wish

let me sup at your table tho i do not eat much

and i’ll make you laugh perhaps

when you wonder

how this beggar you see before thee

ever once lay in imperial leathers

and commanded the sky

read it already in hyperion

gun in saturn

return in my stars

the last man on mars please turn out the light

my mind will not focus

this sort of froth runneth over and out

this fountain of brain once over excited

now like my ears it never stops

it must tick over like an engine

is this very thing madness….?

still i must be sure

still i must be certain

still i must be prepared to be wrong

i deal in illusions

without ever having to define reality or fiction

i have peddled my words to you all

is any of this really me?

(of course)

no none of it at all

i am a superior computer predicting what you expect me to write

i am one step ahead of you in this game

i know what you want

your wishes steer my course

but there is no me behind here

my forged notes still buy you whatever you need

my fake mastered pieces still masterpieces

in some worlds i would be feted

in some worlds totally ignored

i am not one thing or the other

so i type and i type

its 11.11

thats probably enough….

me in my room

the rain hammering tapping knocking inundating intimidating

and me in my room you know

lost i could be anywhere i could be anyone

silver and golden drops on the glass door

suddenly a huge drop will run and swallow all in its path

like a saint approaching the end of earths long day

safe inside warm and dry still i  shiver

still i want to sleep away from this torrential rain

still i want to escape with a door i never find

i just get deeper and deeper into my own life

the further in i go the further out it looks

the rain obliviously falls

increasing and decreasing in pressure upon the isolated village i am in

not in the here and now where i have never been

in this rain soaked jungle shaking at the sky

as lights come and flash dimly below

where everything is implication

where everyone is watching and listening

where the sea meets the land and land meets moon

a crash and the moon flew out of the ocean

some big bang god sending more rain because of atmospheric conditions

i feel out of conjunction with everything

semi-detached like a little house out there

my moorings have frayed my anchor drifts

reality with its hazy grip on the sets of a story

my ears sing so dogs can hear

and there

and there

perhaps

is a story worth actually telling….

the author at work 2012

light soft rain again

people come and go

i know absolutely nothing

the rain falls thats all

in squalls from the sea

a mist moves towards me from the horizon

it envelopes the sea which becomes opaque

onslaught after onslaught

the valley below disappears in a blur of green grey and white

things become still

the rain falls yes but all else seems to pay attention

sadnesses fall down on me constantly

i now know i will probably never be free of them

my umbrella all bent out of shape

letting anything through

the years with their claws and clauses

the months with their meters ticking

life flies away at terrifying rates

life somewhere else

life in between

life beyond life

life in a day

life in one act

life in one moment

whatever it is you can’t bottle it

its elusive but its running out

life or time who can tell the difference

they evaporate at different rates sometimes

i wish for a new strength a miraculous power

i plot in a silent quiet room above it all

i plot in the rainy day and its silence around

but my thoughts wander and amble

and i can’t remember just where i have been

a disconnection is beginning to gradually occur

always something coming round the corner

expect instant delays

i am fading away on a numb field

its alright

its perfectly natural

things become still

and sleep

like your most wonderful lingering friend

who entices you with oblivion

but then delivers you instead to struggle and toil

deep within sleep you fight on n on

arguing thrashing regretting wrestling lost

in the eternity of my mortal mind

at night i jump through some monsters hoops

trapped in some astral flim flam

half me half somebody else

i devise such plays for myself

in the morning i awake my lines still on my lips

memory and morning merge

and all is only a troubling shadow

that randomly occurs to you in tiny snippets

surely haunting you the rest of your life

reboot

glory to god on high

architect of universe world planner

lovely god lovely pet lovely garden

oh the day shows the way

dew and drop and shell and brook

the web shudders and vibrates touch sensitive

as all things come and go

as all things exist and fade

yet each is registered and has played a part

the flight of the crane

the path of the comet

the way of the lion that fears nothing

let me follow you oh god wherever you are wherever you go

to your sanctuary which is warm and dark like a shop in the old days

there you will turn back time

and i as a child enveloped in that smell of lollies

and i as a free spirit before all this stuff held me down

and i will follow you through groves of sunlit oaks

down to a pounding grey sea where we will defeat the enemy

and amidst crystal pools of golden fish meditating on serenity

i swoon at the mention of any of your secret names

i see your hand in the explosion of luxuriant bloom

i mark your number down and i call it often

sometimes you just don’t answer and i wonder why that is

but i leave a message and sometimes it seems to make sense

good things happen often and bad things only rarely

eventually tho’ we all must suffer

the necessity of this will be clear one day ( i’m sure )

i dunno

a mystery unravels before our eyes

paradoxes are reconciled

and dear lost friends will be reunited

may it be so for everyone!

may good things come and let all have respite

wouldn’t that be nice….?

zed shiva iao lingua dei

appearing near you soon

a god of your own understanding

children listen to me

there is god

not a god not the god but god

he is kind enough to appear to you as you may understand him

my god is a he

he has a ravishing female consort

a gorgeous hot mama of cosmic proportions

why the beauty of her ass would stop universes in rotation!

i tell you one kiss from her would enflame eternal bolt uprightness

her exquisite motion her pleasured movements upon us

she comes down from heaven like black cat

she arcs in wonder as you bridge her skies

for an eternity then you fall through her cloud

you drown in all that rain within

high in the highest sky nevertheless you drown

my god is a masculine genius creator

he spits out universes

he fucks only the finest goddess

he shows me films he has made of her in my reverie

that is why my mind is blown

that is why i care only for sex and drugs and rocknroll

within these ecstasies i have found god again and again

fuck you blasphemer ! is anybody bothered to say?

but my stupid hedonistic theistic narcissistic carryon is a hoot

and i’m glad the god of your own understanding got me for the part

i am hamming it up for you now

i am a complex and warped structure

my monstrous superiority complex

my hideous inferiority complex

my self absorption my self loathing

between them have pulled me into this previously unfilled place (oooh er)

a raving compassionate ratbag raggletag rishi frooti

touched by god and goddess

loving and hating them

denying them believing them

my language is masculine and feminine

the two opposites that create unity

why would my god not be a man who loves women?

my god who knocks off little planets like earth

why he needs to relax with some right on pleasure or what?

well my god goes to his consorts place

and shes like getting herself ready ..and you know what i mean

and my god is relishing this because he can

and my god though he loves his consort very much indeed

it would be a joke to conjecture this love that could stop time

yet still he is her master still he is even her lord

though he now will serve her most diligently and ardently

and in becoming her servant he can relish serving his beloved

for this is the sweetest task

and he relinquishes his control and his crown for this time

for though he created all things that are

he did not create her

for she is eternal and  is his equal

but in some matters he must dominate

and in other matters it is her who must decide

he tends towards anger

she ameliorates this with galactic caress

he tends towards pride

but he finds humility in the wonder of her prowess

as i move through time god has hewn me into shape

i stand before you now as a messenger of my god

my god says look what my messenger has created for you 

so you can see he speaks my truth

my god says i have an important message for you :

everythings ok !