The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

madman across the water

well i am the timebeing

its 7.28 pm and its about 22 degrees centigrade

i sit at my kitchen table

i drift from my mansuit

and i float thru the skies of my beloved town

somewhere my feet are cold

somewhere my hair turns grey

somewhere my eyesight so dim and furry

who  am i who am i who am i

i still dont know i say merry christmas

i wish you all yuletide cheer

christmas is for small children

i was one once you know oh yes

i walked home from school on the last day

my mother and i did the tree

decorations from the old country with unfamiliar evocative smells

i was so small you see

i was just a boy giving it all away

christmas came n went tho i willed it to stay

i begged it to last forever

it was like a dream everything gone soft and glowing

i was half in england oh i loved the carols

christmas cards with geezas in top hats n carriages in the snow

fogged up windows n merry gentlemen all over the place

pine trees and sleighs and women with huge dresses n elaborate hats

oh they believed in jesus they believed in merriment alright

‘andsome fellas from 1856 squiring the ladies to church

or to the elephant n castle

yeah christmas spirit fill me with mixed (up) emotions

i feel lonely i feel pressured i feel released i feel silent night approach

round yon virgin mother n child reunion of the snake eyes on a pair of dice

while shepherds watched their flocks by night

and the three wise guys dressed like groucho marx

and the angel of the lord

can you possibly dig how magnificent this cat is

blond haired piercing blue eyes

at once both man n woman

those powerful beating wings as white as santa snow

straight outta heaven with some important gig

a saviour this time no less to proclaim

even the beasts getting in on the scene

the oxen all dewy eyed after ploughing the field

they grok the baby j and the can feel it even through their wooly heads

oh man let us adore him

prince of peace yeah

whats wrong with that?

walking on the sea of galilee

i seem to digress

christmas eve all around me tho i cant feel it

i will skype my kids i hope to talk

they are happy in sweden getting christmas in spades

aurora has written a formidable play

eve remains happy and bouncy

scarlet is learning swedish rapidly

meanwhile i plod away at my doom

wendy the w.w. says ha ha youve lost control

i do an interview with my brother rusty for a doco

i can just rave on n on at the drop of a hat

didnt you notice?

christmas eve is soft n gentle in sydney

living is easy for some i must not complain

i’m still behind in many ways

behind my mask

well i’m looking n i see whoever you want

changeable fixed rate

same old same old

but now completely different

different christmas same cake

old box but new present

same present different future

the myrrh n the frankincense n the gold

the elves and the rain dear

satan claws coming down the chimbley

may all your christmases be time being christmases

good yules you fools

go for it with my blessings

adore way

i believe in a god

he does lovely things so calmly

creative and brilliantly handsome

music drifts from his flute

the pelican arrives by the sea

the sea is full of sand

the lagoon is dark at dusk

the first star twinkles in its strange depths

mermaids sing out on the islands between the heads

the lord carrying his surfboard to the shore

perfectly muscled blesses the water

dolphins ride thru the waves to meet him

surfin’

vishnu in bondi

jesus is a carpenter working on that block of flats

he hammers away at the joins and the studs

my birthday soon he thinks

the jacaranda tree strains towards the lord

mithras himself a waiter at the italian place on ray st

he’s such a god no one can deny

the pelican just sits there waiting for something

i go down the pavilion and and have juice

the sky is quite green reflecting the nature of jealously

restless red blood pounds my temple

i throw aside the veil of civilization as i descend to the seas bed

down down down i go

my breath bursts in my bubble

the air sobs for release

at last i rise to find a fine mist on the sea

all the people are gone

how long was i down in that water i say to no one

the pelican on the shore twitches a little maybe its asleep

the clouds are rolling in alright like regulation grey blankets

the rooftops the chimneys the swaying hibiscus

the oozing nectar from the flowers stamen

the drone of bee

the swarm of zephyr

the night comes down gently

krsna strolls out from an indian restaurant

its that kind of night

magic yes ordinary yes enchanted yes everyday yes

the quiet house

the slightly rattled windows

the blinds sway n click in the breeze

the ringing in my ears

the pelican decides to leave

no one notices him climb into that grey warm air

its nearly christmas isnt it?

summer the parts

candy power lives in the night street that runs away into darkness

candy power dressed in dawn close up with the lark

candy power in a dream that i had about a motel

candy power on the boardwalk dressed like assyrian priestess no one notice

candy power bring summer bring european men with dark skin and blonde hair

candy power lying in the sand with her man who is so perfect

candy power in a convertible on neptunus street

candy power with her anti caking agent with her solid senders

candy power shes a real girl but she moves through my mind

candy power waits outside an office in the sunlight

candy power making breakfast for a stranger

candy power in a midnight hour streaming

candy power too tired to sleep too awake to hide

candy power laughing in the shadow

life is strange

love is strange

world is strange

candy is strange

talks all day long to men on a phone

at night the summer pulls her in and she sinks into heat

she lies in some night crying in a dream

she walks along alone with her crowd giggling thru her tears

i wonder wonder wonder why

now moon has gone right outta sky

summer sweet summer

enfold me then

sin king sun king

insanely over confident i stagger on to the stage the arena the field

lo i am high

loaded up like a cheap disk

a self satisfying feeling of no feeling

my bass my wand my staff my spear

i let the music buffet me around the perimeter

i let my words come back to haunt me

i see how i knew futures in pasts i musta been guessing

people say boy youve changed oh ha ha ha

i am enveloped by the complexity of musics tastes

how such a small amount of something can go such a long way

i am at once intensely excited and disturbingly detached

a million miles away I can see kilbey

i manipulate him from my great distance

yes let him sing and dance for a little while longer

then time to rest

time to change

time to metamorph a size into something else

i charge through a set

my fingers pluck rapido at my bassoon held like bazooka

sing lingering on singular song

the one about the one

the reverberating thud of centuries gone to flower

comets scrape thru the nightsky tails of savage flame

helios frigged the moon while pink eclipse

something white in a blue bag

BLZ, bub

i dont know i mean

who the fuck knows what youre getting

so rip open the sky and snort the clouds

its a packet of surprizes

dedication IS rewarded

diligence paid off

i hit a homer

i crash in a radiant kind of white blackness

my voice in your ears ear

your ear to the play ground

we gotta grind grind this out

the audience is a creature with one mind

the relationship is unstable

my cant becomes unreadable

my allusions are mere illusions

there isnt even any smoke or mirrors

the trick is based on this one old weird tip

but you always gotta pay to find out what that is

and the weird old tip is this : always make em pay up front

this resonates within us all like a sympathetic string sings

all is one

one is the holiest number that you’ll ever do

well i never had a head for numbers

tho i do have a number for heads

and i count a viscount or two too

so

thats it really

know you see it all so clearly

hoping that you love it dearly

this time it was nearly gnarly

hello goodnight

motel wake up

change check out

put up

put on

put off

put it all away

for today

cos we're lovers and that is that

yeah adelaide!

yeah melbourne !

yeah geelong!

i sit in me lux hotel room

watching rain blow across melbourne

clouds come n go

the rain sliding across glass

i do yoga

i lost my jazz smoke

if you come tonite to thornberry theatre n you love yer old being

bring me a jazzy ciggy please

ask to see me i’ll be waiting to take your call

tonight the last night

yeah boo hoo

i could use a rest

yessaday played in record shop called pure pop in st kilda

great shop

played with gb3

richard from the undies on drums

he has the look of a startled kitten…a very catlike man

but boy he played drums real good

rob too on guitar n bass a wonderful muso

gb himself impeccable

we even did threshold from jack frost

and i couldnt find the right notes oh fuck!

then my one true fan plus mary melissa n ryan mc drove to geelong

i was knackered after all of that

whatever whatever

tonight tonight

it will be all that i promised n more

im hungry im horny im ready for some showbiz action

ready to tread them boards

ooh i move like a buddhist aerobics instructor

ooh i move like the beast i am the great beast

at least

i insinuate where i’m coming from

you see me play you know what i’m all about

if you dont understand you never fucking will

you cant dig my groovy trip i dont care

if you can then you understand

what i offer

i cant put it into words

but its sweet n its strong n lasts long

its deep you can feel it in yer sleep

i am what you say i am

i do what you think i do

i rock i shock i take off yer frock

i roll i stroll i love you little doll

oh its hard to be inside my mansuit with myself today

so much energy

im restless im prowling round my room n my teeth long to sink into it

music love drugs sex dreams n death

oh unleash me apollo that i may let my warm round bass shake their guts

oh give me leave to receive your divinest inspiration

oh i am no ordinary man

i’m not like everybody else

tonight i will sing i will croon like a beloved groom

i will arrange your memories just so

we will open up your head and there will be no dread

yeah i love to stalk that stage defying age defying this temporary cage

i am your tame lion

i am your mangy panther

i am king fox

i am wolfe i am thirsty i have a taste for mankind

i am kilbey i am steven i am even odd

yeah i love it

i love being me me me me me me

ha ha ha

can you imagine?

oh its too much

i need some jazz to put it in perspective

hit me now

fix me angel

soothe my heat

stroke my smoking muzzle

oh i am bad n i am good too

you know it

you know what its all about

body mind soul

alignment

yes

thats it

now listen to my songs

they sing you your life

they are given me by the veiled muse who is with me since birth

my muse oh how she sang to me as a childe

in her language of love

oh how the words fly to me outta thin air

an embarrassment of riches

i disdain the humdrum i avoid the ordinary

tonight will be everything i say

and when its over

i’m gonna throw that money on the bed

she’ll see i wasnt just talking

then i’m gonna go out

walking

sic

the day begins

the quiet creeping dawn alights in the eastern sky

i up early creeping around wherever i am

ducking out of a dream in a doorway

i address my mistakes in a mirror

i shower asleep the water burns me awake tho it is quite cold

oh man what year is this for christ sakes

i wander thru a catalogue of pasts

yours mine everybody elses

yeah i was with ya that night though you know its impossible

you never met me but i was with you that night

you n i

i never knew your name

i knew someone raced alongside me

as i belted thru that plateau all underlit

you were somewhere in a field in a column

you walked beside me off to some war maybe thats true

summer summer summer overcomes me

i succumb to dumb summer most obvious of all

now i’m a tourist in my own rolling home

my suitcase unfolds a castle

i live in a glorious tent in a beautiful desert

i command the elements from my cracked blackened tower

i stand in the rain on a beach while a bird dies on the shore

i swim in a lake deep n warm but its years n fathoms ago

you n me we go wild in the black buried dark

i must be 16 i must be 36 i must be 66

you must be x and y

let ex = why?

i am high i am higher than high

i am heading out of earthbound currents crossing the divide

no no no no

i mutter tossing in my sleep i can see me alone with all of you

we all glide through tonight like gossamer darts we have no wait

oh my head expands with all this sudden beauty

my mind warp and woof woof

finally they let me go mad

i burst into australian summer blackness sometime along time a go

fated feted to sing you the one song i sing

knowing how you live knowing how you love

knowing how you will be reborn in some marvellous time

how dark the night is you will say

the quiet place down the garden

next to lilies and downy astral turf

look i am a madman i can really fly

you cannot see in the dark how i hover overhead

you cannot hear how i fly with only one wing

you cannot stop anyone escaping from their heads

i get on a airplain n i fly somewhere else

check in online save password agree to conditions

condition is you can never disagree with one condition

what about the condition of my mind

what about the hot black condition of the australian night

im on a balcony or a verandah or i stand in an observatory

alien stars twinkle in unfamiliar sky

i take a step backwards bumping into past

past glorious loves encased in amber

past rivulets of rural splendour winding through reverie

past future undiscovered just lying there untouched

maybe i dont understand

the widening arc of darkness

the softly roaring surf

the body of sand rolls away

the wave carries us black and faceless

the wave with its foam fingered grasp n clasp

the reef ahead but who cares if everybody sinks

the moon seems delirious like frozen disk

the moon so near so far so maddening to us lunatic

the moon unfolds thru a series of filters

the moon intrudes with a  row of low groans felt in the bestial cranium

the moon all jagged and square like a fractal smashed and delusion

oh my furtive boys all rushing down the vortex of drain

midgard summer in all its pine and palm

the sticky resin lingers from yesteryear

the south coast basking in endless summers

a bonfire on the beach in the blackest night

the flames and sparks explode into the inkiness

the wind tears the fiery spirits from the burning wood

the youths dance in abandon in the crackling dark-shattering smack

no fishing from bridge a hundred hooks baited

a hundred idiots waited

a hundred saints fainted

a hundred van go gos painted

a hundred heads grew back all silver and teeth and snap snap

the night was a virgin before they fucked it up with light

the night was sweet before the bitter came out better on a soul n guitar

man i bet you never read my stuff in your chamber of saviours

man i bet you never heard my voice in your booth of the truth

music comes in a gush it fills your mind as you stand in night

in deep night in silent night in christmas night off your tree

in heat in sand in winding bush track

in caravan park behind the surging sea

in the shower block where the nakedest ladies washed their big white breasts

in the tv that quiz show but that guy is long dead

in the hotel where mum n dad didnt want to stay

well the summer sits in that room all on its own

the air so still the air so calm nothing could happen there

angela and stella at the oasis i’m tiny in this one

girls come out of everywhere they make me growl

shut up you great beast calls a person in the crowd

i am whipped i am trapped i am chained like a fox

i am set free again and i take off into the good night

i am a poet with no words that will meaning

i am a singer with no song but your own life

here are the notes here are the scales

here are the beat and the key and the sails

i go on soon

i can hear the crowd arrive

which rich crowd assembled to feast on me

i bet i will taste good to some glutton for living memory

its a joke how it rolls off my back off my cuff

all the notes and words

all perfectly in synch in a cinch

i go out swinging i get hit hard i stay up i sing on

no it hasnt happened yet

we are ahead of myselves

we arent there

we have yet to arrive

night wine the consolation of sleep

soon

the soft adventure in oblivion

the neutral pleasure unfelt

yoon o'hugh

even nostalgic harder to find these days

the sun has bleached memory white

i scramble to remember my own name

i walk thru beachside suburbs of melbourne in the sixties

thats me with the benson

a benson was a kind of t shirt with buttons and a g t stripe

my name eludes me the brightness of the day

my companion paul  makes wry remarks about the stupid things i say

is it this way paul is it this way ? i breathlessly ask afraid to be lost

no not yet he laughs

we go in a milk bar

pauls having potato scallops and a vanilla thickshake

i decide to have chips and a caramel thickshake

when i taste pauls scallops and his milkshake i wish i had had them

he lets me ride his bike

jesus christ superstar comes on the radio

jesus thats a bit much we both say

we talk to some girls on a bus

paul cautions me as i start to carry on

shut up kilbey i know these girls!

hi paul they say

one of them turns around and looks at me

ooh whos your friend ?

oh hes just down from canberra……

they both laugh at this it makes me angry

suddenly paul and i are sitting behind them

theyre sitting on their knees kinda talking to us

im listing off all the groups i like to this girl

oh you know blah blah blah blah

never heard of any of em she says

i like her feigned defiance

we start talking about all kinds of things

the miles roll away

the bus stops

our stop says the girl

but i say

see you later she says sadly but hops off

cant we get off here?i ask paul

no he laughs we’re miles away from home still

but who were those girls ? i ask

paul shrugs i dunno

cmon paul i say

paul says i dunno i kinda know one of their brothers i suppose

and…..?

thats it ! he says and wont talk about them anymore

well thats not exactly what happened

the golden glare of that distant summer sun

delicately strips the colour from the film

the girl gets off the bus and walks away towards her home

inside is the brother paul knows

hes playing ping pong on the verandah with his friends

the mums in the kitchen making a salad

her dads watching the news on telly

the birds are calling in the slowly darkening sky

its december its warm but theres a chilly breeze some time

many different birds coo and chirrup and chatter and twitter

oh i wished i knew what they were saying

when the lawn sprinkler came on in the dusk

it seemed so romantic to me the kiss of the water on the grass

the traffic whooshed by in a trance

outside my window was a fence and another house and another fence

and this went on n on n on

a blond brick suburbia held me so peaceful in her bosom

in my bed i dreamed about paul and the girls and the bus

i dreamed a street that never ended i dreamed a ride that never stopped

i dreamed a beach and a green sea and little huts where you got changed

i dreamed our mums n dads i dreamed the ice creams they bought us

i dreamed a holiday i dreamed a lovely warm evening

i dreamed i lived in a dreamy world with dreamy girls

we sat on the bus and the dream let it all happen

it was happening in a dream and the dream was happening all around

i wonder if i ever woke up

the birds whistle still

everything illuminated by the dying sun

blinds rattle in sea breeze

ever present hum of cars

but mainly the wind softly wordlessly across the evening

that certain point day becomes night

the birds will then stop

music will amp up

a party will be thrown

people round a swimming pool laughing

today goes away perhaps forever

most dont even notice it as it rolls down around horizon

backlit by sunset

the night falls in lengthening shadow

childhoods end

the coast

the drive

the sea

the sky

i hurtle along the highway

i stop under some shady tree

stand at the lookout

i climb up the hill

i buy more coffee

i pull over to have a rest

a motel in the darkness

nestle among treetops

night reverses into morning

big parrots in a tiny cage

beyond the trees a graveyard

beyond the graveyard the sea

beyond the sea is some other country

and beyond that some other earth

i miss the turn and i got lost

awareness undulates with reality

nothing is fixed

i am revealed to be many

the many are revealed to be i

but who who are you dear reader

because you make me always write these words

the coast is yellow sand and green sea

there is a market on the rocks

yes yes buy these very good quality says a lady

i buy some cheap socks 2 dollar a pair

or a dollar each i guess

the sun comes out the clouds blow up

the highway leads away

the dappled light of an afternoon already gone

remember this i said to the reader

remember this i say again

as time rushes pass the car and the afternoon of dappled light

sunday makes me sad

going back to school tomorrow feeling i can never shake

its all over feeling

its gonna be a long long time feeling

the day fled into the wings

the wings flapped somewhere over the rainbow

the rainbow appeared in the black whole that blue

the traffic increased

the signs became more frequent

everything changed

back to normal

stranger still

knock knock whos there ? anxiety!

life rolls on dont it

yeah

bring on whatever the next thing is

something to keep us hanging on

in there

me? im a song n dance man

travelling the eastern seaboard of this fairland

hello hello

on the side of the road where all the weedies grow

my bloody car wont start

fuck its so hot n humid

sometimes my fingers make mistakes

sometimes i forgot the words

my companions bang on

i sit in a cafe watching the sea n the yellow sand

i sit in a motel chewing my fingy-nails

i sit talking to my mum in a tiny dining room

i prance about being stupid

youre not very graceful son says my old mummy

the night is violently warm

i sweat im drenched im soaked im dripping

i sing out in my hoarse voices hey hey hey

i talk about some bullshit n baloney

i pose i ponce i parade i pluck my string

i sleep i get up

i wash my fine thin hair n it flies away

i shave off my past n start again

mirrors all round the bed in the dark

the air cond switches off

the trucks roar on newcastle road

i remember tree tops motel

the lawn mower starts up shattering the tranquility

some starts hammering

someone revs up their hot rod

someone cranks up their i box

i check in i check out

i do yoga i fail to do yoga

im rude and im nice and im never never at home

i dont listen i cant hear

i cant look i dont see

i remember everything except whatever you just said

i eat my chips more starch

i must be doing something right

the people at the tables eat their din-dins

good for them

the band plays the drums crash n rattle

the piano oh how nice it sounds

dressed in my silky shirt suddenly so restless

i fly outta windows i run under doors

someone says hello

hello steve

hello

good show

thanks

40 years ago my dads car breaks down

i hear my sweet lord n ride a white swan

i swim in bluest motel pool

oh that chlorine that holiday smell

russells hair was snowy white

i saw my girlfriend my first ever girlfriend in everything

love had undone me rawly

everything was poignant in my 16 year old head

never to be that way again

that girl let me go into the sea

she threw me back

she didnt want to keep me

i was 16 you see it was 40 years ago

it was hot that year too i remember

dive into  motel pool

the blue holiday sky

the red holiday sunburn

the years all happen at once

layer on layer

superimposition on superimposition

all possible mes

strumming slumming coming going

beautiful women appearing vanishing

plates of drugs disappearing up the futures fucking nose

mmmm pleasure work struggle haggle collapse

the air is heavy like a sheet of lead

i tired of all games

i blames meself you know

at the core of the most of it

me me me

there i go

look now im gone

soon soon soon

playing soon near you

buy your tickets now

napoleon in rags n the language that he used

punishing

play in canberra act

thats the capital city you idiots that flunked geography

a place called tilleys

the nights start to blur in my mind

theyve all been good

on one night this song maybe better

on another night it will be another

sometimes the jokes are fresher and funnier

sometimes someones tired or uninspired

nevertheless we aquit ourselves well i think

we get called back for more

i meet lots of nice fans

young guys

young guys of 17 n 18 saying how much they like it

thats strange isnt it

i mean not really but to me it is

theres the ladies who love to ‘ave a cuddle with the killer

(cor blimey ‘ere comes reg kilbey again)

its nice to be loved

if their cameras dont work at first theyre happy to stand there with

my arm around ’em while the mechanical problem is sorted

often the husband taking the picture

i am the only geeza who gets to put his arm round blokes wives n girlfriends

and the husbands are happy about it

then its time for arm round husbands

well you know i dont enjoy that quite so much but its give n take

i got a table of some old school chums too there to see me

a lady who was once a girl i used to love from afar at high school

she never knew

at last at this ridiculous stage she got to see me play

if i impressed her it was like 42 years too late but there you go

another 2 girls i used to like at schoool

janet who is still honest with me like she always was

and

jenny who was the school dux and is a real lefty now

and theres rob whos now a p.e. teacher

yeah we  drive back to syd at 3 am

next day 2 shows one a matinee for family friends and music biz

a weird gig

dont like matinees (arent they like a dugong?)

family friends n music biz didnt respond like a real audience neither

never mind

a few hours later i drag my weary carcass onto stage again

the opening notes start n bingo

rocknroll pours down n fills my soul

i get the energy from somewhere but i dunno where

yeah we’re pretty good i suppose

i cant review it anymore myself

i have no perspective

i have nothing to compare it too

i guess thats all i can say for now

2morrow night central coast!