The Time Being | Steve Kilbey

with no small trepidation
i set out on my journey
my self imposed exile
my feet heavy with doubt
my hair blasted back by the wind and rain
my white knuckles gripping my wand of jet
my crow my familiar above
crying mournfully against the sky
a black crow with blue beak
blacker than black
a beast of a bird to be sure
but now we belonged together
we were watching out for each other in symbiosis
the crow and i we learned to think alike
the crow would soar in the skies
i would look through its eyes
i feed it sweetmeats and teach it to talk
a beautiful bird it is oh it is
and wonderful things that it has found for me
found before they were ever lost mind you
golden rings and things
tears of hanged men and more again
the bird in forest like a dark blur
turns its eye to gaze at you
a message passes between you
how i do not know
it occurs to us at the same time
the rain is like needles
the pines drip drip drippety drip
the moon is full behind the storm
and the moon the crow and i in cahoots
the moon and the crow in the sky
i on the ground below
as agents for each other within alien elements
the moon can intercede with the atmosphereans
those beings who live in the ether
yes no part of creation is empty
why would it be?
why why had they drummed the old mad magician out out out
the moon looked across the see and saw
the crow croaked in the branches of ash
the lovely moon who whispered low to me
the crow with feathers black as coal
both female the bird and satellite
both orbit me so dutifully
am i really mad i wonder
and the moon croaks and the crow whispers
am i really mad i wonder
and the earth just twists it around on me
its all in the past now
where else could it be?
me
the crow
the moon
three associates in town
fast and easy

music uncrush me
with a song in my heart
i awaken with a tingling
i brush my eyes
i part my seas
i memorize the position of the still extant stars
i am exchangeable
i am fortunate
i am bits n pieces of other people
i am angry i am sad
i am the residue from DMT
i am the result of modulation
i am fast still fast faster than your eye
i am with some difficulty
i am wade down in time
i am speaking english now
i am a man a man a man
people write a bout me
me me me me me me me me me me
there i said it and i said it
i know a world
i have seen differences
i have been amongst you unbeknownst
i travel in cog neat oh
i unravel in full sight of you all
did you want to continue
observe the know smoking sign
thank you for shifting the contents during the flyte
thank you for chewsing kilbey prod-ducts
thank you for your dough-nation
i am be-will-dud
i am i am i am
i is is is
i are i are
i am in a star trek book ha ha ha
yes its so true
get it
read about me
3rd prize!
ha!
i am eskey inglesias in booko
in the few-cha baybee
tim is groping an alien
ho ho ho
what on earth?!!!!
check it out check it out
mu mu
a tu-tu for to-to at 2 to 2 too
ok thats it
sshhhhh!

if you dont like drugs or transcendental experiences
dont bother reading this blog
if you like the version of reality they fed ya
dont bother commenting
with your “drugs is boring” cliches
for anyone else whos interested
about 2 hours ago i smoked DMT for the first time
the businessmans trip it only last 6-10 minutes
ive had it in my drawer for over a year
a gift from our own capt mission
smoked it in a little glass pipe that was hard to come by
the stuff is acrid
an instantly familiar taste
it hits straight away
from zero to a thousand in no seconds flat
the speed of thought
a buddha hanging on the wall changed
its aspects constantly in flux
my wife sitting opposite me trailing energy fields
her face like a south american mask
struck by her classic timeless features
ricki sitting up close
his face is quite flushed
geometric flashes
kaleidoscopic symmetrical tiny stars
we look at vishnu in bondi my painting
behind the glass vishnus face modulates
his eyes bulge and swim
he smiles and winks
the gems on his helmet become real
he is lit from within by luminous blue light
nk is gazing at a ganesha wall hanging
the elephant gods beautiful eyes seem to brim with
compassionate tears
his pink skin is smooth and radiant
he becomes 3D like you could walk on in there to him
a painting of natalie and aurora moves of its own accord
they are in rippling motion behind the glass
the movement is like underwater
i have several more hits of the stuff
it only lasts a short time
no deep deep thoughts
kind of cartoony
very relaxing
very entertaining
proving there is more out there
than you can believe
if you just took your blinkers off
now i feel pleasantly drowsy
mmm nice
can i have some more?????

a night of stormy passion
children go gently into good night
black rain falls outside
sydney hot and steamy
my wife and i indulge
in everything
yes
lose myself within my flesh
naked or in my pinstripe suit
i am slave and master
i am brutal and soft
in the darkness my huge pupils see everything
she is so gorgeous
i am such a monster
sweating and bucking and slipping
hours glide by
1 2 3 am
my baby and i love to love
rock around the clock
dont write about that she says
but gee youre good she adds
the rain bangs on
the music plays softly in our room
the fan whirrs
the blinds clang n bang in the breezes
taboo you
we seek oblivion
i am a man
cant you see what i am
spirit mind body
not surviving on head alone
lost in the mysterious temple
four bidden
touching touching
my face says it all
my little wife pulling the strings
sometimes so gentle
sometimes so violent
hurting loving loving hurting
hurt me cupid
hurt me aphrodite
shoot me down
sweet toxic love all over the place
the children dream on
we ride on into the morning
almost no sleep
the ruins of love
the day intrudes
in the cold light she is still beautiful
dishevelled young slim feminine
suddenly the kids are all up
oh no
oh no not ready for that
we retreat into safety
the rain just falls n falls
desire seemingly inexhaustible
why is that?
her smell
her voice
her way of loving
her fragrant breath
her girlish ways
we do not long for the bars n parties
we do not long for the outside
here
a sanctuary
wedded bliss!
ahhhhh….

yeah
heres all my secrets
all my a’comings n a’goings
all my reasons alibis n excuses
where do we start
the pears are cooking
the baby on my lap
theres a sunshower
the gloom returns
a low grey sky
the barometer shudders
the baby is hot and damp
she sits and her chubby little fingers stroke my arm
my arm is fried golden by the sun
the small hairs on my arm are golden too
bleached by sun and sea
the baby seems hypnotized as she watches me type
we listen to joanna newsomes ys
or is the baby going to sleep
she murmurs slightly and climbs off my lap
minna is snoozing in the doodles room
eve is shopping with nk
aurora is off with suzanna b over at karins
i sit here in my messy room
weighed down by books n cds n paints n leads
n postcards and discarded wrappers n empty grape juice bottles
empty tins of berry v guarana drinks
i suck on a cola nut chunk
it is slightly numbing
it provides calm energy
it taste nothing like coca cola
or any other cola drink
just like berry v dont taste like berry
and artificial cherry and grape flavours disgust me
i listen to joanna newsomes winding rolling music
part showtune part medieval
a bit like me
what happened to me?
expansion or collapse
i get up to check on the pears
theyve gone nice n brown as the dates have dissolved
suzanne comes back
and the baby screams go away go away at her
nk and evie come home from shopping
minna still snoozing on the bed
surrounded by women at every turn
joanna still singing in here
strange stuff strange stuff indeed
strange days now
the weather is extraordinary
i move away from science and towards magic
i move away from this world n towards some other
i am happy to be me
i am happy to be 53
i am happy in my messy room
i am happy with the church record so far
i am happy to be happy
i have love
i have romance with my darling one
i have comrades and associates
i have friends in high places
i have friends in low places
i have everything i could need
thank you lord ganesha
thank you kindly jesus
thanks also lord vishnu
and his incarnations krishna n buddha
thank you allah n jehovah
apollo lord of music and healing
aphrodite the cytherean
lady of love
hosanna hosanna
hallelujah
iao iao ao ao
do what thou will shall be the whole of the law
adams apple
eves dropping
eden n merimbula
the west pole
identikle twins
elektra june arrives there is love
in the background constantly
all my girls
under one roof
i can do good daughters if nothing elsie
love
steve

miranda
and her father
walking through the dawn rain
walking through the soft soft rain
grey day by the mighty ocean
yellow sand
green trees and black rocks
the ocean roils and foams
the clouds discharge distant sheets of lightning
thunder crackles and booms
the rain is warm for it is in the summertime
in the dreamy summertime the man and his daughter
in the early morning by the darkening waves
the wine dark sea indeed
he can see it now
and miranda….
a young lady
with her strangely accented speech
with her tanned skin
her sardonic smile
willowy and graceful
a childe-woman
a babe a girl a siren
she looks like the queen of diamonds
her father
the exile
the elder brother
fallen from grace
cast into the sea of nescience
adrift these ten long years
come to this island now his home
fallen on hard times
he still pursues his arts
he is neither tall nor small
a medium man in most regards
a white beard
suntanned like the girl
lines around his eyes
as he squints into the dazzling gloom
the man and the girl walk on beside the sea
on and on at dawn
beside that vast ocean that encircled the world
debris washed up on the shore
gulls cry above up in the light
and the man talks to his daughter
though he thinks she seldom listens
miranda he says through the softest rain
and she turns her head slowly
a look of perpetual surprise
a diguise flees across her face
yes what is it she says
did you hear what i said he says
yes i did she says
tell me then tell me what i said
but no no she shakes her head
on this island of spirits and monsters
with its voices
with its indications
miranda the graceful one
nervous like a young doe
troubled like a poetess
preoccupied with nothing in particular
oh i want to be a childe again she says
you are still a childe says her father
enjoy it while it lasts
no not this she says
let me be a real childe or let me be a woman
not this in between…
they walked on in silence until they came to a hill
as they climbed the winding path
the nimbus clouds quaked and spewed lightning
the gulls and gannets dived in the silver waves for fish
the wind carried seaspray
the world began to white out
the man and his daughter swam in the water
in a pool they dipped under the surface
saw the rain strike the seas ceiling from above
and under in the warm water
small particles drifted flashing gold
when they climbed out
the drizzle had cleared
a milky sun caressed the clouds
a ship on the horizon ?
no
no ship
the father smiled
the daughter frowned
magic!
thought the father
magic everywhere….
everything bathed in soft warm light
very nice

ooh yessy yess yes a big thanky too all my sub-scribblers
workly workly
yess my pets bless my shivers and timber my whisklers
the beingo worky workly hardly hardy party hearty
ooh he love to nimble his little treasures buried chesty
sniffly sniffo snorty sneezey cough
my nosey wosey gone all numbly numbly
and my cheeky cheeks gone all rosey
silly soddy body mmm no car but hotte roddy
yes yes
my car is stopped but my clock is fast
too fasty fast for you -hoo
like a fire in the sunny son
daddy kilbey an’ his lil woofley wooflechoof
the magic woofle from calamahoofle in fact
ooh he laughy laughly bingle and bell
oh mirth on earth
he play ‘is lecktrick guitar dont ‘e ?
lisson ikin here ‘im
oh oh wotta byootifle songly songy song
oh stevlie sutch a manly manne such a mannish boy
oh stevlie w/ his lickle beardette a mo n all
stevlie steve fiddle and strum
stevlie steve sings but hes dumb
and burstin’ outta the barklied up treebies
like a batty old batley bat from hello hell helen ice
like a ratty up yer stovepipes
no rat or mouse or butt-a-fly or moff
oh yeah baybly nay-cha oh horny scorny brainy brawny
nod the olde fella the killa stebe kilvey
stebe kilvey with his base gittar
ohh its so base its a de-base guitar
a free-base guitar
ooh he loved ‘is blimmin drucks hmmm hmmm
oh he lover boy summertimes warm sulch-tree arvos
he reetch for natta-lee all freshly fresh from showery-wow!ery
shee may bee say oh king rood daddi-boy
oh darlin’ won
oh sweet baybee cheops
oh lover of mummies
oh daddie-rood
oh daddy-hood
oh con-jiggle flower bed
oh con-juggley vizzits
oh kissy sniffy kissy snippy moanie groanie moronie
oh stop writer
stopp nowe howe
musty mustly must stoppy loppy stop
must boom boom boom
lets go up to my toomb
pet teet mort
multiple options
y try?
no
know
or
oar
ore
awe
awww!
frack-shed
more for mummy?
yes please daddy-o!
more for children?
no thanks daddy-o
oh kay……!
humpffff
vo vo
bonk
hey
spiggot
hemisphere
select
sssssshhhhhh
christopher robbin’ is slaying his peers

persian aramaic and hebrew
i knew them once
i was able to do anything
a man a child
a woman a crone
a baby a corpse
is everything alive?
depends on what you mean by alive
the amoebae living their life a million times faster
the rocks a million times slower
we dont understand each other
what hope do we have of understanding other life-forms
nk reads the crystal bible
the phone rings
i know its ricki ringing
i shoulda said hiya ricki
but im still not following my hunches
im seeing the future
the power to heal is returning to me
thats right
i can channel something out there
chi or prana or light
this is a side effect of yoga and chi gong one presumes
my lemurian crystal is my familiar my wand my talisman
i am in love with it
last nite tired of the cough troubling my wife
i had her lie there in the moonlight
and using the crystal
i blasted and fought the malevolence behind the infection
everything is happening on every level
get that thru yer thick western head
there is no single accurate version
a disease, a cough for example
is a bacterial or viral blah blah in yer lungs n tubes
yes it is
is it only that?
is anything only one thing?
or does each object each being
extend across multiple fields for example:
physical
astral
spiritual
causal
mental
vegetal
mineral
etc
you fight an enemy on all battlefields, right?
my crystal and i
by dint of the sunlight and moonlight it has absorbed
by dint of the love i put into it
by dint of the trust and faith i have filled it with
this battery this cell this transformer
discharging it into my dear wifes irritated lungs
my crystal shot out its laserlike stream of lovelight
it feels like a cold point says nk
as i run the crystal anticlockwise around her
pulling the bastard spirit out
and clockwise
screwing a zillion volts of cosmic mojo n ooomph
its a joke i say
those things in there dont have a hope
she finished her antibiotics but still feels affected
so i gave the cough the fucking what-for
i could feel us both filling with light
like rivers filling when a dam gate is opened
the perpetual white cosmic light surrounds us
the golden energy and fire of the earth
the watery healing of the great ocean the Pacific
i rub my hands to produce heat
i lay them on
i feel it passing through my hands
into her
the thing hates it
the dark stupid vicious thing
the useless cough
what is it?
i dunno
i dont care either
but like all lies
it hates the light
it hates the warmth
it hates the love i have for my wife
it scurries away inside her
and i try to locate it and burn it
and dissolve it
eventually she stops coughing
not completely
but quite noticeably
today shes coughing a little
you cant expect a big miracle
you can start with a small one though
she agrees the coughs back is broken
it needs a booster shot i guess
i’ll try n zap the mother a littlemore today
believe me
everything is connected
there are consequences
it is worth being good
it is worth being kind
love really is all you need i guess
no
not just in a song
but for everyone

killer
listen away to church music
oh you clever devil
oh you still sprightly venerable player
your hands run over pianos guitars bass
your words range from the stupid to the stupendous
your old and ugly one minute
the next youre a bloomin’ youngster
no body no body knows you
none of them none of them
nobody knows me no no no
not even you
oh youve gone mad
killer yesterday you badger mr ricki my-me
jokerman jokerman sing to the nightingale tune
oh killer you such an olde joker ha ha ha
boy sometimes he not laughing tho
no one laughing killer
you go too far
can you help yourself?
i am serious when i should be laughing
i am laughing when i should be serious
i am not mad but i get the urge to rant and rave
i pretend to be a fan
(in a choked up aged prep boy east coast nasal style)
hey ah ricki ah you mind if i uh join ya here
uh been a big fan man
i got yer 1991 demos man and i uh saw ya play
in poughkeepsie to 5 people
and i uh i wont bother you now but could ah you…
A) let me jam with you guys tonite…ah come on dont be a ….
B) come talk to my wounded/dying/fucked up/imaginary nephew?
C) take me round all the guy hotspots in san fran
D) ask anton to dedicate a song to me and my wife
E) let me share that joint
F) fuck my girlfriend….we both love you guys
G)let me n my buddies in dressing room
H) give me some guitar parts or drums…no not picks or sticks though!!
I)lend me a hundred bucks for a sandwich
J) introduce me to the randy war-holes
K) produce me n my group for nothin’
L)tell joel im having his love childe
M)arrange for us guys to open for yas in london or new york
N) get me a few beers from the band room
O)check out my myspace videos dude…..NOW!
P) reveal personal and private things if i do but ask
Q) be more like the olde days when i liked you guys better
R)….
actually was gonna do all the alphabet
but ran outta steam n enthusiasm
ah thats too bad…..

domes bubble n burble
gurgling drainpipe rainwater water colour fade
city-zens dressed in hierophantic frantic purple patches
underground connexions
offices filled with coloured paper
arrowmint steno-secs
bosses like a phantom
take down a letter….any letter
wanders wanders wanders
yes thats ok im intercom
i am your dream
i am a voice on your radio
i am reduced to these words
i am innnocent in this criminal strip
i am incoherent while asleep
nobody knows me like this
aside you see
all characters have their aspects attributes and weaknesses
your aspect is western
your attributes are science and medicine
your weakness is spiritual ignorance and pride
your heliports are equipped with neuro-soothe
your magnetoriums are filled with filings
your alethiometer is spinning baby starr
daughters of a revo-lution
the heralds of the damn-aged eras
the architects of spaces and light
the wooers of enemy boys
the skies produce hover-kraft and jet pak junkies
the future ha ha ha ha ha ha
still the same old old school fools
pulling the strings n opening doors angel
crack me up it does
i shoot fire
i smoke ice
i drink hook
i sniff disdainfully
i lock in like a missile
to you whom are my destined explosion
and onwards as the residue settles
and the darkness filters life
and in some cellar where a worm plots downfalls of great men
and in a crowd where someone touches you up
and in a graveyard and its suddenly night
and a lonely figure standing in a convoluted fluted window
surveying the wreckage of some modern disaster
weeping and gnashing of teeth
someone famous bit the Dust
a kinda angel in a dump like this
useless cables and pipes flapping in the wind
the antarctic calls me down down down
under the ice
the fumes and the twisted spiral balconies welded in pain
and frosted and glassed labs where we discover a secret
a secret a secret
jab crack sock locke crabbe boone swoon
i cannot reveal more here
no more no more
thats the secret
there is no more than that
which you clever thing may have all ready de-duced
recriminalised
bound and fettered
a sad bad sacred bird encaged
listening to the joyful songs in the trees
beware!